Mothers who leave their children

My mother had a choice my father or my sister and I due to the fact my father is mentally unstable and social services had a case against them filed as neglect. I was 8 months old and my sister was 3 1/2. I am now 16 years old and I live with my grandmother and her husband. I see my mother off and on. But every since I can remember she has neglected me not my sister just me. I don't think I'll ever forgive her. I don't understand how you could choice a man over your own blood. I know it would be hard but wouldn't he have understood.Over the years she would ask for money from me and my sister. Every Holiday she would make a sob story on how they don't have money for food then spend the money on computers and games. Even though I hate that part of my life. It's made me realize that I never want to hurt my kids like that when I get older. It has also made me realize I want to help kids in the place that I could've been in.

I moved countries and left my son back home with my mom and sister 5 months ago. I'm miserable and miss him so much. He keeps asking me to go back which I should but I would be doing it for him. I never do anything for myself. My mum is miserable she feels likes she has failed. She's now down to 100lb I've also grown really skinny....I left a job and people who love me for emptiness. I hate this feeling. I cannot even afford the flight back home.

I use to think they were bad mom's but when I found my mom and saw why she left me with my dad and me talking to her and me being a mom I understood why she did it it was hard growing up with out my mom and I was so angrey at her I did not wanted to see her or talk to her but when I got a call telling me she was dieing and she wanted to see me something inside of me told me I had to go and meet her and talk to her so I did and it help me alot so I forgive her and when I did that she close her eye's and die on me so what i'm trying to say is that I know how you feel but is better to forgive and talk to your mom befor is too late !!!

wow this was a beautiful response. I found myself reading the whole post. I am leaving in a few hours I am waiting until all are sound asleep. I am 32 I am a mother of 5, my soon to be ex-husband is from Jamaica and it has just been a nightmare for me trying to raise him up along with the children. I have been through lies, betrayal, cheating, beating, nasty looks, never defending me, so much it has drained me of all my humanity. I love my kids soooo much I have given my life for my children. So that they will have some type of normalcy, but I am 300 lbs, 5'7 been rejected my whole life, I have went through Kidney failure, heart failure, now talking 30 xr for adhd. I only went to 8th grade then got a technical diploma I got married to him at 19 because he needed papers, but I don't believe he ever loved me. especially not more than himself. So I don't know what I will do. I have no money, no car, no phone etc. So I will leave and just walk! Until God tells me to Stop! I tried so hard, I failed my children, I failed myself and I was never good enough for family, friends or my husband.

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls ages 5 an 2. Lately I have been wanting to run away. I am married and have been with my husband since I was 16. I hold a lot of resentment towards him for how he treated me when we were younger. Now he treats me great but there is absolutely no loving relationship. It's like we are roommates. I am depressed all the time. I just want to sleep and not think about life. Both my parents are gone. My mother passed away this march. I am alone in this life. I jut have my kids and my husband. I am a stay at home mom and I don't treat my kids to good. I yell at them a lot over anything. I have no energy to take care of them. I have no more energy to get on their level. It's not healthy with me raising them. My husband just graduated pharmacy school and works crazy hours so I'm the one stuck home watching kids. I have no life. I left my job that i loved 4 years ago so my husband could go to school... I just don't know what to do. My husband and I fight all the time. We never have anything nice to say to each other. We're just always bickering at one another. I love him still but I can't handle our own relationship. It depresses me that we can't get along. I have so many suicidal thoughts. One day I might snap and try to hurt myself. I don't want to but to me it's the only option. I don't my children growing up like this anymore. I've been thinking of running away and just leavin my life but I have no where to go, no money that is mine. I have nothing. It would be a battle to see my kids. I just don't want this for my girls. I love them to much. So the only thing I can think of is to just go quietly and be with my parents. I don't understand what I've done to have this life. I've always been a good person. Always being there for everyone. I dont understand what life God has in store for me. I need help... Some guidance. I don't want to be this person I am anymore. It's to much. I just want my relationship back with my husband and a loving relationship with my kids. I miss it... Please if there is anyone who can lead me in the right path. I have noone to help me... I'm lost

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls ages 5 an 2. Lately I have been wanting to run away. I am married and have been with my husband since I was 16. I hold a lot of resentment towards him for how he treated me when we were younger. Now he treats me great but there is absolutely no loving relationship. It's like we are roommates. I am depressed all the time. I just want to sleep and not think about life. Both my parents are gone. My mother passed away this march. I am alone in this life. I jut have my kids and my husband. I am a stay at home mom and I don't treat my kids to good. I yell at them a lot over anything. I have no energy to take care of them. I have no more energy to get on their level. It's not healthy with me raising them. My husband just graduated pharmacy school and works crazy hours so I'm the one stuck home watching kids. I have no life. I left my job that i loved 4 years ago so my husband could go to school... I just don't know what to do. My husband and I fight all the time. We never have anything nice to say to each other. We're just always bickering at one another. I love him still but I can't handle our own relationship. It depresses me that we can't get along. I have so many suicidal thoughts. One day I might snap and try to hurt myself. I don't want to but to me it's the only option. I don't my children growing up like this anymore. I've been thinking of running away and just leavin my life but I have no where to go, no money that is mine. I have nothing. It would be a battle to see my kids. I just don't want this for my girls. I love them to much. So the only thing I can think of is to just go quietly and be with my parents. I don't understand what I've done to have this life. I've always been a good person. Always being there for everyone. I dont understand what life God has in store for me. I need help... Some guidance. I don't want to be this person I am anymore. It's to much. I just want my relationship back with my husband and a loving relationship with my kids. I miss it... Please if there is anyone who can lead me in the right path. I have noone to help me...

I am a mother of a wonderful 10 year old daughter. We have a fantastic relationship. I also have an amicable relationship with my ex and she has a fantastic relationship with her father. I have been posed with an amazing opportunity and I am struggling deeply with it. I could never imagine leaving my daughter, but on the other hand I could never imagine taking her away from her dad, grandparents, friends, and everything she has always known. I have suggested putting off this opportunity, but it is possible it will not be there much longer. I have thought she could spend summers with me and school year with her dad. I don't want to regret anything.

Gina - Hang in there. There are people to help you. There are a lot of us out there that are compassionate and here to talk to.

I'm a mother of a five year old little girl.  I love her so much and have devoted the last almost 6 years of my life taking care of her.  I built a business out of nothing.  Worked 80 hours per week for years to build the business and provide a nice home for my daughter as a single mother.  I have a history of depression.  I wanted to leave the abusive marriage  and finally didn't care if I had no money.  All I wanted was my little girl and for her to grow up with a happy well adjusted mom so she would have a good role model. I have been cheated on and used by my ex-husband, sexually assaulted resulting in a 4 inch laceration. Then I left him. 5 weeks after asking him to leave he called children's aid society on me stating I was an unfit mother, mentally ill and unable to care for the child on my own.  She was 24 months.  He had never assisted with caring for her.  Left me all alone.  We only saw each other a few days each month.  He was out partying, playing volley-ball and having sex with other women.   April, 2010 my ex-husband hit me with his car while I was buckling our daughter into her car seat.  I suffered tissue damage to my right shoulder.  He was arrested.  He went through 6 months of criminal court appearances.  Said it was an accident.  He is a police officer.   They let him off charges. I fought for 18 months in family court because he is a fighter.  Exhausted everything I had.  Divorce was finalized. First time since I met him 7 years prior that I was happy.  I was single.  I was a happy mom.  My business sky rockted. I remarried last June. Ex-husband fabricated video evidence and stated my new husband was a pedophile and drug user.  I had my daughter taken away from me for 5 months. Ex-husband's family spent $35,000 to take her away from me permanently.  They only permitted me to see my daughter for 2 1/2 hours over three weeks supervised at McDonalds.  They wouldn't allow me to talk to her or read her bed time stories.  Apparently, it was all about me and not my husband. His family were colluding together.  Pushed me and my husband into the doughnut counter at Tim Hortons.  That was the first meeting between my ex and new spouse.  While strong arming us, ex-husband's mother brought my daughter to the car.  Left her alone in 90 degree heat and then returned to the Tim Hortons to help bully us. I watched my former father-in-law enter the Tim Hortons restaurant at 12:25 p.m. on my access day after not being allowed by my ex and his family to see my daughter for 3 weeks.  It was summer, 90 degrees outside, he entered wearing a big brim hat, large dark sunglasses and a large overcoat.  He tried to sneak in to obtain a receipt and run out.  They were trying to say I was evading access visits.   I will keep this short but so much more has happened. All I hear from my 5 year old every week is that daddy's family calls me a bad mommy, don't listen to what mommy says, etc. They now resort to stealing her library books at school, putting her in size 4 pants that cut into her stomach when she wears size 8 and other tactics the women's group says is abuse using children.  He's run out of things to do to me so now abusing our daughter is the only thing left. My 5 year old will never forget what happened last year.  Just a few weeks ago she asked me why she didn't see me for so long.  I asked her what she thought.  She said she thought her mommy forgot all about her and that she would never see her mommy again. It breaks my heart to see her like this.   I can't handle the abuse of my ex husband any longer.  I especially can't handle watching my daughter being abused this way. Give your mom a chance.  You have no idea why she left you when she was 5 years old.  Every one has a story.  I certainly have mine.  I love my daughter so much but all of this is becoming unbearable.    

I am a mom of three boys - ages 14, 9, and 5. Almost two years ago - after years of working to help my family get out of the debt my husband had put us in to no avail - I finally told my abusive husband of 13 years that I wanted a divorce. I tried to stay in the home - living in the guest room - but I was commuting 3 hours one way (he moved us to another state in an effort to get my to lose my job because I was making friends at work). I would get home at 8-9pm, fall into bed and get back up at 5 and drive back to work. My husband started giving me bills after bills after bills to pay - it was taking all of my take home pay. He was closing off the heater vent in my room. Putting my littlest kids to bed at 6:30pm and letting them cry it out so they'd be asleep when I got home. I felt trapped. After years and years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse, I couldn't take it and I got up all my courage and started only coming home on weekends when I could see my kids. I slept in my car because he took all the money from the savings account as soon as I said I wanted a divorce. I had nothing.  I started dating - mostly because I was hungry and didn't have enough money to really buy food. I was trying to figure out where I was going to live. My husband - who I knew would be vindictive but exceeded my expectations - locked me out of the house. I moved in with a friend who offered to have her basement finished for us to live in, but I had started to fall for the man I was seeing. During the week when I didn't have my children I would stay with him. My ex paid a PI to have me followed, and found out about it and told my children I left them so I could party and have boyfriends, and that my job was more important to me than they were. I was devastated that he would ruin my relationship with my children - but still had no confidence and didn't know what to do.  We eventually hammered out an agreement where I would have the children 2-3 weekends a month. I left them with their father during the weeks because he made almost $200K a year and lived in a beautiful home and they had great schools. However, he doesn't parent them. He lets them run wild and spends all his time/money just showing them all the cool things he can do that I cannot. They are now disruptive, disrespectful and completely unruly - I often feel that they don't care about me at all, though I love them with all my heart. However, a few months ago the man I was seeing invited me to move in with him. My lease with my friend was expiring, my children's behavior had made us unwelcome, and I didn't know what to do. My credit is now shot - and I couldn't get nor afford and apartment of my own. My divorce still isn't final - I don't have any financial support and I'm paying out the woohoo for child support. He keeps taking me back to court and now I have more than $20K in legal fees.  Finally - the man I am living with is the love of my life. He is supportive of everything that I do and we get along wonderfully. He has two daughters of his own - an older, grown woman who is living with us until she gets on her feet, and a 10 year old daughter that is with us every other weekend - the same time my boys come. However, he doesn't like my children because they are so disrespectful to me. We haven't fought about much of anything else in our now almost 2 year long relationship - except my children. It has become such an issue that he tries his best to just avoid being home. He feels he can't say anything to them to help them learn to behave because my husband has called child protective services and reported us for false claims (everything was dismissed immediately, but the fact that he can do that really creates a huge problem for us). I am at the point of just giving up and letting them live with their father all the time. I feel that I can't fight this anymore. I'm stuck in the middle - still unable to support myself, and I have three children who it feels like they don't really care if they see me or not.  A huge part of me wants to completely walk away and just be done with it. I don't know what to do. I love my cihldren - but there is a limit to what I can take. I don't know how devastating that would be to my kids. I just don't know anything anymore.  Don't judge every mother that walks away. We don't all have mental illness. There is no blanket statement that fits every situation. I have dealt with so many comments from friends about how THEY could never have left their kids. That no JOB would have been worth it. I feel that society places so much pressure and demands on mothers in a situation such as mine - and the courts back it up - I've had judges sit and shake their heads at me with disgust despite hearing what I went through. I SHOULD have taken my children and gone to a homeless shelter (despite him having told me he'd have me arrested for kidnapping) is what they tell me. I made the choice that seemed at the time to be in their best interest. And I'm lost and afraid - and I can afford this no longer - neither financially nor emotionally. There comes a time when you just have to stop fighting. 

My son was also 5 yrs old when I left him, my daughter was 14 yrs old...My reason for leaving was to do with my husband at the time, he gave me so much pain, pressure and fear while going through our divorce, hence at that time of my life I left to be with my only family 60 miles away...However, I was always encouraged this was the right thing to do even via my lawyer at the time, but I was so wrong as I have had no contact with my kids since then, and I have tried so many ways even through a local lawyer who screwed me for more money and got me nowhere...I live in hope, as I do write and send cards to my kids, even try through sites ie..facebook...I am so very tired of fighting all corners and don't know where to turn for help/advice if any!!! Regards Susan.

I think that a lot of this mother who leave their kids are selfish and spineless, it is hard for everyone to raise a child. Life is not easy for no one and if giving up on your child is in my book lower than low can get. I am a single parent and i have a hard time with money, time and sometimes i feel that i need to do more for them, i feel my best is not good enough, but i wake up everday go to work, help my kids with homework, sports and help know that they are important to me and their self. I try do my best to help them focus on different thing to help them have happy life, i need them as much as they need me. I feel great to see my boys play sports and my daughter sing, they all have great grades and are in gifted so i am very proud of them. The granfather that help his son in law i have much respect for you, single fathers are scared too and are clueless of what in next but i feel like you fight fight hard to the end. If you know your not going to be a good parent or not happy do not have kids why f someones else life, i feel like if you want to f someone life do it to your self and live under a bridge. It is hard for me to see why mother or fathers leave their kids, i specialy have hate for the mother that leave their kids and have more kids. if you can not take care of your self, that should be a huge red flag not to have kids have a pet rock or pet bag of dirt. i am not judging i am only saying my thoughts. any animal have have kid and make kids but what is the reason for having them if your not going to raise them or gide them. wish people stop making excuse for them self and for leaving their kids, waste of air meaure and space. i do not know why they think people have to feel sorry for them selfish, careless and spineless people man or women

Thank you for your post. Our stories are VERY similar. I am so sad for all the feelings my three grandchildren are going through. Instant rage, or fits, then in no time flat, sobbing uncontrollably, with our 7 year old. She has been gone for over a year, he and his brother and sister have lived with us off and on their whole lives. boys 7, 11 and girl 10. the two older ones live with their Father, and visit us all the time, we obtained permanent custody of our 7 year old three months ago. His emotional outbreaks seem to be escalating the last week, espically. She calls a few times a week, and will ask him to ask us to bring him there to visit. She is living in Kansas, we live in Arkansas, she won't come here because she has a warrant out for all the child support she owes her ex. We do not believe it is in our Grandsons best interest to go visiting in Kansas right now. I have asked her to please ask my husband or myself if she want to request plans, because when the answer is no, it is very hard on him. She agreed, we will see. Her husband, she just married, broke her ankle, choked her out in the bedroom on the bed, with our grandson in the next room, he heard Mom get a bit of a Help me out, and he ran to the neighbors and had them call 911. He saw all of this. His Mother was passed out for a little bit. He has been abusive to her, and she stays. She refused to prosecute him, therefore he is free. She married him recently. He denys ever hurting her. He hasn't changed, and it isn't a good invironment, even if we go with him. Also, I wonder if he is upset with us for keeping him here safe, not understanding all the dynamics at age 7. He goes to a Play Therapist every week, has been now for over a year. It has helped tremendously, tomorrow, we are going to the school counselor and the social worker, to evaluate him now. His outbursts have gotten worse, and the school has noticed. Friday he cried, and told me his whole class has a Mother and a Father, and he doesn't even have one of those, he also stated he was afraid we might die, because we are Grandparents, and expressed fear of what will happen to him. It is so sad. This story is just a brief one of all the things he has been put through, before this guy, and in the past being dragged from place to place with the "newest" love of her life. Her Methamphetamine/Marijuana/alcohol abuse had gotten so bad last year, that she was living in Texas, homeless. For many years, I allowed her to stay here,and try to help, but with this new abusive situation, I had to put my foot down and keep him safe. She didn't even show up for the custody hearing. She has been off the drugs and alcohol since she was arrested last December, spending 90 days in jail for child support. Stated she became a Christian and is done with all that stuff in the past, that she was going to be a good mom, not see any guys for a while, prosecute the abuser, etc. etc. Got out of jail, in two days, hitch hiked to Kansas and has been with the abuser ever since. (last Oct.), What is wrong with her? How could she choose this over her children? I told her if she went back to him, that I would file for custody, she went anyways. Am I a bad Mom for doing that to her? I know I did the right thing for my precious Grandson, but he isn't old enough to understand it all, and I pray we will be getting some kind of help. His therapist believes he is having post traumatic stress disorder from all that he has been through. For some reason, this week, he has had a ton of melt downs, he did have a good handle on things for a very long time, what is different about this last week? I make sure he knows it isn't his fault. Well, I really just wanted to thank you for posting, because I related to it. I have been looking for someone in similar situations, it is hard to find. Thank you and God bless you with all my heart! Mary in Arkansas

gurlfriend, I can only pray that my Grandchildren have as healthy of an outlook on their lives, as you do. We are so worried that he is going to get older, have these rages, or maybe turn to drugs, suicide, jail? who knows. At seven years old, hopefully we are getting him the assistance he needs to become the happy healthy solid man I know he can be. Thank you for your posts, and have a blessed Thanksgiving, you deserve it.

Keep the children, my daughter did the same exact thing, thank God she left the two kids with him, he is stable, secure financially, emotionally, and has a wife that has adopted the two, and they are thriving. After leaving him, she had another child, my 7 year old Grandson, after years of him living a life back and forth, different men in and out, and her general lack of interest, we finally got custody. He is so heartbroken, but one day he will understand. PLEASE PLEASE keep your children, I could go on forever about the emotional abuse and neglect he suffered all those years I was afraid to seperate her from yet another child. She is now three states away, married the man who almost killed her, many time with broken bones, infront of my grandson. They live at his fathers house, it is a hoard like the shows on TV, they have no jobs, no money, and seem to be quite content. I don't want her to be this way, but I can't do anything about her choices, but regretting not making the choice 6 years ago for him, so he wouldn't have had to go thru it all. He is a mess right now, and we are in therapy, school is supportive, etc. one day he will understand. PLEASE save your children from a possible mess like this, and yourself for your sanity and peace of mind,. You deserve it, it is time for you to make a choice for you and your children, not for her poor choices. Blessings