Mothers who leave their children

I Can relate my daughter left her three children! I am disabled and diabetic type two, 60 yrs. old! I have my two grown up son's helping me raise them! It gets difficult at times but I'm hanging in there! Couldn't imagine them my three grandkids in foster care!

I'm now 48 and my mum left when I was 2. It was never spoken about and my dad brought 3 children up on his own. She liked to party and drink, she also had previously had treatment for mental health problems. I was never bitter and years later I tried to find her to tell her I was ok and didn't hold anything against her. I searched through the Salvation Army but they found that she had died at 59 . I laid flowers on an unmarked grave (after much searching) and glad I could draw a line under this estanged lady that I had dreamed about for years. I'm sad sometimes but try and be there for my children whatever . I am a good mum and have good kids! I never let them feel unimportant

I would really like to talk to you. I need some help, support.

Hi Backvalley Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I know how difficult, to say the least. I am about 10 yrs younger than you, but my brother & I were the same age as you. I was 6 he was 5. My mother got up one day, she was gone in the morning. My brother asked my father "Daddy, is Mommy allowed to kiss other men", my father replied obviously no, my brother took us to this man's home. For him to know exactly where he lived at 5, my mother must have taken rides with him in the car so numerous, that at his young age he recalled exactly how to get there. Well, sure enough she was there. My dad asked as my brother & I were crying, do you want to come home or stay here, with that she put her arms around her "boyfriends" children's shoulders, comforting them!!! I tried for 15-20 yrs to forgive/forget but she just was NOT meant to be a mom, which is kind of ironic, because she & my dad tried for 5 yrs to have me???? Makes no sense at all!! It has caused low self esteem & so many abandonment issues-to this day I still don't think she has ANY idea which she did to us. The good part is, my father is the most wonderful man in the world to me!! He was mother, father, cook, fixer, emotional lean on, etc!! He raised a daughter to become a lady & my brother to become a man!! But even with that being said, I really do think it really is more tragic for a child to loose their mother, as opposed to your father leaving(I mean no disrespect to children that had their dad leave). I just mean there is that maternal bond that you just don't feel can just be walked away from!! I'm so glad, although painful, that you shared your story, so I may share mine & maybe will get more people to talk as well. This happened in the 70's, even now I don't believe it's to be expected as a dad is to leave. Thank you!! Jrnygrl

BTW, If anyone can add anything or have gone through similar situations at all, please I would love to hear it. It def is not as common, no one I've ever met in my lifetime ever knew anyone either.

Also username on here is kimee910, made mistake on previous post

your mother did not have a good reason to leave you....it sound like your grandma is trying to justify your mother's reason for leaving you...Your mother should have thought about all of this before CHOOSING to lay down with some one and take on the roll of having sex...their are always consquences behind our action whether it be good or bad...It should not matter what other think ....you are a reason to be proud and know that it was not you ...it was your mother that copped out and ran like a immature child

My mother left our family when my brothers and I were all under the age of five. This year I published a memoir (Pieces of My Mother) about the experience of growing up without a mother and how that has shaped me as a parent. It's a story about forgiveness and trying to understand my mother for the very complex woman she was. I spent 12 years working on the book and I am grateful to be sharing it with others now. The paperback edition just came out and is available at bookstores and on Amazon. I hope that this is a story that will continue to help others who have been through similar experiences. With gratitude, Melissa Cistaro

My wife (now ex-wife) left with about three hours notice 18 months ago. The kids were told by their mother's brother and sister that their mother was leaving me and going to live with them and their Grandmother 4 hours away. Although the kids were 18 and 21, I found that they are still kids, and our (or my) kids have been particularly traumatized. They lost their younger sister in an accident three years before their mother left, and this was followed, unbelievably, by a flood a month later. I never felt that my ex-wife was the same after our daughter's death, as she insisted that our daughter had been murdered, despite absolutely no evidence indicating that, and she kept taking out her anger on me until I withdrew for protection. She won't visit the kids and makes one call a year on their birthdays. They can visit or call, but almost never call and have visited only twice for a few days at a time. She isn't working or trying to find work. My daughter left for college two weeks after her mother left, and I was worried that she wouldn't be able to handle the abrupt double transition. She has managed OK, although I did have to talk with the Dean and make an emergency trip to her college after her third alcohol violation required a transport to the emergency room. My son had just flunked out of college and was about to start commuting to a local college when his mother left. He has a learning disability and was broken down, feeling like a failure when she left. At Christmas, my daughter was moping, and I finally figured out that it was because her mother was out of touch. She described her mother as a distant aunt, rather than a mother. My son is enraged at her and will have almost no contact with her. I've tried to explain that their mother is probably suffering from a mental illness and that this had nothing to do with them, but that doesn't seem to help much. Both are deeply hurt and feel abandoned. Those who feel that college kids are adults have it wrong(in addition to my daughter's drinking, I've had to monitor my son to ensure he doesn't have a drinking problem, deal with his four car accidents (not all his fault, but I put him into a defensive driving school), help him get registered for classes when he was deregistered for not turning some forms on time, deal with the disabilities department at his school, and his doctor/psychiatrist appointments for hsi ADHD, as well as talk to his exasperated therapist, who said, "His mother left 6 weeks ago and hasn't even called!" They first spoke when my daughter got him to call her after 5 months. I feel overloaded, as my wife worked for me half-time, plus I have to take care of the household and the kids' problems, which never seem to stop. Those who feel that their kids can make it on their own because they are legally adults at age 18 need to realize that it is a rare 18-year-old who can manage on their own. The judgment centers of the brain (the frontal lobes) don't fully develop until age 28, according to the latest research, so they are still children.

Sorry, I know that this is a very old post, but I still had to reply. So here goes. WTF. So you had three children, and, now when the $H!T starting hitting the fan, you want to abandon them. No. Sweetie that is not how it goes, you are not dying, you might be a little depressed, but you are not dying. Yes, it hard raising children even in the best of circumstance. That is why your parents tried to warn you about having children too early in life, and the pitfalls that you might experience. Well this is one of the pitfalls,. And you made the choice to jump in the river early, without being fully prepared. And as rivers go, they can because very hazardous. But that is how life goes. Things will get hard, Sorry. But you don't leave you children behind. Stop looking at the other side, it gets hard over there too. You made choices. And those choice produced three children. Those three children are your main priority, not you. And no you don't have to be with your ex to raise you children. If you want to do it alone, then do it alone. If you want to co-parent with him, then do so. But don't abandon your kids.

This seems to be an epidemic. How are you? Are kids ok?

I have gone through A similar situation my advice to you is if you want to continue to be apart of the grandchildren you should legally join in custody at least for visitation the courts usually will allow you visitation if it's in the best interest of the child I was blessed and was able to get full custody of both my grandchildren although I wish my daughter was a better parent good luck

I agree well said

To all on here I with you daughter was raised I a good home er bio father left me when she was 61/2 he then took her long enough to get this setup so he NEVER had to pay child support. I raised her alone til I met her step father she was never abused in our home good family values, listened to encouraged and love by his whole family as well as mine. Now 30 years later she has 2 small daughters who she has walked out on to be with a man ( which is beyond me because I feel men don't let women leave heir children and women don't leave if their REAL) my daughter refuses to file for a divorce her husband thinks she'll move out of her boyfriends house and come back home. The 7 yr old has been with me 3 months will not go to her dads the 4 yr old has been here 75% of this time. They go for days and days where neither parent calls or sees them . The 4 yr old got staph ran a fever of 104 and I took care of her . I've asked my daughter to try and make me understand how or why she's doing this her answer is "I can't " and I know you don't belive I care but I do . She couldn't even bring herself to come here when her child was sick, her step father has offered to help her get a divorce if she'll just move out long enough to file still nothing , she swears not drugs are involved and her boyfriend says he's not preventing her from doing anything, she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong and mean while I'm trying to keep it together for her kids one knows a lot of what's going on the other no clue yet both still love and miss their mother. They can't understand why she doesn't come when they call or spends time alone with them. Anyone has any help to offer I'd like to hear from you. I live in Kansas.

you're a counsellor but couldn't tolerate this interaction...