Mothers who leave their children

It stinks. It's horrible and its awful.My mom left us when we were in our teens (there were 5 of us ages 12 thru 17). I'm 49 years old now and even though it happened a very long time ago...you never get over it. It feels like it happened yesterday. My mother has no regrets. She's a ver narcissistic woman and doesn't feel that she did anything wrong. She left us to be raised by an Alcoholic father who I love very much. I no longer have contact with my mother. It's going on 10 years and I'm fine not having contact with her. There's so much more but I'll leave it at that. Every mother has a different story about why she left her children Cuenca, if you could find out why and possibly understand why she left , that may or may not help you with your anger. Hope this helps you. Debbie

your grandparents are ok... you guess.... You count yourself lucky to have grandparents at all.. never mind those in their old age willing to take you in,

I had to reach the hardest decission of my life 8 weeks ago. my manipulative bullying ex was out to destroy me at any cost and used the children against me all of the time, he would have them look through my diary, his girlfriends daughter stare into my home as she walked past each day, would have people report back to him on anything and everything i was doing, reported me to police, social services, family wellfare. threatened court on every argumentative text and broke me down, i couldnt work, lost my zest, lost my will to live. i met my fiance in dec 2012 and he tried to destroy that too.......i adore my children 7 &12 and have brought them up for all of their lives whilst he continued to have affairs and leave spontainiously when it suited him. then he started the affair with the one hes with now and together there mission has to be to crush me........i couldnt be the happy care free mum i used to be no matter how i tried, i was broke, and had daily panic attaks and sleepless nights, i would see my children in the town with them and they would try to avoid me when with their father and his girlfriend......it was torture......and so i had to reach a decission, the courts had told me that i could not remove my children from the jurisdiction for a better life and was told im resilient enough and would cope...even though i was broken........so i left my home, allowing the ex and his girlfriend to move in with my boys......the traumer didnt end, he refused to comprehend i was leaving and wouldnt confirm to collect the children the day i left, he even told the children "your mother isnt going anywhere" even though id had to explain i was going to be living in a different country and wouldnt see them so much. because he refused to aknowledge i was leaving i booked for my children to travel with me 24th march 2014 for 28 days and i would return them. At the airport there were police and he had gone to court to apply for a PROHIBITIVE STEPS ORDER....i was not kidknapping my children i was protecting them to ensure they were cared for as their father denied that i would leave. in departures i was told hed been granted the PSO even without the judge hearing my defence, my children were taken off that day and i flew away, each day has been a physical heart break........all again because of a man that wanted to control me and no thought to my children.........SITUATIONS ARE SOMETIMES UNRESOLVABLE.....i am the one who will live with the pain of knowing my children will have that painful memory forever.........MY MUM has been their main childcare giver as i was working and now she too is restricted as to when she sees them........

Dear all, I hope you don’t mind me posting on your thread, but I work for a television company based in the UK and am currently researching for a BBC documentary about mother's who, for whatever reason, have chosen to leave their children.  I would love to speak to anyone that has been affected by this issue – whether it’s those that have left or those that have been left behind.  This is purely for research purposes at this stage, there would be no obligation to take part.   It would be hugely helpful to speak to anyone that might be able to offer an insight in to their experiences.   Many thanks.  ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed*** Please read our Terms of Use

You must see a doctor for post partum depression. I had all those feelings and worse. I was very sick and no one to tell me there was help for me. I suffered terribly for months and then finally accepted I needed professional help. My kids are adults now. I will never forget those darkest days of my life after I had my second child. Please let a professional know. You are not alone.

my friend lizzy her mom lavet her  

Sounds so easy, Have you ever been left and forgotten by one or both of your parents. I no that is what God would have us do. But some hurts go so deep that you never stop hurting . Yes I am a christian and I struggle with this everyday. I come from a family of 6 children my grandparents raise me my brothers and sisters was raised in foster homes. My mother got remarried and started a new family she game me two half brothers. But she was never a mother to her first 6 kids. And she saids she has no retreats. I could go on and on. My pain is do deep I wish my mother a good life but I will never understand why she did not love us the way i love my children. I no this is no help to anyone but I do understand the pain its always there.

oh my lord this post was over a year ago. I hope and pray your situation got better.

I am going through what your daughter went through or is still going through. I left domestic violence and I am the healthy parent - only difference is that I moved 1 hour away - to the city so I could get employment as my ex had blackmailed me in the small community we lived in. i had custody initially - then once I moved the judge decided it would be better for the kids to live where they had always lived. Ever since , I have not been able to communicate with them properly, visisitation rights are not respected, kids do not call me - I have honestly felt like just moving very far away on account of all the pain. My son in13 and there is no reason why he nor his sister could call me or even e-mail me. My ex is an absolute control freak who had always promised he would end up destroying me - so if a mother leaves due to all this - then it is called survival.

I am a mother of 4 children, I left my children about 10 years ago. I was barely 17 years old when I got pregnant to my first born, not married to the father of my children but we lived together and then he lost his job after I gave birth to our 4th child. We had a lot of financial issues. We moved to their province and live with his relatives who always tell me how to do things. I got into a lot of debt we can no longer pay because I had to feed 4 kids, myself and the father of my children. Then I got into trouble because of money, I felt I had to run because my fiance's family are all against me and he's not doing anything to help me. I asked him to get a job and I got a negative response from him so I left without a word. But I have no money to start with, I can't possibly bring my children with me because I know I can't feed them and take care of them all at once. But when I left, I can't find a decent job. I had to live with my friends from one place to another and try for small time jobs, anything just to survive. Then someone helped me, fell in love with a new man but I can't tell him I got kids because I know him and his family would not approve of me. We're now living together and I'm still jobless. I started to make contact with my kids and they are all mad at me because of what I did and that because I left that the relatives of their father are not treating them well. I want to get them to live with me but everything is so complicated. What should I do? Is this still some kind of mental illness just like what most of you mentioned in the old posts??? Some people need help while others just bash people without any substantial information about other people's decisions..I'm a mother and I love my children but I can't do anything because I don't have the money to do it, to be with them. I miss them so badly.. :-(

Hi i am in exactly the same position as you, being manipulated mentally, emotionally and financially (my daughter is subject to this two). After 9 years of being subjected to this behaviour I snapped and hit my daughter, something I deeply regret. I realised I was suffering from accute Anxiety and Depression. I asked for help from the statutory bodies, education, social services etc but nothing has been forthcoming. I had to send her to her fathers. She is now living with her father full time and will not see me or speak to me. I am in despair and don't know what to do next.

hi im 27 years old and i am a mother of 4 kids   3 boys and 1 girl and i have walked away from them and its not that i didnt want them or i wasnt a good mom i was a great mother and i loved them dearly with all of my heart i was in a abusive relationship with there father and he used to beat me in front of my children and if i had not left when i was able to my children would have witnessed him killing me and as much as it kills me i left  and its been 4 lof the longest hardest painful years of my life without my children  they live with my mother and there tooken care of well but i wish i wouldnt have never walked out on them i love them and miss them so much im not happy im sevearly depressed im going crazy i here there voices even though i know that there not here i can here them crying for me  im not able to lead  a happy life without them  and i put my self in there shoes and i know that they think maybe it was there fault but its not  i was 19 yrs old when i had my first child and i was preagnat every year  for five yrs in a row i had a miscarrage and i took on so much at an early age with no help and in abusive relationship bymyself no one to help deal with all that i had on my plate u see no one understands me every person has a breaking point and some people can take more than others well  all i know is that i broke and ive been broken for to long  i live my life full of regret and i wish that i could fall asleep and wake up and this would all be a dream but its not i cry everyday and  i need my family  and im a failure as a mother,daughter, woman as a person in general i messed up so much im afraid  im afraid i cant hurt my children anymore than i have already  im afraid to be a failure to them but i know what i should do and what im ganna do im just scared of when i go back  am i ganna mess up  being a mom to them again will they love me and do they want me around

My daughter abandoned her child 1 month ago. She took my 3 year grand to school. I picked her up, as I normally do and she never returned or phoned. I've spoken to her recently through text. We don't know where she lives. My grand daughter misses her tremendously and my husband is beyond Agry and I'm hurt. We are now taking steps to get custody of her. I need to talk to others in this situation. I want to know how the kids adjust. My hus avd I love our grand and doing everything to make her happy and ensure she adjusts. This is a confusing time for my entire family.

Thank you. I was the mother who left. I suffered so much mental/psychological abuse from my husband and his family that I really believed I was a bad parent, bad wife, bad daughter-in-law and that the best thing for my children was to leave. After years of therapy, I learned to understand that it was the abusive relationship that was the source of my own incorrect beliefs. I stayed in contact with my sons, even had to take their dad to court to enforce the visitation. Now they are both grown; our relationship isn't as close as I would like, but it's as close as what they want. I now have a grandson, and his father is having to deal with my abandonment of him as an adult. I don't know how it will turn out. And seeing my grandson makes me re- live the circumstances of my leaving. I'm not sure I'm forgivable; all I can do now is try to be there for my sons when they need me .

Wow, I am amazed at how many other women have left their children, I thought I was the only one. I felt so trapped and alone and really thought my kids would be better off without me, like I wasnt really necessary like I didn't belong there. Also I never really felt a mothering connection, I loved them and took care of them but sort of at a distance emotionally. I did try to keep in contact with them but their father refused phone calls and kept anything I sent them from them, after a while it was just to painful and I quit. I am now in contact with 2 of my 4 children, I let them take the lead and we see and talk with each other very frequently. They both still tell me if they think about it they are still angry but they want their Mom in their life so they work with what we have now.