Well I am not as old as everyone else but I am married and my husband is in the air force and I have such a need to have a baby and he wants to wait. It kills me to think that he doesn't want one right now when i can barely keep myself from freaking out. His little sister just got pregnant and she isn't even in a relationship. it doesn't seem fair for her to have a baby when I am happily married and I cant have one. Am I being selfish??
The main question is this! "When would your husband find having a baby feasable?" He is in the Air Force - and usually this is a lifetime position, so he will be gone a LOT, so when does he see you guys having one? Also did you both talk about this before getting married? Does he DEFINITELY want a baby? Also you need to know that this might not happen right away, infact most healthy couples can take upto 1 year of trying - to become pregnant! Tell him that and see what he says! Tell him your NEED and your timeline, and IF he can't give it to you then you both have a BIG problem honey! There is NO middle with this dilemma! So find out what his intentions are!
he wants to wait for five years but I can barely see waiting one. We choose to have him make the Air Force his career and yes before we got married we did agree on having children we want 2 or 3. He does definitely want a baby he wants to be a father really bad but is afraid of being a bad dad. I cant really talk to him at the moment because he is in training until april and he has no contact except letters. I have talked to him about why we should wait and I understand that we could be more financially prepared but if we wait for him to be ready im worried we wont ever have a baby. I know he will come around sooner or later but I would rather it be sooner. How do I control my want to have a baby? I feel like there is a hole in my heart that can only be filled with a baby and I really want to start a family. We cant really afford one and I do understand that we have to wait but it is so hard to not be upset about it.
I understand this TOTALLY honey! I think it's a combination of a few things right now! 1st your husband is away - so it's just you, missing him and feeling lonely, which will bring out that feeling even more! What I would suggest is this! Start a plan - saving money, getting out of debt etc. Like making a list of HOW to achieve your ultimate goal - so you are doing something to achieve your hearts wish! SO IF you smoke - stop, IF you drink - stop, start taking prenatal vitamins! Start putting some monies away or IF you aren't working try and find a job to add to the funds! Offer to babysit and start finding out from other women WHAT you will need and what to expect!
People used to say "There's never a good time to have a baby!" Which I don't agree with! When you are POVERTY stricken and you can't work, and the baby takes THOUSANDS of dollars in the first year! THAT stress can tear the strongest relationships apart! so for the next 16 weeks start with your plan - the reason why I said WEEKS is months sound too long! So if you think of weeks, it's easier! Doesn't 36 weeks sound less than 9 months?
Start working on what YOU are going to do for this ultimate want! Have a plan and show your husband "THIS is the plan! And as soon as you get out of training, we will start trying" ALL people think they are going to be terrible at parenting - usually from childhood upsets from their own parents! Reassure him that you would have NOT married him, IF you thought he was going to be bad father material! He needs to know that he WILL learn to do it right - even if he didn't have a great role model from his father! He doesn't need that, he needs the guidance of YOU!
So find what you will NEED and start on that list first! And that is HEALTH! work on your health and your husbands health first! Get ALL of that in line, then work on the financial part, so you can show him - we have this much and another 9 months to collect more!
Just tell yourself that this WILL happen honey! Like ANY great dream it will need work and a plan and you WILL get to that dream with work and faith!
People used to say "There's never a good time to have a baby!" Which I don't agree with! When you are POVERTY stricken and you can't work, and the baby takes THOUSANDS of dollars in the first year! THAT stress can tear the strongest relationships apart! so for the next 16 weeks start with your plan - the reason why I said WEEKS is months sound too long! So if you think of weeks, it's easier! Doesn't 36 weeks sound less than 9 months?
Start working on what YOU are going to do for this ultimate want! Have a plan and show your husband "THIS is the plan! And as soon as you get out of training, we will start trying" ALL people think they are going to be terrible at parenting - usually from childhood upsets from their own parents! Reassure him that you would have NOT married him, IF you thought he was going to be bad father material! He needs to know that he WILL learn to do it right - even if he didn't have a great role model from his father! He doesn't need that, he needs the guidance of YOU!
So find what you will NEED and start on that list first! And that is HEALTH! work on your health and your husbands health first! Get ALL of that in line, then work on the financial part, so you can show him - we have this much and another 9 months to collect more!
Just tell yourself that this WILL happen honey! Like ANY great dream it will need work and a plan and you WILL get to that dream with work and faith!
I'm happy to find I'm not baby crazy! Im 22 and craving motherhood for 2-3 years now, the feeling continuously getting worse. My bf is 23 and we've been together 5 years now. The more in love I feel, the more i want to bear his child. The more I bring this up, the more heartache I receive. He isn't ready, he wants to have more money behind him, we can start next year , one minute we can do it the next he's changed his mind. It's got to the point I don't know if I want someone who cares so little about something so important to me to be the father of my child. Having a family is the most important thing to me and I feel he doesn't love me enough to give me that. I hate that there are women with willing men who WANT to have children and get excited about it also. I just can't imagine that ever being us. I don't bring it up anymore as he shows very little interest in the topic and quite frankly im tired of hearing 'i'm scared'. Grow a pair!. You guys say men will never be ready then what does that mean for me as i dont want an 'accidental pregnancy' I feel lonely and have noone to really talk to about how i feel resulting in a bad attitude toward him when im feeling low and emotions all over the place. I don't think he will ever understand how much hurt he has caused me over this. I got a perfect man, But the one thing i want so bad, he won't give me :'(
Hi honey! I think you need to have "THE TALK" And lay it on the line! Even though you love your boyfriend, there HAS to be a concensus of what the future holds! IF he doesn't really want children, that's the end of the conversation! IF he is frightened, well welcome to the club! IF he definitely wants children but just wants to be a little more stable financially - nothing wrong with that! BUT there has to be a conclusion to this! Either the relationship HAS to end, as it's just a waste of time for you both to continue if your boyfriend doesn't want children! OR you need a plan of when and how long you will wait! Having children is THE biggest question for ANYONE - getting married or not - there is NO "Perhaps" It is "Yes or No!" Because a perhaps is cruel - it keeps you hanging on to that little glimmer of hope! I wanted 7 children, and my husband never really thought about having kids, but I was going to have them come hell or high water! And I was just so set, didn't even occur to me to ask him actually! 8-| XD BUT with you guys, you NEED this answered, and IF this man you love doesn't want something that would complete you and fulfill your dreams then he isn't the one for you - no matter how hard that would be after ALL of this time - BUT there is NO future for you both! And it isn't fair for him to keep you hanging! Please let me know how you make out OK? Good luck honey!
hi eveyone wow this page really helped me
:-D im 27 this yr and am the eldest of 3 girls and desperately want a baby more than anything my partner and i have been together for 3 yrs in august we are very happy but when the kid convo comes up its like he switches off he has told me he would like to be married first and i have told him i dont want to have my first baby after 30 yrs old i dont know what he is waiting for really he never really said anything bout money just that he wasnt ready yet . :'( i have a sister who is 24 yrs old and so is her partner they are getting married in march this yr and she has fallen pregnant once already and unfortunantly miscarried 6 wks into it when i found out she was pregnant i cried i was happy for them but sad for me as i wanted to be the first so i could help my sisters threw it and mentor them when there time came so to speak but never mind it took her 8 months from being of the pill to fall im worried that it will take longer for me i have mentioned this to my partner but it doesnt seem to shift his mind all he says is well what if it doesnt and u fall pregnant straight away i said then it will be great he said nothing bk i even said u will not have to do anything i will look after the baby and u can live a normal life so to spreak he said it sounded selfish .....well excuse me but y the hell do we have to wait for them its our bodies that get all streched and ache and bloated and not to mention the pain we go threw to have them and we are prepared to do all that for them and its still not good enough im on the pill and have been for bout 14 yrs now thinking of just missing one to see what happens or just go off compleatly and not tell him what do i do some one help :-( :-( :-( :-(
:-D im 27 this yr and am the eldest of 3 girls and desperately want a baby more than anything my partner and i have been together for 3 yrs in august we are very happy but when the kid convo comes up its like he switches off he has told me he would like to be married first and i have told him i dont want to have my first baby after 30 yrs old i dont know what he is waiting for really he never really said anything bout money just that he wasnt ready yet . :'( i have a sister who is 24 yrs old and so is her partner they are getting married in march this yr and she has fallen pregnant once already and unfortunantly miscarried 6 wks into it when i found out she was pregnant i cried i was happy for them but sad for me as i wanted to be the first so i could help my sisters threw it and mentor them when there time came so to speak but never mind it took her 8 months from being of the pill to fall im worried that it will take longer for me i have mentioned this to my partner but it doesnt seem to shift his mind all he says is well what if it doesnt and u fall pregnant straight away i said then it will be great he said nothing bk i even said u will not have to do anything i will look after the baby and u can live a normal life so to spreak he said it sounded selfish .....well excuse me but y the hell do we have to wait for them its our bodies that get all streched and ache and bloated and not to mention the pain we go threw to have them and we are prepared to do all that for them and its still not good enough im on the pill and have been for bout 14 yrs now thinking of just missing one to see what happens or just go off compleatly and not tell him what do i do some one help :-( :-( :-( :-(
Hi honey! I am NOT of fan of continual pill usage! I believe that ALL women need a break from this - for their bodies to regulate themselves! What makes me laugh about your bf's statements is "I want us to be married first" Well "when is THAT going to happen exactly?" So you have been in a relationship for coming up 3 1/2 years and NO sign of marriage or even an engagement! I don't want to sound like I am beating down men, BUT some are just NEVER going to be ready for having children, and some just don't want them - there are women that also feel this way too of course! So now we need to find out if your bf is either of the 2! IF he will NEVER be ready - but totally ready for excuses, then it's time to evaulate the relationship! IF he doesn't want children then walk away honey!
For you own well being I would like you to go off the pill, and just say to him "I am going off the pill for a break - this isn't about having a baby, it is for me!" And just judge how he reacts! I think it's CRAZY for a woman to trick a man into being a father! I think if he's not ready he will NEVER be and to force the issue is asking for a whole bunch of trouble! So lay it on the line! You are 27 - which isn't old by any means - BUT if he has NO intentions of marrying you - which is his deal breaker - or having children then no matter how painful you HAVE to walk away! It is an awful predicament to be in or put in! BUT he is kind of dissing you - from what I see anyway - he's like "Well no I'm not giving you what you want till we get married, BUT I'm not ready to marry you either!" So it's like a double zinger! At 27 you have enough time to find someone with the same hopes and dreams and follow through with it!
I have been married over 22 years, but I am not a big advocate for marriage - I really don't see the reason for it actually! BUT my reasons for that are VERY long and varied! In fact I would love nothing more than to have my children at the wedding - I would have thought that was awesome! But that's me! And in my family you HAD to be married to have children - so that is why I said yes! Of course I love my husband, but it wasn't a deal breaker for me! I didn't dream of the big wedding etc. I just dreamed about having lots of babies - 7 in fact! And even though my husband was nervous - as we all are - he still knew that this was the most important thing to me and was also accepting of it and is a great dad!
So sit your BF down for "The Talk" and lay it on the line once and for all! And tell him this is a deal breaker and you don't need marriage - but you can't raise a baby like that either! IF he is going to be the father he needs to be the "Father" and take on his responsibilities too! IF he's selfish then so be it! A selfish - or I should say truthful - then a selfish person, can NOT be with an unselfish person! It will NEVER work!
For you own well being I would like you to go off the pill, and just say to him "I am going off the pill for a break - this isn't about having a baby, it is for me!" And just judge how he reacts! I think it's CRAZY for a woman to trick a man into being a father! I think if he's not ready he will NEVER be and to force the issue is asking for a whole bunch of trouble! So lay it on the line! You are 27 - which isn't old by any means - BUT if he has NO intentions of marrying you - which is his deal breaker - or having children then no matter how painful you HAVE to walk away! It is an awful predicament to be in or put in! BUT he is kind of dissing you - from what I see anyway - he's like "Well no I'm not giving you what you want till we get married, BUT I'm not ready to marry you either!" So it's like a double zinger! At 27 you have enough time to find someone with the same hopes and dreams and follow through with it!
I have been married over 22 years, but I am not a big advocate for marriage - I really don't see the reason for it actually! BUT my reasons for that are VERY long and varied! In fact I would love nothing more than to have my children at the wedding - I would have thought that was awesome! But that's me! And in my family you HAD to be married to have children - so that is why I said yes! Of course I love my husband, but it wasn't a deal breaker for me! I didn't dream of the big wedding etc. I just dreamed about having lots of babies - 7 in fact! And even though my husband was nervous - as we all are - he still knew that this was the most important thing to me and was also accepting of it and is a great dad!
So sit your BF down for "The Talk" and lay it on the line once and for all! And tell him this is a deal breaker and you don't need marriage - but you can't raise a baby like that either! IF he is going to be the father he needs to be the "Father" and take on his responsibilities too! IF he's selfish then so be it! A selfish - or I should say truthful - then a selfish person, can NOT be with an unselfish person! It will NEVER work!
Thank you everyone for your responses. I have had baby fever for alomost 3 years. I am 25 and married. I have been with my husband for over 5 years. For the last 5 months or so I have started feeling anger towards my husband because he says that he is not ready to have a baby yet. We both graduated from college and he has his masters, we have stable jobs and reliable income. He is almost 29 and I dont understand how he could not want a baby right now. He says he wants kids just not right now. I wish I could turn the switch off and stop feeling crazy about wanting a baby so badly. I find myself crying over it all the time. I thought there was something wrong with me until I found out that other women feel this way too. I know it makes me look crazy everytime I start crying when I think of babies. I cant even look on Facebook at some of my freinds profiles because I am so jealous. I see thier Baby Shower pics and thier bellies and then when the Baby Pics are posted I am just a mess. I always thought of myself as being a level headed woman, but now I am feel nuts. I wish I knew something that would help me through this difficult time. I did make an appointment today to meet with a Counselor to help me threw this. This feels like an emotional roller coaster and I feel like I am going through it alone. I dont want to make my husband feel bad, but I just cant talk to him about this anymore because I just get more and more hurt when I hear him say "Im just not ready"...AAHHHH those words feel like a knife going through my heart.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Hi honey! You need to read the last paragraph again! "I don't want to make my husband feel bad...." Meanwhile your heart is breaking and you are in a deep dark place BECAUSE of what your husband is doing! It takes 2 to make a marriage honey! And IF he knows that this is SO important to you, then he is NOT thinking the same about you (not hurting you) as you are thinking of him!
There are MILLIONS of women AND men who desperately want a baby, and their partner doesn't or is hesitant! So you need to sit your husband down and DEMAND a time! When your heart is aching for a baby and the other partner has always known this is how you feel! There is NO middle ground! You either have one or don't! You can't be in the middle and sort of have one - like half the week etc.
I always tell people to make sure that the BIGGEST decision of your lives - wether or not to be parents - should be made WELL before any marriage! Did you guys have the talk about children before? Have his answer about them changed? IF so he has done a deal breaker! and THAT is NOT FAIR! So demand to know where he stands with it! and tell him he is breaking your heart! Then you will truly hear what he is feeling! He might just be scared - which we ALL are (even when you have wanted children ALL of your life - like I did! so Sit and talk honey! And please let me know if there is anything I can help you with! BIG HUGS!
There are MILLIONS of women AND men who desperately want a baby, and their partner doesn't or is hesitant! So you need to sit your husband down and DEMAND a time! When your heart is aching for a baby and the other partner has always known this is how you feel! There is NO middle ground! You either have one or don't! You can't be in the middle and sort of have one - like half the week etc.
I always tell people to make sure that the BIGGEST decision of your lives - wether or not to be parents - should be made WELL before any marriage! Did you guys have the talk about children before? Have his answer about them changed? IF so he has done a deal breaker! and THAT is NOT FAIR! So demand to know where he stands with it! and tell him he is breaking your heart! Then you will truly hear what he is feeling! He might just be scared - which we ALL are (even when you have wanted children ALL of your life - like I did! so Sit and talk honey! And please let me know if there is anything I can help you with! BIG HUGS!
Thank you for the response. Yes, before the marriage we spoke about having children and he said that we wanted them and still wants some in the future. The timeframe has changed for me a bit more. I always wanted children but for the last months it was grown even more. This whole baby fever thing is real and I cant make it go away. Whenever I talk to him about wanting a baby now he says he feels for me but he is not ready and he doesnt want me pressuring him. To be completely honest I dont want to FORCE him to have a baby, I just want him to understand the joy that a baby can bring to our lives.
Yeah, I'm right there with all of you. I'm 25, my husband is 26, we've been married for 2 years and have been together for 4 1/2. So many of my friends my age have been having babies, and I feel like I'm surrounded by them. Every time one of them announces a pregnancy or posts their sonogram pictures online, I get sick to my stomach. I feel like I was born to be a mother. If I could go back and time and be a 50s wife I would (only in the housewife and mother aspect). My husband and I keep talking about having kids, and he wants to wait until he's in his PhD program. He's afraid that if we get pregnant now that he'll never get to go. But my heart aches when I think about waiting even longer. Sometimes to help me feel better I crochet and sew baby clothes and blankets. But it's just a reminder that I don't have a baby of my own yet. I want to cry whenever he looks and me and says, "Not yet". When will it be my turn?
I am so happy that I found all of you! My husband is away tonight, so guess what I'm doing? Looking at baby stuff online. I'm 23, my husband is 24 and we have been married for 2 1/2 years. We talked about kids before we were married and decided to have our first by the time I was 25. I would like to have it in January/February so that means that I would need to get pregnant in May/June, that's still a few months away but I have been preparing for it. I've already had a pre-conception checkup with my doctor, I'm on pre-natal vitamins, and I have even painted the nursery and started to aquire furniture. Yes I know it's silly because I'm not even pregnant yet! I think it's called nesting, lol!
I am a person who always has to have a plan and I think things through before I do anything. So my husband has seen this coming for quite some time. I'm sure you all know what has happened now. I overdid it and scared him. I'm so baby crazy that he can't take it anymore, he's not ready for a baby in the new year and wants to wait. I am set on Jan/Feb birth and I don't think that I can wait until next may to start! When I ask him why, he just says he's not ready and when I ask him when he thinks he'll be ready, he's says he doesn't know. Like someone posted before, I guess what I want out of him is a plan. I can't go through life without a plan, not knowing what's going to happen next. It sounds silly but that's who I am and he knew that when he married me. I have pictured him many times holding a little baby in his arms, or walking down the street with our child on his shoulders *sigh*. So I decided to see if I could pull at his heartstrings a little. Last night we were talking and I said to him haven't you pictured me carrying your child? Pictured spending 9 months watching your son/daughter grow inside me. Pictured me with a beautiful baby in my arms? He turns to me and says, No I have never pictured you carrying my child. My heart shattered when those words came out of his mouth. It may not seem like a big deal, but those words crushed me. He married me but he didn't picture me having his children? Is he ever going to want kids?
Everywhere I go I am surrounded by babies and pregnant women, it's killing me. He has no idea what I am going through day by day. Every morning when I take that stupid pre-natal vitamin it reminds me that I'm not pregnant yet, every day. But I want him to want it too. I want him to get excited when I tell him I'm pregnant not scared. I want him enjoy watching me change in my pregnancy not fear whats going to happen in 9 months. I want him to be in awe of the fact that we created life, not cursing a broken condom! (or something like that) I don't know if he'll ever get there and that scares me. How can someone change so much in a few years? He was happy with our time line and now that the time is up, he has backed out. I can't just back out our marriage because he now doesn't want kids, I'm trapped. I'm stuck with his time line now, whatever that may be ...
I am a person who always has to have a plan and I think things through before I do anything. So my husband has seen this coming for quite some time. I'm sure you all know what has happened now. I overdid it and scared him. I'm so baby crazy that he can't take it anymore, he's not ready for a baby in the new year and wants to wait. I am set on Jan/Feb birth and I don't think that I can wait until next may to start! When I ask him why, he just says he's not ready and when I ask him when he thinks he'll be ready, he's says he doesn't know. Like someone posted before, I guess what I want out of him is a plan. I can't go through life without a plan, not knowing what's going to happen next. It sounds silly but that's who I am and he knew that when he married me. I have pictured him many times holding a little baby in his arms, or walking down the street with our child on his shoulders *sigh*. So I decided to see if I could pull at his heartstrings a little. Last night we were talking and I said to him haven't you pictured me carrying your child? Pictured spending 9 months watching your son/daughter grow inside me. Pictured me with a beautiful baby in my arms? He turns to me and says, No I have never pictured you carrying my child. My heart shattered when those words came out of his mouth. It may not seem like a big deal, but those words crushed me. He married me but he didn't picture me having his children? Is he ever going to want kids?
Everywhere I go I am surrounded by babies and pregnant women, it's killing me. He has no idea what I am going through day by day. Every morning when I take that stupid pre-natal vitamin it reminds me that I'm not pregnant yet, every day. But I want him to want it too. I want him to get excited when I tell him I'm pregnant not scared. I want him enjoy watching me change in my pregnancy not fear whats going to happen in 9 months. I want him to be in awe of the fact that we created life, not cursing a broken condom! (or something like that) I don't know if he'll ever get there and that scares me. How can someone change so much in a few years? He was happy with our time line and now that the time is up, he has backed out. I can't just back out our marriage because he now doesn't want kids, I'm trapped. I'm stuck with his time line now, whatever that may be ...
Why is it that so many of us feel so alone in this when clearly that's not the case! I am 22 and my husband is 32 we have been together for a little over 4 years married for 2. We've always talked about having kids, I was honest with him from day one about my desire to have a family and he agreed! Though these days I seem to get mixed signals from him. One day he'll talk about "when we have kids" and the next he's finding excuses as to why we shouldn't! I have been very accomodating thus far as to his excuses and have discussed ideas with him as to how to rectify the issues but there's always something stopping him putting these ideas into action. I just don't feel as though he is even trying. I brought this up with him last night and I got more excuses.
The last week I've been wanting to talk to him about going off birth control but I always seem to stop myself even when the perfect situation arose in our conversation last night. I'm not sure what's stopping me .... maybe I'm scared of him rejecting my idea although I feel as if I have justifiable reasoning! Sometimes I feel as though I'm being selfish but I how can I just pretend I don't feel this way.
The last week I've been wanting to talk to him about going off birth control but I always seem to stop myself even when the perfect situation arose in our conversation last night. I'm not sure what's stopping me .... maybe I'm scared of him rejecting my idea although I feel as if I have justifiable reasoning! Sometimes I feel as though I'm being selfish but I how can I just pretend I don't feel this way.
I wrote the previous post and I wanted to update you on what's happened! Last night my husband brought up the subject himself and admitted that he's been putting it off due to being afraid! I assured him that I too had worries but together we'd be able to overcome any obstacle! We have decided that at the end of this cycle I will go off my birth control!
The reason I wanted to let you all know is to show that there is hope! I wish you all the very best!
The reason I wanted to let you all know is to show that there is hope! I wish you all the very best!