Mothers who leave their children

Animals, including humans, leave their offspring when they can't care for them. Well-documented. Hope that helps.

My mother left me and my dad for another man when I was 3, (I'm now 17) and its been a huge part of who I am ever since. Since she is an alcoholic, I realise that my childhood could have been far more destructive had she been around, but believe me when I say that the logical advantages of her absence rarely feel like they outweigh the emotional hole left. I just cant understand how or why she would leave me, even with the facts and so on explained to me. I spent most of my early childhood being raised in almost equal parts by my father, my aunt (his sister) and a part time child minder. My dad had to work 18 hour shifts to provide for the both of us, (since my mother has paid the grand sum of £250 child support my entire life) but as a result I am closer to my dad than anyone else in the world, which I am hugely grateful for. He is now happily married to my stepmum of nearly 10 years, and I have 3 wonderful half-siblings(if far younger than me at 10, 8 and 1 years old). I last saw my mother very briefly on Christmas Eve just gone, but before that I hadnt seen her for nearly 3 years. The part that most upsets me, is the unwillingness of anyone aside from my paternal grandma to talk about her. I've gleaned bits and peices of information over the years, always casually slipped into conversation like I'm not supposed to be surprised, for example I only learned about my mum's multiple affair and alcoholism this year, just dropped into a conversation. I understand that my dad was completely destroyed when my mother left, but all throughout my childhood there has been a lack of communication (and nearly no photos of me before the age of 4) about the subject has caused problems (even making me ill) that have several times resulted in my parents (particularly my stepmother, who I rub well enough along with, but weve grown apart in recent years) suggesting I talk to someone profesionally, when all I want to do is be able to talk to my parents honestly. Both the abandonment and the communication problems with my parents have lead to communication and trust issues with others, but I also feel like the whole thing has shaped who I am as a person, hopefully for the better. To anyone else in the same boat; It's not your fault. I know you've probably been told this so many times that its meaningless, but it doesnt make it any less true. Also, dont use your mother as an excuse or a reason for problems and issues that might happen during your life. Instead you can choose to see it as part of your history, and as a motivation to be a better parent to any children you might have.

I find my self among those who question motherhood. Please dont think wrong of me. Im raising my two kids adn i never plan to leave them. For me it started when i made the mistake of cheating and got pregnant. My husband found out and put me through so much mental, emotional adn physical abuse that it messed me up into thinking i didnt want my daughter. He finally accepted the pregnancy weeks before she was due. When i gave birth i didnt know if i wanted to love her or even keep her. I kept her and delt with more abuse from him. A month half hafter giving birth i got pregnant again this time it was his. Now he deployed to iraq when my girl was 4 months old. I delt with moving to txas while he was gone. He called me everyday and all through the night, we argued alot which made my 2nd pregnancy even more stressful. If i want home i would get hateful messages on the machine from him. when i had our son he change, started being nicer to me, but his parents accused me of beating my kids. my daughter was learning to crawl n throw and bruises easy like me. son was colic, daughter changed sleeping habits, husnand called at 12 am or later so i never slept more than 2 hours. when my kids did go to grandparnets house i never called to check up, i was so tired from dealing with on going stress and depression i didnt care. i knew they were safe so i never worried. 6 months after he was born, hubby came back from iraq and i moved back to kansas with help from family. during the ceramony for them coming back, i locked the keys in th car and left it running. he was upset about it. a few months of bliss, no fighting we are great. My daughter bites me and i give a harmless pop on the mouth and he see's it. the abuse starts all over again. Now a year later we are barely getting back on track kids now 2&3. he deploys again to iraq. was seen for mild bipolar several months back. im only 22 and from as far as i can remember ive beeb through so much tramatic experiances than i need. Now im trying to get him to settle down on cussing at the kids and be more loving when they get hurt. Dont know how much more i can takew, but with all the things i been through i dont feel like a real mom like i should. i see my self tied down. I love my kids, dont want more cause of what been through in both pregnancies. Im gonna give them the love i can.

I am the father of a 14 year old daughter who I truly love and an older dad age 59. Mum I had been with for over 25 years and while we were happy, when Chloe came along it was the icing on the cake for me as I have always wanted a little girl. Four months ago she just up and left me and Chloe and has set up home with a 43 year old who has conned quite a few people invluding his last ladyfriend. All contact with Chloe is cut and she never even phones her which I find hard,and I know its hard on my daughter as I sometimes hear her cry at night and I know there is nothing I can do. I can live with all the lies she has spread about not just me but all the family, but to break all contact with Chloe is hard to take in. When Chloe came along the sex part of our relationship went for a burton and I guess in that department I was not so great, but that did not mean I did not love Lynda quite the opposite as she gave me Chloe I loved her even more. There is a lot more to this story but I find it so hard to understand why Lynda took of with this waster and conman and when he cleans her out which he will as he is 43 and she is 58 and he has nothing and she has a house, then I know who she will come back to. She has not spoken to me since the day she went with him and avoids her daughter like the plague. He answer to other members of her family is that she has no time for Chloe in her life now. I will never desert my Princess and while she knows I love her and will always be there, she needs her mum There is so much I wanted to say but I feel so dumbfounded by all this

Hello to all. I have read majority of your stories and I do feel for each and every one of you. Well, when I was a baby, my parents were together until I was about 3. I ended up moving in with my 2 Grandparents for a while. I remember having to visit my mother at her friends, which she was staying. Of course being with my Grandparents, I was spoiled !! Well, my grandmother got cancer and was really sick for a while. I was about 10 at this point in time. She ended up dying so my brothers and I moved back in with my mom. We fuss and fight alot!!! .but I still love her!..I do hate that she missed out on my life but im glad she's here now. Well, CURRENTLY !!!! My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. Ive come to find out that his daughters mother is worthless. He has a 5 year old that I love more than anything. Her mother is down right dirty. he is a fulltime dad and will do anything for his baby. her mother didnt buy her anything for christmas, her birthday, or for her first year in k5. instead she asked her god mother to buy her things!! when she goes to visit her mother, she comes back with cig burns on her, dirty, scratches, not fed, etc ! she came and got her for 20 minutes or less for a weekend, then 20 mins her god mother called and said her mother dropped her off instead of spending time with her. we will ask her to take out her hair or do it. she will take it out, not wash it and there will still be braids underneath it all. its horrid. she has never had a job, car, nor own place since this baby has been born. I am only 18 and take full responsibilty of this child. My intake on this post is, mothers dont deserve their children if they are going to do nothing but break their hearts. while theyre neglecting, there will always be a loving family to take on. another topic to this subject is teens, we have babies having babies that hasnt even lived long enough to have a life on their own. also ive read multiple post saying abortions abortions abortions...when your having sex with now precautions...

Regarding My Wife Who Left 28 Years Ago: Not long after her father sent Karen to Catholic schools for 12 years, she spent nearly 12 more years as a slut wife and a prostitute Then she walked out on her three young children when the white trash lifestyle she was living finaly got exposed. She always chose herself. I always had good intentions toward Karen, I always wanted good things for her. I can not after all these years understand how she could despise me as her actions prove she did. I can not accept having been the biggest cuckold in three states because I trusted Karen without question. I only did that because I was sure that was what she needed after we were married - if our life together was to have any chance. (Note....while typing the last sentence, I mistyped "life" as "lie".....an equally appropriate sentiment!) I can not forgive myself for actually believing the Catholic Church about the sanctity of marriage. I saw my mother stick by her alcoholic wife beater husband and admired her fortitude and commitment to God. What a sucker I was! ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting**! They can have no moral authority after time and again ignoring or rejecting their own ethical duty in society when it suits them. They teach a commitment to marriage that exceeds common sense and causes suffering while suppressing the basic truth about it. That it is sometimes best that a marriage be ended. My mother did not believe that, and for the most part neither did I. But it is true and should be recognized by all who marry. 80% of marriages are violated by infidelity. I will never in my lifetime be free of the bitterness I feel about Karen's actions or the shame I feel for having believed her.

I was 17 when my mother abandoned us... I have three younger siblings, and my father owns his own business. from the time I was 15 I was taking care of my little brother. Ever since I was 16 my mother has tried to kill me, and has suggested that i should kill myself. She's also told us that she should have gotten a divorce. I am now 19, and moved into university. My mom lives 3 hours away from my other siblings and only sees them once a week. I've talked to doctors about it (Shrinks of course), and they all say the same generic bullsh*t --- "Tell her how you feel." "She will come back some day when she sees what she misses" I just want to know, is it right for me not to miss her? Why would I miss someone who once told me to swollow a bottle of sleeping pills? Why would I want her at my wedding, or holding my own children? I dont understand why people ultimately assume I want my mother in my life. Is this wrong? And is it even wrong to not even want her in my life at all? I would be perfectly happy without ever seeing her again. My birthday is approaching and she will make some pathetic effort to give me a gift (which she will convince my dad to pay for so she looks good) ... I dont want to see her, I dont want to talk to her, and I do not want her in my life in the future... am I a horrible person for feeling like this?

Message To The Man My Wife Left Me For 28 Years Ago: I wish I had it in me to end you for the family-wrecking ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting** that you are. I had my chance and let let you go. When I let you up and left, I remember turning my back and walking out of your bedroom slowly. I left your revolver just sitting there on the dresser as I walked out. A large part of me wanted you to pick it up and shoot. But you were as gutless as me when it came to killing people. You are only good at ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting**, at making sure that young girls grow up without their mother. You're another Catholic, aren't you? "By their fruits ye shall know them......"

i will never forgive my mommy for leaving me with my dad. He remarried when she left and it ruined my life. i get really angry and i took it out on myself. i hate my step ma she is not nice nor does she care. i always wanted to be the only child with my momma and daddy, but NO. why does God do this to certain people? Why cant i have my mommy back? Why does she have to always lie? and get into trouble? and get married 4 different times? and have 4 different children with 4 different guys? if she really loved us all she wouldn't have left me because i was the first born. She lies, and that's how she lives. if she new how bad i need her then she would understand why she should not have left my dad. i cant take it. everyday i cry and pray for her to come back home. Then ill take care of her and her drinking problems. But i guess it makes sense she left because she wasnt loved nor was she liked in this town. so she moved across the country... PLEASE mommy, you don't know how much i love you and miss you. i understand why u left... but mommys are supposed to be with there baby's. Always! and we can live together like we used to in apartments. and watch movies and go to my softball games. i miss u and i love u im sorry for betraying u at court. i was 10 years old and i did everything everyone told me too say. but im glad we call each other, but its not the same cuz u don't live here in this house with this family u left me with, and i cant take my step ma i HATE her, she makes me so made and sad, like im useless and she says im just like u... whats wrong with that? you are my mom. please come back and live with me. i miss all our memory's we had when i was little, all girls need there mothers. to help them through life and all there problems they have. Mommy please no how much i need you and love you, dont ever leave me ever again.

i read the posts on this topic and found comfort today. I am 35 years old and STILL have days that involve me crying over a missing mom. I grew up from the age of 3 on with my father and my grandparents. My parents went thru a nasty divorce that began in Germany and ended in the US. The story goes that because my father got me to the states and because of my dual citizenship, that my father gained ful custody of me. It was not until I was 17 did I see my mother again (because I reached out to her). After all those years of thinking she was in another country, I came to find she had actually been in the states for most of my life. I have to agree with one of the other commentators- proceed with caution when reconnecting with lost mothers. Our meeting was more of a fact finding mission for me. I do not regret it because I found out lots of things about myself- my artistic abilities, quietness, crooked toe :-) - I got it all from my mother. I wanted to try and understand how she could be absent from my life--how she reasoned her actions. What I found was that ther was no reasonable answer that I would or could accept. I'm glad I met her, and I'm okay with not seeing her again. I had a longing for a relationship with my mother until I became one myself. It was then that I realized there was no reasonable explanation that she could give for being absent from my life. I cherish my children, and know that only death could keep me from them. I know that my experience with being abandoned by my mother made me the person I am today.

hi everyone...i beleive a mother who leaves her kids does not do this lightly.... i know...because im one of them....i do not want sympathy....i know what i done was very wrong....and ive paid the price ever since beleive me....i had two beautiful children 11months apart.....i was in a horrible relationship.. and none of the pregnancys were planned....i lived in a nice area....and lived in a nice house... but i was very unhappy.....my partner was verbally abusive....and aggrogant and i began to hate him he was a bully and a womanizer...it was at this time my dad became ill and died...something inside me made me get up and leave with my children in tow...i took them to a hostel...it was dirty and their were rough ladys there....we stayed there for 6 long weeks...we eventually was offered a flat in a rough part of the city....i tried to make it homley but it was so rough....when my kids came home from there dads they would cry and cry....i remembered their bedrooms, so cosy...it was about this time that i started to having terrible panic attacks....i couldnt sleep.. iwas on temazapam...and became addicted to these....we were broken into twice...and i was very scared...i used to phone up my ex to come and get the children as i was becomming anxious...eventually i just took the kids to his house and left them there....the next thing i was on a train...i got a job, and a bed sit...i dont know if i had a breakdown or what i came back after a month...i had no job, no home no kids....my so called friends turned against me as so did everone else including my family...onlymy doctor showed me any empathy...i was refered to a phyciatrist who told me i was suffering with postnatal depession....5 years after they were born.... i eventually got a job and lived in accomadation...and had regular contact with my kids....but people were angry with me....my  ex partners family hated me.. they spread terrible rumours about me and his sister even punched me giving me a black eye.. my life was a mess... i had boyfriend after boyfriend i drank till the early hours in horrible clubs...ii hated myself ....but i did love  my kids....i loved the times we were together.....i cherished the times we spent together....then my ex partner met his now wife who hated me( shed obviously heard about me) immediatley she became their mum....my visits were getting less...and eventually she stopped them altogether......i was nothing......i eventually ran away again.... ( i know i should have fought for them...but i had no secure base) .i got a job... and got the help i needed...eventually i met a lovley man and accepted my children had a better life without me... then my daughter came to visit lots of visits....she came to live with me....and i thought wed have a happy ending.... but shes angry with me...she dosnt understand.. her father told them id just dumped them and ran off which was true...but not the. lead up to it...he tokd them i was crazy.....we had a blazing row the other night and her words cut me like a knife....my son is to become a dad himself soon......and its the realization.....im gonna be a granny soon.....i so want to be involved with this baby... but i know its not going to happen.....my sons girlfriend hasnt even met me yet .. she dosnt want to...again she has just heard that i dumped my kids.......i regret what i did deepley...i missed out on everything....i couldnt even pick them up from school as the other mums would of lynched me....i sympathise with any mum who thinks they are not coping... but please think before you leave your kids...the price you pay is a big one a life sentance......please tell your doctor how your feeling......he can spot the signs of depression.....i wished id of gone to the doctors sooner.....your kids are the most important things in your life......now my son is gonna be a dad.....all the feelings of regret and guilt are rearing their ugly head again...i just wishe i could turn the clock back..........but i wasnt selfish and wanted a good time as people have said about me .....i was ill without acctually knowing it......id love to hear from mums who have left their kids and their experiences....i did know one girl... who left her girls....she left them with her mum.. and went to greece for six months no phone call or ought when she got make the courts told her they were with their dad....her family and her friends stood by her.....i i do know that she tried to contact her girls and they told her that as far as they were concerened she wasnt their mum... so i supose i am lucky that my kids do want to know me although i know they havent forgiven me...so if there are any mums in my position that would like to contact me.. id love to hear from you...... cassie

dear aggie i have just read your post... and my heart has just gone out to you...its also bought back memorys of how my daughter must of felt when i left her and her brother.....my daughter hated her step mother.... and she used to say things like that to her......your step mum is oviously a bit envious of the fact she knows you resent her being with you instead of your mum.... she does care shes just a bit  put out  as shes obviously heard the things people have said about your mum....and she knows it hurts you when she says your like your mum..... and your real mum does love you.. believe me...i know ive been there ... i think your mum dosnt like herself much... she dosnt value herself thats why she drinks to block all the pain out....i dont know about the court sode... as i never had to go.... but ido know how people can piosion peoples heads....my daughter father and his family done just that to her about me.....they are nasty people doing that......shes your mum and although not perfect she does love you... shes done what she thinks best for you... she dosnt realise how your feeling .......beleive me... the reason your mum keeps messing up is because shes so unhappy.. she hates thats shes not with you hates thats shes messed up..... your mum needs help someone she can talk to......please dont think this is your fault.. its not....all i can say is she does love you..........i hope you are ok..... god reading this has made me realise just how my daughter must have felt....  its really tugged my heart strings..... your mum is not a nasty person and dont listen to anyone else .....lots of love  xxx

hi i am new to this site. i am a mother of 3 and i have custody to my boys. my daughter lives with her father and when she was little i left. i never wanted to leave her, but her father was always trying to control me. he isolated me from friends and family, the day i left i was shattered cause i had no place to go. i ended up back with my ex husband and finding out i was pregnant with my son. she is 10 now and i am going to court for her. but the pain is still there from being robbed of being keeped away from her. understand that if a mother leaves it is better to know that she didnt stay and fight with ur dad. I went thru my mom getting married 5 times and having them scream all the time and the cops called isnt fun. my daughter is not willing to see me yet or talk to me. i just want her to know that i did fight for her. mothers sacrific for thier children no matter what. only they know why they do things. but i know its for thier childrens best intrest. so cut her a little slack, and ask her but remember no one knows the pain unless u walk in thier shoes. thats why my daughter belives that i just didnt want her and that i dont care. only because her father has lied so much that she wont give me a chance.  being scared is painful, but healing it is better late than never.

Hi,I know this post is older but I still felt as if I should say something on here.My mother, Cyndi, left my brother and me when we were small children. I was 7 and my brother was 5. We lived in CA. Cyndi was into heavy drugs for most of my childhood-- crack, heroin, meth, ect.-- and I don't have many memories of her. The ones I do remember are of her being passed out on the floor in the background. My dad hurt his back on his job and had to have surgery, leaving him in a lot of pain and in desperate need of help trying to take care of two children while on heavy pain meds and in a wheel chair because he couldn't walk. Cyndi wasn't there to help and left us with my dad. My dad, because of the great man he is, took us and moved to VA when I was 9, after a long and hard custody battle. The courts found Cyndi unfit to take care of my brother and me and she was granted 'supervised visitation'. She was still on drugs at the time and my dad didn't think it was right to put us through that. We lost contact with her and ten years went by without a word from Cyndi. When I was seventeen, I came across this Facebook page with her name on it and picture. I didn't even recognize the woman in the picture, she was a stranger to me. I had only awful memories of her and I had blocked out most of them to the point where I didn't even know what she looked like. I contacted her on Facebook and asked her if she would be interested in meeting me. I talked to my dad and he agreed that he would go with me to meet her. Since my dad didn't wanting Cyndi to know where we lived, we went back out to CA to meet her in a public place. When I first meet her, it was awkward. We both didn't know what to say but when we started talking, I became aware of her disturbing actions and behavior. She would blame my dad for everything that had happened and said he 'stole' my brother and me away from her. I became very uncomfortable around her and when I tried to leave, she attempted to kidnap me. Needless to say, things went from crazy to even crazier. She brought her boyfriend involved and weird things started happening with him. Finally, I had had enough and I told my dad that I wanted to leave. It was clear to me that Cyndi had a mental illness, she kept changing her name and talking in third person. I was unsure if she was Bi-polar or had MPD, but I was sure that I didn't want to stay there a minute longer. I packed up my stuff and we left soon after. That was almost two years ago and I still haven't talked to her. I decided that she had made her own choices in life to leave my brother and me and I couldn't feel bad about that. I didn't have anything to do with her choices in life and I can't go back and change them now, all I can do is move forward. Unfortunately, my brother wasn't so lucky and had a harder time with it. He is currently in jail and will get out when he turns 21 (He is 17 right now). I hope one day he'll get better and get through this stuff that really affected us. The only thing you can do is take these awful things and make them into something positive!If you've gone through this and come out of it okay than that's amazing and you're an amazing person! Everyone is different and needs different amounts of time to get over something like this. If you're ever feeling sad or need someone to talk to, you can Email or Facebook me, I am always open to listen and talk to people, even ones I don't know! I love to help people when I can!Remember, you're not alone and if you want to share your experiences, do it! There are always people that are willing to listen!Take care!

reading these posts im breaking my heart, i have 4 children & love them dearly, my e x partner who i was with from 15, split with him at 16 & had my eldest child to someone else, at 17,however violent abuse, i got out 18months later, that was one hell of a battle. the man who i was with at 15 i reconsiled with him at 18, wrongly feeling & beleiving i would be safe. good, bad times i muddled through, id see things n blinded he made me beleive it was in my head. 3 beautiful children to him, he worked away most of the time, & when he was home id see things that wearnt quite right but then he was gone, we lived like this the best part of 12 yrs. when my youngest boy was 1 my ex was out of work, then i began " to see the real him" a pattern developes u become 2 know so well. 18months later i moved with my children to get them away from what was going on, thinking he loved his children, would have access & things would be better for them. how wrong the battle the mind games, the deppression he didnt bother with the children for 18 months, the youngest were three & four, i fought for him to be a father 2 his children. he was a jackl & hyde. trying to run my house, give my children the love & care they needed, he would be nice i tryed to be civil with him 4 their sake, his accses for yrs was family outings 4 meals with me & i beleived i was giveing the children a bit of family normality. however this never lasted was up n down the assults the lies the head games, bullying, threats, issolating me from everyone with his lies.   iv been separated with him 4 ..... 9yrs now, & i havent spoken to him for a yr for my own sanity. march this yr doing my final project in uni, which has took me yrs, to complete through the stress he has caused. he decided not to return my children accusing me of being a bad mother, only keeping my one & only son. this went on for 4 months. i was interagated ripped to shreds broken i couldnt function without all my babies. it got proved what i had been saying about him was true, & he decided a week before the final court date, that he was handing my son back over, turned our lifes upside down without a care for anyone apart from him self. a few weeks ago i could see the pattern starting slowly, not enough for me to go the solicitors with, its happening more & more " were hes controlling my 2 youngest children 11 & 12 with money, manipulating what the courts have set in place & i feel like im fighting a losing battle, as i know if im in his company at some point i would be fighting for my life. i know my children love me & me them so so much, i just dont no what to do 4 the best & its killing me inside, i cant & wont pull my children into a tug of war, & i hope 1 day they see what hes doing like my 2 older children have. my mane concern is that his background, he was abdended by his mum at 1 yrs of age, he has no respect for women, drug, alchol abuse thinks hes a god, wouldnt mind hes not even nice looking lol. he cant maintain a friendship without using & abusing 4 own purposes, hes a compulsive liar, & will produce another lie even if caught red handed, manipulation, nice to suck his victim him for what ever purpose suits him, then when finished spits them back out, seen it 2 many times, its a continuous round about. iv researched is behaviour & he shows pyscopath split personallity disorder, when hes close to getting  caught at what ever, he gos subdude not sorry 4 what hes done for the fact hes close to being caught, & every time he gets away with it with his lies. jackel & hyde. as a mother i dont know what 2 do, iv done everything legally that possibly can be done, hes trying to take my kids from me & the pain my heart hurts so bad. what do i do? because i dont no anymore i try 2 muddle along & do right by my babies, but this just donsnt go away, when will it stop??