Mothers who leave their children

A mother who abandons her children is lacking something necessary to be with them; whether emotional, mental, or physical. Though some children end up in worse situations, once their absent parent leaves, most are better off. We can't choose our parents. Not all people should be parents. Children are innocent victims in a screwed up world. Children who suffer from negative feelings resulting from abandonment, should seek professional counseling to deal with the trauma.

My mom abandoned me when I was 12. She was in a very bad relationship with my dad, and I understand why she left him. I don't understand or forgive why she left me. I was a good kid, I did have some issues though. I had to see and go through alot being in that house growing up, never any peace and abusive. I am a adult now and I don't like to put too much but life has never been easy or happy for me. I am not a happy person at all. My whole family was ripped apart then and when my dad died. I can not forgive my mom though, I suffered so much and feel like she didn't have it so bad I had to go. She kept her favorite out of all us kids but the rest went. Hope oneday I can find myself and live a happy life but I think I was just dealt a shitty hand of cards.

Hello. After reading your blog about your baby son and yourself and how you feel i can only give advise from myself who has been there and done exactly what you have said. No matter how sad you are how much you hurt inside please dont abandon your child. I did this and cry every day because of what i did and still cry because of my problems i had before i did this. Its the worst feeling in the world you will never get over it. Your heart will never truly mend. Seek counselling and come to terms with your problems but dont give up on your child he needs you more than anyone else.

I am a single father of two children whose mother has decided to leave.  She and I were divorced two months ago, so we were already living apart, but I never expected her to choose to live away from her children.  Her decision came only a week ago and, as I write this, she has already moved to another city and started a new job.   It has been a difficult couple of weeks for me as I try to understand my children's feelings while dealing with my own anger at her and at myself for making such a terrible choice in life.  I don't know how people leave their children.  What has happened to us as a society when this happens so frequently?  I truly believe there is an epidemic out there of selfish women who act on basic desires to flee rather than gather themselves together and stick with it. I will never leave my children.  My plan is to take her to court and attain whatever parental rights I can.   If my children read this some day, I am so sorry that I couldn't stop you mom from leaving.  I may not be showing you my sadness, but I am sad for you that your mom has put herself first in most of her decisions.  I love you and will not leave you.

Hi. My mom( I shouldn't use that word because she's not a "mom" at all) left my family when I was 4 years old. I too grew up with my father, and 3 older brothers. I miss her with all my heart, but I absolutely can not forgive her for what she did and I certainly do not love her anymore. Let me tell you why before any of you say oh she's your mother you should love her  One day my brothers and I came home from school on a rainy day. She was supposed to pick us up but failed to show up. So we walked home and by the time we got their we were cold, drenched, and in tears. Ready to go inside, the door was locked. For about an hour we screamed and pounded on the door hoping she would come unlock it because we could hear her voice in her bedroom. Thankfully our neighbor let us go inside their house until our father came home about 2 hours later. Within those two hours she had left. When my dad arrived home he told us to get clothes because we were staying at grandmas while he went and found mom because "she was in the mountains lost. She just needed some air"  All day the next day he went up to the mountains looking for her. Finally he gave up, came and got us and we drove home. There in our living room there she was making out with another man. We could all see her. My dad went and talked to her, and that night we spent the night in a hotel. She never once called, visited, or wrote. 4 years had passed and I was going to be baptized. And she came. With her new husband. She had gone to Kansas and gotten married without telling any of us. After the baptism I thought she would call or come around. Nope. She didn't she moved to Hawaii for 6 years. Now she's back and lives 3 blocks away from us. Yet she still doesn't call or come around on birthdays or holidays. She does all these pageants, gets featured in the newspapers. Not once does she mention her children. If she does tell someone about her kids, she completely lies about it. She disgusts me.  I never had a mom to meet my friends, to cook meals, to do my hair, teach me how to do my makeup, take me shopping, anything. I get my dad mother's day cards. It absolutely kills me inside to know that I will never have a mother. She took my childhood. I grew up way too fast. I can not forgive her. I am beyond angry with her.  Mothers or fathers who leave their families absolutely disgust me unless there are severe consequences that would take place if they do not get out of the situation. If you have a problem with your spouse sit down and work it out. Do not just run away and ruin people's lives.

My mom left our family 2 months ago and i've really been struggling with it, that's why i searched and found this forum. It's a really complicated story but my parents were married for over 20 years, i am now 18 years old with two siblings. She got up and left while he was on vacation, but she had been secretely moving into a new home for weeks. It's a complicated story, but she left for a really unusual reason, or so i strongly believe. She immediately moved in with someone whom i believe she left our family for. I hate her so much for doing it, for she knew that if she moved in with him then i would no longer pursue a relationship with her, but she still made the decision. I'm struggling a lot and i can't handle it on my own. My dad has to pay so much money and i'm supposed to go to univeristy next year. I work extremely hard but even with scholarships it will be atleast 16 000 a year. I'm so stressed and i just want my mom to come home but she isnt coming back now. I cant handle this. 

I have a 3 year old grandson. He and his father "our son" live with us. His mother left when he was 2 months old. She wanted to hit him when he cried among other things! At what age do you tell a child his mother left? I don't want to do more damage. What do you tell them and how do you do this? I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life! Growing up I had never heard of a mother leaving her children.

iam a mum and a granma. sometimes life can be hard and some poeple deal with it better than others...my sister has left her childern 2 boys one 8 other 12... a husband who she has been with for 19 years... she has not been the same since our dad passed away last may... i would never leave my children and have looked after them all off there lifes... i lefted there father who was a bad bad bad man . he did things to me that no one knows about and stuff to our children evev after we left.... iam pleased to say that he got his when he took his own life after been sent to jail for a long long time.. i looked atfer my children that is my job as a mum. my sister has lost everything her boys dont want to talk to her our mum never answer the phone when she rings and her husband is working and trying his best... HE IS NOT THERE MUM AND THEY NEED HER TO BE ONE. for whatever reason she has walked never to come back... she has lefted everyone benond heartbroken sometime iam so mad i want to punch her BUT most off the time iam sad .... life is short please love the poeople you are to love ,, thanks trish from england

My son just turned 18 months old last week.  He's a wonderful boy, and I love him with every fiber of my being.  His mother, on the other hand, is a completely different story. From the time my son was just one month old, his mother started having trouble taking care of him.  She and I weren't married, and we'd only been dating for about six months when she announced she was pregnant with her first child.  Earlier that week, I'd been seriously thinking of ending the relationship, and had actually planned to tell her it was over the same night she told me she was pregnant.  We discussed alternative options to pregnancy, but she was horrified by the mere thought.  In an odd way her pregnancy seemed a blessing to me -- I was 43 years old on the day I learned I was going to be a father, and I had pretty much decided then that children just weren't going to be a part of my life.  At my age, I wasn't really prepared to be a dad, but soon after I heard the news, I resolved that I would do the best that I could to take responsibility for this life that was about to come into the world. What followed was a troubling and exhausting seven months, right up until the day when my son was born.  His mother and I argued frequently, and at the time I had a job that required very long hours.  There were also a number of other troubling signs regarding her mental health; outlandish statements that bespoke serious and worrisome anxieties.  Still, I did the best I could.  I was there for every prenatal doctor's visit, and I paid all her medical bills.  During the last four months of her pregnancy, I paid her living expenses too.  We tried counseling, but she refused to go back for a second visit.  I spent time with her family, and I made a point of getting to know her mother and brother.  Essentially, I tried to start building a life with this woman I hardly knew, to make the best of a  difficult situation.  Unfortunately, I could never seem to get my son's mother to meet me halfway with this plan. The day of my son's birth was the most amazing day of my life.  As I looked down at his tiny face, I knew then that I was committed to being the best father I could be for my son.  His mother though never seemed to feel the same way, no matter how much I tried to change her mind. Three weeks after my son was born, I lost my job.  A week after that, my son's mother announced she was planning on hurting herself.  What followed was several months of on-again, off-again in-patient psychiatric care.  She'd be in for a few weeks, out for a few days, back in again for several more weeks, then another repeat of the same.  With every visit, there was a new doctor, and a new diagnosis as well.  I lost track of how many different meds they had her on, and what specific mental illness this weeks' doctor was claiming she had.  All through this ordeal, I was at home taking care of my newborn son.  I had no experience at all with children, and I was scared shitless for many, many months.  I had no idea what I was doing.  Fortunately, I was incredibly lucky to have a very close friend practically move in with me to begin teaching me the ropes of how to care for a one month-old baby.  God knows what I would have done without her help -- I know I would never have made it though the first year without her incredibly kind and patient assistance. Eventually, my son's mother moved-in with us, and we tried to live as a family.  I was as patient and loving as I could be, and we had social workers from the county over every week.  When she decided she was ready to go back to work, I stayed home and cared for our son, even though it was a financial disaster since I make about five times what she makes in her job.  We still argued a lot though, and as time passed, I began to realize that my son's mother simply didn't feel the same way as I did about our rapidly growing boy. I love my son more than anything; his mother just never seemed to have any true feelings for him.  It all appeared forced at best.  Her heart just seemed empty, and it was something I could never understand.  She spent more and more time away from home, and she flat refused to even consider staying home with our son so I could go back to work.  As the weeks went by, it became more and more obvious to me that her heart just wasn't in it.  As far as I could see, she was only interested in meeting her own needs, and rarely gave our son much thought.  I was forced into taking nearly complete responsibility for my child, and I began to worry about what might happen if I ever left her alone with him. As I said, my son's mother and I argued frequently, and each argument seemed to become an excuse for her to step further and further away from her role as a mother.  Inevitably, that was what always sparked our shouting matches -- me trying to get her to accept responsibility as our son's mother, and her fighting me every step of the way, not wanting to take any responsibility for his care.  After one particularly nasty confrontation, she left near midnight, and then I left with my son soon thereafter.  I was worried she'd come back and the argument would continue, so I thought it best that my son and I not be there.  An hour later, the police were on the phone telling me that she'd reported that I'd kidnapped our son.  In no uncertain terms, the officer on the phone told me that I'd be shot on sight if I didn't bring my son down to the police station within the next 20 minutes.  The incident scared the willies out of me, but they let me take my son home after an hour at the station.  Later that week, I filed for full legal and physical custody of my son; his mother never appeared at any of the subsequent court hearings. Since that time, my son has grown and grown, even as his mother has drifted further and further out of our lives.  He's walking and talking now, developing a warm and friendly personality I can only stand back and admire.  I'm back working again, and my son and I will be moving to a new home in a few weeks time.  I've stopped trying to engage his mother in his life; the last time she saw him, she refused to take her eyes off her god-damned tablet computer long enough to even acknowledge him.  After watching that, I asked her to leave, and haven't talked to her since.  I'm incredibly hurt and angry at the situation, but I've also come to accept that there's no rational argument I can make, no heart-felt pleading I can do, no cajoling I can try, or force I might employ that is ever going to change her mind when it comes to our son.  In the end, there's just no love there, no room in her heart for the child she gave birth to.  I hate the situation, but I just can't change it.  My son and I are going to have to move on with our lives, without his mother. I sometimes wonder what it is I'll tell him when he gets old enough to ask why he doesn't have a mother in his life.  It breaks my heart to think about, but I know it's going to happen eventually.  So far, the best I've been able to come up with is, "Your mom is sick and can't be with us."  I hope that will suffice as an explanation until he's old enough to begin understanding the difficult and often heart-wrentching complexities that lie behind the relationship between mothers and fathers.  As I look back on the last two years, even I'm not sure exactly what got us to this point, and why things unfolded as they did.  I just know it's going to be hard on my son without a mother.  I simply try to be a great dad, and I continue to surprise myself with how well I'm able to settle into that role.  Still, while I can be a good father to my son, I'm never going to be able to fulfill his all his needs for a loving and caring mom.  All I can do is hope and pray that what I can do will be enough to makeup for his missing mom. So as I close this somewhat lengthy post out, I just want to say one final thing to the men or women out there reading this, thinking that they just can't cope, or that it's OK if they step away from their children's lives because of some bad situation at home -- don't do it.  There's no excuse for abandoning your children.  None.  There's no justification enough to allow anyone, man or woman, to abandon their kids.  Being a parent is a lifetime commitment.  It's not a job you can set aside, or a task you can delay until some future date.  I'm just at the beginning of my journey as a parent, and what keeps me going through the hard parts -- and there have been a lot of hard parts, believe me -- is that I know I don't have any choice.  My boy's life depends on me being there to take care of him, no 'ifs' 'ands' or 'buts'.  Failure is not an option.  Knowing that one fact is what gives me the strength to make it through each day.  I get though because I have to.  I find a way forward because I have to find a way forward.  It's as simple as that. If you think you're too depressed to do the job of being a parent, seek counseling.  If you're bored with your life and the lives of your kids, try finding a new hobby.  If he's abusive to you, take the kids and run, because he'll be abusive to them too.  No matter what the obstacle, find a way around it that doesn't involve abandonment of the people who most need you.  Don't be the character who dies on page 17, or the one who walks away in the middle of the journey.  Be the hero, the one who fights to the end.  Be the responsible person, the one who can be relied upon no matter how difficult the job.  That attitude will serve you well in every aspect of your life, and I guarantee you that being the kind of person who pushes though all the crap life throws at us is something you will not regret.

I am sure you are most likely suffering from 'post-natal' depression. Please go visit your GP. with help and support from your GP and family you will come through this ok! Babies are hard work, lack of sleep, your hormones all over the place. These are things that can be sorted. Just don't be afraid to ask for help. Let your friends and family know how you are feeling, I am sure they will be only too happy to lend you a hand. Maybe to babysit so that you can have some 'me time'.

hi,im not sure if i can relate to how you feel exactly but my fathr pased away when i was very young,i ws raised by my mother and i swore to never leave my children when i have them....i now have four kids , my oldest is 12 his mother left him with me to raise by myself and i did a pretty good job,then i meet a woman who i thought i would be with for ever,,we had three kids she stayed until the oldest of our three was 4 then she split on them leaving me to raise them by myself..that was a year ago im doing the best i can but to answer your question..i hope my children grow to hate her like i do,but im not sure if they will its their mother..and i dont think its fair to me to raise the kids by myself and her still be loved as much as me by our kids its just not right ,i think any GIRL that leaves her children should be locked up until they realize their kids are THEIR resposibility and they have no choice but to take care of them......i just dont see how anybody could leave their children , it would just kill me if i wasnt around them!!!!!

you don't beleive in (GOD)

maybe she left u cuz ur dad treated her bad idk but i am sorry for ya

All things happen for a reason, even when we don't understand. If you should happen to see her again, accept her and hug her as she is. Sometimes, things are better off left alone.When she feels like opening up to you she will tell you, and if she doesn't at least you can still say I love you, and you're here.

Hi first time here. I am the father of a 4 year old. Need real advice from mothers. We have been married for 4 years and she is leaving for good tonight. She wants to take our son but she has no means of carring for him but MORE importantly she is abusive to him by means of verbal and general lack of interest. Bi polar maybe but of course I know she loves him. I said I want him here with me and my family as they have always been there for all of us not hers at all. We just don't fit together or love each other anymore. The question is should we sacrifice both our happiness for our son or should he go with his mother which would be a struggle from day one. Should he stay here with me where he will have all the security he needs. Our should I sacrifice all that I have for her to have her son?