Did you tell the doctor everything? Also you being mad IS a good thing, as long as it doesn't get ahold of you. What's done is done Katy, when I said tit for tat, I was meaning that he has done something awful and you bring it up! Not saying that you should forgive at all, I'm British remember we DON'T FORGIVE!!! ;-) XD But it IS better for you to "forget" so too speak, it is OVER and done with, nothing you do or say can change the past. ALL you are responsible for is right now, and try and plan as much for tommorrow. I know 1st hand HATE will eat you alive, it will consume your days and nights. You want him and others too hurt as much as they have hurt you. And even thought people told me what I will tell you, "YOU will be the only one that suffers with hating someone!" You know why? Because for them too hurt another human being as much as they have hurt you, doesn't make them an equal human being! You CAN'T for the life of you fathom how someone can be so evil and mean. And it is THAT which will drive you over the edge. It is impossible for you too be as MEAN as them, so you think of other things - sometimes terrible things. And wish terrible things on them, because you know that is the only way they will hurt.
Someone that is cold and callus could not care less if you called them a pig too a dog. Just be "Selfish" - I wish there was a better word for taking care of yourself and your needs first - take care of yourself - THAT will be the ultimate payback. For him too see that you are NOT weak, you will NOT be stepped on, AND you are STRONGER than he could ever be.
Hopefully you told the doctor everything, you need to get to the pharmacist, and don't drink anymore OK? A bottle of wine a night is going too kill you!!!!! And this will counter effect the pills he would put you on!! I know you need something too help you FOG UP - so too speak - but I KNOW that this will only add too your problems. And will be hard too give up, you have too do this without haze or fog periods. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! :-D XD :-)
Someone that is cold and callus could not care less if you called them a pig too a dog. Just be "Selfish" - I wish there was a better word for taking care of yourself and your needs first - take care of yourself - THAT will be the ultimate payback. For him too see that you are NOT weak, you will NOT be stepped on, AND you are STRONGER than he could ever be.
Hopefully you told the doctor everything, you need to get to the pharmacist, and don't drink anymore OK? A bottle of wine a night is going too kill you!!!!! And this will counter effect the pills he would put you on!! I know you need something too help you FOG UP - so too speak - but I KNOW that this will only add too your problems. And will be hard too give up, you have too do this without haze or fog periods. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! :-D XD :-)
Hi Bambi, well, I must say this- I had the most amazing night in yrs. My friend- who does and is one of the loveliest woman I know , she had asked if I wanted to go to the cinema and alll sorts, I hadnt thought much about it....then o.O :-D last night she came over and stayed till all hours-just listening to music and just chatting. I was just so happy that she understood and has not given up on me..shes brill....
so Not starting to take pills till tomorrow, I dont need to go out today, so Ill just stay in-then start the medication-I need to go back to work on Monday , so this is a must.
Hmm- I must say - i am so confused by what hes doing. My decision is made, and its really sh*t that hes hanging around. he came home in the early hours -my pal, i dlike to say her name but want ( just incase) well she stayed tilllate, and as she to is a mum and a brill one-and is sticking by me
weel my partner came home late, and was all polite and being nice--I know maybe its my anxiety - or not-but I asked agin "what is he doing"??/-What I get-.....he is doing nothing...theres no gaind for him by moving out here-so he is staying put
That has to be the worst birthday pressie Ive had yet!!!
Though, tunrning that on its side, the best birthday...my pal stayed and we chatted and chatted and chatted....she and the girls..well my girls bought me a chocolate cake and didnt want to light it without an adult around-so waited on -god I wish I could say her name...to come and help. It was like a big turn around, a big switrtch saying"life could be so much better-this is what it cuould be like" Ok obviously want be doing that every night,
oh...just received fab birthdya card.....read this"if god was a woman niigara falls would be a giant chocolate fountain, shopping would be considered an olympic sport......It would be illegal to own less than 30 pairs of shes......The five essential food groups would be"vino, fudge cake, chips, vino and more vino.......Vodka therapy would be available on the NHS........Girls night out would be compulsory at least once a week, for life.....Eating salad would cause cellulit......."I will survive" would be the national anthem......(happens to be one of my most fun favs)....abnd followed by If a man told a lie, his willy would drop off!......Thats just one of the most amzing ME card Ive ever read!!!
Im supposed to be going up to see my mum today - im not going as I know I hace to take drugs, and dont want to risk bumping into anyone from my past! Ill probably come back here toady........I just dont knoe ehat to do about him..and thisisituation..I am really very very reluctant to move, more grif cause hes an id**t, PRUNE PLANK I wish his willy would drop off, and I wish hed go but go with ration reason ..His noise,,,his tone, everything..evrytime I hear it, my arms go al nerves and I want to cry as I do not how to cope with him STILL hanging around here, and as though I am making it up...Lokk, this is y worry , I am not MAKING THIS UP and this is not a figment of my imginahtion, an hallucination a delusion - no this is what he has done, and this has to change and he has to go...and I dont know some will jusust think I am being crazy , hallucinating, its a part of the schizoid disorder in our family , or the over anxious hyperactive mother nature geneticaally inherited form her mother...its none of theses things....this happened and that happened and YES I am scottish and I am by no way means , in any way prepared to FORGIVE!!!!...Myabe one day I will forget, and laugh about the fact that I scrape myself along walls, ask strangers to help me cross roadsm, andthe rest.......a normal more loving, more respectful , more even loving father -would just have gone by now...I had been hoping that that would have been my bithday present , but b****r he came home last night at 1am...Now i thin k, I am going to ring solicitor ....and seek his advice...I dont want to move, I am not sure theres enough evidend to place an interdict-to get him out, ( even then -could he.would he come back?) and then ...then is the gawd awful sh*t knows where me and my girls are going to live..*( that will be what happens, knowing my luck,,,,my name doesnt rhymn with sods law for no reason...I guess thats I realised young...he is such a bastard!
so Not starting to take pills till tomorrow, I dont need to go out today, so Ill just stay in-then start the medication-I need to go back to work on Monday , so this is a must.
Hmm- I must say - i am so confused by what hes doing. My decision is made, and its really sh*t that hes hanging around. he came home in the early hours -my pal, i dlike to say her name but want ( just incase) well she stayed tilllate, and as she to is a mum and a brill one-and is sticking by me
weel my partner came home late, and was all polite and being nice--I know maybe its my anxiety - or not-but I asked agin "what is he doing"??/-What I get-.....he is doing nothing...theres no gaind for him by moving out here-so he is staying put
That has to be the worst birthday pressie Ive had yet!!!
Though, tunrning that on its side, the best birthday...my pal stayed and we chatted and chatted and chatted....she and the girls..well my girls bought me a chocolate cake and didnt want to light it without an adult around-so waited on -god I wish I could say her name...to come and help. It was like a big turn around, a big switrtch saying"life could be so much better-this is what it cuould be like" Ok obviously want be doing that every night,
oh...just received fab birthdya card.....read this"if god was a woman niigara falls would be a giant chocolate fountain, shopping would be considered an olympic sport......It would be illegal to own less than 30 pairs of shes......The five essential food groups would be"vino, fudge cake, chips, vino and more vino.......Vodka therapy would be available on the NHS........Girls night out would be compulsory at least once a week, for life.....Eating salad would cause cellulit......."I will survive" would be the national anthem......(happens to be one of my most fun favs)....abnd followed by If a man told a lie, his willy would drop off!......Thats just one of the most amzing ME card Ive ever read!!!
Im supposed to be going up to see my mum today - im not going as I know I hace to take drugs, and dont want to risk bumping into anyone from my past! Ill probably come back here toady........I just dont knoe ehat to do about him..and thisisituation..I am really very very reluctant to move, more grif cause hes an id**t, PRUNE PLANK I wish his willy would drop off, and I wish hed go but go with ration reason ..His noise,,,his tone, everything..evrytime I hear it, my arms go al nerves and I want to cry as I do not how to cope with him STILL hanging around here, and as though I am making it up...Lokk, this is y worry , I am not MAKING THIS UP and this is not a figment of my imginahtion, an hallucination a delusion - no this is what he has done, and this has to change and he has to go...and I dont know some will jusust think I am being crazy , hallucinating, its a part of the schizoid disorder in our family , or the over anxious hyperactive mother nature geneticaally inherited form her mother...its none of theses things....this happened and that happened and YES I am scottish and I am by no way means , in any way prepared to FORGIVE!!!!...Myabe one day I will forget, and laugh about the fact that I scrape myself along walls, ask strangers to help me cross roadsm, andthe rest.......a normal more loving, more respectful , more even loving father -would just have gone by now...I had been hoping that that would have been my bithday present , but b****r he came home last night at 1am...Now i thin k, I am going to ring solicitor ....and seek his advice...I dont want to move, I am not sure theres enough evidend to place an interdict-to get him out, ( even then -could he.would he come back?) and then ...then is the gawd awful sh*t knows where me and my girls are going to live..*( that will be what happens, knowing my luck,,,,my name doesnt rhymn with sods law for no reason...I guess thats I realised young...he is such a bastard!
BABMBI!!!Help!!! Feel so sad-dont know what to do- what to believe -what to think , how to improve things !!!!
aw eh yuck!! There is some guy doing that hurl gob spew thing outside my window just now...bluh!!!! Pleas kindly move on......
Ok, ex was all polite and nice to friend last night, and well she left pretty quicik when he came home.........okokokokokokok...this is my feelings right now, right at this veru point I am ready to give it alll up.....he is so silently cruel..he knows i am finding it hard to go outside he knows...and hes just buggered of out with my girls and I want to be with my girls and they are even missing me. Even when i a mdown and cant really feel like getting up and getting on , I stick a dvd usually wall e or pinnochio , or some disney fil so i can curl up and go to sleep, often if I manage sleep, often they are there when I wake up , and my girls are alll lively and full of spirit..Im missing them :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(
I dont know how I am going to do it. I am going back to bed,. there seem NO point in getting up.Everything i worked or , everything ive ever fon, always gets turned on me..always..I dont think Ive got any fight left..I ate this morning and wish it would just come out of my system...I can eat in the mornings (sometimes) but then sometimes actually for the rest of the day its really really hard for me to stomach foods, I used to have a great appetite!! i want my children back I want me back I want my home redecorated. i want to throw up my breakfast....I want to sleep forever...i am so confuse. No one understands and I am just a drain , I wan tot be a radiator....maybe I should start those pills today..ive been on so many drug...dont really want to go back on them..I didnt mind taking a small does of valium , I kind of hoped that would be it....mnd younot sure why i even went to my gpss...he said "many many people are agrophobic and learn ways , coping startegies to deal with it" Yeah I know, poor them f**k I hope this doesnt stay with me......I am more than sure a gp would know what a panic attack would be like...I msure thaey must have had them themselves...but try having them every god know how many times per day ...with nothing realll, no life.death threat situation in your face, nothing to explain it. nothing..oh, dont get me wrong I know my gp is helping me, just felt a bit shattered byt hat...that i should just accpet that some people have this all the time and get on with it...theres so many times ive thought Iam going to colapse and anyway why should I tust any so called professional ...they wrote me of from inside the womb-so why should I even care if blodd tests , whatever comes back normal -I dont feel normal...I am thinking, nobody knows everything, not all mediacl tools are there, I mean I reckon my mum is a bit bipolar and well my dad,,,dunno...hes a portrait artist on the side of doing whatever else he does and my birthday money came form Mr D T. hahahhahaha......famous business man, loads of dosh and married and divorced several times.
I keep looking out the window , thinking about it. I keep wondering if its maybe as I spent last year thinking about having been stalked...I hate telling people about that ...its as though.....well, as though I love myself and make it up to get attention, but the thing is IT WAS HORRIBLE, and when I was in that bedsit ...and had to put the door yale lock snibbed to go to the toilet outside and then too scared to come out the toilet ,,,so many time so many time and I know it was a very long time ago now, but so many times and stil so many time , locked myself in the toilet and howled...so many times would have to peak to make sure no one was at my room , no one was in the hallway of that falt,,and thenrun back to my room next door , put the snib on lock once in , check shaling that no one was watching me from the window...I was a bit daft though..ifd ut my little pink telly on top of a set of drawers saat the window -so i was usually looking out the window.....though i cant actually remeber once ever having watched my small telly then ,,,I used to hide at the other side of my bed, crouched so I couldnt vbe seen writing my essyas, and then I used to drin k wine while tyoing them as I had to sit upat my desk fo r everyone to see. I lived 9 at that time ine a ground floor bedsit) awe goawd...then there was the time the washer went on one og the kitchen sink taps, and water flying all over the place It was 530pm on a friday evening...awe gawd had to call an emergency plumber and tehen had to pay them extra as it was an emergency and ...The thin gias,,,I guesss thats the only time i was on my own and the only time I ever really had to myself, and is why i am so scared and silly and stupid and cant walk the flipping streets o.O o.O :-( :-( Then again, I had a right to be afraid-this is the thing and the scrry thing for me-your body does things to protect itself ( without you knowing) subconsciously we do things and so on and sh*t what is all this about -is he going to murder me??/Why am I in such a mss!!!! So wish .....and with all this in my head , how do I cope at work...i think actually work is my only rescue..I like it there , its safe, I like the poel and hgenerally most of the customers are usually intelligent and down to earth and usually i can have a friendly chat with anyone at any time, and I like that...it my only esacpe...its like beofore..Never thought id be the type, but before uni, library reading room , they were my only esacpe..i just have to learnt to get ther..havr not got the foggiest how the hell I am going to cross the big open huge massive massive big huge road befor it though..havent got a clue.
aw eh yuck!! There is some guy doing that hurl gob spew thing outside my window just now...bluh!!!! Pleas kindly move on......
Ok, ex was all polite and nice to friend last night, and well she left pretty quicik when he came home.........okokokokokokok...this is my feelings right now, right at this veru point I am ready to give it alll up.....he is so silently cruel..he knows i am finding it hard to go outside he knows...and hes just buggered of out with my girls and I want to be with my girls and they are even missing me. Even when i a mdown and cant really feel like getting up and getting on , I stick a dvd usually wall e or pinnochio , or some disney fil so i can curl up and go to sleep, often if I manage sleep, often they are there when I wake up , and my girls are alll lively and full of spirit..Im missing them :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(
I dont know how I am going to do it. I am going back to bed,. there seem NO point in getting up.Everything i worked or , everything ive ever fon, always gets turned on me..always..I dont think Ive got any fight left..I ate this morning and wish it would just come out of my system...I can eat in the mornings (sometimes) but then sometimes actually for the rest of the day its really really hard for me to stomach foods, I used to have a great appetite!! i want my children back I want me back I want my home redecorated. i want to throw up my breakfast....I want to sleep forever...i am so confuse. No one understands and I am just a drain , I wan tot be a radiator....maybe I should start those pills today..ive been on so many drug...dont really want to go back on them..I didnt mind taking a small does of valium , I kind of hoped that would be it....mnd younot sure why i even went to my gpss...he said "many many people are agrophobic and learn ways , coping startegies to deal with it" Yeah I know, poor them f**k I hope this doesnt stay with me......I am more than sure a gp would know what a panic attack would be like...I msure thaey must have had them themselves...but try having them every god know how many times per day ...with nothing realll, no life.death threat situation in your face, nothing to explain it. nothing..oh, dont get me wrong I know my gp is helping me, just felt a bit shattered byt hat...that i should just accpet that some people have this all the time and get on with it...theres so many times ive thought Iam going to colapse and anyway why should I tust any so called professional ...they wrote me of from inside the womb-so why should I even care if blodd tests , whatever comes back normal -I dont feel normal...I am thinking, nobody knows everything, not all mediacl tools are there, I mean I reckon my mum is a bit bipolar and well my dad,,,dunno...hes a portrait artist on the side of doing whatever else he does and my birthday money came form Mr D T. hahahhahaha......famous business man, loads of dosh and married and divorced several times.
I keep looking out the window , thinking about it. I keep wondering if its maybe as I spent last year thinking about having been stalked...I hate telling people about that ...its as though.....well, as though I love myself and make it up to get attention, but the thing is IT WAS HORRIBLE, and when I was in that bedsit ...and had to put the door yale lock snibbed to go to the toilet outside and then too scared to come out the toilet ,,,so many time so many time and I know it was a very long time ago now, but so many times and stil so many time , locked myself in the toilet and howled...so many times would have to peak to make sure no one was at my room , no one was in the hallway of that falt,,and thenrun back to my room next door , put the snib on lock once in , check shaling that no one was watching me from the window...I was a bit daft though..ifd ut my little pink telly on top of a set of drawers saat the window -so i was usually looking out the window.....though i cant actually remeber once ever having watched my small telly then ,,,I used to hide at the other side of my bed, crouched so I couldnt vbe seen writing my essyas, and then I used to drin k wine while tyoing them as I had to sit upat my desk fo r everyone to see. I lived 9 at that time ine a ground floor bedsit) awe goawd...then there was the time the washer went on one og the kitchen sink taps, and water flying all over the place It was 530pm on a friday evening...awe gawd had to call an emergency plumber and tehen had to pay them extra as it was an emergency and ...The thin gias,,,I guesss thats the only time i was on my own and the only time I ever really had to myself, and is why i am so scared and silly and stupid and cant walk the flipping streets o.O o.O :-( :-( Then again, I had a right to be afraid-this is the thing and the scrry thing for me-your body does things to protect itself ( without you knowing) subconsciously we do things and so on and sh*t what is all this about -is he going to murder me??/Why am I in such a mss!!!! So wish .....and with all this in my head , how do I cope at work...i think actually work is my only rescue..I like it there , its safe, I like the poel and hgenerally most of the customers are usually intelligent and down to earth and usually i can have a friendly chat with anyone at any time, and I like that...it my only esacpe...its like beofore..Never thought id be the type, but before uni, library reading room , they were my only esacpe..i just have to learnt to get ther..havr not got the foggiest how the hell I am going to cross the big open huge massive massive big huge road befor it though..havent got a clue.
No its not my only escape....there was the bar....and my music!!! right going to put Wall-e on and get a kip...might take tabs, don tknow..I dont want to start till tomorrow....Dont know If I evenwant them...I dont evenfelll like I deserve them-i dont want them I just dont, maybe I dont need them , maybe I could just sleep..i am normal , i am not having a nervous breakdown, I am nromal...and loads of peopl have been through this, so why am I having somuchdifficulty...It like my mum syays,,,ka"Katy when you wre born , you were the size of my hand ,,you were the smallest baby , the lighterst baby the whole time in inemsive care, I coulent express milk and she said....the twins mum did that for you" o.O"Then you got dysantry,took you out the incubator and weighed you ...eh you were under 2ibs.....so we werent allowed you out again for a good we while" Then she said, but eeven though youo looked the weakest, even though you had a bit of jaundice , and even though you eyes were rolling everywhere"The nurse has said "it 50/50....and her lungs are really really strong"(wonder if thats why I have the ocassional fag now o.O ) Shhh!! I hate smokers too, and think its the most disgusting thing,,,but I find myself repulsive at the moment so dont really care.
That was like a seizure. think /hope that was just a small panic attack , but inside, in my kitchen doing my sifshes and god did I shake...and heart recing and omg -awful!~!! Over it now though, and erm...thinking shut up Katy, your gp is trying to hel;p, also had a great time with friend last night ...I mean she stayed till the early hours ....so she must think I am ok, company...we did have a few laughs to say the least...so I have that and also a break thorugh....I mean Ive got that in my head my [pal and my girls singing me happy birthdya...just a memory so dsay this is changin and you will be all right, and tha my girsl are very very very specccila AND NO ONE IS GOING TO SPLIT ME UP FROM THEM no one.,,,,so uiill just take small dose of dazepam...go for bath with nes bubble bath....that pal got me..i dont like that word pal..I mean I am so lucky to have such good friends...my other friend she has 3 children and has to get epidurals as she has something wrong with her back...her baby has just turned 1 and riddled with infections aand has a hole in her heart...i have Probably siad another friend with massive brain tumour and I have many friends..so Ill be fine!! Im not that bad...and my girls love me and whether they need me and whether I am not myself or not, I ma not going to do anything stupid...Its not worth it..Thiugh I had that conversation last night with friend....i saidf"Yeah my liver is ok...and so on...and worrying though,,,,I mean in 10years time...this might all catch up with me, and ill probably be in a better place and want to really live and the boom bang thank you mam, ill be told ive got something horrible and have a horrible death....thats what happened to my aunt. Please dont make me write my fututer out...If you think things are easy and actually if you dont think about things at all its a lot easier just to do,,,so I should just stop thinking!!!!
You need too start your pills today!!!!!!!! DID you tell the doctor everything? It is NOT true that Many people are Agrophobic, what a load of c**p!!!!! Agrophobia is a symptom of a HUGE problem!
I know you will think I am betraying you by saying this - which of course I would never do - but i am glad he is taking the kids out! It's too much for them too see you like this hon! I know you need them and want them too stay in with you, but they can't they are kids. What you have too do is get better so YOU can take them out instead of him.
Why the hell did your mother ever tell you about before you were born? that is NUTS, what a terrible thing too tell someone that they treid too get rid of them. Disgusting - sorry I know she's your mom, but that is just not right!!
What drug are you suppoed to start now? I will research it. You HAVE too tell the doctor about our talks, let him look at this. Most mental issues are genetic. It sounds like your family has suffered a lot with different ones, so you are more than likely too get it. I would hazzard a guess you are not bi polar or manic, because you don't have these unrealistic highs that they do! You need to be diagnosed by a professional, there is NO point at all for you too be in this state continually, LEt him read our talks Katy. Let him see how low you can get. And if he doesn't get you help, let me know the info and I will contact him. This has TOO END!!! You HAVE too get help!!! There is No IF's about it. STOP making excuses of others having cancer etc. Yes that's terrible, but so is what you are going through. And ultimately it WILL affect the kids. They need you too take them out, they need you to show them what a strong women is - by getting some help that even they know you need.
Mental illness is a scary thought not only the person that is going through it, but their children. My eldest son has 2 "girl" friends, their mother is severe bipolar. So when she is having an attack, it is ABSOLUTELY terrifying for them. They have come over here several times in tears. But recently they have been able too detect the build up too her loosing it and can talk her into going into hospital. They CAN'T do it when she is in a full melt down. She used too have them continually, now with help she gets them 1 or 2 times a year and they are controllable. It has been about 2 years since she was last in a hospital for over a week.
b****r him Katy!!! b****r your family for getting you like this!!! The future IS for you, not for them! They haven't helped you in the slightest. Do you want your girls too go through the same things as you? NO!!! So you need to get help too turn this thing around once and for all. No IF's No BUT's Just get some help for yourself. Phone that number and ask for professional help.
I know you will think I am betraying you by saying this - which of course I would never do - but i am glad he is taking the kids out! It's too much for them too see you like this hon! I know you need them and want them too stay in with you, but they can't they are kids. What you have too do is get better so YOU can take them out instead of him.
Why the hell did your mother ever tell you about before you were born? that is NUTS, what a terrible thing too tell someone that they treid too get rid of them. Disgusting - sorry I know she's your mom, but that is just not right!!
What drug are you suppoed to start now? I will research it. You HAVE too tell the doctor about our talks, let him look at this. Most mental issues are genetic. It sounds like your family has suffered a lot with different ones, so you are more than likely too get it. I would hazzard a guess you are not bi polar or manic, because you don't have these unrealistic highs that they do! You need to be diagnosed by a professional, there is NO point at all for you too be in this state continually, LEt him read our talks Katy. Let him see how low you can get. And if he doesn't get you help, let me know the info and I will contact him. This has TOO END!!! You HAVE too get help!!! There is No IF's about it. STOP making excuses of others having cancer etc. Yes that's terrible, but so is what you are going through. And ultimately it WILL affect the kids. They need you too take them out, they need you to show them what a strong women is - by getting some help that even they know you need.
Mental illness is a scary thought not only the person that is going through it, but their children. My eldest son has 2 "girl" friends, their mother is severe bipolar. So when she is having an attack, it is ABSOLUTELY terrifying for them. They have come over here several times in tears. But recently they have been able too detect the build up too her loosing it and can talk her into going into hospital. They CAN'T do it when she is in a full melt down. She used too have them continually, now with help she gets them 1 or 2 times a year and they are controllable. It has been about 2 years since she was last in a hospital for over a week.
b****r him Katy!!! b****r your family for getting you like this!!! The future IS for you, not for them! They haven't helped you in the slightest. Do you want your girls too go through the same things as you? NO!!! So you need to get help too turn this thing around once and for all. No IF's No BUT's Just get some help for yourself. Phone that number and ask for professional help.
Its my dads birthday today. (Whoops) better ring him.
My noe is relally sore and pain firing up into my head ( again!) not taken that citalopram stuff, -just took 2mg of diazepam or whatever it scalled. Not had a good day though, hwad bath, and feel really fat and flat nad...anyway, managed a lucnch which is better than a long time off eating.
Im going back to bed now thoug....i went outside and everything went all wobbily, alex was even with me...I just went nope -no point , I cant bebothered with it today. Not one bit, and anyway, I am getting them in the house again so its just a constance..The last time i cant remebr them being this bad..i guess they must have been..I dont reallly want to go back on anti depressants..I dont think I am depressed and I dont think...awe god i dont know what to think ..going for a sleep.
My noe is relally sore and pain firing up into my head ( again!) not taken that citalopram stuff, -just took 2mg of diazepam or whatever it scalled. Not had a good day though, hwad bath, and feel really fat and flat nad...anyway, managed a lucnch which is better than a long time off eating.
Im going back to bed now thoug....i went outside and everything went all wobbily, alex was even with me...I just went nope -no point , I cant bebothered with it today. Not one bit, and anyway, I am getting them in the house again so its just a constance..The last time i cant remebr them being this bad..i guess they must have been..I dont reallly want to go back on anti depressants..I dont think I am depressed and I dont think...awe god i dont know what to think ..going for a sleep.
TAKE CITALOPRAM!!! I am on that, it is GREAT!!! I promise, Diazepam is obviously not doing anyting for you.
Of course you don't think you are depressed, you aren't!!! You have a severe anxiety disorder - there are so many so I can't guess. Citalopram is a good one for anxiety. And that IS what you have, just like me Katy!
But - because of your past and your present situation - you will need some more help. I am not necassarily talking about drugs. I'm on enough of those myself!!! BUT you do need to get professional help! I DID, after talking too me for a month, would you describe me as weak? Would you describe me as "NUTS"? Hope not!!! and that is because I got some help Katy. I had too!!! I coulnd't continue on the same path.
The reason why I relate too you Katy and trying my damdess to get you too get some help, is because I HAVE been there! I'm not some fly by night person that has decided too get on one of these sites and start splurting out stuff they read. Everything I post, I or loved ones have been through. And I want you to be strong enough so you can eventually do this too. You made the 1st step by asking for advice, NOW you need to follow the advice given. I do KNOW Katy! Believe me!!! I wish I didn't, I wish I was oblivious but I am not!! You NEED help, not just "Techniques" not looking in the mirror and saying "Snap out of it you stupid cow!!!!" You need more than that.
I used too stand infront of the mirror grabbing my excess skin and say the worst words too myself that I would never use EVER!!! Words and expressions that would make a trucker blush. THAT is how much I hated what I had become!!! I truly truly loathed everything about myself! Then one day I reached out, and it has been hard, but I've gotten there. I haven't said a bad thing too myself in a long time. You know why? Because I cured myself Katy, ME I DID IT!! And my friends and family have told me how proud they are of me, and you know what? I am proud of me now. Except for the TERRIBLE hair dye job this new girl did!!!! ;-) XD I look like a frickin pumpkin! But anyway I digress. Get on the citalopram. And ask for a Psychiatrist too evaluate and help you talk about all this. You CAN do it! PROMISE
Of course you don't think you are depressed, you aren't!!! You have a severe anxiety disorder - there are so many so I can't guess. Citalopram is a good one for anxiety. And that IS what you have, just like me Katy!
But - because of your past and your present situation - you will need some more help. I am not necassarily talking about drugs. I'm on enough of those myself!!! BUT you do need to get professional help! I DID, after talking too me for a month, would you describe me as weak? Would you describe me as "NUTS"? Hope not!!! and that is because I got some help Katy. I had too!!! I coulnd't continue on the same path.
The reason why I relate too you Katy and trying my damdess to get you too get some help, is because I HAVE been there! I'm not some fly by night person that has decided too get on one of these sites and start splurting out stuff they read. Everything I post, I or loved ones have been through. And I want you to be strong enough so you can eventually do this too. You made the 1st step by asking for advice, NOW you need to follow the advice given. I do KNOW Katy! Believe me!!! I wish I didn't, I wish I was oblivious but I am not!! You NEED help, not just "Techniques" not looking in the mirror and saying "Snap out of it you stupid cow!!!!" You need more than that.
I used too stand infront of the mirror grabbing my excess skin and say the worst words too myself that I would never use EVER!!! Words and expressions that would make a trucker blush. THAT is how much I hated what I had become!!! I truly truly loathed everything about myself! Then one day I reached out, and it has been hard, but I've gotten there. I haven't said a bad thing too myself in a long time. You know why? Because I cured myself Katy, ME I DID IT!! And my friends and family have told me how proud they are of me, and you know what? I am proud of me now. Except for the TERRIBLE hair dye job this new girl did!!!! ;-) XD I look like a frickin pumpkin! But anyway I digress. Get on the citalopram. And ask for a Psychiatrist too evaluate and help you talk about all this. You CAN do it! PROMISE
Hi bambi-thanks agin!!!!! I would describe you as very remarkable, admirable, inteligent , patient human being!!!!Wiht a kind heart! :-D
I managed some sleep. Amazing-maybe thats the diazepam helping me to switch off. Maybe if I get enoughsleep my body will heal itself.
I am listening to you..I know sometimes it may not seem that way...sometimes your posts come through after Ive posted something else.
maybe I interpretd what my doctor meant , all wrong, I am very good at that, especially just now. So if someone suffers with agrophobia, is that a symptom of something like PTSD. I know you wouldnt know it now, but my degree was in Psychs and I did do a lot on human cognition-maybe should get the books back out.
My doctor has referred me to a drinks specialist-which I think is fair enough as my drinking has got out of hand lately, and unintentionally-though at the same time, i think my drinking is a esult of mental health issues, that Ive had for years-ive never not drunk when theres been a problem , so I am glad about that and feel ready to do something about it..If it is that thats causing me to malfunction , then I am only happy to get that help..I know it all circles and spirals around that big issue of mine called self respect. At first i felt ashamed of myself that this is where he thought I should be going (to a drinks speciallist o.O )Now though, well the truth be told, I need help in that department , I need to learnt o cope with my issues without attacking a bottle of wine etc-and if there are any other underlying issues, I huess they will get found. I hope anyway.
Sorry, I think i didnt explain myself well. My mum didnt try to get rid of me(I dont htink anyway) Maybe she did-I dont know..my mum had a misscarriage-or somesort of weird heavy bleed that caused her to be hospitalised....Thye thought she had misscarried....but then discovered a borderline pregnancy. She was kept in for 2 months and given lots of drugs to deal with the fact that "there would be no baby". Apparently a strobe light fell on top of her, while she was in bed and that induced her labour..They thought I was born at 24 weeks, but had no idea....mum thinks it was at kleast 28 weeks, so sorry about the confusion there. She did get Pnd though afterwards I look on that story and sometimes even that alone makes me feel bad, I mean, Could I not have just made a normal entrance into the world nstead of failing at that too and making everyboies life difficult..Thats how I feel, I make everyones life difficult.
Right now, I am ok, so not discussing the rest..Not been out today , just trying to relax and chill out..Doing lots of washing and just trying to make this place acceptable for guests!!!
Babmi take care. Do you think a drink specialist is the right thing for me-do you think that will be enough to get me through all this? and, do you really think this could be PTSD? I know you mentioned that you dont thin Iam bipolar I dont weither, but sometimes I blank things out deliberately so that I can be completly high, so that others dont get so fed up.Is that mad? Sorry bombarding you with all these questions..Im not vconvinced that I am only an alcoholic and thats that..I have ben told that it could be just GaD...not convinced by that one either...I dont know what it is..I just know that I can get better and so I will one day. Still think that I will need to talk to you too though as you got through it...I never thought I d be a person in this ,,and no one would want to be eitherBut hey things happen for reasons that sometimes are far beyond our reach. I think youve allready helped me a great deal, and I think I would give you top stars on that voting thing. My washing machine has stopped ( in my stomach ) and its like its beeping at me,switch me off and hang me out to dry XD
Your hair want be that bad,,,,mine looks like a pigeon has flewn over my head and let on e loose XD Take care Bambi and sorry for the graphic info at the end there!
I managed some sleep. Amazing-maybe thats the diazepam helping me to switch off. Maybe if I get enoughsleep my body will heal itself.
I am listening to you..I know sometimes it may not seem that way...sometimes your posts come through after Ive posted something else.
maybe I interpretd what my doctor meant , all wrong, I am very good at that, especially just now. So if someone suffers with agrophobia, is that a symptom of something like PTSD. I know you wouldnt know it now, but my degree was in Psychs and I did do a lot on human cognition-maybe should get the books back out.
My doctor has referred me to a drinks specialist-which I think is fair enough as my drinking has got out of hand lately, and unintentionally-though at the same time, i think my drinking is a esult of mental health issues, that Ive had for years-ive never not drunk when theres been a problem , so I am glad about that and feel ready to do something about it..If it is that thats causing me to malfunction , then I am only happy to get that help..I know it all circles and spirals around that big issue of mine called self respect. At first i felt ashamed of myself that this is where he thought I should be going (to a drinks speciallist o.O )Now though, well the truth be told, I need help in that department , I need to learnt o cope with my issues without attacking a bottle of wine etc-and if there are any other underlying issues, I huess they will get found. I hope anyway.
Sorry, I think i didnt explain myself well. My mum didnt try to get rid of me(I dont htink anyway) Maybe she did-I dont know..my mum had a misscarriage-or somesort of weird heavy bleed that caused her to be hospitalised....Thye thought she had misscarried....but then discovered a borderline pregnancy. She was kept in for 2 months and given lots of drugs to deal with the fact that "there would be no baby". Apparently a strobe light fell on top of her, while she was in bed and that induced her labour..They thought I was born at 24 weeks, but had no idea....mum thinks it was at kleast 28 weeks, so sorry about the confusion there. She did get Pnd though afterwards I look on that story and sometimes even that alone makes me feel bad, I mean, Could I not have just made a normal entrance into the world nstead of failing at that too and making everyboies life difficult..Thats how I feel, I make everyones life difficult.
Right now, I am ok, so not discussing the rest..Not been out today , just trying to relax and chill out..Doing lots of washing and just trying to make this place acceptable for guests!!!
Babmi take care. Do you think a drink specialist is the right thing for me-do you think that will be enough to get me through all this? and, do you really think this could be PTSD? I know you mentioned that you dont thin Iam bipolar I dont weither, but sometimes I blank things out deliberately so that I can be completly high, so that others dont get so fed up.Is that mad? Sorry bombarding you with all these questions..Im not vconvinced that I am only an alcoholic and thats that..I have ben told that it could be just GaD...not convinced by that one either...I dont know what it is..I just know that I can get better and so I will one day. Still think that I will need to talk to you too though as you got through it...I never thought I d be a person in this ,,and no one would want to be eitherBut hey things happen for reasons that sometimes are far beyond our reach. I think youve allready helped me a great deal, and I think I would give you top stars on that voting thing. My washing machine has stopped ( in my stomach ) and its like its beeping at me,switch me off and hang me out to dry XD
Your hair want be that bad,,,,mine looks like a pigeon has flewn over my head and let on e loose XD Take care Bambi and sorry for the graphic info at the end there!
Ive taken citalopram for many months before, but i was never brave enough to take it as i was supposed to. I am scared of it- beforehandid have some wine before taking it, as i ahd gained the confidence to take it. Sometimes sometimes i think-none of what I am going through, none of it, is bad enough to be taking drugs for.
The reason I say thatis this. My partnr and i are not fighting cat and dog-but sometimes iget so upset, sometimes I feel no one listens and sometimes I think Id be better of not being around.
I know that things with him were never going to be right. When we first started dating it was like Id kiss his feet-id do anything to make him happy. for him to want to lov eme....he once did say:I love you and I am going to make damn sure I prove it to you: i never forgot it and I believed him. To be honest i think he was lying , I think he was desperate to have children.
We were intimate together for a very short space of time...then before I found out I was pregnant with alx my eldest) he ravagely wanted sex, i oculdnt be bothered...but he continued to pound on me..I wanted him to stop..I even siad "Your hurting me, Pls ive had enough"..i remeber him saying ..let me finish Ill just be a minute"..I would not describe that as rape of any sort, but that is what happened the night I conceived my child..I know -the dates match1 I don thowvever feel any resentmwnt whatsoever to my children sa iI honestly believe it was all a part of my own doing. Self effliction is the worst to get out of-just like drinking!!
When I was younger and i used to go to students flats and wed go ut and be party animals...the next day id be collapsing everywhere..theyd be okay, theyd ( my friends ) woudl cope better than I, I couldnt cope ..if I drink vodka or anything really strong, my body does colapse on me-so I dont do those kinds of drinks and is why I enjoyed wine.It took the edge of things, and I started to drink it because I never got out.it impractical he works shifts , odd shifts and I cant organise things as he doesnt tell me when or where he will be working. Anyway, iam feeling really exhausted tonight so going to my bed. night night Bambi, and a BIG thank you for listeneing
The reason I say thatis this. My partnr and i are not fighting cat and dog-but sometimes iget so upset, sometimes I feel no one listens and sometimes I think Id be better of not being around.
I know that things with him were never going to be right. When we first started dating it was like Id kiss his feet-id do anything to make him happy. for him to want to lov eme....he once did say:I love you and I am going to make damn sure I prove it to you: i never forgot it and I believed him. To be honest i think he was lying , I think he was desperate to have children.
We were intimate together for a very short space of time...then before I found out I was pregnant with alx my eldest) he ravagely wanted sex, i oculdnt be bothered...but he continued to pound on me..I wanted him to stop..I even siad "Your hurting me, Pls ive had enough"..i remeber him saying ..let me finish Ill just be a minute"..I would not describe that as rape of any sort, but that is what happened the night I conceived my child..I know -the dates match1 I don thowvever feel any resentmwnt whatsoever to my children sa iI honestly believe it was all a part of my own doing. Self effliction is the worst to get out of-just like drinking!!
When I was younger and i used to go to students flats and wed go ut and be party animals...the next day id be collapsing everywhere..theyd be okay, theyd ( my friends ) woudl cope better than I, I couldnt cope ..if I drink vodka or anything really strong, my body does colapse on me-so I dont do those kinds of drinks and is why I enjoyed wine.It took the edge of things, and I started to drink it because I never got out.it impractical he works shifts , odd shifts and I cant organise things as he doesnt tell me when or where he will be working. Anyway, iam feeling really exhausted tonight so going to my bed. night night Bambi, and a BIG thank you for listeneing
Hi Hon: I do think you have PTSD! It can come in MANY forms, and usually alcohol will be involved later on - or illegal drug use!
I'm just looking in my "Special box" or I like too call it "Mommies happy box!!!!!" ;-) XD And 2 drugs that have really helped me are Cymbalta and Clonazepam. Because of my addiction too pain killers I used too have the WORST panic attacks. So after many different meds, these 2 have been the best for me. I am happier, and I don't feel high! You CANT drink with these, I have an occaisional drink when I'm out with my girlfriends, but my liver is like"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!!!!!" 8-| >:( :-S And slaps me up the side of the head. and I also don't feel like drinking anymore.
I do think it is a good idea for you to go for counselling for your drinking. It is just a bandaid for what is happening with you. You know how too determine if your bad enough to take drugs? Is CAN you keep on living like you have been? Can you tolerate walking outside not being intimate with a lamp post, can you deal with your family in a rational way? That's the way too look at it. ALSO this way, you handle your "PAIN" by drinking and alcohol is a drug - So you ARE already taking drugs right?
I still don't think your mother or anyone in your family should have told you about your entrance. That is a horrible scenario! But anyway what is done is done. DO NOT read your psych books OK? You will diagnose yourself with Chinese Bulemia Psychosis!!!!! XD o.O
I'm just looking in my "Special box" or I like too call it "Mommies happy box!!!!!" ;-) XD And 2 drugs that have really helped me are Cymbalta and Clonazepam. Because of my addiction too pain killers I used too have the WORST panic attacks. So after many different meds, these 2 have been the best for me. I am happier, and I don't feel high! You CANT drink with these, I have an occaisional drink when I'm out with my girlfriends, but my liver is like"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!!!!!" 8-| >:( :-S And slaps me up the side of the head. and I also don't feel like drinking anymore.
I do think it is a good idea for you to go for counselling for your drinking. It is just a bandaid for what is happening with you. You know how too determine if your bad enough to take drugs? Is CAN you keep on living like you have been? Can you tolerate walking outside not being intimate with a lamp post, can you deal with your family in a rational way? That's the way too look at it. ALSO this way, you handle your "PAIN" by drinking and alcohol is a drug - So you ARE already taking drugs right?
I still don't think your mother or anyone in your family should have told you about your entrance. That is a horrible scenario! But anyway what is done is done. DO NOT read your psych books OK? You will diagnose yourself with Chinese Bulemia Psychosis!!!!! XD o.O
Hi Bambi-honestly , I thin kyour the only one who understands me. Laughing about the chinese bulimia psychosis thing....its true if you read all that stuff , you walk away thinking im like that..I do hat and sh*t am i??????? Anyway,, ok this morning not feeling too uptight-though BAD NEWS......he paying with my head....how >>>>>>>>
Last night, befor eI went to bed.....he said"iM NOT MOVING: -this is after the night before he had said "I will move"""...Do you know Bambi, I am thinking....I am thinking this 41 yr old undeserving git needs a lesson, right , I am thinking GET THE INTERDICT,its ok i might up my medication so I can walk in the streets.......he needs to go...how selfish ids that?? How psychotic is he? Is he Psychotic or is that my imagination? How you can close doors on someon, or lock someone up ( like what he does, like he owns me to kick me about, who can anyone individula do that? and how come he feels nothing, no shame\? and how come he thinks he can talk to me -as though things are normal? they are far for normal and even , there are bits if him( that probably ar not cringe worthy) but they make me cringe as sometimes i remeber himd doin things to me...I cant sya Illl cry but they make me want to throw up.....though I know he was probably hammered on alcohol or had some excuse......Bambi-I feel for my girls, they will be suffering due to all of this. They do not deserve this and they protest about looosing the tv, as hes threatened that, and taking aleexs wii-yet now he says hes not leavung....grrr!!! Basically, I have to go -dont i...I know I shouldn but feeling so anxious about things that I want to hurry my well being along, to get up and get on.its all gone on too long. I could rent privately, and then do the housing thing again.Id have to take a loan out...and id ...or I could sell my furniture on ebay to get enough money to rent privately before declaring my self homeless..hmmmmm!!! Maybe this pil makes me think better!
I dont knkow about mum- I thought that it was normal to tell your children about there entrance, although I guess I never have gone in to the graphic with mine. I tell them about the first time I saw them rather than the rest..One of my girls was forceps andd it was terrifying experience...the other one popped out of me so fast..I didnt have time for any kind of pain relief( thank god!)...okay better go...really...Ill ring my solicitor on Monday and see if he meant that he could really enforce an Interdict on this guy........cause even if its only for a short peiriod of time, itd would help me get some rest before having to do all the hardwork-does that make any sense? Plus, I think he bloody wel needs a lesson taught, he cant carry on treatingpeople like sh*t and having no conscienc about it-is he a complete Sociopath? I think he is.
Last night, befor eI went to bed.....he said"iM NOT MOVING: -this is after the night before he had said "I will move"""...Do you know Bambi, I am thinking....I am thinking this 41 yr old undeserving git needs a lesson, right , I am thinking GET THE INTERDICT,its ok i might up my medication so I can walk in the streets.......he needs to go...how selfish ids that?? How psychotic is he? Is he Psychotic or is that my imagination? How you can close doors on someon, or lock someone up ( like what he does, like he owns me to kick me about, who can anyone individula do that? and how come he feels nothing, no shame\? and how come he thinks he can talk to me -as though things are normal? they are far for normal and even , there are bits if him( that probably ar not cringe worthy) but they make me cringe as sometimes i remeber himd doin things to me...I cant sya Illl cry but they make me want to throw up.....though I know he was probably hammered on alcohol or had some excuse......Bambi-I feel for my girls, they will be suffering due to all of this. They do not deserve this and they protest about looosing the tv, as hes threatened that, and taking aleexs wii-yet now he says hes not leavung....grrr!!! Basically, I have to go -dont i...I know I shouldn but feeling so anxious about things that I want to hurry my well being along, to get up and get on.its all gone on too long. I could rent privately, and then do the housing thing again.Id have to take a loan out...and id ...or I could sell my furniture on ebay to get enough money to rent privately before declaring my self homeless..hmmmmm!!! Maybe this pil makes me think better!
I dont knkow about mum- I thought that it was normal to tell your children about there entrance, although I guess I never have gone in to the graphic with mine. I tell them about the first time I saw them rather than the rest..One of my girls was forceps andd it was terrifying experience...the other one popped out of me so fast..I didnt have time for any kind of pain relief( thank god!)...okay better go...really...Ill ring my solicitor on Monday and see if he meant that he could really enforce an Interdict on this guy........cause even if its only for a short peiriod of time, itd would help me get some rest before having to do all the hardwork-does that make any sense? Plus, I think he bloody wel needs a lesson taught, he cant carry on treatingpeople like sh*t and having no conscienc about it-is he a complete Sociopath? I think he is.
Oh, Ive forgotten -this stuff plays havoc with my appetite...I felt hungry -made my toast, took one bit and then gagged on it. Its good for settling me down, i feel like my old charismatic selfn :$ XD inside 9 if you know what I mean) but ive forgotten the side effects...the sinistius, thenaseas 9 though get that anyway), the sleep deprivation, oh , and the starvation episodes ( do them anyway) and what the worst thing about it is........the trying to sleep ..i guess its better than thought sof murdering yourself ---my dads brother who Ive never met..well he was really screwed up by mis and my fathers family...There dad died from alcoholism, there mother was an abisusive schizophreniac....dad and his brother ened up living in home after home..They had to lie on plastic sheets (for bed wtters) and if slightly naugty nuns would cane them,,,Just such a horrible childhood they had..I also know that my dads brither had many attempts at topping himself and then , when paramedics came to get him , hed come round ( out of his coma) and beat them ,...well hit them..My sister and i were never allowed to meet him ( our uncle) as he was such bad news. My dads was institutionalised...and when my aunt passed away ( my mum s sister)my mum and I reseaearched a bit about my dads family...as the only one person we know from his side , is him...At that point I was 15 and mum and I knew his mum was still alive....some existence though..........no family arounfd her, and little understanding that her illness could be treated. Sometimes that really upsets me.
My dad brother wrote plays and once got a play published and it was about to be telvised...however, there sick mum blacked out the windows and locked both boys in the house...and he was never allowed to carry thing through...thats really all i know about that side of things..there are a few thing but I was never alloed to tell people that stuff so Id better shut up...must be all l the drugs.
My mum sside well ....I dont know as my mum -she 58 now, -is the oldest woman to have survived this long. We do know though that all woman on her side ...all of them have had massive ovarian cysts and polyps up the you know wotsits ( ithink oh god no) but yeep....oh fun...and I do know that its more than likely that we will all die from somesort of stomach cancer /ovarian cancer. or bowel cancer....or in my case breast cancer...sure of it...everyone who has died that I know of in my family , hasd ied from cancer....Sorry i know I should be careful here, with you being upset about yout mum and I can truly understand why......my aunt died from it within a period of 5 weeks, meanwhile mum was suffering with her pTsd due tohaving been in a car accident SORRY BAMBI, I had no idea I was being so insensitve to you there...Ill shut up ..sorry didnt mean that at all.......I just know its a fact for me.....and maybe Id rather drink myself to the grave-thought thats not reallly how i see it now..now I want to be me, have nice hair, not look so tired all the time,.....god, I wished he would go..Thinking about dying my hair dark..I know I dont suit it, but my hair is boring fair, and as I put sun in in it..I have really dark roots and big brassy yellow bit....honestly -youd think the neighbours pigeons had ppoooed on my head...You really would!! Sorry about earlier,-I really didnt meant to go on about the dreaded C word,,,,,I guess I am a bithaunted by the way my aunt died yrs ago too,,,It was so quick...
My dad brother wrote plays and once got a play published and it was about to be telvised...however, there sick mum blacked out the windows and locked both boys in the house...and he was never allowed to carry thing through...thats really all i know about that side of things..there are a few thing but I was never alloed to tell people that stuff so Id better shut up...must be all l the drugs.
My mum sside well ....I dont know as my mum -she 58 now, -is the oldest woman to have survived this long. We do know though that all woman on her side ...all of them have had massive ovarian cysts and polyps up the you know wotsits ( ithink oh god no) but yeep....oh fun...and I do know that its more than likely that we will all die from somesort of stomach cancer /ovarian cancer. or bowel cancer....or in my case breast cancer...sure of it...everyone who has died that I know of in my family , hasd ied from cancer....Sorry i know I should be careful here, with you being upset about yout mum and I can truly understand why......my aunt died from it within a period of 5 weeks, meanwhile mum was suffering with her pTsd due tohaving been in a car accident SORRY BAMBI, I had no idea I was being so insensitve to you there...Ill shut up ..sorry didnt mean that at all.......I just know its a fact for me.....and maybe Id rather drink myself to the grave-thought thats not reallly how i see it now..now I want to be me, have nice hair, not look so tired all the time,.....god, I wished he would go..Thinking about dying my hair dark..I know I dont suit it, but my hair is boring fair, and as I put sun in in it..I have really dark roots and big brassy yellow bit....honestly -youd think the neighbours pigeons had ppoooed on my head...You really would!! Sorry about earlier,-I really didnt meant to go on about the dreaded C word,,,,,I guess I am a bithaunted by the way my aunt died yrs ago too,,,It was so quick...
What is cloanazepam? is that similar to diazepam/ i dont know am i syupposed to be taking my diazepam with this citalopram -so confused and now so sweaty.....Definately helps with calmimng me thoug..i can even sit in the living rooom talk with the girls and watch them play the wii. there are 2 teenagers next door, they come over and play with alex and becca.that helps me, and i really enjoy talking to them as they are relly lovely girls...I met them when they were 6and 8...Now thy are 12 and 14..Time goes so fast!!!should I take diazepam as well.It seems like a lot!
This is really funny.......strange 9 i mean) for months and months Ive been complaining about nose pain-okay , i still have a sore nose...but was talking to a neighbour and i could feel this massive almighty :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ snorter falling down........It was like a python coming out...it was like giving birth out your nose...nose is still abit sore...but the relief is amazing!!! Why would that happen due to taking citaloprm...probably just coincidence.....but thinking hippocrates had a point about his theory regarding depression/stress problems and phlegm!!!!