I know what everyone on here is going through as well. I very recently had to end things with my Fiance' due to his bipolar episodes. On a daily basis he was happy, loving and seemed so at peace. When any stress came up or something that we needed to deal with he would completley change into someone I did not know. He would say such hurtful things to me and make it feel like my fault and then he would threaten to leave, the only problem there was he didn't have anywhere to go. He moved from Missouri to Washington after meeting me through his biological mother which I was very close with. About every month sometimes more frequent, he would have these episodes and I tried to be supportive and understanding, but in the heat of the moment when he was saying the most cruel things to me the last thing I was thinking about was that he is bipolar. It is so hard to seperate or turn off your feelings when someone is so serious with what they are telling you and then the next day or a few days later are sorry and don't really even know what they had said or done. It is very confusing and I just couldn't take it anymore even though I will always love him and care about him. He made a big impact on my heart and I will always remember the good times cause there were a lot :-) I am trying to be a part of his life even as a friend cause I feel that I was the only positive influence in his life other than his kids of course. It is not fair what he is going through when he has no control over it other than medication. I have read a lot of things about bipolar, and everything is very accurate as to what kind of things trigger episodes and I know that they do not handle any kind of stress well. It all builds up and then the switch is flipped and they are completley a different person and then blame everything on anyone but themselves.
So frustrating I can relate. Thank you everyone for telling your stories, it definately puts more insight on all of this. I was feeling that he didn't really mean it when he said he loved me with all his heart and sould and that he had never loved anyone like me and that he was soo happy and in love with me. I see this is a pattern as well, but i think they do really mean it or they would not say it.
Just let them go if you are not capable of handling them, or this will be a constant stress and worry like walking on eggshells 24/7 unless they are properly diagnosed and medicated!
So frustrating I can relate. Thank you everyone for telling your stories, it definately puts more insight on all of this. I was feeling that he didn't really mean it when he said he loved me with all his heart and sould and that he had never loved anyone like me and that he was soo happy and in love with me. I see this is a pattern as well, but i think they do really mean it or they would not say it.
Just let them go if you are not capable of handling them, or this will be a constant stress and worry like walking on eggshells 24/7 unless they are properly diagnosed and medicated!
I have had a boyfriend (on & off for the last 9 years) who is bi-polar, dislexic, & has had a # of head injuries. He's a very talented organic food eating chef, a great bodyworker, & is very physically talented as a martial artist & athlete. When things are good, they are very good. When they are bad, it's the worst. Rage, disrespect, an inability to communicate, blaming everyone else, being aggressive, impulsive, & exposing himself to danger are part of what happens when he's in a bad place.
I try to be compassionate & understanding, but I am not willing to be the guy's doormat... so we have broken up many times... & had years of separation until we both forget. I always hope he will grow out of it, but this idea seems unrealistic (as he is now 32).
I find that if he's eating right (minimizing sugar, no alcohol or pot, & excercising a lot... he does well). Cranio-sacral work is helpful & B-12 too. I think he's just at the beginning of acknowledging his condition. He's been in denial about it because he didn't want to be labeled like his brother (who is officially bi-polar).
There's a supplement put out by the "Vitamin Research" people. It's called "Lithium Orotate." It is a very small amount of Lithium (4.8mg or something). The reason it is said to work is because it is bonded with the Orotate. The Orotate is a carrier for the Lithium & allows the Lithium to pass through the blood/brain barrier in the brain (where it needs to get to).
Prescription Lithium is usually 200-400mg. They make it at such a high dose because most of it does not get absorbed into the system. Thing is... that this high dose ends up putting a lot of strain on the liver & the kidneys as those organs process it. This can be a real problem... because a liver under strain will inspire anger in a person as well... & is also generally depleting.
See if your boyfriend would be open to trying the Lithium Orotate. It's supposed to be helpful for Nerves & Carpal Tunnel too (so people use it for other reasons as well).
Just Google "Vitamin Research" & you'll find "Lithium Orotate" on their site. They also have knowledgeable people to talk to ... by phone.
Really, unless this person is willing to really work with their condition & take it seriously... it can be very challenging to deal with. A functional life ... & a respectful relationship... will be impossible unless there is real concerted effort there. Even then, who knows?
The advice the other people gave you was very helpful for me to hear too. Thanks people.
I try to be compassionate & understanding, but I am not willing to be the guy's doormat... so we have broken up many times... & had years of separation until we both forget. I always hope he will grow out of it, but this idea seems unrealistic (as he is now 32).
I find that if he's eating right (minimizing sugar, no alcohol or pot, & excercising a lot... he does well). Cranio-sacral work is helpful & B-12 too. I think he's just at the beginning of acknowledging his condition. He's been in denial about it because he didn't want to be labeled like his brother (who is officially bi-polar).
There's a supplement put out by the "Vitamin Research" people. It's called "Lithium Orotate." It is a very small amount of Lithium (4.8mg or something). The reason it is said to work is because it is bonded with the Orotate. The Orotate is a carrier for the Lithium & allows the Lithium to pass through the blood/brain barrier in the brain (where it needs to get to).
Prescription Lithium is usually 200-400mg. They make it at such a high dose because most of it does not get absorbed into the system. Thing is... that this high dose ends up putting a lot of strain on the liver & the kidneys as those organs process it. This can be a real problem... because a liver under strain will inspire anger in a person as well... & is also generally depleting.
See if your boyfriend would be open to trying the Lithium Orotate. It's supposed to be helpful for Nerves & Carpal Tunnel too (so people use it for other reasons as well).
Just Google "Vitamin Research" & you'll find "Lithium Orotate" on their site. They also have knowledgeable people to talk to ... by phone.
Really, unless this person is willing to really work with their condition & take it seriously... it can be very challenging to deal with. A functional life ... & a respectful relationship... will be impossible unless there is real concerted effort there. Even then, who knows?
The advice the other people gave you was very helpful for me to hear too. Thanks people.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now, and for the first 3 we literally were breaking up every week and getting back together, it was horrible. He has bipolar depression, and is also dyslexic. Usually when we're together things are well, but i don't get to see him often because of our schedules, I really wish i could help him, i feel horrible every time we fight, i feel like its my fault and he has every right to be angry, but sometimes i'll talk to a good friend of mine about it, just to relieve the stress, and he'll tell me that i didnt do anything wrong and that its not my fault...yesterday was a big example of this...my boyfriend and i were at an award ceremony with one of his friends and one of my ex's showed up (who i dont have a problem with at all) but my boyfriend started shaking with fury (literally!) i tried everything i could to get him to calm down but once i did, he just got mad again...i cant help him anymore...i wish so badly that i could....he had been diagnosed with bipolar depression and was prescribed both lithium and abilify but cannot afford his medication, and these episodes are becoming more and more frequent since he ran out...i just dont know what to do...we got in a huge fight last night because not only did ignore me for the rest of the night but as soon as i left, he started accusing me of flirting with his friend (which i was not doing at all) my boyfriend means the world to me, no one i've ever been with has ever touched my heart the way he has, and i truely do love him, i just dont know how to handle this...he gets angry so often and when he gets angry, he doesnt talk, at all...theres no form of communication and it kills me, he's either not talking to me or yelling at me to the point when i just want to sit there and cry!
I really don't want to leave him, but last night i told him that if he doesnt start trying to control his anger by prom (next saturday) he'd leave me with no other choice, it wasnt an empty threat at the time, but i dont know if i could leave him...i need him in my life
i just cant handle it when he gets angry....i really cant do it...he's hurt me so many times and i've never been in a relationship that was so unstable...when he actually talks to me when he's unhappy, he takes it out on me and...it hurts
please help me, i dont know what to do anymore :'(
I really don't want to leave him, but last night i told him that if he doesnt start trying to control his anger by prom (next saturday) he'd leave me with no other choice, it wasnt an empty threat at the time, but i dont know if i could leave him...i need him in my life
i just cant handle it when he gets angry....i really cant do it...he's hurt me so many times and i've never been in a relationship that was so unstable...when he actually talks to me when he's unhappy, he takes it out on me and...it hurts
please help me, i dont know what to do anymore :'(
catatonic wrote:
ridiculous. don't tell people to get off their high horses. clearly you think you are a gift to all mankind because of your disorder. because of emotional sways does not make you more intelligent. it simply makes your mind uncontrollable even by yourself. and furthermore before you commence patting yourself on the back for being bipolar, maybe you should realize that you yourself stated that you are a mild case. therefore not varying much from the rest of people not so much suffering from the disorder. lastly.. before you view yourself as so much more superior than the average person you might take into consideration that the average person is not necessarily boring or ignorant when dealing with someone with bipolar disorder.. they check out. people with bipolar disorder are not usually a bundle of joy 100% of the time especially with such attitudes and outlooks as yours. so before you go thinking the grass is greener elsewhere for you or that people in your life aren't up to par, maybe you should try considering that they don't care anymore to ride your roller coaster with you and checkout emotionally (hence where you might find them dull.) but none of this probably pertains to you anyway considering i'm just an inferior "normal" person ignorantly being phony and posing as if to have some sort of intellect. besides, you're just a mild case anyway.
I am bipolar albiet mild. I was diagonsoed as hypomanic. I think you people need to read some books. Some bipolar personalities are extreme cases, but most are not. Most bipolar personalities are highly intelleigent and get bored easily with people of average intelligence. We become frustrated with your lack of ability to understand us and that is when you will see a pull back. Also we go with the flow and do not like too much demonstrative or phony behavior in people. We tend to have the ability to see through phony behavior and in my case I loathe it. Most biplolars that I know are extremely picky who they choose to be with, as ignorant and narrow minded people are a big turn off. Also you may not see your own behavior. I doubt if you are as perfect as you think you are right? So get off your high horse and look somewhere else if you need the perfect person. a lot of people also tend to look for the mood swings in someone that is either diagnosed or they think is bipolar. Bipolar disorder is tossed around so freely these days and most people have no idea what it really is. I was diagnosed Bipolare B 11 in 1980. My analytical psychiatrist wanted to know if I was artistically gifted. He said that over 50% of Hollywood is biplolar. So do some reading folks. I might suggest Bipolar B II by Dr Ronald Fieve. Also Moodswing by the same author. If you are not highly intelligent do not attempt to have a relationship with someone that is bipolar. That is just a fact.
ridiculous. don't tell people to get off their high horses. clearly you think you are a gift to all mankind because of your disorder. because of emotional sways does not make you more intelligent. it simply makes your mind uncontrollable even by yourself. and furthermore before you commence patting yourself on the back for being bipolar, maybe you should realize that you yourself stated that you are a mild case. therefore not varying much from the rest of people not so much suffering from the disorder. lastly.. before you view yourself as so much more superior than the average person you might take into consideration that the average person is not necessarily boring or ignorant when dealing with someone with bipolar disorder.. they check out. people with bipolar disorder are not usually a bundle of joy 100% of the time especially with such attitudes and outlooks as yours. so before you go thinking the grass is greener elsewhere for you or that people in your life aren't up to par, maybe you should try considering that they don't care anymore to ride your roller coaster with you and checkout emotionally (hence where you might find them dull.) but none of this probably pertains to you anyway considering i'm just an inferior "normal" person ignorantly being phony and posing as if to have some sort of intellect. besides, you're just a mild case anyway.
it is so comforting to see this post as i am going through EXACTLY the same thing as many of you. i had been seeing my boyfriend for about 7 months. when we first met he was the nicest, sweetest guy in the world and would walk on water to make me happy and win me over. when we started seein eachother everything was absolutely perfect, we never argued once and were just so into eachother for about 4 months. then one day out of no where he told me that he didnt want to see me anymore and that we were just friends. i was devastated and didnt understand at all, it didnt make any sense. about 5 weeks went by and i hadnt really seen or spoke to him, then one night at a staff night out (we work together) we ended up spending the night out together and having a really nice evening. he apologised for everything and we ended up getting back together, and we became official boyfriend and girlfriend. after this everything was perfect again for about 2 months, untill he started to become really distant and i wouldnt hear from him or see him for days. altho when we actually did spend time together everything was great. he had told me at the beginning of us getting back together that the doctor diagnosed him with bipolar, and i wasnt too suprised as he had previously made jokes about having it but then would say it was nothing when i asked him about it (in denial). he had been telling me recently that he was having horrible mood swings and he didnt know wat to do n i tried my best to make him better and be there for him. the next thing i know he has gone back home to his parents (he lives about 80 miles away from where we go to uni together) and he broke up with me by text message saying that he didnt want it anymore and he needs to be on his own. i am now devastaed again that it has happened again and i have tried to tell him not to make a rash decision about it and to wait untill he feels well again, but he isnt listening. he told me not to get in contact with him and that it is completely finished. i dont know what to do as im scared he may come back again in a couple of months, and i will most likely go running back, just for the same thing to happen again. it is emotionally draining but i care about him an awful lot and i want to try and help him, yet he refuses to accept my help. i dont know this time wether he actually does want to break up or if it is the bipolar talking again but he is definately going through an episode, so really im just waiting to see what happens. in the mean time i am going to try and forget about him and move on but as its happened before i cant help thinking he may come back. it is a very viscious cycle and very hard to get out of when you love someone :-(
I have found some comfort in a strange way reading the stories on here. I met an amazing man on line last August. Things were amazing at first. He was actually the most intelligent, funny, interesting person I have ever met. He told me he was falling for me and talked about moving in or getting married. Little by little, more and more about his past came out. At 43 he said he had never been in love and didnt seem to be able to "do relationships". He married a girl for 5 years (she was pregnant) and they had two kids. He said he never loved her. He was sexually abused as a 10 year old boy. I am not sure if it was once or often. He is always very stressed about money and has two jobs because of it. He makes sure to busy himself purposefully so as to not be able to have anyone get to close. He told me he trusted me and felt safe with me and he never felt that before. He started working a grueling schedule and that seems to always be where it starts. Without the slightest reason or explanation, he will just disappear. He wont accept my calls or my texts. This has happens 4 or 5 times. I have gone 11 days without trying to contact him. I white knuckle it everytime because I am so deeply in love with him. I know that I am not dealing with your average guy here and I have told myself to give up soooo many times. He will not seek help or take medication. He is a brilliant guy and I can tell by what he says that he has already diagnosed himself. He did see one therapist that told him hi has post traumatic stress disorder (he witnessed a great deal of violence in his childhood). He describes episodes of paranoia, say he is counting in his head often so he feels a bit OCD. He said he is not violent bipolar but he pretty sure he is bipolar. He also has crazy pyschic ability and has demonstrated it to me on more than one occassion. This cycle has gone on several times of us being good and happy and then him disappear. Even when it is good he cant give me much or see me much. It has left me in a terribly lonely and depressed spot. Please if someone could help me. I am lost.
M.
M.
You should check and see if you have have 'Narcissitic Personality Disorder' as well. Many Bipolar people have an exaggerated sense of their worth and abilities. You seem to be one of them. Bipolar people are not necessarily any more gifted or intelligent than the normal population but yes do they seem to be the most arrogant ! Speaking from personal experience.......
my husband is bi polar and i knew that when i met him,i wish i would of read into it but we were together for 2yrs and omg i found the one he was sweet,awsome,just a wonderful man. we got married,he turned i tell ya! he is verbally,physically,mentally abusive and its funny because i heard the same thing over and over again about the bi polar person always breaking up with you. My husband packs his bags 4 times a week and wants to leave me. If i say something he dont like oh he gets mad,im at the point of leaving him because i have 2 children of my own and he dont like them and we have a child together and he only loves him. He told me that tonight,then the next day he will say i didnt mean it. Iam so tired of this head game,i know he is bi polar but come on now i think its all just a game to him. I think he is playing it up. For everything he does wrong,his answer is im bi polar........i need some help here,i want to leave him i cant take the bi polar stuff anymore. I just dont understand how he could be wonderful for 2yrs then once we got married thats it game over,he changed and was never nice to me again.
I've been through all of this. All I can say is hold on tightly. I was with my ex boyfriend who is bi polar off and on. He is extremely unstable. His mother is nothing more than an enabler to his abusive behavior. It took me a very long time to realize that he is very sick. I was in complete denial. He doesn't take his medication on a daily basis. He also refuses to get the proper help. I have chosen not to speak with him anymore. He has accused me of so many things. It's really unbelieveable. He is also a big liar. He has not eased any of my fears. After my last conversation with him, I realized that I am better off. All he does is make excuses for his behavior. He is self absorbed but at the same time he has the lowest self esteem I've ever encountered. He thinks he knows better than his doctors. He has emotionally abused me way too many times for me to deal with any of this. I really did try with him. I just can't do it anymore. I wish him all the best, including his mother who will probably end up taking care of him for the rest of his life. Stay strong for yourself. In situations like this, it was hard to let go but I needed to. I had no choice because he scared me everytime I spoke to him. Nothing was getting better and he was and still is not going to get the help he so desparately needs. Good luck!
It's our choice to be with whom we see fit. I dated a bi-polar woman. There was a lot of attraction and love, but the bi-polar stuff was just too much for anyone. So what if 50% of Hollywood is bi-polar, or Einstein was and so on. Life is not just about material success, being a "professional" or being "intelligent." It's about quality of life. There are many people out there who meet the "cool and put together" criteria, but they are a mess. I say leave the mentally ill for someone else. Don't waste your time. You can not help them, they do not want your help, your lives are way too different, you will always be dealing with B.S. in one form of another and so on. Lot's of bi-polar people are super "smart" but when they loose it they are totally gone, in their own worlds where their partner is just an obstacle, and their views on what is happening NOW are completely off, and I don't mean in a good artistic way. Be alone or find someone who is somewhat together.
My relationship with my bipolar boyfriend just ended after 19 months. I love him with all of my heart, but he did not have a clue as to what genuine friendship and unconditional love means. He said all the right things at first and we grew close quickly due to his insistence. In hindsight, I think it was his insecurity with me dating other people that caused him to push for a committed relationship. When I finally gave him my heart, he started becoming distant. There were so many "legitimate" excuses that I compromised to no end to meet his needs. He would push me away and then pull me back in. I spent countless hours, days, weeks researching the web for an explanation to his behavior. As soon as I thought I had a grip, he would do something else. He is on medication and has tried therapy (his therapist recently moved away and he has not found another one). I do not think the therapy helped much ... no cognitive therapy to help with the negative thought process, not sure if he dealt with the bipolar issues directly, and I think his therapist was depressed also (kind of like the blind leading the blind!). He does not drink or do drugs. He has a steady job, does not gamble or cheat, and is not physically abusive. I cannot imagine what the other people who have to deal with these other issues in addition to the bipolar episodes must feel. My heart goes out to you!
This situation has destroyed me and I have been through a lot in my life (abuse, custody fights, and another bipolar of marriage of 10 years!). I am 42 years old and most people are amazed at my strength, resilience, and ability to take the positive approach to life's obstacles ... but this time I am really, really struggling. I have only been clinically depressed once before (therapy but no medication) and this is the second time I have had to seek counseling. So far, I am trying to work through my feelings without medication especially after seeing how the medication has affected my ex. I know I will make it, but the pain in unbearable at the moment.
He finally said some unforgivable things last night. I am still in a state of shock and wonder if he really meant them. Of course, I have forgiven the unforgiveable many, many, many times before. It is unbelievable how people with bipolar disorder seem to always find the person who will forgive and continue to love no matter what it thrown in their path.
I am lucky in that I have three other men who have expressed an interest in dating me and are looking for a long-term commitment. I realize I should not date until I resolve my feelings from this relationship, but it is good to know there are other options. These men are stable in every way ... no drama, emotionally available, grounded, and willing to work hard on building a healthy relationship (I know this because I have known each of them through church for over a year and they are ready to find love based on principles similar to those discussed in the movie, Fireproof) ... but I have no feelings for them. Obviously, there is something wrong with me. The fact that I can't leave an unhealthy relationship for a healthy one confuses me to no end. Yes, I understand co-dependency, but shouldn't this knowledge push me in the right direction? I guess I am still hoping for that magical phone call or email that says I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I realize you really love me and I really love you, and I want you in my life now and forever. Am I a fool?
I have a child to think about also. I realize I have to be strong and not let myself fall apart emotionally for a man who can love like hell one minute and then feel nothing the next. It has been hard to leave because he finds ways to keep me hanging on. Every so often, he will tell me he is thinking about me, or he misses me, or he will sign an email with words of love. He has told me that he waits for my calls and emails although he rarely, if ever, initiates contact with me when we are separated (now is this considered game playing?). He has used the excuse that he is no good for me and that I deserve better. Then he will turn the tables and tell me that he cannot be with me because of our differences (which were relatively minor until recently) and blame me for a laundry list of grievances that he did not bring up for months because he did not want to cause me stress (what does he think he is doing when I am slammed with all the things wrong with us at once?). He would say that good things do not happen for him and that our love is too good to be true that is scares him. Then, we have a small disagreement and he runs (closes down emotionally completely and then runs physically by no longer spending the night, etc.). I end up taking responsibility most of the time since I can see where we both were at fault and it is just what it is ... a disagreement. I guess I thought he was scared from his past relationships and if I showed him he could trust me to stick around no matter what then he eventually would stop running. At this point, he is sure we should not be together and I can no longer put myself out there anymore. I tried for the last time yesterday.
I have shared with him my research on bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. At first he thought I was lecturing him, then he would thank me profusely stating that I was the only person in his life to help him understand, and last night he thinks I am rubbing the fact that he is bipolar in his face. I am skilled at non-defensive communication techniques and have made every effort to approach him with love and support, but he misinterprets all of my intentions no matter how careful I am. (As a sidenote, he also has many physical ailments and unexplained pains that I also help to research. He does not seem to mind this.) I cannot begin to understand how he has twisted everything around in his mind to bring us to the point where we are now.
We have been separated (again) for three weeks and I thought we were getting closer and then bam ... I said something, he took it the wrong way, and now thinks the worst of me. Of course, the trust issues we have been dealing with now have resurfaced with a vengeance. I usually would blame myself, examine everything I did for a clue as to where I went wrong, etc. but not anymore. I know it is him and not me. It has happened too many times before.
He cycles rapidly and usually has mixed states ... dysphoric mania. His behaviors are not extreme ... barely noticeable unless you are sensitive enough to notice a pattern and I am quite sensitive. This makes it worse in my opinion because it is hard to tell if he is actually cycling or just experiencing normal mood swings so I spend a lot of time guessing how to best handle the situation ... like can I reasonably approach him now or is it useless to try until he cycles back? The mixed states make everything more complicated as he can seem normal one minute, hyper the next, and then depressed all at once. I believe he is cycling because he is losing a lot of sleep due to an increase in his work load. Although he admits he may be cycling, he still believes his thought process is logical. He even stated that his black and white thinking is logical ... it is either this or that. I told him logical thinking is a process of taking facts and making an accurate conclusion ... not making a decision based on two choices with no room for grey areas. Am I wrong? Is it useless to talk to him at this point?
I would stand behind him through all of this and have told him this countless times as long as he stops running every time there is a problem and commits to coping with this issue and finding workable solutions together. He tries to stop running, but obviously without success. Oh well, I have made some final decisions that will bring up to the point of no return ... I am taking a job 1200 miles away. I had this option for a while (although I did not tell him about it because he would say not to give up my life for him), but did not accept it in the hopes that our relationship would work out. It is so sad to me because we were made for each in every other way ... compatible on all levels ... except he cannot or will not accept my love and offer to stand my his side. I just don't get as I would give my right arm and leg for that matter to have someone love me the way I have loved him. Do you think he will he ever realize what he had done to us or what he has lost?
This situation has destroyed me and I have been through a lot in my life (abuse, custody fights, and another bipolar of marriage of 10 years!). I am 42 years old and most people are amazed at my strength, resilience, and ability to take the positive approach to life's obstacles ... but this time I am really, really struggling. I have only been clinically depressed once before (therapy but no medication) and this is the second time I have had to seek counseling. So far, I am trying to work through my feelings without medication especially after seeing how the medication has affected my ex. I know I will make it, but the pain in unbearable at the moment.
He finally said some unforgivable things last night. I am still in a state of shock and wonder if he really meant them. Of course, I have forgiven the unforgiveable many, many, many times before. It is unbelievable how people with bipolar disorder seem to always find the person who will forgive and continue to love no matter what it thrown in their path.
I am lucky in that I have three other men who have expressed an interest in dating me and are looking for a long-term commitment. I realize I should not date until I resolve my feelings from this relationship, but it is good to know there are other options. These men are stable in every way ... no drama, emotionally available, grounded, and willing to work hard on building a healthy relationship (I know this because I have known each of them through church for over a year and they are ready to find love based on principles similar to those discussed in the movie, Fireproof) ... but I have no feelings for them. Obviously, there is something wrong with me. The fact that I can't leave an unhealthy relationship for a healthy one confuses me to no end. Yes, I understand co-dependency, but shouldn't this knowledge push me in the right direction? I guess I am still hoping for that magical phone call or email that says I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I realize you really love me and I really love you, and I want you in my life now and forever. Am I a fool?
I have a child to think about also. I realize I have to be strong and not let myself fall apart emotionally for a man who can love like hell one minute and then feel nothing the next. It has been hard to leave because he finds ways to keep me hanging on. Every so often, he will tell me he is thinking about me, or he misses me, or he will sign an email with words of love. He has told me that he waits for my calls and emails although he rarely, if ever, initiates contact with me when we are separated (now is this considered game playing?). He has used the excuse that he is no good for me and that I deserve better. Then he will turn the tables and tell me that he cannot be with me because of our differences (which were relatively minor until recently) and blame me for a laundry list of grievances that he did not bring up for months because he did not want to cause me stress (what does he think he is doing when I am slammed with all the things wrong with us at once?). He would say that good things do not happen for him and that our love is too good to be true that is scares him. Then, we have a small disagreement and he runs (closes down emotionally completely and then runs physically by no longer spending the night, etc.). I end up taking responsibility most of the time since I can see where we both were at fault and it is just what it is ... a disagreement. I guess I thought he was scared from his past relationships and if I showed him he could trust me to stick around no matter what then he eventually would stop running. At this point, he is sure we should not be together and I can no longer put myself out there anymore. I tried for the last time yesterday.
I have shared with him my research on bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. At first he thought I was lecturing him, then he would thank me profusely stating that I was the only person in his life to help him understand, and last night he thinks I am rubbing the fact that he is bipolar in his face. I am skilled at non-defensive communication techniques and have made every effort to approach him with love and support, but he misinterprets all of my intentions no matter how careful I am. (As a sidenote, he also has many physical ailments and unexplained pains that I also help to research. He does not seem to mind this.) I cannot begin to understand how he has twisted everything around in his mind to bring us to the point where we are now.
We have been separated (again) for three weeks and I thought we were getting closer and then bam ... I said something, he took it the wrong way, and now thinks the worst of me. Of course, the trust issues we have been dealing with now have resurfaced with a vengeance. I usually would blame myself, examine everything I did for a clue as to where I went wrong, etc. but not anymore. I know it is him and not me. It has happened too many times before.
He cycles rapidly and usually has mixed states ... dysphoric mania. His behaviors are not extreme ... barely noticeable unless you are sensitive enough to notice a pattern and I am quite sensitive. This makes it worse in my opinion because it is hard to tell if he is actually cycling or just experiencing normal mood swings so I spend a lot of time guessing how to best handle the situation ... like can I reasonably approach him now or is it useless to try until he cycles back? The mixed states make everything more complicated as he can seem normal one minute, hyper the next, and then depressed all at once. I believe he is cycling because he is losing a lot of sleep due to an increase in his work load. Although he admits he may be cycling, he still believes his thought process is logical. He even stated that his black and white thinking is logical ... it is either this or that. I told him logical thinking is a process of taking facts and making an accurate conclusion ... not making a decision based on two choices with no room for grey areas. Am I wrong? Is it useless to talk to him at this point?
I would stand behind him through all of this and have told him this countless times as long as he stops running every time there is a problem and commits to coping with this issue and finding workable solutions together. He tries to stop running, but obviously without success. Oh well, I have made some final decisions that will bring up to the point of no return ... I am taking a job 1200 miles away. I had this option for a while (although I did not tell him about it because he would say not to give up my life for him), but did not accept it in the hopes that our relationship would work out. It is so sad to me because we were made for each in every other way ... compatible on all levels ... except he cannot or will not accept my love and offer to stand my his side. I just don't get as I would give my right arm and leg for that matter to have someone love me the way I have loved him. Do you think he will he ever realize what he had done to us or what he has lost?
So, i googled " my boyfriend just broke up with me for the fourth time" just to see what i would find to make me feel better and i came upon this site. Its ridiculous how similar some of these stories sound to mine. I have been with this guy for 5+ years now. We were friends for a year and then we got together. At first he was all serious and was telling me i wasnt serious enough about our relationship. Ok, so i bit and decided to go full force. But even at the beginning i noticed he was different, but it was only my second relationship so i went with it. Well now five years later he just broke up with me for hte fourth (maybe fifth) time. He is a pretty good guy, we takes me to the movies and out to eat , we are pretty respectful to each other financially. He just bought a house a year ago and asked me to move in with him so i have been living with him for a while and my rent is less than his so he takes care of me in that respect as well. But, he s not much for the kissing and hugging, (not just in public but in private as well) he is moody. After arguments he really gets me believing that its my fault, that iam being unfair with him and mean to him. Let me set an example of a fight, this past one, I came home from work he greeted me nicely (very sweetly) then our roommate talked to us for maybe 10-15 minutes about his job. My bf got into a negative attitude afterwards, he said our rommate talked for too long and put him in a bad mood. I sat there and listened and apologized for any complaints he was having ( i stuck it out for like 20 minutes of complaints), complaining that havent paid enough attention to him ( I had just arrived home from work), that I was mean and it didnt seem like i cared about him. I listened and apologized until i finally had it, he began to complain about the house not being clean enough for him ( i clean, do laundry, make him breakfast, pack him lunches, and make him dinner. Lunches everyday, dinner and breakfast vary). He keeps complaining that the room is dirty yet he doesnt realize that he too can clean, so i bring this topic up, and world war III begins. We duke it out for a while. I try twice to lighten the mood, via joking around or small gestures and it seems to almost bring him out of it but then it doesnt. We go to sleep mad. In the morning i try to pamper him, make him food rub his back things like that. He still complains. He comes home mad that day as well and says I treated him unfairly and that he was upset that i didnt get up and greet him when he came home, he said i was paying too much attention to our roommate (male roommate his nephew). The roommate and I were talking about my bad day at work. Well this led to the continuation of world war III and he decides to break up with me. Now, when we get mad and we are going through these arguments in my head im thinking I should leave and end this relationship, but when it happens I start thinking I dont want to really move out, I like this guy. Its been five years I know how he is, he has mentioned getting help before but last time i mentioned it he got offended. His mom tells him he needs help (he treats her very similar to how he treats me, and his dad was the same way). I feel like i should just say f- it and move out sooner rather then later, i dont want to but i dont want to be a door mat. He gave me roughly two weeks to move out, i have a big 8 hour test next weekend so he said we could work around that. But part of me also thinks he is giving himself a safety net, so when he snaps out of his bad mood he can tell me to stay and we keep dating, ( as has happened three (maybe four) times before). Why i keep taking him back, honestly i dont know, i know i care about him alot, so maybe thats it, maybe its low self confidence, maybe its stubbornness. I dont know, it sucks right now and I feel sad but I wish he wasnt so moody.
I went above and beyond when it comes to f*****g up. Decided it would be alright to experiment with another girl and lie about it for 6 months to my boyfriend of a year...who it turns out is bipolar, and unmedicated. I explained to him it was a curiosity and in the future if I or we should get the urge to be intimate with other people we can do it together. He is very mad. VERY very mad. Every argument we have revolves around me lying to him, regardless of what it started as. He puts me down often, I let it slide. He has a right to be angry. I want to fix it but he refuses to see infidelity as fixable. He's been telling me he wants to leave me over and over. Going on for a year and a half but i'm still hanging on. One minute were talking marriage, the next thing I know i'm being asked to vacate my apartment and find a new one. Then he loves me again and everythings fine, and he's sorry. He doesn't sleep sometimes, and if that's the case then watch out cause he is a walking time bomb! His psych told him a while ago that he may be bipolar and I was like 'no way! he's wrong..."
Little did I know.
So I guess what i'm trying to say is it's hard. It's harder when you were an ass and you did something like cheat as well, not saying I don't deserve it. I did some reading about handling different mood phases and realized a few things I've been doing wrong. I argue with him when I shouldn't, and wake him up a lot when I leave for work (were on opposite schedules)...but i'm still here. And I really want to be here. I do a lot of crying, sometimes in front of him. Sometimes he'll rip me a new one and then looks confused when I start balling my eyes out. He can't figure out what he did to upset me. It's amazing.
I'm going to confront him on a good day and tell him he should consider seeing his psych again. Maybe medication would be a good idea, maybe not. I didn't want him to take meds because I feared theyd change his personality(s) that I love so much. I just don't want it to get worse.
Hang in there guys, if you love your men/women stand your ground. There's nothing more rewarding than hearing them say they love you when the dust settles :-)
Little did I know.
So I guess what i'm trying to say is it's hard. It's harder when you were an ass and you did something like cheat as well, not saying I don't deserve it. I did some reading about handling different mood phases and realized a few things I've been doing wrong. I argue with him when I shouldn't, and wake him up a lot when I leave for work (were on opposite schedules)...but i'm still here. And I really want to be here. I do a lot of crying, sometimes in front of him. Sometimes he'll rip me a new one and then looks confused when I start balling my eyes out. He can't figure out what he did to upset me. It's amazing.
I'm going to confront him on a good day and tell him he should consider seeing his psych again. Maybe medication would be a good idea, maybe not. I didn't want him to take meds because I feared theyd change his personality(s) that I love so much. I just don't want it to get worse.
Hang in there guys, if you love your men/women stand your ground. There's nothing more rewarding than hearing them say they love you when the dust settles :-)
Ladies!
Leave them, end of story. even if it hurts. trust me it hurts more when you stay with them. i married my bipolar bf and lost ten years of my life putting up with moods and etc. (no it's not based on intelligence, the only dumb move i ever made was staying that long)
if you want your happiness to be dependant on what kind of mood your bf wakes up with in the morning, instead of what mood you wake up yourself in, and live with someone who has the ability to give you happiness only for a moment then crush it 5 minutes later and take it all back, then go ahead and live in this vicious cycle.
otherwise, get the heck out of dodge and allow the only person to control your happiness to be YOURSELF.
Leave them, end of story. even if it hurts. trust me it hurts more when you stay with them. i married my bipolar bf and lost ten years of my life putting up with moods and etc. (no it's not based on intelligence, the only dumb move i ever made was staying that long)
if you want your happiness to be dependant on what kind of mood your bf wakes up with in the morning, instead of what mood you wake up yourself in, and live with someone who has the ability to give you happiness only for a moment then crush it 5 minutes later and take it all back, then go ahead and live in this vicious cycle.
otherwise, get the heck out of dodge and allow the only person to control your happiness to be YOURSELF.
so i am reading these posts and i cannot believe how similar to my life they are. i read bout it happening every few months well for me its every two to three weeks. i hve supported and stood by so much nyone would think i was crazy. one day he loves me wants to have a family and i m the best thing in his life and the next i am thrown out. i was to move in with him last year i gave up my appartment and was ready and then boom i was running round looking for a place to live. he came back of course nd for few weeks at a time i am very happy and have convinced myself that its my fault when i have done nothing wrong. the relationship with all around him is the same. he lies to himself and to me constantly and he believes what he is saying. in a matter of a half hour he switches for no reason at all. i wonder if someone truly loves you the way he says would they hurt you so much? also bove ii cannot believe the quote from the person who is telling us to get off our high horse. nobody is on a high horse and clearly if you feel the nned to even say those things or try to convince others about bipolar people you my der re on a high horse. nobody said they were not inteligent nd not one person insulted anyone. being that way is a sickness no matter which way you look at it. the people going through it with you often suffer the most. i am a physician and its easy for me to tret patients but very hard when faced with it. the need to always be better than everyone and always putting the blame on others just to make yourself feel better is a sign on its own. one day its i hve no friends they are losers and the next they re your best freinds. back and forth it never changes no matter how hrd we try. i m still going through this just please anyone reading know it isnt your fault nd it isnt theirs either it is sickness and unless they realise it and make the changes they need to through medication or what have you things will always be the same. i know first hand it isnt easy trust me but we need to ask ourselves why we think we deserve to be treted this way by someone who one day makes us feel so up high in the world and then takes it away and throws us way so easily