Major depression and grief after abortion, very confused...

I had an abortion 16 years ago when I was 40. I thought I was not able to get pregnant so never used birth control. I loved the man who participated in this pregnancy, but was pshocked to be pregnant. We lived in separate states, I had just started a new exciting life as a self-employed consultant so could not imagine a baby plus, I was in constant pain from fibroids. My partner begged me to move, get married, and have the baby, but I could not see clearly. I went to see an OB/GYN and even took vitamins, but felt so alone and confused. I terminated the pregnancy. My relationship deteriorated, and in 2008 my friend died unexpectedly in a car accident. I had not seen him in years, but his death brought back my feelings of loss and confusion. Now I feel I made a mistake. I wish I'd had more support and better counseling. Since i was 40 and pregnant, I think people assumed I was able to figure things out alone.

I am 31 and just recentely had an abortion. I am feeling sad, angry, confused, and depressed. I feel like I'm not in control of my emotions and I find myself lashing out at those close to me. I am having feelings of suicide and I don't know what to do.

I had one in November and someone mentioned before but feeling gross and anxiety kicking in  I felt all that. I was engaged and i want to become pregnant and didnt think that i would be after the first time he would cum in me. It was so sureal. Hwne i found out i was super sisk and check went to the doc for a check up and she told me i was 5 weeks. I was actually happy but still confused. I was actually seeing another guy and the love was just so deep. that at first i was confused on if it was my fiance or my new bf but was pretty sure it was 

I am 38 and felt exactly the same! I really wanted to have another baby and already have a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old. When I first found out I freaked out and once the shock wore off I panicked and was positive something would b wrong with my baby! I knew something would be wrong, but I couldn't get myself to go to dr. To find out. I got to abortion clinic and wasn't given much counciling and just wanted to run! But I didn't and the second the procedure was done I knew I did the wrong thing! My head was soo screwed up! So then I need for 6 weeks and one day at my daughters dance festival I started bleeding out and ended up being rushed to hospital for another d&c! I feel like god is punishing me! I cry everyday, and just wanna die, how could I have killed my baby? I can't even look in my husbands eyes, I can't look at our children! I am such a horrible selfish person! Now all I want is to go back in time and do the Right thing!

you sound like me. I was in the exact same position when i had a termination 8 weeks ago. I am now feeling so empty and sad. Prayer is seeing me through and I have asked God will one day give me my baby back when I am well Good Luck to you and remember God is capable of miracles so one day he may give you your baby back.blessings

I had an abortion when I just finished university 43 yrs ago, when it was indeed a taboo subject. This was an accident, and I was about to start my career, so there was no question that I could keep the baby. It was a great relief when it was over, but I'm afraid the whole experience did create a deep sadness within me. When I was 33 yrs old, I became pregnant. This was an accident, though I was in a permanent relationship. My partner didn't want children at that stage, and threatened to leave me unless I had an abortion. It was early days in our relationship, I went ahead and had this abortion. Both of us were involved in our own careers. I should not have done this, if I had to, I should have left him. The dreadful feelings of loss I experienced in ensuing years was painful, and I began to have 'anniversaries' for both lost babies. By the time I was nearly 40, still with the same partner, and we were married now, I was desperate to have a child, and he obliged, but he thought I was too old to conceive. A miracle happened, and after a very difficult pregnancy I gave birth to a beautiful girl when I was 41. My partner made my life hell, so I left him with my precious daughter to another part of the country, where I was able to work and bring her up. It has been a very long journey, she is now a wonderful adult in a successful career of her own, well adjusted, and looking forward to having her own children. I have had much counselling over the years, as I suffered from anxiety and depression, due to many losses in my life, including the death of family, and close friends, and my two abortions rate highly as significant 'losses'. I know I have to realise I was a different person then, circumstances were difficult, and especially with my first abortion, that was the only way then. BUT..the loss is there, and as I have become older, I wish I had that larger family. I know how you all feel, and I want to extend my comforting arms to you, and hug you closely, and just say, be kind to yourselves and let your suffering go.

Dear all,
I'm lying here in bed next to my boyfriend of 5 yrs, reading and crying away at my loss this morning. I had an abortion. We found out i was 8wks pregnant 4wks ago. At first we were shocked and confused but within those 4wks we learnt to accept our baby after seeing the ultra sound and got so excited. Sadly, he was still looking for work, we were financially unstable and I couldn't work cos I was so sick and so week that I hated everything around me including myself and my poor boyfriend as much as he badly wanted our baby gave into me when I said I just wanna die cos I don't want to suffer anymore. I didn't have much support from anyone else so that's where I ended this morning. He cried so hard, I've be never seen him this sad before and I feel so so bad and regret what I did. I am so weak, I should have never given up to my sickness but I was so confused and helpless. I keep touching my belly thinking its still there. I hate myself so much right now and I'm angry at him for not being strong enough to stop me.
I can't express how sorry I am right now but I felt every story told on this page. You are all very brave. :,( angel

I had an abortion 2 years ago i was 12 weeks when i had it done. i had another baby october last year and still think about my loss all the time and hate myself soooo much. i dont think il ever forgive myself! i just dont know what to do :( i truly believe they should insist on the parents having counciling before making such a big decision, i was offered it but insisted i knew best and said no!!

i honestly think if i had been given counciling i wouldnt have gone through with it.

 

xx

Hi hope you feel better soon. I know exactly how you feel. I had mine 15 weeks ago and its not getting any better. H did you bond with your new baby after the abortion? Did you have any problems with that. I panicked that my baby would be disabled as my eldest daughter is. Anyway just remember God forgives you and loves you and he will look after your baby until you are reunited in heaven which WILL happen if you just believe. I am undergoing counselling with care confidential. They could maybe help you too. I named my baby and have planted a tree in his memory. I also write to him which helps.

How are you now?

Exactly how im feeling now horrible just had an abortion on saturday and regretting it tim 35 and already thinking of trying again

I'm 37. I have no children but I want children.  I'm pregnant.  The trouble is the guy I'm pregnant for told me he's married about a week ago.  I've seeing him for 4 months. He told me he's separated. Being separated means nothing to me because it means there's always a chance.  I've never been interested in anyone married or separated or even divorced. I'm in a difficult position now becuase I want this baby but I know separation isn't always final. I don't want to be the reason a family is broken for good. I don't care about him.  It's his children and his wife I feel for. I know I have to have an abortion but it's killing me. I don't want to eat, I can't sleep, I'm avoiding friends. I can't talk to anyone. Btw, he doesn't know I'm pregnant either because he's on holiday. I hate myself , I'm ashamed of myself for considering an abortion. I'm against it. I'm confused.

When i found out that i was expecting my second child I WAS IN SHOCK i had the IUD I was so scared i had only been with my boyfriend for 9 month's and did not know how he would take it.. We found out that I was 3 month's and I new in my heart that we were not ready to take on a baby.  but i so wanted him to say we can do this and he never did and it crushed me.. i made an appt at plan parent hood but still had two week's so i looked up adoption and read alot about IT but new at the end i could never hand my baby over. I had mixed feeling's the whole time and being a mother of a 3 year old made it worse I was so hurt but i tried to be strong.. when that day came I had mixed feeling's about my choice my boyfriend was there 100% he held my hand... when I was having the procedure I was crying the whole time  my boy friend was there trying to help me telling me he loved me, after word's I got really sick  and they put me in the room all by MY self  and i started to cry. Now I feel like I mad a bad choice I aM good mother and I now I could have done it, some day's are better than most some times i feel my self looking at the ultrasound's  AND MELTING INTO WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

God bless you. Abortion seems like a solution but it isn't really s it? I am 6 months on and still very down and missing my baby which would have been due at Christmas. I really would love to have another but am scared it would be an atonement baby which I do not want for a child. My heart is broken. Abortion does not solve your problems, it adds to them and intensifies them. I will see my child again in heaven and so will you if you ask forgiveness. Your baby is being looked after by angels. Little consolation I know but he or she is. And one day if you believe enough you will be reunited in God's kingdom. God be with you at this horrible time. xxx

How are you now Sandy. I am 6 months on and still considering trying again, but am terrified I would only panic again and really don't want to have an atonement baby. It wouldn't be fair. Hope you are okay and keeping strong. xxx