when i fall in love, I get depressed, even in relationships

@Jareed I have heard of that happening before, more with guys but I imagine it happens to girls too. I know it sounds cliche but it usually seems to be a commitment issue (sex signifying a deeper level of commitment) For me it's not the sex exactly that starts me stressing/freaking out but more how much time we're spending together/how attached I myself am getting. So in a sense it could be the same 'issue' but set off by different events/milestones. I seem to jump into all my relationships pretty fast so I am trying to step back, take it slow, figure out why I am stressing and getting depressed. I am trying to figuring out what my likes and dislikes are with the other person I am dating. Is the anxiety spawning from serious issues I am finding in the relationship that make it not workable for me? Or are these small issues that I am blowing out of proportion and eventually self destructing the relationship for? Counseling is helping me right now as well as methods to lower (even slightly) the stress/anxiety when they come, while I am trying to figure this all out.

Wow, I didn't know other people had this problem too. I've had this problem ever since a long time too. It's like I'm very chilled out, calm, outgoing, cracking jokes, love music and worry free. When I first fall in love, I stay ok for a while and then BOOM!! I get depressed, I worry, I'm not myself anymore, I turn into this person that I wouldn't like myself in normal circumstances. The relationship takes all over me! i can't help but think , think ad think! i turn negative! My partners have always been nice, kind loving girls! But i've managed to screw it everytime. Sometime ago, I was just goinf through life for the sake of just living it. I met a beautiful and kind girl. She helped me get rid of a lot of my bad habits. We were great friends but then i WENT INTO THIS PHASE AND i have been destructive ever since then. To my understanding I can love a lot! I care, I am like a true friend to my partner when it comes to being there. But this "thing" that happens to me changes my views on things, it basically turns me into something I would normally hate! I know I have to get busy do things and all that! But I just don't know how to be myself and be in a serious relationship too! Normally i consider myself as "trying my best to be nice to the world". After this thing I realise i had so many bad things about me that I did not see before. It's confusing and agonising. !

Hi, I can see where your coming from. sex seems to be the major issue in my relationships. Ive had a few bad ones and a good one, but only in hindsight, as it cant have been that good if were not together now?...Im in a relationship now, with someone who is adorable, lovely and the most caring person ever, but im finding myself not wanting sex at all. occassionally i do but then it all goes back to 'normal' where i get depressed in a relationship or freak out totally and decide i cant be with them. This time round, i genuinely dont know what to do, i dont really have any friends around any more other that the friends ive met through him, so im kinda terrified that i have no where to go or be, if i decide i cant be wirh him. But then why wouldnt i want to be? i have every reason to be happy, theres nothing wrong with him, so why do i feel so god damn depressed when he tells me he loves me and cares about me and wants to help me through this? i dont want to put him through this. im sorry if i sound selfish i just genuinely dont know what to do that woulod help. im so scared that history is already repeating itself that ill always do this and end up on my own because i cant do relationships....can anyone help?

Hi, Im glad I found this site, cause ive been having the same problems. Im in a really loving relationship and my boyfriend is someone who I would want to speand my life with. He's the only person who i laugh hysterically with and I can tell him anything. But occationly I get very depressed and seem to focus on our relationship and create problems that arent even there and dont bother me unless I'm depressed, to the point that all i think will make it go away id breaking up. this happened to me a few yeas ago and i got through it and i remeber thinking that i was soooo glad i stayed with him. It hits me out of nowhere, no rhyme or reason for it. but i worry that it is going to destroy my relationship. It's horrible and I just cant explain how it makes me feel.

I feel like I have been having the exact same issue. I am in a great, loving, relationship. He makes me laugh so much and I know he loves me. I started getting depressed about three months in (we are now at 11 months) and it has been hard. I always seem to lose it around him and no one else, which makes me think it is his fault. But it isn't. Recently I have been thinking that he will break up with me simply because I cannot see how he can stand to be with me. I put him first always so when he isnt as dedicated it makes me feel like he doesnt care. Which isnt true because I just care TOO much. I wish we could figure out why this is happening. 

This is amazing people, I have exactly this same problem and it feels a little better to know it's more common than I thought...some posts above could be me writing them down. What a ridiculous thing hey? Truth is, we can´t help it, and that loop feeling is awful; we get depressed, rekon we're depressed, act like assholes once or twice (or 10), we go to "ok I'll be super nice now!", act normaly, feel even terrible and start thinking "it's too late to go back, he/she doesn´t love me the same way", go back to depression...I don´t have the solution for this problem...but at least I'm now aware that it's just not me, that has to make us feel a little bit better...

i know what its like. It has happened to me a bunch of times. Its very depressing. I have so much to offer, and i want to. Im a 29 yo male very educated, have a good job and all i want it a relationship that feels ok. I feel the same way as everyone also. I worry i will be like this forever. I every now and then wonder what would happen if i met a woman who felt the same way.....but who knows.  Like the situation i am in now it is very painful when you are in a relationship with such a great person and you feel this way

It's comforting to hear i'm not the only one, I'm starting to think it's a self confidence issue mixed maybe with mental illness. I go through the same cycle where i'm so confident and loving and happy then the relationship goes down hill after a couple of months untill I end up breaking it off or destroying it. But then thinking back I was still depressed at times without a boyfriend and i used to obsess about how I looked. So maybe it's not a them that dose it to me maybe they make us more aware of ourselves because we know it doesn't just effect us it effects them too. I'm thinking about seeing a doctor about it, maybe i have PMS or PMDD which doesn't help eitherI think people with the same thing need to do the same depression is something everyone feels from time to time but when it keeps coming out in relationships it means the issue hasn't been resolved, this is the position I'm in at the moment and it may the same position you are in as well. I hope my story helps

I'm not even in a relationship right now, but there is a guy I'm interested in. My last relationship ended about 5 months ago. We were only together for 5 months, but I started feeling depressed only a couple weeks after we started dating. I eventually became really unhappy and ended the relationship horribly even though he did nothing wrong. Right now I am interested in a guy, but I'm already feeling depressed about it. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I think about him too much or something and it's making me feel sick. I really don't like it. But when we're with each other I'm fine and have fun. I don't know if I should try to just distance myself from him and eventually forget about him or if I should keep hanging out with him and see where it leads. He's really attractive and really sweet. And I'm just really confused.

I used to be right there with all of you.  Just recently I started liking a girl after being proudly single for three years.  I started off very cool, collected, and rather charming and humorous.  As time passed I began to worry more about whether or not I would ever get her... and once I had her, would I lose her?  I began telling myself the overexaggerated statements of "I cant live without her" and "There is no other girl out there better or even close to her".  One day, it all just snapped into place that I couldn't stop thinking.  I just thought way too much about everything, and there was no cause to think about any of it.  To get over it, I established a rule of thumb stating if there is no eminent threat to myself physically or mentally, then there is no reason to give serious thought to any of it.But the key thing is to realize how you have CHANGED, and revert back to yourself whenever possible.  For instance, I don't care about texting at all.... I will send a text back to someone and if they never write back then so be it.... but with this girl, if she didn't txt back I would start to worry and want to frantically text back to get some kind of response.  I realized what I was doing and it was like this bigger, stronger, former glorified version of myself reached inside and pulled out this quivering shaking wreck of a txt worrier and simply ripped him into two pieces.  I didn't care anymore, and to this very moment I still do not care if she doesn't txt back all the time.When I start to care more about love and relationships than I do anything else, I simply take time to reflect back on my single period, and I just jump straight into doing whatever I enjoyed doing then.  My mind clears and I am happily content to continue without any worries or concerns.  I don't sit and listen to love ballads by Def Leppard or Poison or who knows who else (although all good bands)... No, I instead listen to heavy, raw music that produces a counter emotion to love and clinged feelings.  Such as the song Gateways by Dimmu Borgir which says this:Be the broken or the breakerBe the giver or the undertakerUnlock and open the doorBe the healer or the fakerThe keys are in your handsRealize you are your own sole creatorOf your own master plan This one chorus gives me just about all the energy and strength I need to overcome any depressed thought.  Because it gives me all I need to feel control, and to feel strength over anything that would bring me down.

Same exact problem with me too. I was single for 2 yrs before I met my bf. I was so confident, happy, energetic, and funny.I never let little things bother me. Those were the reasons why my bf was so attracted to me. Months later I'm no longer the same happy girl. I'm constantly sad, always feeling so depressed. I keep going back and forth with my relationship. And creating problems in my head. He's the greatest person I've ever met and bcuz of me I feel like this relationship is not gonna last. I feel like I've started to depend on him a lot. I don't like being without him and I feel extremely sad and lonely when we're apart even for like 2 days. I don't know what's happening to me. I wish I could just be how I was before.

i too have exactly the same issue. im 20 and never been in a relationship, few months ago i started a relationship with a very nice guy but whenever i meet him i get terribly depressed after that. first i thought its because my boyfriend is clinicaly depressed himself and maybe his behaviour and negative thoughts are affecting me but now that i saw u guys have the same problem im more encouraged to know why is this happening. i thought love supposed to be a warm and nice feeling not a sever depression.by the way im definitely not a jealous person and i never feel sad when i see him with others so its not jealousy.someone pleaaaaaaaase awnser us...

yes in my case its a sexual relationship and at first i thought having sex causes some hormonal changes and depression in result, but when i meet him in public and have no sexual contact i have the same depression. so confused about this problem...

i have felt that same way is just that we get involved with the wrong person, real love is just right, it feels right , is uplifting.

You get lost and depressed because in a healthy relationship there should be a good balance between giving your heart and having your own life and independance.  Im familiar with this.  Been there done that.  Instead of giving a peice of my heart, I give it all.....then i wear it on my sleeve because im so sensitive and hypervigilant to EVERY little word, action, reaction or lack of all three that my signigfacant other does.  When you put all you have into another human and expect them to make you whole....there will always be an empty part of you.  Find the right person, the right balance between you and them, and you will find the peace your searching for.