when i fall in love, I get depressed, even in relationships

i think this depression come from stress .in your subconsciousness you feel stressed thinking like what if he leave me what if it didnot work on the long run and this stress appear as if it is depression bec it is accumulating load .so in my point of view y need to treat anxiety and stress not depression .practice how to stop what if scenario and leave minute by minute and if you are have anxiety in genral you should seek treatment bec people with anxiety feel more loaded when they are in relationship

I think you're onto something

R u describe me?

Well, I have the same issue too..... I just get depressed right from when a lady accepts to date me, though I sometimes get happy in the relationship, most times, naturally, I'm depressed through out..... I don't know, but maybe it's bcus I don't wanna be happy or something, looks like I can't let myself love or be loved. Somehow I'm damaged......

I've had the same problem all my life! It's to do with falling into a state of mind where you feel dependent and lacking autonomy. Very difficult to manage. At the moment I'm struggling with my relationship- my gf is very understanding but she has her own needs for support and I find I can't give her all she wants. But two weeks ago we had fantastic sex and I felt better and stronger. So perhaps there is hope. Jon

I am a female and I can realte. So many issues leave me depressed/anxious. I feel like the more he knows about me, maybe he will not love/respect me. For example, when he meets my family, when he knows,I'm not emotionally strong, when he knows,my weakness etc. Even though I am funny, sensitive, loving, caring etc, I still feel insecure :(

I can relate with you all - this forum has been one of the closest matches that I've come across with relation to what im suffering with. I'm now 39 years old male and frightened. I'm scared I'll be stuck this way, alone forever without the possibility of experiencing that dream of finding my person. I used to be able to fall in love, almost too easily. Now I just go dark after meeting with someone, overcome by intense anxiety followed by depression. The anxiety is caused by thoughts like: is she good enough? Is she the one? Will we fail? Will I feel heart broken again? Anytime a relationship ends, even as simple as deciding to not continue after a first date, i feel an intense sadness and pain. I then get scared that I can't do this or won't find success in relationship. And then the depression. But if I make it past a first date, then maybe by date 6 or 7, I'll start to suffer with the anxiety of the uncertainty of not knowIng if I like this person. If I get objective about things, I can't really pinpoint any obvious reasons for not wanting to be with her. I'll just come up with something like "I'm just not feeling it with her" or petty little issues like "she doesn't have nice hands" and then focus on physical traits. The day after the date, I'll wake up depressed and miserable and cry, sometimes miss work, and search the internet for solutions like now. The only disappointing thing with this thread is that there are no clear solutions. Are we OCD (see relationship OCD or rocd)? Are we borderline personal disorder types (though I don't rage and become abusive)? Or is this just a sign that we haven't met the right person and we are just difficult matches?

I can totally relate to this discussion. I was divorced 12 years ago and it absolutely destroyed me at the time and I know that impacts me to this day. I have always been very cautious about dating, not going too fast and looking for red-flags. However, I then met a wonderful woman and we fell in love. After about 2 months I started getting very scared and depressed. I just could not put my finger on the cause but the depression just kept getting worse. We broke this off and I felt awful but I could not figure out what was going on. I started going to a therapist and for 2 years he worked with me. My therapist and I spoke a lot about my childhood (both parents were abusive alcoholics). My therapist stated that my childhood and divorce has caused me not to trust relationships. And to this day, I still don't know what to do about it (other than to stay out of relationships).

Yes exactly how i feel towards mt girlfriend everything was fine first few months but i feel like something has changed between us

Oh my Gosh! It's as if we're living the same life. Have you found any strategies that help? Or thought of any particular reasons we might be like this?

I am going through this right now and it hurts me so bad. I don’t want to leave him because I love him, but I’m so tired of being sad. It all hurts. I’m literally in bed crying my eyes out. Any advice?

Sometimes you need to let go and seek comfort with other people.Most of this group is caring one of the reasons I am on here so I can answer personal messages that some people are more comfortable with instead of the open forum. What is making you sad?Be honest with yourself.

Well it could be an explanation when you had depression before and you take Antidepressants the do something with serotonin but when you fall in love the serotonin in your body gets really really low and in 'replace' you get Dopamin, Adrenaline or Oxytocine yea well Depression comes from a lack of serotonin love steals you serotonin and so you get depressed when youre not around your girl/boyfriend same thing happens to me in the moment I was like stable with antidepressants and now I've fallen in love for the first time and I get really really depressed when my boyfriends not around so I asked my therapist about it and she told me that (btw I'm 16 so don't wonder about this bad english or the fact that I'm in love for the first time now :D)

I could tell you but people dont like the answer because their whole lives are wrapped up in the very cause of the depression, I'll just say take a look around you, then do a bit of visual history study, we are over stimulated and you can say you dont have low self esteem but how could you not in this world, and the emotions we are meant to suppress, we get depressed because it never really feels like you are the only one to our lovers, how could we take a look around, women are told we are meant to be happy our partners can't keep their eyes and thoughts to themselves we have to be happy that he is masturbating in the next room to infinite women who aren't us, this society is a joke, go back about 30-40 years relationships didnt have half the crap we have to grin and bare, we haven't been sexually liberated we have been sexually enslaved, and the same goes for men they have been brain washed into thinking hurting the women they love is their god given right because they have a penis, they are being hurt to coz none of us can find love living like this.

“Tough when you love somebody, more than you love yourself, to the point where your well being and all of your pleasure is up on a shelf” -Lucidious