Mothers who leave their children

i experienced the same thing when i was 8. she just told me a lie, and left. it has been 18 years since and it still feels like im on this emotional roller coaster. from the beginning, id say i was sad, and then those sad feelings turned into lost and confused.  as i was a teenager those sad feeling completely went away and turned into hate,rebellious, and don't give a fuck about anything kinda stuff. when i was 19 she decided to show her face..back on that emotional roller coaster, only it had slammed into a brick wall. even though she had been back, there is still an absence. i dont get attached. she is an alcoholic/ drug addict. currently in jail. she is not a good example for me. i am better than she! all in all ive tried to make my life better. i used to get into drugs myself and hit rock bottom about the time she had some back. i took a step back and looked at my life. and then i looked at hers.  it was almost as if i started to start my life like HER.  out of control, random and enforcing danger to anybody around you. i couldn't do that to myself. that's what she left me for. she left to life a life chasing a high. so i quit cold turkey and kept my distance. and it remains to this day.do you have any other siblings that can relate to you? friends? how do you cope?

My Mom left me when i was two i love her and see her every summer. Forgive and forget she didnt mean to hurt you maybe it was hard for her i already talked to my mom about it over the phone and i found out why she left i hope you will forgive your mom and Let it go.

oO Really i would try to reconcider my decision before i do that because my mom left me i felt like shit but i kept on going we r still friends but we will never be close enough to form that special bond again so try to think what u would feel like if you were them and they left u i bet u would feel shitty i did too but holding grudges over love is an ancient artafact. PS Im Ten XD

I am Borderline...all the criteria...you name it...cutting, binge drinking, inappropriate rage, risky sex, mood swings, going from love to hate, intolerance of being alone, etc. etc. I also have mild OCD where I check the contents of my purse all the time.I'm a mom. 2 Boys, ages 9 and 11. Their father and I were sharing half custody, but it stopped working. One reason, because I live in a 2 bedroom home with an 85 year old grandfather, my mother and 22 year old sister (both of whom are iv drug users -- I am NOT) My "bedroom" is the living room couch and my kids had to sleep on the floor. It just got to be too much and their father is taking custody. Which is fine, but here's the other part... I am in love with a wonderful man. We met online years ago and he spent 8 months here with me before an "episode" broke us up and he returned home 600 miles away. We reconciled, I went to visit, we chose to make our relationship work...but I realized I CANNOT handle a long distance relationship. I just can't. I can't have my kids here anyway, and I want to be with my fiance. He asked me to move in with him and I said yes. This is 600 miles away. My kids dad said NO WAY are they coming to spend part of the year with me. So, I feel like I am abandoning them. But I know that the move would be healthy for me, I would have more support, more resources, more love and happiness. I can't make it on my own here. Even if I had a job, I know I'd lose an apartment (I've been evicted three times, it's like I am an incapable child) My fiance says we can make a wonderful life together and we can go to court and ask the judge to let the kids at least spend summers with us until they are old enough to choose who they want to live with...they told me they want to go with me. My family that I live with is telling me I am choosing my fiance over them and my kids. Maybe this is true, but I love my kids and I want to have them. But I also want to marry the love of my life and grow old with him. If I could handle long distance, I would. But I can't. I don't know why I'm posting. I don't know what I want or need to hear. I feel like a failure at motherhood and life. I am afraid my kids will hate me. But, I'm leaving tomorrow, everything is set. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I stay, I don't have the kids anyway and live with abusive drug addicts on a couch without the man I love (who is also a parent.) If I go, I have a better life but am 600 miles from my kids. As you can probably tell, the second option is my choice and preference, but I feel guilty and selfish.I guess I just needed to vent, but please feel free to comment honestly. All I ask is that no one be hateful, I cannot take any more hate directed at me

you should not abandon kid young because they got the rest of life on there own

hi everyone.... i am one of those mothers who left her kids ...they were 4 and 5 and 10.....i suffered a lot of of abuse, and then my dad died....and endend up in a qualid area in a squalid part of the city i lived.....i was diagnosed with bipolar.. i had panick attacks and sufferd anxiety.. i very rarely left my horrible flat....depression is a horrible illness.. and i would not wish it on anyone....anyway i made the desision that my kids would be better off with their dad...he lived in a nice house in a nice area... and although he did not like me much ...he loved his kids very much.....it was the worst desision of my life......he married someone else eventually and eventually i was pushed out of their lifes.. i missed out on a lot with my kids.....and people turned against me for making this decision....my life was hell....i deepley regret leaving my kids.....(and although we have a good relationship now...i know im lucky to have any realtionship....).... i am full of guilt.... and the depression is still here.......i know deep down that that i would of been happier with my kids in my life...no matter what the circumstances.......i am the happiest when we are all together...... there is still a stigma attached to mums who do this......and i wished i could help mums who do this......it is not a easy decision to this and any woman who does this does not do this lightly......she needs help.. as i did....she is not selfish ....but isdoing this because she loves her kids.........but no matter.what.....my adivice to anyone thinking of doing this ....is DONT........or at least think of the consequensies....

hi maddy.. i have tried to look for you on facebook ... but there are lots of maddy nobles.....i am new to this wbsite and left my kids because of illness... which has affected my whole life....and am interested in anyone who would like to talk of their experiences .. whether it mums who left their kids or whether you were that child left......id like to know their feelings on the subject....please could you reply...

Hi this is my first time of writing on here, i left my two daughters behind (12 & 14) when my husband found out i was having an affair and threw me out of my home, he would not let me back in the house, so i had no choice but to live somewhere else, my daughters feel like i have abandoned them and my eldest refuse to have any contact with me, it is the hardest thing i have ever had to cope with, the guilt and hurt i suffer every day not being there for my girls and the way they think of me, they do have a good life with their dad they have stayed in their home where their school and friends are, i wouldnt be able to offer them a good life. My family have disowned me and will have no contact with me as they cant believe i left, i text my girls everyday and i do get a reply from my youngest, i think she really misses me, i dont see them, even at christmas they didnt want to see me, that was terrible, all i do is hope and pray that in time they will both come round and want more regular contact. 

hi just read your post, how did you manage to get back a good relationship with your kids, im trying to get back into my daughters lives but its really hard and i dont know that to do next.

I like your story. I'm trying to cone to grips with my own mother abandoning my brother's and I. I have tried,I am trying to have a relationship with my mother but she makes it hard.I was fiv e when she left us 12 when she asked for us back. Now our relationship is that of" my way or the high way" I'm not sure how to have an adult conversation with her. Most days, I don't like her.

Pleaseee stay with your son..every child needs there mother noone will ever take your place in his world..stay strong stay for him please

My wife of 17 years left our family just under 4 weeks ago.  I have my four children ages 17, 14, 9, and 4 with me.  When she left she planned everything out.  My older kids were with me at a doctor's appointment.  My younger kids were with the grandmother.  She was supposed to go to her own doctor's appointment and then to a meeting with the other leaders of her Girl Scout troop.  Instead I got a text from her saying that the last 3 years had been a lie, that she was leaving the kids with me, that I should take her truck to a shipping agency the following week, and that she had worked out everything with a lawyer so that she would only get what she had taken with her (which turns out to have been about $80,000) and her truck, and that we would have joint physical custody with no child support on either side.We had discussed the possibility of divorce.  I had found out that she was involved in a long-distance affair with a cousin (not blood related) by accident and she told me that she planned on leaving when she took her trip in the summer and not to return.  It would have been her fourth affair during our marriage (two physical and two online).  She told me that she thought I was the better parent and that the kids didn't respect or listen to her.  I pleaded with her to give our marriage a chance until then and she said that we could do that.  While I thought we were working on our marriage she was raiding our mutual funds.  I also asked her, if she did leave, to think about the children -- especially the younger ones.  Her only concession was that they might be able to visit in the summer.After she left, she told the kids that they could visit in the summer and make a choice about where they would live.  She then changed that to telling them that they had to visit her 3 times:  in the summer, the winter, and the spring before they could choose to live with her.  This kind of stuff is too much for my 4 year old.  She misses her mommy, she's told she has to make a choice, and then she's told she won't be allowed to make the choice for a year.My 17-year old son is clinically depressed.  His mother doesn't believe in therapy at all.  His girlfriend of almost 3 years had broken up with him a month before his mom left.  The night his mom left, he texted her to ask how she could leave in his hour of need.  Her response was that he never came out of his room to talk to her anyway so how could she have been helping him?  I watched him decline for a week.  By the Sunday following his mom's departure, he told me he couldn't contract with me to not take his life for the day.  He asked me to take him to the hospital.  I did and I let his mom know.  She told me that he was just faking so that he wouldn't have to do his homework and so he would have an excuse not to graduate.  She asked me to ask him if he knew he was going to the funny farm.  She kept repeating to me that this was not her fault and that she took no responsibility for it.  He was in an adolescent psychiatric unit for 10 days.  He's home with us now but I know he still needs a lot of help.My son will not speak with his mom.  He says that he feels she gave up any say she had in his life the moment she set foot on the plane.My 14-year old daughter has become the perfect child.  She used to be the one that argued and fought with my wife and I the most.  Now she's helpful and humble.  I'm waiting for her to explode.My 9-year old daughter wants to hit someone.  She told me and her grandmother that she wanted to hit something.  Her grandmother got her stacks of pillows and she punched and hit them until she wore herself out.  I asked if it helped and she said no.  I asked why and she said because she wanted to hit someone not pillows.  I asked her if she knew she couldn't do that and she said she did.  I asked her why she wanted to hit someone and she said because she's mad at mom.My 4-year old daughter will be fine and then just start crying.  A couple days ago she cried for over half an hour (until she fell asleep in my arms) because she missed mommy.  She asks over and over why mommy wants to live in Iowa.What's worse is I still miss my wife.  I know I would welcome her back in a heartbeat but rationally, I know that she has lied to me repeatedly, cheated on me, stolen from our family, and hurt the children without remorse.  I feel totally stupid.

My mother left when i was 3 months. I am now 18 near 19. My dad raised the 4 of us hes the best hes my world. I wouldnt be here without him. i have never seen her. No child should have to go without a mother. For those people who are thinking of leaving Dont. For those who think their kids are better off Still Dont leave them. They need you. I WILL NEVEE LEAVE MY CHILDREN

   I have written 3 or 4 different prompts - telling my story. But I decided that it didn't really matter what happened to me or my family - its what I want these mothers who are contemplating leaving their children to hear --- No one  said life would be easy. If you weren't ready for children, you should have kept your pants on. It is you job as mothers to "buck up" and take responsibility. I am a firm believer of "if there is a will there is a way!" Get out there and do something with your life and for your child(ren)!!! There are too many opportunities out there in the world to sit back and pitty yourself       But, if you don't have the "guts" to stick around - at least make sure your child(ren) have someone reliable to care for them. I was so blessed to have a wonderful father to care for me and my siblings when my mother left. A lot of you who are talking about leaving are talkin about leaving your children with some sorry SOBs. Leaving them with a sorry excuse for a father and a runaway mother will only hurt them.      I may come off harsh, but I've been there. I was the little girl that was left. I laid in bed and cried for hours - contemplated suicide multiple times. I have been told that there is no love like a mother's love, but I will never know. There are too many children without mothers - dont leave more children motherless.      To the 15 year old who's mother just recently left (and any others suffering the same situation): learn from this & grow from this. Going through life without a mom is tough - almost seems impossible at times. Don't let it define you. Get up & get going with your life - make a name for yourself! God put you here on this Earth for a reason. He took our mothers from us for a reason! Grow to have a family & shower them with the love you never received!     My life isn't as bad as some & most aren't as bad as mine but I have became such a stronger woman because of the trials life has thrown at me. I walk around with my head held high and a smile on my face - no one would ever know that I was abused, beaten and abandoned. We have to stick together - us who are abandoned & left. All of the Hurt an anger rushes back to me when I read someone asking questions like "why?!" We may never know.    I didn't want to say anything at first and now I'm rambling but I just can't stress it enough - do not let such an event define you! I feel like us who were left have a bond, feel free to contact me for absolutely anything. My brothers and sisters in Christ - love y'all! 

Hi. I have a two months old and I am really depressed, I am very far from home, I am about to divorce, don't have any friends and I just want to leave... I don't feel love for her, it is horrible, I have a mental illness and that makes things worse, I even thought about hurting myself or the baby :'( I think she will be better with his father and without me... I am desperate, what should I do? Going back to my country? Give him custody?