I to am having alot of these same problems with my husband. He argues over the most rediculous things...one example is after halloween last year, I spent $3 on halloween decorations at the dollar store. I put them out this year and he flew off the handle, says it is a waste of money...but now, on the other hand he can spend $17 every other day on beer. We both work and chip in for the bills. Now he is mad because I won't go up and buy him the beer. Am I wrong for saying that I won't, because that is a waste of money. Maybe I should go get it and spend the same amount on me? What do I do? No matter what I say, he threatens me, calls me names, It's my fault etc...
Hi Savannah
Seems we might be miles apart but with the same problem. I told my husband I'm done and leaving because he swears at me and sat in bed and judged me for everything that I do for him. And then still proceeded to tell me to f**k off and that I can go f**k myself if I leave and them must not come back. However, it is fine for him to come home at 5, 6, 7, 8 in the morning every weekend. And heaven forbid I get upset. And the same if I spend money too. We earn a similar amount each month and I am in charge of the finances, however, if I buy a pair of shoes for myself, he makes me feel so guilty because I didn't get him anything and then tells me - not asks - to go to the shop and buy him smokes. Never mind the fact that he goes out and spends a lot of money on alcohol. His parents have spoken to him and so have I about that we believe he is a binge drinker. He leaves me at home by myself while he goes out with his friends, comes home absolutely trashed and incoherent and then fights with me over the silliest of things, like how I got out of bed and woke him up and I should know better because I should know he has a hangover. I want to leave him because I am so tired of being treated like I've done something wrong all the time. I love him and he knows I do but he insists on treating me like I am nothing in his lie. I could rant and rave as much as I want but he just shuts me out and I have no idea what to do anymore.
How about the reverse? When the bread-winner and husband is the victim of a short fused woman who is angry , confrontational, and yelling all the time?
Thank you, Honey for your post! It helped me a lot, you have no idea. I hope it is better with you and your wife and you feel better too.
this is exactly what I am going thru, I tried to talk to him regarding this issue many times, he agrees with me, however, he never does anything to help himself. there is nothing else we can do, if we decided to stay with this type of a man who has an anger issues, we have to deal with it every second. They are the only ones who can help themselves. Seeing a doctor psychologist can help them to learn how to deal with their own anger so their loved ones won't suffer.
huh???? this makes no sense to me!
I hate to say it, but you need to be strong enough to leave him. One day, you will find someone else who appreciates you.
...you know, I just wrecked my car, head on into a tree, it was very icy in our driveway....he refuses to plow, said God put it there, God will take it away. I could not stop. now he's screaming and yelling at me...to be precise, it was a, "f**k you" when I asked if he could look at my car to see if I could drive it. I have no money to get it fixed. I have full coverage, but the deductible...I am so distraught...there is no one...I am supposed to go to the hospital tomorrow for a day of testing, as I need a bilateral hip replacement, I am not certain what to do.
I feel your pain to a "T". I am sorry to report that you have a long road ahead of you if you stay with him. You need to build up yourself and stay strong. He is lying to you and /or cheating on you and has other things he is hiding from you. It isn't you that is making him angry. It is you being the good person and he is not. So he feels guilty of everything he does and thinks you are being a bad person just like him. He can't accept you are good and not keeping secrets like him. Make sure he knows you are not guilty of anything-- show him and don't let him get to your daughter ! HE is better off out of her life, than in it if he is going to act like that to her. Keep him away !
BOO Freakin HOO,
So "you (women) just need to find a way to get to the root of the problem" says you to the women out there. How about you just grow up and take responsibility for your actions. How about you just tackle nad change your crappy behavior. If you can't change it why don't you do the woman in your life a favor and just get out of her life for good!
I try and do the same, although it is extremely hard. It nice to here I am not the only one.
i feel your pain, he is mad at himself ..passive aggressive behavior...he need Christ..so do we all because the enemy has our husbands
My husband is mentally abusive sometimes and he never smiles and he almost killed me a couple times in the past so now I guess I'm traumatized. He nascent hit me in a long time. He says he won't ever do it again. He's always negative. He's bringing me down.he has anger issues. I just want to be happy. I feel so lonely all the time even when he is home. I can't talk to him about anything cause he always said something negative back. I cry a lot. I don't won't to divorce. But its looking like thats wat I need to do.
I am on the same sh*t and understand you very well. so far I thought I was the only one suffering these things. I also have a small daughter and he is behaving the same with her. this situation is going crazy, I am thinking of divorce but I am afraid my little one with suffer the absence of her dad she loves him so much. what the hell. any advice would be appreciated but I don't think it will do as long as they don't understand that the problem is them not us. good luck my darling hope our situation will be solved soon and divorce is the only way I see. I have tried everything so far, it works only for some days and then everything the same.
My husband has said the same thing since we have heart to heart talks when he is calm - but it doesn't change the yelling and screaming he does and the mean things he says when he gets angry over any little thing I do or say. I don't yell or gripe about the fact that I do every single thing around the house and upkeep on the car and house as well and he comes home and plays video games - I have worked more in our marriage than he has since he kept quitting jobs in the past and I let him so he would do better in college despite the fact that I put myself through college and a Masters, but I was better motivated and wouldn't quit easily. I know he isn't happy with his career since he is a retail employee still even after we paid through the nose for his college (he made a bad degree choice). Now my credit is ruined for co signing his loans and I sold my house and everything so we could move to find him a job that he never could find. I have nothing now but an old car and he has nothing at all since he never had his own things. I know deep down this makes him feel inferior even though I never bring up the facts that I mentioned and wouldn't dare if not anonymous on here; but yelling at me and telling me I am being demanding if I ask him for any help around the house (like throwing away an old air conditioner that I cant carry- I got screamed at for hours yesterday about that and all I had said was he might want to relax an hour before bed and take a break from the video game/you tube that he watches simultaneously all day that makes his brain overactive when it is bedtime) or that it doesn't NEED to be done isn't the answer. I love him but I will not be the emotional punching bag forever and I don't understand why his self loathing has to be taken out on me since I am the only one in his life that has ever supported him fully in everything and I don't take my self hatred that has developed more and more as he tells me how bad I am, out on him - I just don't get it at all :-(