Mothers who leave their children

I am contemplating leaving my 11 year old daughter. She has lived with her grandma (my mom) since she was 4 because I had gotten myself into a very violent relationship. As I tried to leave that relationship he tried to kill me and threatened my daughter. I lost everything. I was living in my car and had asked my mom to take my daughter for a.couple of weeks while I got back on my feet. During that time my mom took me to court without my knowledge and told the court horrible untrue things about me. Since i didn't know about the court date I wasn't there to kdefend myself and ended up looking my daughter. I moved away for a year and came back when ky mom apologized and told me i should be in my daughters life. Since than I have gotten married to the most wonderful man anyone could ask for. Also since that time there have been several periods of time that i have not been able to.see my daughter because I have done something to make my mother angry . My daughter has deep depression and has a lot of mental problems and so does my mom. I just learned a few days ago that my daughter has been saying horrible things about me and my husband. She says that i say bad things about her and that my husband hates her and beats me. Those things are so far from the truth I have no idea where she gets it. i truly believe that my mother is putting these things in here head. I don't have anything to do with any kf my family because they all have severe control issues and I don't want that in my life and don't think it is fair for my husband. The only reason I am still in touch with my mother at all is because of.my daughter but after learning everything that she is saying I don't know that other is worth staying in my daughters life. There is no telling what she will say next. I know that she is jealous of my relatioonship with my husband so i think that her being around me and the jealousy she has causes her to create these stories. I just don't understand because when she is with me we have great time. She is a mini-me (so to speak). It breaks breaks my heart to even be considering this But now I think my presence in her life is causing more harm mentally than is worth. I just don't want my daughter to think i don't love her. I do think that it is best that i leave her be though.

Hello everyone.  I am a mother to a almost 5 year old. I'm 44 years old, and for years i never thought i could have children.  It took me 14 years to have my son after a miscarriage.  I love him with all my heart, he brings me joy when no one else can. That is why the decision that i thinking of making is killing me inside.  I'm not working, not because i don't want to, i just can't find a job.    All my life I've worked and provided for myself never having to ask anyone for anything.  I came to the United States 26 years ago from another country.  I worked and made something of my life it was a struggle but i welcomed the struggle with open arms. Little by little i over came obstacles and made my life better.  I know the pressure of not working is a huge part of why i feel the way i feel, my husband son and i live with my mother in law.  That in itself is not an ideal situation and each day that goes by i sink more and more into a depression.  My husband does not spend much time with my son, so he's  with me most of the time.  Not saying my husband is a bad father, he's just not a father that spends much time, especially quality time with my son.  I think about how my son will cope not having me around and what it will do to him.  As a child growing up my dad was not there for me, and it really did a number on my life even today he still is not a father to me or my son.  Which is his only grandchild.  I snap at my son, because of how i'm feeling which is most days.. and i know it is not his fault. I'm constantly crying, very unhappy and don't really have anyone to turn to.  Please help me before i walk away and regret it. 

Hello, this is my first post. My nickname is Breezy (I dont feel comfortable using my real name) and my mother kicked my out at age 12 a year and a half ago. I was kicked out because I did not get along with my step father. One night my eldest brother, Rocky, My mother, my step-Father, and I were having and arguement because my brother and I weren't gettng treated fairly. My brother started talking and my step-father then came over and put his hands around my brothers neck. I didn't know what to do and my mother sat in the chair and did nothing. My brother gained enough strength to push my step-father off him. I screamed Alexa! (My brothers girlfriend who was living with us at the time). She came running up the stairs and said Thats it We are leaving and helped me pack my bags. My mom said good! None of you come here again and I asked if I could stay because I didnt know what to do! My mother said NO And made me leave and threw our stuff out the door. As I walked out my step father called me a Bitch (Excuse my language) and I went with my brother. I broke open my piggy bank and had 67$ and my brother had some money and so did his girlfriend! We had enough money to get a hotel. I was crying and my brother told me to stop crying because I was going to get sick. I said I wanna go home! And ran in the bathroom and locked myself in there. That night I slept in the tub crying and shaking. I havent seen my mom since and I have talked to her 3 times. None of those times were good. Right now I am living with my father who is going broke. I have jobs that dont pay much but keep my family going. Trust me your not the only one :)

This brought tears to my eyes......

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. My sister is a mentally ill alcoholic and abandon's her daughter for a week at a time. She is only 2 1/2 years old and I don't know what will happen. The brunt of this falls on my mom's and the baby's dads shoulders as they try to compensate for her absence. I am amazed to no end how one crazy, selfish person can destroy an entire family and not have one ounce of remorse.

I understand why mothers who are I'll will leave their children but how does a well mother leave her children? I have a close family member who is living with a women he knew from high school. This women was married and living in a different state then he was when they connected on Facebook. Within several months of on-line talking, she decided she had to leave her husband and 2 children to be with the this other man. Apparently she and her husband were having trouble. Only 1 of her children is his, the other one is from a previous relationship when she was younger. She hardly ever goes back to visit her children. Both children have birthdays around the same time of year and she doesn't even go back for that. She goes on a fun weekend with the boyfriend instead. After a year of being away from her children, still not divorced, she and the boyfriend announce she's pregnant. I can't stand this woman and it's causing problems with other family members. Can someone please explain how I can think anything other than that this woman is a horrible mother and that she abandoned her children? I find it very hard to welcome this woman into my home, which unfortunately I do.

I'm totally not sympathetic to this non sense of mothers being depressed or sad . The real reason is selfishness and wanting to have fun in life instead of taking care of their children . My wife left me and my 2 month old child because she claimed to be depressed and sad and I had to go through Hell to raise my son who is 10 years old now .I have no family or relatives what so ever and her family did not give a damn about the child too . Tell me now how depressed do you think I was taking care of 2 month old child with ZERO experience , no real money , no help and had to quit my job too ? I was very sad and very depressed , but I could never stop loving my son and could never ever abandon him . Many people told me to give him for ad, option , but I totally refused . There is no excuses for abandoning your children unless you are a total bitch , because even crazy people love their children and fight for their children and never leave their children . 

my mother left me too when I was 4 years old. My father (and grandparents) raised me. I heard nothing from her until I was 8 years old and then she did nothing but criticise and put down those who had been there for me when she had been absent. This is a bitter woman who takes no responsibility whatsoever for the problems in her life. Eventually in my 30s I found the strength to walk away from this woman. This has made me public enemy number 1 in her eyes but its the best thing I could have done. Her bitterness was dragging me down. I don't miss her and as she was never there for me in the first place I don't need her either. I hope your reunion is better than mine! Good luck!!

my mom left me 2 yrs ago i live with my dad too he has been so amazing through all of this.. i am angry at my mom too but i see it as you left me what reason do i have to talk to her... i think its stupid how mothers leave their kids

WAS WONDERING IF ANYTHING GOT BETTER? IF SO HOW? I feel like I wrote you letter

I wrote a book about this my mother left all of us when i was 12 and my yougest sibling was 5 also it's called A Father's Love. This is a pain that never goes away.

Hi there, I was just reading the posts in this forum as I am a UK journalist researching a feature on mothers who leave their children and this struck a chord. I don't suppose you would consider talking to me: if yes, my email is _[removed]_. Any conversation we do have is totally confidential. Thanks so much, JaneX

I am stepmother to 2 wonderful young men. They are now 19 and nearly 17 years old.  Their bio-mom left town (moved over 500 miles away to marry a man and be near HIS children) over a decade ago.  The boys see their mom four or five weekends during the school year, Christmas and February break, and several weeks during the summer.  They are not consciously angry.  However, they both are insecure and very needy when it comes to their girlfriends and their mother.  Although I have been with their dad since the day their mother left (totally full-time mom, don't work outside the home, very traditional - involved in their schools, sports, friends, support their interests, etc), it is clear that their mother's willing departure has affected them greatly.  i will never understand her decision.  I would NEVER leave these boys.

My mom left all 3 of her kids. She was in her late-twentys when she abandoned the first kid, and she was somewhere around the age of 32 when she gave birth to me and my brother.  Through the divorce she kept me and my brother. I remember she was filthy, and we would get cuts on our feet for walking on glass and opened cans. She also never wake up after drinking until the evening, and my brother and I would be left without food. I remember her screaming at me that she hated me, when I was 4, for doing something dumb. Like breaking her make-up, I think. My dad tells me that I cried and I asked him why she hated me. The last time we heard from her was the day before Mothers Day, when we called her and asked her to come over. She said she would, but she never did, and we never heard from her again. I was 5. Thats a happy ending. To me, at least. She never held her children (Dad's info to me) and I actually had a speech problem because I didn't start talking until later in my development. I still can't work my mouth right, and people say I mumble. She damaged a good amount of the critical developmental years for all three of her kids.   I'm in my early twentys now. I'm a woman, and although I hope to not have children myself anytime soon, I certainly would exert all my effort before leaving my children. But this isn't the case of a mother who left her children because of hardship. The fact is, there are really horrible people. Some people love ruining other peoples lives. Some people love ruining children. Some people want you to lack confidence and feel worse than they do. And some how, God has allowed these people to be capable of reproducing. I look at children now, I almost wonder how many of them go home to horrible houses. There is a lot of domenstic abuse out there. We say things like "Every parent wants best for their children", but I hope we remind ourselves that truely bad people exist. Optimism is optimal, but realism is real. Those are fake families. Its not real to them so it should not be real to you.     If your contemplating leaving your children, the fact that your looking this board up online should let you know that you care. You care more than a horrible parent. I'm not in your shoes, but I would go forever barefoot for my children. Hope you keep walking forward.

Amen sister! I hear ya....if you tend to dwell on the why, life will not go on. We just need to think about being a better perso, breaking the chain from the yol rust ball and start out fresh. Start your own thing with traditions and going about ways with a family that your family never would...and then teach our children to be better than that...that's how our name will be known! Most times the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..but some apples roll further from the tree into some fresh soil and plants itself into a beautiful, new tree ...lol.