Major depression and grief after abortion, very confused...

It is overwealming to read how you all feel, it reminds me how I felt for 5 years ago until I found by mistake

If you feel that sad and depresed I recomend you contact them they helped me so much to see my entire life before the abotion accept what I have done and my accept life afterwards.

I am now at peace, and have finally move on, I have accepted what I did, and being forgiven by my baby, can't say anymore if you are in the situation I was, this would be enough, the only thing I can honestly say is if you are looking for help be very careful you dont find a pro-choice psycologist because they just don't care about you, their only aim is their movement and promoting that having an abortion is not a big deal, but it was for me, even I didn't think it was at the time.

good luck

***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed

That Is AWESOME !!! I agree with you on the pro choice counsel. Rachelsvineyard is incredible and it truly does bring healing. These people who volunteer really have no purpose other than to recieve healing and to share their healing and testimony with other women. You never fully realize the impact your testimony and experience has on others. WHAT A HUGE BLESSING AND CHANGE

Hugs and Hugs
Hizgrace

I totally agree! Thanks for posting on all your experiences. Hopefully they will inspire someone else too :-)

Hi its guest 1. iv wrote on this page a few times and still check it as it seems only the women in these positions understand how going through this makes you feel.

i was in an impossible situation and terminated my baby. the impact that would have on me.......maybe i didnt realise. all i knew was i was really ill with severe sickness, which in hindsight was excaverated by stress knowing i would be disowened by evryone. A few weeks ago, would have been the due date of my baby. its quite to think like that. it hurts alot to be honest. on on ehand there was family disgace and disowning to think about aswell asmuyu patner, just happy knowing that i could get pregannt- i thought i coudnt have kids - but then on the other that baby would only have me and thats what i didnt want. i since find it so hard to carry any children,m or be around them. i remeber i saw my scan picture, much to the amusemnet of the clinic staff, it was too eraly to tell, but somehow "know" it was a boy - just what i wanted.

so nearly a year later - do feelings pass? do things get any better? me personally i dont think so. iv gone through the suicidal thoughts, cried nights after nights but it doesnt change anything. whats done is done and all you can have left is regret. i am 28, and think i would love to have a baby one day, but i will never forget tghis experience till i perish. it has gone against my moral an dreligious beleifs but i found myself in an imposible situation.

my relationship is in tatters. we sleep seperatly, me upstairs, him downstairs. in teh lat year, we have had sex once. it scares me to be close with my partner. he'd always spoken about kids but wasnt interested when it did happen. and of course e never, not that hes said it to me - thinks we would have had a child. this has built up a lot of resentment. no-one, apart from some of teh posters on here will undesrtand how i feel and this site has brought some amount of comfort to me. maybe things at home would be different if i at least got this level of comfort or simply acknowledgement at home, but im not allowed to mention it.

went to my gps last week, i could see details of my misscariage on the screen followed by the details of the termination. theres no forgetting or getting away from it.

it will definatly bring no comfort but all i can say is theres no forgeting and you will continue to "mourn" the loss of your first baby like i am in my experience, that wont change, just time will pass.

i hope your feel there are people here for you on this forum as it brings me some comfort to know there are others who we can give and take comfort from.

please let us know how u are x

Hi
its guest/guest 1 from previous posts. i have registered so i can interact more efficetly. thinking too much hurts.....

Guest wrote:

Guest wrote:

I had an abortion 18 months ago. I had just moved in with my partner i was studying and he was working and there was no question about it. I was told i was infertile from an earlier eating disorder.

I suffered very badly from sickness and tiredness before i had it and after i felt empty. Before hand i used to lye awake at night thinking about the little thing growing inside me, depending on me wondering what kind of person it would be even though i knew it would never be given the chance to survive.

Although selfish there was no way i could have had it, i was just learning to look after myself and discover who i was. I've always said if i had children i would have to be financially secure so i could give them whatever i needed and i wouldnt have been able if i had continued on with it. My boyfriend was with me every step of them way but somehow burried his head int he sand at the same time. He could never talk to me about it and i tried bring things up he ignored them or shrugged them off.

Well 18 months down the line i'm pregnant again we are still living together exceoti'm now working and hes studying and agin we're not in a postion to have a child at all.

As last time i have terrible morning sickness and tiredness and feel guilty as today i havnt gone into work because of it. I somehow feel like its an excuse.

Everytime i say to my boyfriend oh i feel sick he just ignores it or says "i dont know what to do"

The other night i was eating and i wanted to bring it up with him so i said "i dont think the little bean in my stomach is enjoying this food at all" and although he heard me he just didnt say a word.

I said you cant skirt around it and say your'll come to the appointments with me and think that's support i know you don't know how to stop making me feel sick but deneying why i'm feeling sick is stupid.

I just wish that i wasnt having to do this again i know its not the right time but i feel guilty and wish things were different.

I'm having all these symptoms and i'll have nothing at the end of it.

Does anybody else just feel like if they just shut their eyes and open them things will be different?

Hi
i am the guest who has wrote the above few posts. Hope your ok.
i can totally understand how u are feeling and what u are saying. Your boyfriend sounds like my partner and you- like me. i think, and im only thinking here, that maybe they dont fully understand how it feels to be in that position. Till now, my partenr does not liek to talk about it. i say to him in arguments that he is heartless, but deep down, i feel that there is some sort of guilt in them also which stops them saying how they feel. my partner use to always say he doesnt no to make me feel better, how to stop me feeling sick, but in hindsight just a cuddle and some emotional support would have worked wonders. i too still wonder about the little life who was dependant me and although i had a natural miscarraige an dthen a surgical procedure, i had and was looking towards the abortion. i still think that in a few months time i would have been a mother. i dont think il ever leave that guilt that i have, i still feel quite depressed, tired allthe time an dangry but far better this than having a child who is deemed by no fault of his/her own as a burden on its parents.
when i woke up after the surgical procedure it did feel good to be me again. to not be sick to not worry about every little thing.
the situation of that pregnancy has in a great way changed my feelings towards my partner as i dont feel he has been through the same trauma as me. his trauma was seeing me be severly sick, barrely being able to stand up, being upset by this, then getting angry and frsutrtaed but had he just supported me mre, be more understanding things may have been different. we have been togetehr 15 years but his family and my family would not accept each other as we are of different religions and there hav also been personal issues. all my friends around me were at the time having babaies and it made it harder.
yes i imagine you feel guilt and bad, but better you go though this, in my opinion, then bring a child in this world who has to bear that emotional burden of not being wanted. kids always no these things. please reply to me and let me no how u get on. i regulary check this site since it actually made me fel like i could talk to someone who could understand, others who have been in them situations. look forward to hearing from you x

the above is my post

Hi. iv wrote on this page a few times and still check it as it seems only the women in these positions understand how going through this makes you feel.

i was in an impossible situation and terminated my baby. the impact that would have on me.......maybe i didnt realise. all i knew was i was really ill with severe sickness, which in hindsight was excaverated by stress knowing i would be disowened by evryone. A few weeks ago, would have been the due date of my baby. its quite to think like that. it hurts alot to be honest. on on ehand there was family disgace and disowning to think about aswell asmuyu patner, just happy knowing that i could get pregannt- i thought i coudnt have kids - but then on the other that baby would only have me and thats what i didnt want. i since find it so hard to carry any children,m or be around them. i remeber i saw my scan picture, much to the amusemnet of the clinic staff, it was too eraly to tell, but somehow "know" it was a boy - just what i wanted.

so nearly a year later - do feelings pass? do things get any better? me personally i dont think so. iv gone through the suicidal thoughts, cried nights after nights but it doesnt change anything. whats done is done and all you can have left is regret. i am 28, and think i would love to have a baby one day, but i will never forget tghis experience till i perish. it has gone against my moral an dreligious beleifs but i found myself in an imposible situation.

my relationship is in tatters. we sleep seperatly, me upstairs, him downstairs. in teh lat year, we have had sex once. it scares me to be close with my partner. he'd always spoken about kids but wasnt interested when it did happen. and of course e never, not that hes said it to me - thinks we would have had a child. this has built up a lot of resentment. no-one, apart from some of teh posters on here will undesrtand how i feel and this site has brought some amount of comfort to me. maybe things at home would be different if i at least got this level of comfort or simply acknowledgement at home, but im not allowed to mention it.

went to my gps last week, i could see details of my misscariage on the screen followed by the details of the termination. theres no forgetting or getting away from it.

it will definatly bring no comfort but all i can say is theres no forgeting and you will continue to "mourn" the loss of your first baby like i am in my experience, that wont change, just time will pass.

i hope your feel there are people here for you on this forum as it brings me some comfort to know there are others who we can give and take comfort from.

please let us know how u are x

Hi siennas,
While reading your last post I felt really sad and sorry for you. You have been through a lot. It is difficult for people when they get in to these kind of situations. You have done what you considered the best for you. And like you said what is done is done.
You seam like a strong person. Your story will help others that come here. It is much easier for other to find that they are not alone.

Hi siennas, thanks for posting your experience here. It really touched me and I hope that you can share more of your experience and hopefully others can learn from it. Thanks again.

hi its siennas. thanks for your messages. tehy do bring comfort to me.
check this out for irony - i have just been diagnosed with polycistic ovary syndrome,, which means my fertility will be affected.
i still hope that one day, i will have a child and i now i will be a good mother - its something i dont doubt, desspite doubting my abilities in so many other ways.
most of my nights i spend cryinga lone as now i sleep upstairs and my partner downstairs.
perhaps teh worst is, that it doesnt affect him? or he even acknowledges it?
i think its a man thing. mkaes you realise just how shallow they are.
look forward to being a mum one day.......

thansk dark red.

im not a strong person to be honest, situations have made me stronger. i guess theres stages that you go through:-

denial

anger

greif

acceptance



id say im at the greif stage, in that i feel sad. i keep getting called into meetings with my manager who asks why do i appear sad? what has changed? why have i changed? what can you say??

part of me would love to say to her to mind her own business and aotehr part would love to be able to explain the reasons and the pressure i have put on myself and what iv been through - but i never would or could.

but truly what brings me strenght is this forum! to know, there ar other women who have been through similar things, who understand how we feel - its brought alot of comfort.

its great to know you are not alone!

maybe the step after acceptance is larning to forgive ourselves?

has anyoe got there yet?

be a great comfort to hear if anyone has?

hope you too are ok. take care dark red

Well if you will feel better you can always post here. You have to know that someone will read this and respond to you. Maybe it will help you with your problem. I really hope it will.
I'm not sure how good relationship you have with your manager but maybe you could tell her something. But if you are in any way uncertain in this, then don't talk about it. And you are right situations can effect people in this way. You have to be strong for your self.
Best of luck to you.

Ladies, I have read your posts. I too had an abortion - mine was 26 years ago. Let me tell you, the hurt never goes away. Sure some days are better than others, but you can't undo what you've done. You'll always have that scar. What's sad is that society tells us the choice we made was acceptable. However, once the deed is done, you don't dare talk about it. So, we aren't able to grieve, and grieve is most certainly what we need to do. Now 26 years later, I'm still trying to come to terms with my decision and forgive myself. I have found a wonderful support program called Project Rachel. They have a website and will hopefully have a group in your local area. It makes a difference when you are surrounded by people that know what you've gone through and won't judge you for your decision. You can actually talk about it and begin your healing journey. I'll keep each of you in my prayers as I continue on my healing journey.

I am sorry that you are feeling depressed about it but there are definitely people that you can talk to about it and realize that what you did was for the best, despite how hard the decision was. I'm really keeping all of you in my thoughts.

Hello to all the women who are having or had an abortion.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and start my termination tomo. I am 17 and that is the main reason I am having the abortion. I have pictures in 4D of my little girl and have chossen the induced labour so I can see her and be in controll. I know it is possible to love your baby and hate what you are doing but it still be the RIGHT choice. I want you to all know that if you felt it was the right thing to do then it WAS the right thing to do. We are all going to experiance feelings of sadness becuase we are maternal creatures. But having a baby should be the best thing in your life, for most who have abortions, the are not ready or could not afford a child. Having a baby is for life, get your education, try to be married, own your own home and have savings...lots of it! Becuase you do not want to bring a child into the world and they suffer. There is no need to be guilty, it wasnt the right time and now your baby is in a better place.

If it wasnt right for you to have a baby, it wouldnt of been right for your baby either.
Just like we put animals to sleep if they are in pain, turn of a life suppotr machince if someone will not have a good quality of life if they woke up, we can also let go of our babies because we could not give them the best. And for this you should never feel guilty.

x