when i fall in love, I get depressed, even in relationships

Thank you Betty.

i feel this way too.. but im female.. and i do agree.. sex changes something

Thank you, Thank you!! I thought it was just me!!!I was married to a woman i didn't love for 15 years, because it was the only way i could deal with a relationship. all others failed because of my depressive behavior! i all makes perfect sense to me now. you have no idea how relieved i am!!! thank you!! so much!

I no wat use are all going through , there will be light at the end of the tunnel'.

Hi there, I just thought I'd add my thoughts on this as I've had years of these feelings and although they still happen, through therapy I found a reason for my case: When I was 21, I fell in love during a gap year in Australia. I had never felt such intense feelings before and I was completely overwhelmed by the experience. I had never cared so deeply for someone and I wanted to protect her and stay with her forever. Then one day in work, I suddenly became desperately sad. I had no idea why but when I thought of my girlfriend it became more intense. It became so bad that I could not concentrate in work and shortly after I decided to quit my job. My girlfriend became very worried about me.When I was around my girlfriend I had an overwhelming sense of guilt, sadness and anxiety. I began to feel that I must not love her enough and therefore had to end the relationship. This made me even more sad. I had never been in love before and did not have anything to use as a benchmark so I began to question whether I was in love. All of this took place behind an ever thickening haze of depression. Depression is an evil manipulative beast. It makes you look at everything with an element of negativity. A previously happy life is suddenly viewed as one littered with failures and shortcomings. A future is seen as one devoid of any hope. But perhaps most damaging of all, it wreaks havoc on emotional functioning. I desperately wanted to feel love for my girlfriend but I couldn't... When I think back to those times, all I can remember is feeling like I couldn't feel at all; apart from the feeling of an overwhelming unexplained sense of grief and loss. I ended the relationship soon after and I returned broken hearted to Ireland. I then relocated to Scotland to begin a 5 year course in university. The move and all that went with it was certainly a distraction for my sadness, and after a time I began to think that maybe the reason I was so sad was because the relationship in Sydney was just not right. It was a relief not to think about it anymore and over time I began to feel more hopeful about the future. My sex drive returned with vengeance, and after a string of emotionally void flings I met a girl who seemed to conjure up everything I considered to be perfection. Not long into the relationship, I told her that I loved her and almost as if on cue, my depression returned. My Mum decided to seek professional help and I began to attend regular consultations with a psychologist. It was with this psychologist that I gradually began to understand my obvious difficulties with forming intimate relationships were as a result of the death of my father at a very young age. I understood that a young child when dealing with desperately sad situations can lock this sadness up as a way of self preservation. This sadness can lie dormant for many years and can resurface at some point with certain triggers depending on the person. My trigger was intimate relationships. When I fell in love, I became depressed because I had been hard wired to associate love, protection and security with deep loss and sadness. Not sure if any of this is relevant but just thought I'd share... Best of luck everyone - 'the road to true love is never straight'.

During your teenage years, you have entered into a learning process. You are just beginning to develop your personality and mature physically, emotionally and sexually into a well-rounded out adult. When you date during these delicate years, all your attention, emotions and thoughts become souly focused on this one person distracting you from the learning process of getting to know who you are. How do you begin to get to know another person when you've only just begun to get to know yourself? By dating prematurely, you are setting yourself up for a fall. In a report published in 2003, researchers Rector, Noyes, and Johnson drew a direct link between teenage sexual activity, depression, and an increased risk of attempted suicide. They analyzed interviews with 6,500 teenagers and found that “sexually active girls are more than three times more likely to be depressed than are girls who are not sexually active.” And among boys those “who are sexually active are more than twice as likely to be depressed as are those who are not sexually active.” However if you have dated during your teens and have continued to do so into your adulthood then the learning process has been delayed because you have allowed yourself to become distracted and haven't given yourself time to mature. This can then result in depression; basically not knowing how to handle yourself emotionally. You haven't given yourself the time to develop into the kind of person who can handle the pressures and responsibilities of a relationship and maintain balance within yourself. When you enter into a relationship, sex is a WHOLE new emotional level, and you need to find the balance. Put simply, you may just not be ready yet. You might just need to find yourself. ***Post is edited by moderator *** Web addresses not allowed***Please read our Terms of Use

Yes this seems to be true in my case as well. My mum died when i was 16, and I have great difficulty in maintaining relationships, even with friends and family, i have trouble with relationships all over the place!!

I read this post and burst out laughing becuase it's so pathetic and exactly how I feel--especially the part about having half the personality.

Ok, here's the deal. being in a relationship brings out all of your insecurities. That's just the nature of relationships. When those insecurities start coming out, it makes you feel bad about yourself and can be very depressing. BUT a good relationship with the person who is right for you will actually help you work through and overcome those insecurities. A bad relationship with a bad partner will not. Here's an example: You start getting a little close to someone and then the daily emailing and calling starts. Once day, you don't get a call or email. You start to freak out. The next day you call the person and ask why. In a good relationship, the person will genuinely say "I forgot, but I was thinking about you all day." In a bad relationship, the person will just say, "I forgot"--only adding to the insecurity.

maybe its your ex still your head ?

I am completely in the same boat. The feelings of depression, or needing escape happen anywhere between 6 months and two years. I always thought that it was where I was living, or the guy that I was with- now I realize that this isn't the case. I become completely cold, and the more they try to make me happy the more I pull away. Sex is out of the question. I want to be ignored, and I turned to stone. The worst part is knowing that it is myself that's the problem-- meaning that it's only up to me to fix the way that I feel/think if I want to lead a happy "partner filled" life

Look deep into yourself and find out what you really want out of life, out of yourself, and out of what you want romantically. This depression could be a sign of wanting to be single and only single. Its not a big problem at all, a lot of people have the same kind of mentality. There are so many things that are awesome with being single, doing anything you want and doing anyone you want. Its pretty sweet. So look inside and see what you want. You shouldn't be judged for wanting what you want to do with yourself :)

It's called FALLING in Love. You are in tune to your insecurities of the relationship potentially ending and the way it will make you feel when it does if you don't get married and stay with the person. Perfectly normal.

Best post Ive read thus far. Same thing with relationships where you have been "abandoned", or dumped when you did not see it coming. Such as affairs, sudden broken engagements, etc. And if you were to fall in love again, you may bring up these past hurt and resentments in the form of an emotional wall, to protect yourself from it happening to you again. You will then push the person away. Love if for the brave.

I am crying as I read these posts. I really relate