Mothers who leave their children

My first wife left me and my 5 year old son 50 years ago and a few years later gave him up to adoption by my second wife to avoid paying support. He was raised by my wife and I she never came around. Now my son is 50 and she is communicating with him and his wif and has come to visit him for an extended stay with her boy friend. I'm extremely hurt by this and have no idea why he is receptive to her. Am I wrong?

I am a mother who abandoned my husband and child 10 years ago. Everyone needs to stop blaming the abandoner and start asking, "What did people do to her in her life to cause this?" My mom took off when I was six. I didnt care; as far as I knew, that's just what moms do. My dad abandoned me at 11. These are doctors and lawyers I'm talking about, too. Poor people aren't the only ones who leave their children. I left my husband and child because they were more of a burden than a blessing. I have no emotional attachment to them. Someone who has never been shown love cannot be expected to know how to love others. When a mother abandons her child, she needs more support from the rest of her family than ever. Blaming her is pointless and will only make her feel even MORE unloved, unsupported, and push her even further away.

Agree wholeheartedly with what you say

My ex was emotionally, physically and financial violent to me (not directly to our son). He started by calling me names, putting me down. It took me 2-3 months to get my son to breastfeed and after a month of success he told me I had a fetish breastfeeding our son. He smashed things that were mine and dented the kitchen sink with his fist when he hit it one night. These were just some of the small things. I left him at night after a fight, when our son was 6 month old (I took our son with me) I couldn't take anymore. Over the next year and a half I moved from my Mums, to an apartment, to a small unit with my son, all the while trying to work a part time then a full time job to support myself and my son. I gave my ex overnight care of our son for 2-3 days a fortnight as I never wanted my son to not have a father figure. I was constantly fearful that my ex would hurt our son, not from physical violence but because he could not see the damage he had done to me and what he would teach my son by example. My son was passed around from child care, to my mothers, to my ex. The only quality time I had with my son was weekends and we did nice things together like swimming and going to the park. I felt so much guilt and anger at having to leave my child in day care while I worked. When he got sick, they get sick a lot in child care, I had to take time off work and in the end, lost my job as my employer said I wasn't reliable. The stress of this (even though I found another job that paid a lot less in a few weeks) made me snap. I could no longer put my child through all this. My ex was having 3 days a fortnight, being the fun parent and spoiling our son rotton, never having had to sacrifice anything or be held responsible for how his actions had effected our lives. I realised that I could not provide stability. On a dime I could loose my job again, I was only renting, what life was this for our son? One day, our son didn't want to get out of his fathers car and come home to me and it cut me to the core. I realised that my ex was going to use our son to manipulate me, to slowly turn him against me. That my ex was going to emotionally destroy both my son and I if I stayed in the picture. I couldn't let him do that to my son. So I gave up. I stopped going to court. I stopped fighting. In my last sad attempt at reason I texted my ex and told him he had ruined my life (thinking he would finally have some empathy to what he'd done...pfft) All he did was call me mental and act like he was the normal one. He turned my family against me and my family gave up on me and broke all contact with me as they were so furious that I had given up the fight. I have abandoned my son. I cry a lot. All I want is for my son to have stability and a loving family around him and as my family have fallen apart under these stresses, his family have supported him so in my mind, even though his controlling ways make me fear for my child's future, I would rather have my son with his father and free off the emotional trauma of a parent hell bent on ruining the other. My ex wanted a child, in the end, I think I was just a vessel to make his dreams come true. Now I have to live with the pain of loosing a child but at least it is only my pain and not my sons. I pray he won't hate me. I can't believe I have become the person I never in a million years wanted to be. Don't ever shut out your daughter or sister if they experience what I have. Don't leave it too late. They need your love and support for longer than you probably think you need to give.

Is this the father of her 2 children?? The guy that beat her up all the time?

MONEY! My daughter married a man who wanted a baby. They built a house and had a baby in addition to raising her 12 year old daughter from a previous marriage. SInce then he has walked out 5-6 times for a week and longer at a time taking all the money and leaving her on her own to take care of day care, school, meals, utilities and put gas in the car so she can continue working. Now he has left again, moved his things out again, took money out of the bank again and hired an attorney for divorce. She has no money or means to contest a divorce or custody, she cannot afford to sustain the home with day care expenses on top of everything else, much less the expenses of moving out of the house, getting an apartment and setting up housekeeping to raise a 12 year old daughter and prepare a 1 year old every morning and night for day care and then pray none of them get sick because she could lose her job because of too much time off work! The plan, walk away, leave him and his mother with the new baby telling him she will not spend one dime on a divorce herself, his attorney can write up a fair divorce or, he can have everything including their baby, she will not sacrifice her older child at the whims of a man who just cant accept the responsibility of marriage and raising children even though he put her in this position to do just that. The hope of course is that he will change his plan and utilize the attorney he has hired to design a fair divorce from which he gets all, including the debts and let her walk away with the baby and child support. Otherwise she walks, leaves him the baby for him and his mother to raise. Men leave their wifes and their children for others to raise all the time. Meanwhile they continue living out their boyish dreams as they leave the mothers to prepare the children for breakfast, school, homework and dinner everyday and lose their jobs for time of work because the kids get sick. Meanwhile the mothers are left to cross their fingers wishing upon a star that the dad will send child support, help with other expenses and do the right thing. It's becoming too much so, moms leave their children frequently because they just cant do it any more!

Kyle Fallis..YOU are one to talk..you were abusive..drugged pos that was supposed to watch the kids while SHE worked to support you lazy ass!! And did a horrible job at that..now she is dead and the poor kids are in foster care..

Hi, my mom left me last month and i've been down since... she is an alcoholic and she got drunk one night and left me. I've had a hard life all my life i must say. I want to tell my story so people don't feel alone anymore. I've got my grades up, m in three dance classes, and live in a rich neighborhood now with my dad and amazing stepmom. Me and mom shared a room, i'm 13 turning 14 February 19th, i know what your thing and that i'm probably just some immature 13 year old. But i'm not... I've made hard decisions.. A few that hurt the most is calling the cops on your mom... I've been pushed and throw many directions but not even once did i fall. I and suicidal attempts but i saw the greater things in life. I go church often and still have bad days but let me say.... YOUR LIFE MATTERS!!!!!!!

My baby mama walked out of our lifes when our kids was five (twins) years old an today they are thirteen. In the begining it was hell because they missed her so much...So i called her and beged her to talk to them. she told them that she Will come to say Helo and take them out for a pizza on friday so they where glad an waited the whole week they even drawed pictures to her in the daycare. But when friday came she called My phone and Said "i have the flu, i cant come". I knew the girls would be devastated, so i went to daycare en saw them standing in the window whith their drawings waiting for mom...even through it was almost ten years ago i can still feel the pain in My heart and the helplessnes... I lied to My prinsess i told them that i was a new center that has opend in town and that they had playgrounds etc. So the girls where like" but mom we promised her" and i "yea but i called her she said IT was ok she can come another time" thay were a bit angry and disapointed at me byt they didn't feel the betrail from there mother..this was just one of thousands shit things me and My daughtera wher put through. Today one of them dont care about her IF she calls or visit them..but the other one still feels sad IF she don't cal in tree weeks.she say that she know that she has a strange mom but Its the only mom she got. One day we where on our way home and we saw a girl screamig and shouting at her mom,we all looked an we saw how the mother got sad. One of my daughter went to the kid who was in their age and said please dont do that you only got one mom and the girl looked att her and stoped. I Love My girls but i hate feling so helpless when IT comea to their sadnes. Sorry for the bad spelling im from sweden and I had truble sleeping because one of My daughters told me that she wanted to meet her mom, guess who? So i Googled on " women thet leaves their kids" maybe a little cursing to. But i feels good to chere with the readers you know youre not alone.

Wanted to say that IF someone feels like talk you can contact me  ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed*** Please read our Terms of Use

I can only tell you why I did this, I left after losing custody to my 4 year old son. My life has been awful, I have suffered depression most of my life. My mom was ill throughout my childhood and passed away when I was 14. I had child with a man who couldn't be faithful to save his life and treated me like dirt when I was 17, he was 26. I then lost my grandparents (all 4) within 2 years of my sons birth and split with my sons father. I had a distant father, two distant sisters and a few aunts and uncles and nobody else and became an alcoholic. I of course know now I was self medicating but it saw me lose my job and neglect my son as well as steal from everyone I knew which meant I was disowned by my remaining family and friends. I was never violent or abusive but was a terrible mother and role model for my little boy. I was allowed visits with my son for a few hours a week but it was like he couldn't wait to get away. He had a large family with his father, a step mom and all my family who had sided with my ex after disowning me. With each visit I had my sneering ex making me feel even more worthless and nobody and I mean nobody to help me. I then got evicted from my apartment as I had no money to pay rent so lived on the streets for a while. Finally a kind lady offered me her couch, the apartment was in a bad state of disrepair and I went to a lawyer to see if I could try and reinstate contact but he gave me a hard dose of reality that the living situation, no support, still drinking would be terrible for my son. This drove me deeper into it. I tried to kill myself that day as I couldn't bear it anymore, but for some reason I survived. That was 18 years ago. I was forced into help by the medical centre that helped me after my suicide attempt and long story short, I got clean and sober after 3 years of trying. I had been out of contact with my son for 4 years at this point. I contacted my father and both my sisters to try and make amends and was told to clear off and live with what I had done. I was on the floor again and felt totally worthless and that everyone was better off without me. I still feel that today. I kept up with my medication and therapy and managed to stay off alcohol and somehow found a job. I have lived alone ever since and daren't form attachments to anyone but have done my best. The diner in which I was a server was being sold due to the owner retiring and I bought it. Hard work distracts me so I thought this would be a perfect fit and prayed that if my son ever came to find me he would find a mom that was clean, sober and hardworking. He did find me, almost 4 years ago and I was elated, I thought my heart would burst. I was very emotional as it came out of the blue but and perhaps wrongly I told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him and missed him. He was very aggressive and combative. He has drifted in and out of contact for 4 years and has called me every name under the sun. He publically humiliates me on social media saying he is ashamed of me, I am embarrassing, a waste of air and space and he will never forgive me. Emails, texts go unanswered for weeks and when he does respond, it's one word answers. The public humiliation continues and has done since the day he called me. I would forgive him anything and will love him forever but now wish he had never contacted me. I could just about live with it but now I have grief so raw it threatens to drop me where I stand. I am now more isolated than ever, my work is suffering, I haven't had a good nights sleep in years and am almost skeletal as I can't eat. I now dread contact from him and don't think I'm strong enough. For the first time in years I am considering drinking again and have to fight daily not too. I feel like I want to climb into a cave and just hide away. There is no support for me, other than the professionals I pay. I have distant friends as I don't think I'm worth knowing given my terrible past so this is it, this is my life. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I can't change the past or the way I am. I will always be on medication, I will never be a strong person and can't change my nature and if people can't accept that then I don't know what to say. Take it from me and whilst I don't speak for everyone, most mothers who leave their children who feel they have no other choice live a life of abject misery. So this is my life. I can say as god is my witness that I never meant this to happen, I love my son with all my heart and would do anything to go back and change the past but I can't do that. To navigate the wall of continuing hate, humiliation and anger from my son and his / my family is too much for me to bear but if I cut off contact, I have left him again haven't I. So I answer politely when he contacts me then wait for the onslaught on social media followed by the silence again. It's hard because anyone who reads this, I would urge you not to leave your children but I simply couldn't care for him the way he deserved to be cared for. My family and my ex's are very wealthy and my son is a grown man of 23, he has had a good life is at one the top colleges in the US and has a bright future ahead of him. He makes a great deal of telling me he doesn't need me in it yet still keeps contacting me. What can I say, done on purpose or otherwise, actions have consequences that sometimes last a life time and you just can't make it right but I ask you, what I am supposed to do now? Just live with the abuse until it destroys the rest of me or just give up. I'll keep praying I guess and maybe one day both me and my son will find peace.

Kyle Falls..unbelievable...you beat her up..steal your autistic daughter's Social security check to buy cocaine..let her and your 2 kids live in filth. .and van still make this comment! Unbelievable.

My daughter feels exactly the same way you do. I never left her and have been by her side during the last 10 years through her depression, her bipolar episodes, and her wanting to flee her children. I'm curious as to whether you left and are happy with your decision (whatever it was to stay or leave)?

I'm sorry this has happened, and hope one day your son snaps out of it. I feel you are remorseful for your decisions and am very proud that you have cleaned yourself up. Maybe you can join a support group or something at a church and help other parents that have children that tend to make bad choices. Listen to their stories, and maybe give some insight. Helping others definitely will make you feel better about your own situation. Hang in there and I pray things get better for you.

I am the grandmother of a 12 year old girl, and my grandson, 2 1/2. Their mother, my daughter in law, left the children and my son a year ago. She sees the baby on occasion and rarely sees the 12 yr old. My grand daughter has shown little to no emotion over her mother leaving. Three weeks ago the mother was in a very critical car accident, and my grand daughter has once again shown little to no emotion. My husband and I are going to have the 12 year old for a week during her spring break. My question, do I talk to her? Do I wait for her to talk to us? How do I talk to her? All of this is incomprehensible to me, but I want to handle it in the healthiest way possible for my sweet girl....