Mothers who leave their children

I caught up with an old friend a few years back (after many years) and we shared news of our families and what we'd been doing over the past 20 plus years. He then confided in me that his wife had abandoned her daughter to be with him. He says that she fell pregnant as a 17 year old and married the father, but that she wasn't happy. She then met my Mediterranean friend and decided to leave her husband and daughter for him (They were both in their early 20's at that time and he tells me that he did not want to bring up another man's child. He tried to excuse his actions by saying that they were little more than kids themselves.....but I am sorry - 20-something year olds who are old enough to have sex and to want to marry each other are old enough to be responsible for how they handle situations, particularly with regards to innocent children). I was horrified at this revelation! Shocked! He is so family orientated - so how could they have done this to a little girl? The little girl was about 4 years old when her mother left the country to remarry. He and his wife went on to have four children of their own, although his wife has apparently (and perhaps unsurprisingly) suffered from bouts of depression over the years. The abandoned child remains a secret which is hidden from their four children and the rest of his family. He tells me that in their (Mediterranean) culture with its close knit/extended family network, his family would never understand. But quite frankly, I think it is a remarkably selfish act to abandon a child and cut off contact for the sake of "keeping it secret" for fear of being "viewed badly" by one's family. Moreover, I suspect that keeping this secret has not been without its ill effects - particularly mentally/psychologically on his wife. She could not have been without emotion for her abandoned daughter and I am aware that her actions also destroyed her relationship with her own parents. He tells me that they received a letter many years ago, written by the little girl when she was about 10 years old. He says it was full of hurt and confusion about why her mum had left her and had made no contact. I know he feels desperately guilty about this, but in my opinion they should stop hiding the past. This child (who will be almost 30 by now) deserves a heartfelt apology and an admission from them that they put their own needs before hers. I suspect too much damage may have been caused to rebuild a relationship between mother and daughter, but that is no excuse not to profusely apologise and try one's best to make amends in whatever way possible. As a mother myself, I sincerely hope that the girl has has plenty of love and happiness in her life to make up for what was denied to her over the years by her own mum.

I know of another dad and 4 year old little girl who were in a similar situation many years ago. I was told the story by the now husband of the woman who abandoned her 4 year old and felt heartily sick and disgusted listening to it. From the little knowledge I have, all I can say is that the 4 year old has blossomed into a beautiful young woman who is married with children of her own now (whom she dotes on by the way). She was supported and cared for by her father after her mum left. Unfortunately you can't chose your parents and you can't take away the hurt and confusion of being abandoned by one of them. But you know, the hurt you display for your daughter proves how much you care for her...and single dads can do a great job of raising their kids (dads are not second class citizens to mums....who makes the better parent is person dependent - not gender dependent). So as a (very maternal) married mother of two now grown up children, I wish you and your little girl love and happiness in abundance.

I think Michelle shertenlieb has done the same thing twice. Unbelievable

Yes, a mother leaving her children must a be a huge event. I have done just that, leaving my beautiful children in the United States. I left because of the state of the United States and how bad it will become. I left so that I can keep them safe - many mothers are made to feel bad but there has to be a HUGE reason... I left so that I can keep them safe when the USA falls.

There are mothers who are forced by fathers to stop seeking contact with their children after divorce. With the father as the initiator of the divorce. It is the most horrible and painful situation to end up in, when the father finds is not man enough to prevent his family from falling apart and then he agressively keeps the mother from seeing her children. My only hope is that my children will come to see me when they have reached the age of consent.

You have PPD please see a DR

Time for a moment of truth here. I AM "one of those women" who left their children, I used to be a mother but I am no longer, atleast I don't think of myself as one anymore because I made a bad mistake, (when people ask if I have children I have always said yes-butt- they live with their father). Hopefully my story can help someone that has been left by a mother to understand why. Or, maybe some of my reasons and issues will help someone not make my mistakes. Becuase yess this was a HUGE mistake. My son was 7 and my daughter was 5 when I left. I will NEVER forget that day I decided I was going to leave or I was going to kill myself. I took my children to the bus stop that morning, looked at them both, hugged them as tight as I could, looking them both in the eyes and told them "never forget I love you with all my heart please". I watched them get on the bus to school, and took the bare necessities from my house and left, just drove away (yes I cried, and yes I also stopped at a friends house, she was great, she told me to think about waht I was doing, but it was to far gone now). It was a relief and a heart break all at once (I was in a differnt world, it all seems a dream to me now). I can give all kind of excuses as to why I did it. Abuse (his abuse), Drugs (him not me), infedelity (again him), and yes probly some mental issues (on my part). I will not say it is all his fault. I had avenues to persue, but at the time I honestly thought I had used them all up. I had called lawyers, police, and family. All the time telling them I was fine.. everything is fine, and asking what would happen IF I took the kids out of state, out of school, IF I just packed them up and poofed, IF I decided I couldn't be there anymore. I heard things from jail time if you take the kids out of state, to law suits to.. well u get the just of it. It was frightening. On top of everything else I was dealing with in my life. It was too much. I am not even sure if there was a specific moment I decided to leave them behind. Other then that moment when I hugged them goodbye and knew I was leaving one way or another. That is the moment I remember the most. So maybe that was the moment I decided in my head I was leaving for good. Anyways from that moment on my life has been hell.. I have been called an bad mother, and egg doner, a black sheep, an mother who abadons her children, made to feel like I was worse then nothing while tryin to fight to get my children back. My kids are 22 and 20 now and I can tell you they have heard nothing but bad things about me. If and when I do hear from them it is a blessing from god and makes my heart soar. I hope to think they had a better life with thier father then they ever would have had with me. They have been to hawaii, and many cruises. And as far as I know been treated very well, and gotten to know thier new sisters from his new wife. So all is not bad in their lifes. Plus another side of a family they never had before me. So all is not lost. I still have hope in my heart that someday they will come back to me. I thought that was when they were 18 and no longer under his control. But now i've realized that well I lost any part of them I ever could have called to myself long ago. Leaving is a HUGE HUGE HUGE decision. Be sure if your leaving your children behind it's for the best, and NEVER assume that they will still call you mom when they are old enough to be a part of your life. No matter how much you love them and fought for them in the years between, nothing is a given unless your loaded with money or gods grace. I hope I helped atleast one person to understand that not all absent mothers are cold hearted. SOMETIMES it's a momentary decision. A HUGE mistake. Something that I personally wish I could take back with all my heart and soul.

NO YOU ARE NOT!!! Your situation sounds perfectly horrible!

Thank you for your words. I also have, it seems been through what you went through. That guilt never EVER leaves. My life is also hell. It is the worst decision of your life. The only thing I am missing in my life now is the relationship with my children. May god be with you in your future with them. Sending my prayers for you and your children.

Not really sure you will see this but for what it is worth...I am going through the same thing. My heart is so torn. I feel lost. Only I have my almost 4 year old granddaughter. See the thing is. My daughter is also bipolar. AND my granddaughter is actually not biologically mine. My daughter and son in law couldnt have kids supposedly so my niece gave my now granddaughter to my daughter and sil. March of this year my daughter left her husband and my granddaughter just out of the blue. No reason (later to find out she has someone new). No good byes nothing. The coming and going...taking my granddaughter with her one time...just been a mess. Well the first of Sept. She came back again..with my gb and promised her she was never leaving again...blah blah blah. 3 weeks later she left again. This time saying she didnt have the connection with my GB anymore

Simply put any parent who leaves there child is a Selfish absorb looser, NEWS FLASH YOUR NOT THAT IMPORTANT! You'll hear stories all over the net. I left my kids for them, I had to find my own way ... Go screw! You'll hear about their heart ache over it ect. These people are full of nothing but themselves. Ive actually heard of support groups for those who leave their kids, ARE YOU FOR REAL! To cope with the guilt, to empower your independence .. The BS is staked deep. ... men and women who sit in a room looking for attention from other people who need attention. These people will always find a way to make it about themselves. You left your kids! You a Narcissist or have an some other undiagnosed mental condition. And yes this goes for both men and women. For those kids who posted on this board, You will always miss your mother, you may even want to reach out to them. BE CAREFUL! Some parents may leave because they where young and scared .. these people will be in the minority, Most only care about themselves and thats wont change after you unit with them. You deserve to meet your parents if thats something you want to do, Be VERY CAUTIOUS, their is a very good chance they could use your longing to take advantage of you for there own gain. Single DAD of 2, who still has to listen to his Exs Violin and excuses why she cant see the kids. And as you can imagine its never her fault. 5 years of empty promises . Allot of times these men and women aren't wrong, The kids are better off without parents who aren't invested in them.

my mom left me to go to a drug and rehab program and i know 2 years might seem like its not that long but it really is once u think about it! i really miss her and i only get to talk to her once a week and that's not enough i wanna talk to her everyday like what i used to do before she went in the hospital 3 years ago and even once she got out things just still weren't how they used to be u know? and then almost a year ago my mom meant someone named tom and he lied and said he was a christian but he left out the part where he does drugs and my mom shouldn't of been with people like that because she was clean for 3 years after she got out the hospital but she still decided to stick around and i don't know why she stuck around him, and then he got her into doing drugs and drinking alcohol and i knew about it and didn't say anything, which kinda makes it my fault! then like 20 months later my mom got knocked up by that so called christian that does drugs that i told u about, and then she had the baby which my baby sister is now 11 months old, my mom left to go to this rehab program called teen challenge and she left and we couldn't find her and then 2 months later we finally found her she was hiding out with her friend Sara and then she went back in October of 2016 and now its November of 2016 and shes is doing good but i hope she stays in this program and finish's her 2 years!

Hey, I came in search of answers as to why. And honestly I'm still left with none, still alone. I'm 15 years of age and my mother left me, my step father, and two younger siblings for no logical reason. Last I saw of her was about 4 months ago when she was screaming and yelling at me for being like my father. For what? No clue. I couldn't look her in the eyes, she taunted me, jeered at me, infront of my siblings. I just want to understand why something like this would happen. This woman is NOT the person I grew up with, whom I loved. I cannot see her in the same light. What causes the person who promised you the world, their undying love, and much more, to turn on your back and tell you to get out of their life? In what cruel reality does that happen in? All the posts I've read are about people who lost their mothers at young ages. Yet what advice do you have for me? What counciling will help me get over the fact that my mother has turned from a good woman who loved her family into a pothead, whore, and deserter? Why. Just, why?

I want to leave my husband and 16 year old daughter. My husband is very mean and reckless with his mouth. I have gone through so many rough times with this man that I am no linger the same woman. I am in a household where I feel I do not belong; I am alone. My husband controls my daughter to the point that she listens to nothing that I say. There is no point in me staying. Anything I say, she tells him and causes trouble in our marriage. I have been depressed for years and he does nothing but make the situation worst. He is a cocky son of a bitch. He doesn't even treat his mother well; big red flag. My daughter comes before me; his words. I can not get better in this situation and have lost my daughter. I have lost myself and need to find me again. Unfortunately I would have to leave my daughter behind. I can't trust her and it would cause nothing but trouble for me. God is the ONLY judge.

Hello the mother of my children we have four girls ages 2 ,6,9 and 12 about five weeks ago she decided to go for a walk after a discussion we had about her coming home around 1:30 am . She has not come home and don't think she will , we got authorities involved but after two weeks she contacted a sister saying she was alright. I finally got to talk to her after about three weeks and told me she would be coming over to see the girls and have a talk with me . After a week went bye she contacted me saying I'll see you Monday around 5 when you get off work. She showed up on Monday but around 8:30 am pickup all her things and left, she took everything that belonged to her hugged my two year old gave her a kiss and left have not heard from her since . Her sister was watching my 2 year old daughter at the time and I was at work . This is a very hard time right now it is very hard raising 4 girls I know I can do it it is just confusing trying to understand why she would do something like this. I considered our family normal I didn't se any signs she was missing something or is something was wrong I just don't understand.