Mothers who leave their children

I am 25 years old. My daughter is 6. I have lost my job, my car, pretty much everything. I cannot afford to keep my daughter. I am struggling to find a new job, but the economy is difficult right now. I am fighting in court with my daughters father for child support. He refuses to help pay for my daughter expenses. To this day, he is not required to pay support, after 6 months of court. I had to leave my daughter with her father 80% because I cannot afford to keep her. I have panic attacks, I feel like a horrible mother. I have no family to help me. I am alone. I love my daughter with all my heart and sould. I see her every other weekend. I miss her so much. Does this make me a bad mother for leaving her with her father? She cries when I see her, she begs to stay with me. But I know she can't. I cannot afford to feed or clothe her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I have have hard time understanding why your childs dad is not required to pay child support. Where is the child legally supposed to reside? If it is with you, he must pay, if it is with him, you must pay. But if you have proved a hardship with the court and the child is with her dad most of the time, he doesn't have to pay. I went thru the same thing many years ago. I had no job, no car, no place to live and had to stay with my parents. The kids were very small and my folks claimed they drove them nuts, so they went to stay with their dad. My ex turned into a monster and he wouldn't even let me see them, at all. I was having this hugh pity party for myself, and feeling sorry for myslef all the time. I would walk to where my kids were living and stand underneath their bedroom window to talk to them, we would whisper "i love you" back and forth to each other. Their father heard it and took them out of the window and slammed it. He rushed outside and told me to stay away from the kids as i was basically a useless piece of s**t. Because my self esteem was in the trash, i never persued this thru the court. All of a sudden one morning i woke up and it was like a lightening bolt out of the sky. What the hell was i doing? This strong willed women, with nerves of steel, has turned into a pile of blathering bs. No way was this going to continue. I searched out every temp agency for work. I had two jobs going at the same time. I was able to get my car back on the road, after catching rides with my new found co workers. If i couldn't grab a ride with them, i would take the bus. I was now able to demand to see my kids. I looked my ex in the face and made demands, and he complied. He knew i was no longer a sniveling, weak blob of nothing. Now he saw the women he knew from before, a women who took no shit from anyone. I found an apartment and my kids came home. He tried to take me to court but after his lawyer talking to my lawyer, he all of a sudden changed his mind. Listen, there is no reason for you to be in the boat that you are in. You have two good legs and two good hands and a brain that works. Get into your paper and look for a temp agency that will put you to work. Once you get going, you will get the back bone again. Don't whine like i did. The thought of that little girl being without you should motivate you to get up and get going. She needs her mommy and not just on every other weekend. Show her dad that you are strong. Stop licking your wounds and doing the poor me thing, that is what i did. We are women and we are strong. Start by picking up the phone and calling around for jobs, don't use the economy as an excuse, you can pump gas for crying out loud.

I live with a mom who has left 4 kids ages 4-12 due to an abusive marriage, the pain that she is in is killing me because I love her so much, this should be in jail for the thing s he's done to her & she is not going back to him, but he has the kids because of money issues, she's just a mom, & a housewife, & he wants her to come back, dump me, her new parner, & he says he will give her anything she wants, the guilt is killing her due to the father's piosoning the kids , they call her a whor, slut just to name a few , but if she comes home all will be well, who can help her to see she did the right thing & that she just needs to stick to her guns?

I am seriously considering leaving my children. MY oldest 15 is failing the 10th grade, he won't listen to me at all!!!!!!!! The youngest does the same. Our apartment is a mess. I clean several hours a day, but when I at work they make huge messes. Their father refuses to help. He says they are my responsibility!

I am a mother considering to leave her two boys, age 7 and 10 years. I have always been a very devoted mother to my two boys. We have a tight relationship and I finally left an abusive relationship about 4 years ago. He never hit me yet, but it was about time to leave and gain a perspective from the outside. Since then the father did not stop nor change. We have to share custody in Ontario, Canada which leaves him enough room to manipulate the children emotionally, psychologically and financially and I know, as long as I will have THIS relationship with my children he will not stop, this will never come to an end. It is about my elimination and I wonder, what is better for the children, having to endure and grow up with the abuse and the mother having no choice but to survive or the children witnessing a mother who is strong enough to stop the abuse and leave entirely? Believe me, it's the most painful experience a mother can be confronted with and I am not mentally instable, although this is what he would like for others to see, nor am I bi-bolar. I don't even know yet how it be will living with that reality not having my children in my live. All I know right now is, living on basic human survival skills as I read others have experienced too, no one deserves to. I am not planning on abandoning my children, that is the picture the father will paint for me. But the pain he is so oblivious of due to his lack of ability to feel for others, which is only one side of an abuser you will learn quite early, the disrespect for any attachment children/people do have, that HE will never understand since we all know, you can never change a person. I know my children will be hurt if they wouldn't understand but somehow I agree, the children know and see more than we give them credit for. My 10 year old is already developing survival skills that he learns from me, but I am tired and don't deserve this and neither to they. I am thinking, if I leave them with him, they will be less burdened with the pain they have to witness. Is it selfish? It looks that way. I won't allow for the father to kill three spirits at the same time. He will never win. Whatever I will do, it will never please him so I will have to seek my own little safe island and teach the boys my message from another angle - if they want to. It hurts but with what kind of pain can one live better and send a message as strong. That really always depends on the individual story and any abused person will understand for those who haven't been abused or haven't dealt with the abusive part yet, waking up to that realization is something you can only face yourself. Never judge what you see from the outside or what someone might make visible to you - always question intentions. Some of them are good, some of them are negative. But the healthy human being is not driven on negative intentions. But know for sure, there is always a story behind each face you will meet. :-(

Sorry kiddo. My wife left me and our kids, 5 times. The 5th time, I told her she needed to get counseling and medication as there was(I believed) something mentally wrong with her, before she could come back. I did many years of research, and found many causes that it could be. I have custody of our kids, and won it by myself with no money and no lawyer.Have since met many men in the same spot as I. 1 was due to crack, another was sadder than mine believe it or not. His old lady left him and their 4yr old son....He finds out, it took 10yrs for the doctors to get the right combination of drugs to "fix" her bipolar disorder, and she came back guilt ridden and begging on her hands n knees...Unfortunalty the damage that she did to both her husband and their son was too much and it was far too late. I would say your feelings are normal and healthy! Don't ever be afraid to express them in a healthy manner such as this, or verbally. But by the same token, hang in there :) As sad as this make sound, hopefully your mother has a mental disorder than can be cured or "fixed"...I say hopefully, because although it isn't an excuse, it would be a reason. In my opinion you cannot hold mental disorders against people. Try to have faith, and keep thinking better thoughts. Bro, give her a chance if she attempts contact, you never know! Forgiving lightly is always easy, forgiving those that hurt us to the core of who we are, is the toughest. I do not hate my ex-wife, nor do I speak ill of her to our children. There was even a time when she was in one of her rants that she looked at our oldest son (he was 8 at the time) and said "I am not your mommy anymore"....Do I think that was evil? Hell yes I do. Do I think she has mental problems? Obviously. But I would never abuse my custodialship degrading her with or without problems, she *IS* their mother and their blood. To do so, would spit on them as well as myself.By the same token, spitting on your mother before you know the full story, would not only disrespect her but yourself as well. I hope all works out for you bro, God Bless.

My husband has had full custody (not state ordered) since my oldest daughter was 2 years old. He had her off and on before then. Her natural mother is not on drugs, and is not abusing alcohol. Her mother use to not call at all, and as soon as I came into the picture 5 years ago, she has been relentless with phone calls, empty promises and a slew of other unhealthy lies and rhetoric. She is more worried about me being called mommie than she is about the well being of her own daughter. 5 kids and they all live with their fathers. My daughter was given away for adoption and as a game, bio mom called my husband while he was stationed in Korea and told him she was giving the baby away. Thank god his mom got their in time, and the army gave him three days leave. This same game has been repeated with all of the kids...sadly the last child's father is still looking for his daughter. He has no legal rights since it has been five years. On top of this my mother in law feels this woman should be allowed to bounce in and out since she is her bio-mom and deems it her christian duty to allow a liar, and self-serving woman use her grandchild. My daughter is 13, very child-like, and has emotional issues because of this. Everyone (but hubby) thinks that her silence or refusal to speak on it means she is fine. Her mom thinks because they have been having pleasant 2 second conversations that we don't know what we are talking about when we ask her to be consistent and not lie to our daughter. I am at my wits end.

I AM a mother who left her children. Boys of 4yrs 10 months and 7yrs 4 months. They are now 15 and 18. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make and neither option was a good one. I split from the boys father a year prior to my leaving as the relationship was falling apart. I had never intended to get married and have children with this man (boy) but I was pregnant with my first at 20, just as I was geting over him damn it (a last goodbye as it were). I had quite some issues back then and still do and had clearly made a huge mistake falling for this boy whilst I was at college but what can you do. We all think we are so grown up at 20 don't we - we have no idea how little we know. I was living in a nurses homw at the time studying to be a nurse, I thought I could do it all alone. And then teh depression kicked in - the sort of depression that is physically painful. I got lower and lower. The night our son was born he was in teh pub with his girlfriend, he was told but he didn't really give a crap. Anyway long story short I realised the sort of man I wanted was never going to want me again so after a couple of months I let him back in our life. When our eldest son was nearly two I had had enough and I made him move out. He cried he got drunk he turned up on the doorstep begging and I looked in the mirror - saw what I had become and figured no-one else would want me. he got me pregnant again that night. I hated him so much. He spent all the money, the bills went unpaid, we had to move in with his parents (2 children and the two of us). A year later his boss gave us the money for a deposit on a house (another thorn in my side but thats another story) and we moved away. The relationship hit bottom and we sold up and moved back to our home town. After another year I realise he had started seeing his girlfriend again (we were married by now - yet another long story with a lot of thought behind it), he would spend nights out drinking he would laugh at me if I tried to talk about it, the whole thing became very painful for the children - and my depression got worse. A year after we broke up he still wouldn't move out and I was still being the housewife while he went out every night with his girlfriend. He made a lot of threats that I could quite see him carrying out and I started to break down. And here was my most valid reasoning (there are far too many to go into here). IF I LEFT I WOULD MAKE SURE I MAINTAINED CONTACT. If he left after a year it would be unlikely they would see very much of him at all. And I did. When I first left I was there every morning at breakfast to get them up and ready for school and drop them at school, I collected them from there nan's after work and took them home and cooked EVERYONE tea, bathed my boys and put them to bed and read them a story and sung to them. Their father moved his girlfriend in the same day I moved out. Then he got rid of her and got another girlfriend who tried to get rid of me. It has been so hard - the last 10 years have been an unbearable burden. If I had only had some support I could maybe of kept them with me but I didn't and I would never have been able to cope - I was having a bloody breakdown for heavens sake. I spent years crying myself to sleep. On the other hand I made friends and improved my life and everythign I did I thought how it would affect my children. I thought very long and very hard and weighed everything up and thought about it some more. Do nothing unless you are prepared to live with the guilt - either way it will be difficult and noone should jusdge you - least of all yourself - if you consider it the best option. My children are happy and healthy and have always had their own roosm in my homes no matter how far away their father moves them from me. I used to drive 950 miles every weekend to have my children with me for a while (weekends mainly) I am in constant contact with their schools I know who their friends are. I did the best I can - but I will always be left wondering if I could have done / could do, better. Their father is still a pr*ck

My mother left me and my 3 siblings when I was nine. She said she was going on holiday and never discussed it with any of us, and never came back. She was always cold and sometimes violent towards my sister (the eldest), but the boys seem to forgive her more easily than the girls. I can't understand how she could just leave without telling us. She went and lived with another man who she is still with many, many years later. However, they often fought it seems, and she would leave him. Once she came back to our home when I was about 14 and attempted suicide. We had had no contact at all in the intervening years. I found out that she left a note claiming my father had abused me and that's why she wanted to leave and kill herself. This is absolutely not true and had this note been found by the authorities all the children would be in care and my father tried for something that was a figment of her wicked and cruel imagination. I am now in my late 40s and have never had children because I was terrified that I might leave them too. I have no relationship (except with my gorgeous dog and thankfully lots of great friends!) and I am always told I have to forgive her, but I hate her and recently I asked (via my brother) for her to give an explanation, but she refuses to talk about the past. Any suggestions for me and how to get over my fear of abandonment and try and make a life without this hatred?

My mother left just recently. I'm 15. Were in the process of divorce. I say were because she left me and my dad. I have no contact with her. She refusees to take ANY calls from anyone. We tried visiting her they closed the doors. She never talked to ever since she left a month ago. I'm scared that she might charge my dad for verbal abuse which she claims for when I know for a fact she was the perpatrator. I'm filled with more anger then sadness when I see my Dad in pain like this when I know for a fact he did nothing wrong. She's also disabled and I wonder when her condition worsens who she expects to take care of her? Me of course. I question if I could even do that. She LEFT. And for reasons which are all false. I keep thinking of when that day comes I'll do it because it's my responsibility not of love something she failed to do.

I am not well. I desperately want to leave my family. My husband is good and my children are 5 and 8. My five year old boy and I have a good relationship. My eight year old girl and I have a nightmare relationship. We are all in therapy but I don't think I am capable of being in a normal relationship with others. I'm messed up.

Im a Father of 7,6 whom i had with my current Ex who just lost the plot recently she left me and the kids for a work colleage its been 5mths since she left she doesnt see the kids or make any effort to contact them i just found out too shes expecting another child to her current fling i thought she must have Bipolar or other mental illness things are tough on my side but all is getting back on track if anything i feel more sorry for my two youngest girls miss2 and miss5 the rest seem to accept our current situation i miss her heaps and find myself cursing her whenever im feeling the pressure of Family life bringing me down i dont understand why this is happending but its hard when a mother is so self centered and deluded as she is,i still wish her the best for the future and hope she finds what shes looking for but i firmly believe shes chasing rainbows so to speak,Moving on is Key and thats all one can do as a standstill would drive one over the edge and damn its a long way to drop huh??

I am a divorced mother of three (10,8,3). I tried taking care of them on my own and did alright for six months but their father hardly pays any child support (less than 400 mo.) and trying to pay rent, groceries, and daily expenses was very straining on me. I began to think I was going to have to give them back to their father who is horribly abusive towards me and very controlling to the children. I met a man online who is a very sweet and loving man who has a daughter from a previous marriage. We met and married very shortly after talking for the first time. He was my knight in shining armor, someone who could take care of me and the kids so I wouldn't have to give them up. But I realize I don't truly love him and am contemplating leaving the children with their bio father and leaving to go back home to my homestate. I am not emotionally stable. I found out I am pregnant and would have an abortion if I leave. I can't seem to rid myself of these thoughts. I love my kids so much, but I don't know if I can keep living a lie and if I can't stay married to this man, I don't think I can support the kids. I am not sleeping well and am frustrated and picking fights with my current husband. Just don't know what to do. There is a history of mental illness in the women in my family. But we also have a history of sh*ty mothers in our family too. I just dont want to resent my kids for feeling like I had to be trapped in a relationship to be with them. I am so lost. Have thought about suicide, but know that isn't the answer. I have no friends to turn to.

I had a childhood with both of my parents @ home. My father was abusive and my mother meek. I struggled early in life with sexual abuse, rape, and drugs, so did both of my brothers. We are all messed up adults. I suppose it could have been worse. I moved out when I was 17 and my mother left the very next day. I was so angry that she wouldn't do it sooner. He was a horrid father and husband. I have not spoken to him in nearly 12 years, we live 5 miles apart. They had a devastating marriage. I moved in with my boyfriend's (now husband's) grandparents. I was working 40+ hours a week and attending university at night. I was stressed a lot of the time...my solution then...run and run fast. I decided I was moving overseas and I applied for university in the UK and moved within 6 months. I stayed for one year...I have always been impulsive. I have a good husband...which makes it hard to look at what I am doing to him. Makes it harder to look at myself. I have been married for 9 years and have two beautiful children. We are both academics...he's a University Professor and I am a Reference Librarian. I always assumed that being at least half way intelligent would save me from myself...that I could out think my issues...or ignore them so it seemed. I am bipolar/rapid cycler. I have a hard time every day! I tried the medications...I tried the therapy (waste of our time). I have been hospitalized several times. I have high high and low lows...unlike some bipolar individuals I go through this several times a year. I medicate with cannabis at times, and it helps stabilize my mood...though I know most will frown upon it. This is a horrid place to find oneself...I don't want to hurt my children...I don't want to hurt my family...nor my husband. But feel pulled to leave because I can't pretend anymore...I can't be the mom...wife...daughter...sister. I can only be me...I can only take care of me (barely)... For months I have had the wanting need to run to hide to protect my children from the damage that I feel I cause them in life. I actually bought a plane ticket to Scotland, had passport in hand and had contacted a friend who stated I could crash at his place in Scotland. I just hurt...to my soul...the rapid thoughts drive me mad...I didn't eat or sleep for eight days (and I didn't notice, scary thing was no one else did either). I was up at 2am scrubbing my kitchen floor with a toothbrush. I lost 40 lbs in less than 3 months. I can't do this to my children...I feel that urge to run...to hide...to protect others from myself...to end the pain...to leave. The meds they want me to take...well I can't think clearly...leave me empty and numb..I feel dumb...and I sleep all the time. One can't hold a job under such conditions. I can't take any more medical leave because I know I will lose my job if I do. I am falling out of love with my husband...he treats me like a child...and he and my mother basically care for my two children. I still have the plane ticket...kept it and it is open dated for one year...My brother burnt my passport...I am now getting another. It's like I can't stop myself. I cry behind closed doors and display a plastic smile for the world to see. I had an affair...with a life long friend of mine. I even told my husband...he forgave me...stating that I have no control over myself at times! HELP ME! I don't want to leave my children I want them...I love them...I just know that I am of no use to them. I hurt them when I lock myself in the bedroom and refuse to come out. I hurt them when I can't bring myself to even go to a department store to shop or even Wal-Mart. I fear large groups of people and I don't want my children to grow up being repeatedly hurt by me...like I hurt my husband and mother and brothers. I don't want them going up exposed to "this thing" I have become over the years. My mother now lives with me...and my family. She has taken on the role of care giver for my babies who are 7 and 3. What does one do...how do I make it stop. I want out...I want to hide...I can't do this...I feel weak and afraid. I don't want to be in another hospital...I don't to be held down and forced to take medication that will turn me into a zombie...it's no better than how I am now. The highs of bipolar a good...the lows make the world a dark and scary place for me. I have tried all these medications...everything from Lithium to Seroquel they are all evil drugs...maybe they help some...but not me. Nothing has helped me...and I fear nothing will, I have no comfort...I have no release from this hell. Bipolar/Rapid Cycler...in need of escape...but afraid to leave my children....will they be better off without me? Will they hate me? Will they forgive me? Would I forgive myself? Can my mental illness hurt them more than my absence? I am kn33d33p in trouble.

My father left me when I was only a few months old. I wouldn't recognize him if I passed him on the street. My mother left me when I was 9 and from there my Grandparents raised me. Believe me when I say I know your anger and that I am sorry you and many others have to go through things like this. Personally, I find ANYONE, including my "parents", that just up and leaves their own children disgusting. Yes, that's the NICE version of what I think. Best wishes to you all!