Mothers who leave their children

I can relate to your story, I am in a similar situation, his family drains me out of money and every plan I make gets thwarted. Its like living a nightmare day after day after day and there seems to be no end.. I'm so desperate to leave everything behind and run, but the guilt is overwhelming and I wonder how my baby will grow up with me, she's 10 now but how much more longer to I put up with it

You don't tell them she will come back. All you can do is show them love. I think it is a bad idea to keep showing them pictures of their mother cause the reality is that she may never come back. All showing them pictures does is confuse them. Trust me I know. My son's mom left us when he was just over a year old. I struggled with her leaving and would do anything to bring her back in his life. I didn't want him to forget his mom and would show him pictures all the time. All I was doing was making the situation worse for him. You are a mother figure in your grandchildren's life all you can do is show them the motherly love they deserve. Its a tragic situation but really there is nothing else u can do.

I'm going to 'leave; my only (11 year old) daughter with her father too, if the family court does no let me relocate her with me to another state (4hr flight away). I've been her primary carer since she was born, father high functioning ice addict (unbeknownst to me - yes call me naive), abusive (to me), stopped drugs after we separated, but did not admit it for years, and continued the control and abuse of me (I was broken, co-dependent, depressed, in a state with no family etc etc). 7 years of on/off family court, finally close to over. Independent child expert (psychiatrist) recommended in my favour - hopefully the family court judge will too. Have suffered immense depression, anxiety, and trauma - from the pre-separation and continuation post separation from my ex. Only the last year or so have i basically gone zero contact (except daughter's logistics), has helped a lot. Have had my ignorance and naivety destroyed - now realise people actually lie - in affidavits and on the stand, as do barristers and lawyers [- just to win!. Daughter had massive issues/anxiety , father wouldn't let her get treated (court orders required his OK - finally figured out it was 'severe' OCD - had to get psychiatrists diagnosis and court order to treat - father now says to court was just 'his' misunderstanding). I am not doing well, cannot be as good a mother as my daughter deserves. Decided can't keep going like this myself - will leave state and go 'home' to where I grew up to try and get healthy and happy. Daughter will miss me terribly if court orders not in my favour (but I'll still see her ~25%+ of the year on holidays etc). I've spent $300k - him probably $400k on lawyers. I can't keep it up. Suggestion: find your daughter, and try and understand what the fuck she has been through to make such a decision - and support her. She needs help. Your grandchildren may well be better off with you than him and his - but hopefully they are just in regular dysfunction, vs abusive dysfunction. Find and take care of your daughter, then she may be well enough to be in contact with her children, and then you can wave your 'magic'. But honestly, your daughter is who they want and need - support and help her to help them.

Wow. Just wow. I am utterly amazed by your depth of understanding and sympathy. Beautiful. Thank you.

Oh Honey, you are suffering from post-partum depression! I had that after the birth of my daughter, 21 years ago. Fortunately, my best friend encouraged me to speak to my doctor, and with medication and therapy, I recovered. You can, too. This is an illness, and it's not your fault! Please, please get help for yourself, there is no reason to just "suffer through it" or give up.

This is exactly how I feel, I'm 22 and me and her dad don't get along well at all, my home environment is not stable and her dad is always fighting me for full custody, tells me day in and day out that she should be with him, that I didn't deserve Mother's Day or to know when he starts potty training her etc.. he's always insulting me and has caused severe anxiety and depression. I really feel like they'd be better off with out me, I need to get a career and become stable and I told him when I was pregnant that I wasn't ready.. I know I'll let everyone down if I leave but I'm letting myself down everyday by not being able to be a successful person with a shitty environment and a daughter that deserves more than what I can give her .

But you should talk to a doctor about postpartum depression!

My mother left me when I was 13 I got a accident she did not came we was in same city and my step brother get a accident she went to look him another country? Some kid can control there feeling but some of them they don't trust a name of mother why why shoud always kid

I do not know who you are, but it made so much sense everything you said. I was crying my heart out just searching to see if there was "real" people that just felt this way, I don't know if I could do it. I have 3 amazing sons 22, 12 and 9. My 22 year old is so awesome, probably bc the whole family helped a single mom discipline and raise him while I went to school. My other 2 boys are loving but spoiled. My marriages have failed, because of me probably, my rock which was my mother passed and my Dad does what he can for guidance for my boys. I work Fulltime and oncall and go to school Full time to just provide and sometimes I just want to run. I just smile all the time when I am really hurting. Thank you just for writing what you wrote. I have done my best to raise boys to respect women, clean after themselves, cook and be independent but still, it is just so hard.

I pray for the precious children, mine and all others who don't have Mom in their lives daily! God is holding you, sweet children, and you ARE loved, more than you may know! I pray you all heal your broken hearts at the lost time and memories that could have been made with your Mommas... you deserved a perfect childhood, as all innocent children do. Alas, God gives us wounded, and/or imperfect parents...as all people are. Show me a perfect parent aside from Father God.... I pray for healing for children who have been and who feel abandoned by their mothers...I pray your hearts are completely healed and that you can forgive your Mother...and maybe even reconcile with her and make new memories with her now... All I ever wanted to be was an at home mother, like my mom was. She was not super affectionate though, and my goal was to be affectionate with any children I would be blessed with. I grew up pretty naive. I didn't know how to choose a healthy companion. While schools teach kids how to use condoms, they don't teach how to spot an empathy-less person, much less to know how empathy is a crucial need in a healthy marriage. I would love to create some kind of curriculum for teens about choosing emotionally healthy partners...and how to be one. People who are abused as children many times develop personality disorders to protect themselves, and thus, hurting people hurt people. I didn't know what a Narcissist was...or that there were people in the world that you can not have a healthy relationship with. I thought abuse in a relationship was only physical. So I married a very charismatic man who I met in church. I left a great job to follow this man to another state to be a children's pastor. He was an extrovert but flirted with every woman who would flirt back with him. I would tell him how this hurt me but he would turn things back to him...making me feel sorry for him and his abusive childhood. The flirting turned into affairs...no surprise. Yes he was a children's pastor. Yes they were church ladies. I was not friends with my husband at the time as we never talked about deeper things, and he would just stop talking to me when we did. I was always humiliated in public by him, etc. I felt like I was his slave and because I was a pastor's wife, I could not tell anyone (not much help back then for ministers wives...you were just supposed to be perfect) So there was much emotional and psychological abuse, and also legalistic church abuse. (I never knew there was such a thing as spiritual abuse til I experienced it!) After my second child was born, depression hit and thoughts that my husband just wanted to be a bachelor with a kept woman and kids at home as a show piece. Anything to make him look good. My girls were 5yo and 11 yo when I legally separated from my husband with the hope that he would work on the marriage with me. I home schooled the girls on and off through the years and we had a peaceful home. I had primary custody. Husband at the time had left the ministry and obtained his bachelors degree. He landed work making over $100K. We went to a marriage retreat...we were to write a love letter to each other and he just could not. I discovered more affairs and some financial loans he kept taking out. We divorced. He had the girls on the weekends. Long story shortened, I was in college trying to earn a career to better support my girls...the girls were in school and ages 9 and 15. Ex husband had done all kinds of harmful things to me even after the divorce. He said he would destroy me. Now I know that a narcissist will do that...alienate the children (many parents out there are alienated from their kids and they are perfectly loving parents...another topic for another thread) but ending a relationship with a Narcissist is hell. I am not a victim. I had choices. The choices before me were to move across the country to live with family and support, or stay in the state we lived in and constantly fight the Narcissist. He had filed to remove all financial support. Yes, he would have lost as he made over $100,000...he was giving me $24K a year to support the girls on and we were making it. But his abuse over the years and harassments took a toll on me. I had no friends, I sought resources and there was not much help. Abused people become drained, which I did... my choice was to stay and fight his abuses the rest of my life (I could not afford to take him to court over the things he pulled), or move away with the girls (I had primary custody). The judge would not let me move with my girls out of state. He said that the parent staying in the state would keep the children. I could not believe what he said. I thought moms who were primary care givers usually got custody...well not in this state or with this judge. I had to get away from his abuse and be near family. He was an okay dad. He could financially give the girls the best provision. The choice was stay and end up in a mental illness ward (which would not help my girls)... yes, abused people can get to the place of snapping...I didn't have a mental disorder but I didn't have the coping mechanisms or ability to find resources I needed to stay and deal with the constant pressure and court proceedings. (courts don't respect pro-se people... I asked a lawyer from domestic violence to help me but they only help people who are physically abused. I left my precious children with their dad and moved states away in order to find mental peace and support. it has been 8 years. I have learned soooo much. I thought I was the only non custodial mother. nope. I learned about parental alienation...and have experienced this (when a parent causes a child to dislike and not talk to a healthy, loving parent)... my ex took me back to court 3 year ago because my girls confided in me about his new wife's verbal and emotional abuse. I was emailing them (13 and 19 at the time) with ideas of how to cope in an abusive environment. Ex read the emails and told the court that I was 'including the 12 year old in adult conversations'. Court is a racket and should have told my ex to TALK to me about the emails. Court will take any money they can. I gave up a job and lived in their town for 3 months before and 3 months after court, trying to talk to my children, who stopped all contact with me when they found that I came to their city to spend time with them (our decree said any time I was in their town I could see them) ...this hurt my current marriage a lot but I felt I HAD to see my girls, we had been so close and now all of a sudden they are not talking to me or wanting to see me...I believe that their dad threatened them...I forced the visit through a police standby at their house but they refused to come to the door :( fast fwd... after 6 months of not hearing from my girls and them not answering my calls, etc. Court said that I needed to do therapy with my 13 yo, I was glad about this because I wanted the girls to get counseling.... So I was at least talking with my 13 yo. 6 months later my oldest daughter contacted me. YAY!!!! I have not abandoned my children, though they may feel like I did and may need healing from that. We have kept in contact through mail, text, phone calls. Things now are strained with my youngest daughter but are healing with my oldest!! I pray they and all children with out both and with out loving parents in their lives will completely heal!! thank you for your postings on this subject....very encouraging. To those who would judge, please know that you have not walked in my shoes... God bless you all J

thank you for the info

I love this and honestly made me feel soooooo much better

Thank you for sharing this. Mybmother left me when I was 4 on a plain from back east to the west coast with a father I did not know. I loved my mom so much I idolized her, I wanted to be just like her. For the first year or two she took me back from my father several times but then I got settled with my dad I missed my mom so much. So basically I see myself as being raised by my father even though I went to live with my mom as a teenager I pretty much was on my own and left home when I was 16. When I was 16 and 18 my mother had two boys. I had lost the disire to live but I had to now I had two baby brithers that I knew wouldn't have a mom some day and I had to take care of them. Besides the were light in my life. My mom did leave again after the boys were 6 and 8 or 7 and 9 can't remember exactly I was an adult by now and married. I disconnected with my mother for 15 years, and my brothers do not have a relationship with her either. I was soon to be a mom and I was going to protect my child from any pain from her. She finally met her grandson at 16 when I reconnected it was wonderful at first for four years until she was in a bad auto accident and almost died. I struggle with the fact my brothers won't talk to my mom and it breaks my heart of thought of her never getting to see them, her baby boys. I thought for 15 years how was it for my mom to have three children and a grandson she had no relationship with, how painful it must be for her. My mother is no polar as well

Guest My daughter has left her 3 year old son and husband 3 weeks ago. Please reply.

I left, as a mother of four... I took the youngest with me. After an 18 year abusive relationship. I saw no other way. My ex husband has turned my kids against me. I die slowly everyday.