how to stay in love with a bipolar person

MY girlfriend did almost the same thing we have been together for 7 1/2 years. then 3 days before xmas she broke up with me through a text. I called her and she kept saying she was sorry and she tried and she may need to go away for a while for help. But unfortunately she did not and her mom and friends tell her she doesnt need meds or counciling. Its been very hard she has talked of suicide and that friday before xmas she waned to hurt people and herself. I think that was a manic episode that I had never seen. She refuses to see me but will respond through my text saying she misses me and thinks of me all the time but it will get better for me soon. Its sounds like she is trying to convince herself. Yet she has made no effort to return any of my things and has a key to my house and has yet to ask for them. I am trying to be strong as she is the love of my life. We where suppose to move in three months to ATL. I think she got scared. But I think her getting laid off and her car being repossesed and not getting any jobs she applied for sent her into the manic stage. I have gotten her car back 3x because she wont pay then wont tell me till the car is gone. She is suppose to have a counseling session i really hope she does. From reading all the post it seem that she is bipolar and depressed. If she gets help I have no problem being there for her for the long haul.

This has been amazing to read. My (again) "Ex" Girlfriend Heather, a beautiful thing, has been up to the exact same sorts of thing I have read here. I had suspected a long while that she is bi-polar though it hasn't (to my knowledge) been diagnosed. She lasts as few weeks manically happy and chatty, then gets paranoid, comes out with insane arguments, storms out, shuts me out, pushed me away, dumps me, then gets happy again, assumes that I must have been the cause or that relationship doesn't work, then would ask me round for sex, then get back together with me, then the whole thing would begin again. She woould talk about marriage, years down the line plans one day, tell me she loved me, then completely flip. I was made to feel horrible or like it was all my fault when she went off on one - a complete denial. When she came round out of it, a period of clarity would come on where she'd realise what she'd been like, and then she'd get upset and depressed about it and another form of break up would rear its head, the "you're better off without me" sort. Or a "run away" from the issue by ending the relationship. She would get paralytic drunk and act crazy (smashing up her own face once). She would keep ex's strung along yet accues me (whiche I did not!) of keeping contact with my own - severe jealousy issues and the mere feeling unwarrantedly jealous and acting crazy would impact on her self-esteem very seriously.

I've lost her so many times, and each time it's made a mess of me. I've spent a year trying to settle with her.

It's not worth it - by the time any episode was over, the new manic confidence would obliterate and self-reflection on this very serious mental health issue. Unless the person is willing to commit to long term treatment over alchohol etc, the person will never get better. It will break your heart if you love them. Nothing you can do. Even if you do what they want you to do, it won't be enough.

A

amendment: any self-reflection, not and..

Hi - I have been with my partner for 14 years and we have three children now aged 11, 10 & 8. For the most part it's been a happy relationship although like all couples we've had our ups and downs and on occassion her moodiness has really upset me. I now think that her behaviour could well be an indication of bipolar disorder. 

She is just coming to the end of an incredibly intense experience at work that has taken her away from the family home a lot over a 6 month period. During this time she has become progressively more distant and irritated with me (and to a lesser extent our children). She has also had spells of manic behaviour which are swiftly followed by bouts of serious depression - she is tearful and angry from one minute to the next. SHe has also started drinking a lot more than she used to. 

From some research I've done online I'm sure that her experience at work (there has been a lot of high intensity physical activity involved) will have led to surges of the brain chemical dopamine and also a depletion of her serotonin levels. This imbalance seems to have triggered a personality change and she has now said she can't be close to me, either emotionally or physically.

My hope is that once the work project ends (in 3 weeks time) she will come back down to earth and her brain and body will decompress.

She has occassionally acknowledged that her behaviour is unusual or erratic and has also agreed to see a counsellor and a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis.

 

I am feeling devastated and am not sure what to do next. I really hope that the treatment helps her return to 'normal'.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated so I can go about rescuing my family.   

It's been 4 years for me with the same girl. I've always suspected her as bipolar but tried to be open with it. After reading all of your guys' comments I've realized she might be. A tip for you, is that during her depressive angry outbursts, you really can't do much more than just either listen, take it, or give space, and during her times of super extreme professions of love, you've got to just take it as well. She trully does love you, and most times, they might feel unworthy to the point of trying to cut themselves out of your life, but it is a routine of that with depression of feeling unworthy, and being upset and having to take that verbal abuse from her. It's been 4 years and it gets better, but as it gets better, it definitly gets worse. If you love her just keep holding on. -- DC

I'm at that crossroad right now weather it's a make or break deal. I love her so much and from what I'm reading from you, it sounds pretty similar to my set up. How has life been for you since you've broken up with her? Because after 4 years, it's only know im trying to recover, physically and emotionally.

You can not stay in love with a bipolar person, you cope, you may love but you DO NOT stay in love.

I just noticed that must of all the comments bipolar ppl are artistic and I understand bc my gf is bipolar and she is making me not happy as we were when we first met and that was a yr ago..should I stay with her ? Like I can't stand the fact that these boys keep popping back in her life too nd she used to say she loved her ex more than me...do I stay? I had a lot of patience but not anymore

Aww, I have bipolar disorder and tbh I don't know how my boyfriend puts up with me, the slightest things can send her to the moon, so find out what these things are so you know how to go about talking to her and not getting her upset, if she does go off on one, DO NOT RESPOND it will only make things worse, there's be no reasoning with her, so just say she's right, give her a big Hug and let her calm down, then a day or so later, talk about it again, bb It calmly When she gets depressed just give her love and cuddles even if she don't want you anywhere near her, trust me... She needs you way more than you think she does!

wow, just happened to me! my girlfriend of 6 months was amazing in the beginning, then gradually and seemly suddenly did the same as many of you have written. sucks to be so kind, and in love with someone who is BP. We haven't communicated in weeks, it's all so sad. I am sure she has moved to the next guy. just so bizarre that it feels like i will never hear from her again, just a total shut down,,, and the night before was so loving,,, who knows

Dang I tho7ght I had it bad but you know what they say you can't make a ho into a housewife you and the other man sound like good guys and don't understandaybe these women are challenges you know go getter I have the similar problem I have been with my guy for six year s and can honestly say at least two to three days a week I am seeping with my daughter because of depression and stupid things he says and does He barely has an interest in sex and we've actually have had fights about it. We both are on social security disability but I clearca2400 a month and he 750 I am always broke and when we argue about money he'll say things like there not my kids etc then he acts disturbing around them etc I'm just tired and I have Lupus and his moods and behavior constantly keeps me sick.When I try to break up with him he stresses that he's never cheated on me and what is he gonna do he has no one etc. So of fear he may commit suicide I back off but can honestly tell you I spend m9st of my days mad or angry and realized why I have put up with it all these years besides being cute and having Lupus its been the chase aka conquer but am trying to ease off be cause I really wish I had someone looking out for me or taking care of me we live in a HUD home on 20 acres every time I want to fix or do something he says it takes money he has actually created a totally negative attitude and environment I regret believing all the promises he made what we were gonna have it do because they were all lies BTW did I mention every time I have to move or leave it his fault and he sabotages our what could be wealth and happineas idk what to do I mean I love him and don't want anything bad to happen but when your the g8ver in a relationship with these people they rarely give back and if they do its when the highanic phase is happening good luck I hope mine doesn't commit suicide my 12 year old dad did and it tore me to shreds and he likes this guy so my situation is very hard thanks and good luck

I've read thousands of stories about relationships with bipolar partners and every story is very similar to my story with my bipolar partner. Its one HUGE roller coaster ride and very little consistence of having a stable life. I know God never abandon us and being a Christian is living as Christ like as possible. As much as I love my spouse, are we supposed to live with them a life time of lieing, cheating and all the anger, bitterness that seems to go alone with bipolar disorder. Marriage is for better or worse, death do us part. I feel like my spouse bipolar will be the death of me. How many times can a person be cheated on before you say enough is enough? I hate being so negative thinking about bipolar people but where are the positive stories? Does anyone have any positive relationships out comes? Please share something encouraging and good if you have a story about bipolar that could give you hope that a relationship could last with someone bipolar.

Been there just like all of you, my ex and i had a kid, got engaged 3 times and have broke up and got back together 8 times in the last 10 years. I finally left couldnt take it anymore. But we still talk and wish things could workout but i know they always end the exact way every time, sucks when you know she is supose to be the one,

I am currently dating a bipolar girl, and I just want you all to know, most of you are in horribly co-dependant relationships, I have been slowly slipping into this and have to contantly make sure I am respecting myself, you don't need the person your with if they treat you like sh*t, regardless of disorders a person with a disability does not deserve to be allowed to act like an as****e, if anything it is disrespectful to both them and you to not have actual standards for who they are ina relationship, you all have reminded me that the key to dealing with a relationship is standing up for yourself, not through fighting but through clear boundaries and space when needed, there is alot more to life than relationships so please do not let these people abuse you hiding behind the flag of mental disorders, I too have been diagnosed with depression but fought hard and never used it as an excuse and do not treat others the way you are all saying, I beg of you don't let the concept of loving what they could be make you ignore who they are, good luck

Understand they are good people with a ton of problems. You have to meet other people, It gets worse. Speak to psychologist before you really make a commitment.