How do I deal with widower's adult children?

you do sound like a hard person, though. Go make yourself happy. Leave your dad alone.

Hi not knowing yr name I really feel for you because after being through very similar I finally had the guts to finish with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. I had his children on the phone every eve about 7oc when we're trying to make a meal & I would say call back in half n hour and that wud be unacceptable cos now is only fine. he He took their side so he need to go admiister to them. They r all over 23 yrs of age !

I am in the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year now. I truly didn't think I could find this much happiness at my age. He feels the same way. We both lost over spouses in 2013. My son is so happy for us and loves our company. His oldest daughter is great to me and encourages her daddy to be happy and for us to get married. The youngest daughter, who is fixing to be 32, is a different story. She didn't want to meet me in the beginning cause she only wanted to meet someone he was serious about. Well we finally met and i thought things was going okay. Next thing i know she called her daddy and starts fussing about our relationship and says it is putting to much stress on her. REALLY?????? We don't see here very often cause she always has excuses about her job and/or husband! She is seeking help, I just don't know if it is going to do any good. She is bossy and wants to run her daddys life, but he says she isn't going to run his life. So I guess I will have to wait and see what happens. I know I don't want drama and stress in my life. I just want to be happy.

It's interesting for those who have never experienced the rejection of children in a new relationship to judge those facing the pain of rejection. When I became engaged to a widow of four years; her adult married children refused to speak or be in the same room with me; they refused to set down and talk about their issues with me. People find it hard to believe this! This woman would often looked into my eyes expressing her happiness for our relationship; sacrificed what we had because of the fear of dividing her family. She stopped wearing her engagement ring because she told her children she had ended the engagement; she didn't tell me she had ended it because of her fearing she would loose me. Fear destroys realtionships. We saw each other off and on for three years her children would still never agree to meet and talk. Children don't understand the pain of a single parent attending a social event where couples are present; knowing they will be leaving the event alone to return to the lonliness of a empty house. They don't realize the pain they are causing by taking hope of a new relationship from their parent. They often have spouces to share their life with; they forget their parent didn't interfear with their decision of who to marry. How do you resolve issues when there is no communication ?

it IS horrible seeing her use and take dad's things. Shut off his cell phone so i cannot call him. Disconnect the house phone, so that in order to talk to him, I must go through her...and she only picks it up when she wants him to talk to me. She went through some of mom's things and kept what she wanted and then offered the other things to us. She is also a one-upper. It is painful and hurtful that we cannot have him alone EVER. He will not allow it. SHE must be there. It is very very hard.

I agree with 100%

My husband died of cancer when I was 69 years old. I am now close to 80 years old. I met an older man whose wife had also died of cancer while we both grieving and arranging their funerals. A few months later, we fell in love and we married. Then, all hell broke loose! His adult children vowed that I would NEVER take their mother's place (I never wanted to) and I would NEVER keep ANYTHING that belonged to their mother! (I did not want their mother's things). Due to finances, we had to move into the house in which their mother had once lived with their Dad. That was ten years ago. Since I married their father, they have put me through hell. They have walked into our home literally hauling away EVERYTHING they deemed belonged to their mother when she was alive. He told me that he wants everyone to get along and has not prevented them from taking what they want. i told them that if there was anything of their mother's they wanted, they could have it. ( I did not want her things anyway). But, during our ten years of marriage, it has not stopped. They continue to take things (steal) from our home. They have literally stripped valuable paintings from our walls, furniture that they say was their mother's (though their Dad was still alive and still using it). He gave them a copy of the keys to our home because they told him they needed the keys in case they had to check on things when we were away on vacation, etc. They come and go as they please as if they owned the house too! My attorney said that I was now co-owner of the house, but they refuse to accept that. My husband allowed his adult son to take his car away from him because he said his son needed it for school. Thank God I kept my car or we would have had no way to get to the doctor, etc. My husband thought that allowing them to take these things would cement his relationship with them and perhaps they would be more accepting of me, but I think he was enabling them. They show no respect or love for their Dad and certainly none for me! They never acknowledged me as their Dad's wife. I am ignored or emotionally mistreated and left out of their family functions. They come to the house, pick their Dad up to take him out to dinner, etc., and leave me sitting alone at home wondering where my husband is, what they are saying or doing to him and when will he be back home. I often wondered if they would even bring him back home at all. I have tried to be congenial and get along with them, but they will not allow it. After ten years of marriage, they are still stealing from us. Some things they have taken, belonged to my ex-husband and me prior to my marriage to their father. Some things belonged to me before I even met their father. I really have tried to overlook all the hate and all the stealing, but they will not let up. Their Dad recently died, mostly because of a broken heart. It killed him to know that his adult children truly did not love him or accept me. It, literally, killed him to realize that they only cared about the material things he owned and for his bank account. He had heart failure, but he just gave up fighting to live because of them. He died from a broken heart! Now, I am left wondering what will happen to me? Will they try to kick me out of my home? Will they try to steal even more from me? My attorney says they cannot legally take anything out of my house unless I allow it. I keep thinking if I let them have what they want, then maybe we can get along, but it is not working. I, soon, will have no place to live if things continue as they have for the past ten years! I am so miserable and so disappointed that we could not get along. I am getting too old to continue to fight them, but I don't believe they should be allowed to run over me and steal from me! What do you think I should I do?

I only question the validity of your post because it is so incredibly horrible. Do you have anyone you can turn to? A family member, trusted friend, a religious leader, a doctor? You need someone. The response you're getting from your attorney is questionable. Have you told him the entire story? If these offspring are STEALING items that legally have been yours & your 1st husband, that is a crime. You need to immediately get a restraining order against your late husbands children. Change the locks. it is obvious that these people do not have your best interests at heart, as a matter of fact, they sound malicious at best. Make sure your attorney has settled your late husbands estate correctly. All legal documents should show your name as owner/ survivor, unless your late husband left his children as beneficiaries. Your late husband did you no service. It was his job to discipline & manage his children. When he married you, he committed to taking care of you first. That didn't happen. Losing a parent is very difficult, watching that parent marry and take a new partner is difficult. If a child truly loves their surviving parent, they help that parent to protect themselves legally/ financially then support his/her happiness and movement to a new stage in life. I understand the pain shown through these posts but what I find interesting is that most do not place the blame where it truly lies - with their partner! Children, especially Adult children, are only behaving the way they have been allowed to behave.

Well said by a man with a backbone. A manly man! kudos to you sir.

OMG!! SELFISHNESS is not pretty! I have had numerous losses as has my new husband. Does that require more punishments to try to be happy again. I waited 16 years thinking I didn't deserve happiness as my X liked younger women, really! i don't want to estrange any daughter from her father, when I met him I didn't ever know her and didn't fall in love with her, it wasn't about HER!!! It was about two adults trying to find love again! I don't want anything from the past to enter my future, what's so wrong with that? Pre-nups, if this all about inheritance? I you have no love for you father...This is our life now not the childrens, they are adults and married with their own families! Grow up! Men don't want to lose their daughters love but its a different love, lets not be sick about it. Let people live their lives and put the dead to rest....memories live on...I don't mean to sound cold but I am feeling defeated by a grown child who refuses to do that!

HI, no blame just a reaction from indifference, rejection and disclussion from who is supposed to be a adult!

Wonderfully stated. When my husband died, after I was married to him for 25 years, his youngest daughter made sure everyone knew that I, the interloper, deserved nothing that he had built, despite the fact that when I married him he had nothing. I nursed him in his illness, she was nowhere to be seen. I loved him and I miss him.

Well "inheritance" is mentioned so much. You don't seem to care about anything else but the "money ". Now if your mother left it to your dad she had her reasons. Because if she wanted she could had divided everything and left you something. Another thing is that it's not about the adult kids you have your life live it. You have no say if curtain should or not be changed. I can see you are a controlling STEPDAUGHTER. Before judging or insulting ask your father what he wants and respect it! If you don't give respect how do you request it. Just because your mother died that doesn't make you boss. You are very rude and empty

Iv been in a relationship with a lovely widower who's wife died 10 years ago. Some of his family are really lovely and happy for us but his mother caused quite a bit of trouble with his youngest step daughter & it's all been blown out of proportion. Iv been nothing but kind to these two adult women plus his other step daughter but Iv been made to look nasty & a trouble causer. Also I don't get why people feel they can go on & on about how wonderful his dead wife was in my presence. I did used to tolerate it & thought it was a passing phase - now I think it is just rude. I'd never dream of doing this to someone in my company. The situation is now that his two step daughters won't speak to him or me. They forget how he used to work long hours to feed & clothe them & brought them up as his own. I think all three of them would have preferred for him to have lived a sad, lonely life How bloody selfish. Oh & before the brats start responding re money - it's me who has the money, not him.

I am engaged to be married this coming August 17, to a widower. I am having issues with his 2 adult daughters. I have 3 adult daughters of my own and they have been very supportive. His two daughters have him on a guilt trip. Yesterday we had a major argument and I basically called off the wedding! This argument involved one of his daughters. My fiancee and I are so much in love and have been together almost 6 years. We bought a home together. I get that they could be upset that he is with someone and getting married! I have always been sensitive to this for them. I just want to know that why is it that adult children think they have the right to come between two people that are in love and want to be together! My response to children of deceased parents you have no rights to interfere in lives fo adult parents. Whether you lose a mother or a father, that does not mean that you have the right to control either parent's life after a loss. Get on with your own life and leaves the widow or widower alone! Stop making widows or widowers feel guilty. The person that passed away did not own the person that she or he was married to! Till death do you part - its not if you marry me and I pass away first you have no rights to enjoy life with another spouse!