Mothers who leave their children

Sometimes moms are simply not equipped to be moms. If a woman is young with no support (financial, family, emotional etc.) she may not be able to cope with being a mom. Mental illness can be another contributing factor (depression, mood disorders, psychosis). Substance abuse often correlates with mental illness. In most cases, women who leave their children did not have very positive relationships with their own mothers. Being a mom does not come "naturally," much of it is learned. A good book on the topic is, "Motherless Mothers," by Hope Edelman. One thing is certain, it's never the child's fault when a mother leaves. I know that doesn't take the pain away, but it's something that you must understand so that you can be free to be a good parent one day. You can be the cycle breaker because you are a good person who did not cause your mother to leave in any way, shape or form.

I was also raised by grandparents. It did not take the pain of being abandoned away, but as you stated, it was far better than living in an orphanage.

I think that this person is right

I am considering leaving my husband and 2 year old or maybe even committing suicide. I have a 16 year old who's father was physically abusive and never in his life. I raised him alone for 16 years. I made him my sole purpose for living. He recently connected with his paternal grandmother who basically said he doesn't have to follow my rules and can go live with her. He did. I took him to counseling immediately and fought to rebuild our relationship. I lost. He now hates me. We were closer than anyone. I feel like she turned him against me. He is jealous that I'm remarried and have another child. Now she is collecting welfare for him and I have been sued for child support of 920 a month. I have NEVER received a dime for help in raising him for 16 years. The money is the smaller issue. My heart is literally broken. Everyone says to focus on my younger son and live for him but I did that once and look how that turned out. I truly love my little one but I can't take much more of putting on a fake smile for him and everyone else when I'm in pain and wishing for death every second of every day. I hear the kids say how terrible the parents are but until you've been in someone else's shoes you can't judge. I used to be just like you. I used to say what I'd never do. Until now.

This relates very much I feel to my situation. I was completely destroyed emotionally to the extent where I knew I wasn't being a good mum to my son, but despite all the problems I had with my ex, I also knew he would be able to give our son a good, stable loving environment. So, I left. I am trying very hard to get myself into a better place emotionally so that I can be a good mum, I talk to my son regularly and see him as much as possible, but there is not a day that goes by where I don't miss him and wish we were together. However I know that as much as we miss each other, he is happy and loved and he knows I love him.

My X walked out on me and the kids 8 years ago they were 8 and 11 after she had an affair. She then married her elderly boss without telling our children in Gretner Green as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce. According to her new hubby it was not out of order because it was what they wanted. She lost everything. I was lucky as I had lots of help with my 2 children but the best help came from of all places the scout movement. I really do worry about how their thought processes will work if and when they have their own children. I say that because it is exactly what my X wife's mother did when she was a child.

They should be sent to jail because there is no excuse. Unless your causing harm or giving for adoption.

I never could leave my daughter but I was lied to judge for a mistake for having a party. Mother took my life to never be involved in her life again. I love my daughter unconditionally and would share with her that we all make mistakes but I am not perfect nor any of our family is. I was very young when having her. Watched abuse from my own mom and dad, scribblings abused me and I am so hurt by it. Know that I love you my daughter and your brother with all that I am and don't ever forget it. Wish you would come to me cause you know who you are?

You've done the right thing, sweetheart. It must've been extremely difficult, but I salute you for being courageous and strong. Well done, my friend.

Please, don't commit suicide. Your life is precious! My mother told me once... "Never cry over a man." You say he is abusive, why should you endure the abuse? Leave him. I know this may sound like a cliché, but there are millions of men out there. Get yourself a better man! But remember this... NEVER TELL THE NEXT MAN THAT YOUR EX WAS VIOLENT AND ABUSIVE, because if things turn sour, he will imitate your ex's actions.

i am a mother of 4. i have a similar situation as your daughter. i filled for a divorce but i chose to give my kids to their father's care. you see financially Im not capable . its more of the kid's future that i wanted to secure. my ex husband is also iresposible dad and husband. his family is rich and supported him all the time. I know by my decision alot would think Im doing the easy way out. but no im doing the sure thing for my kids future i want them to study and go to college. I will rebuild and if i have suffcient money i will fight and win them back. i cant do that if my ex husband and his family will do all their ways to bring me down if my kids with me. this is a very difficult decision believe me. at first i wanted kids to be with me but then when i think about the financial side and time for my kids i will surely fail. coz i have to work i wont be by their side after school to attend to their needs. I need to work to feed them to pay rent etc. plus my ex husband would surely be there to harassed me all the time which is very stressful for the kids. i really confuse and alone with this. kindly help me.

i was abandoned too

I have read each and every post and they are all so sad. That said, parents who desert their children have numerous excuses for leaving, but most often no real reasons (other than self). The bottomline is this - abandoning your kid(s) is a form of child abuse that they will NEVER get over. Yes, circumstances can often become overwhelming, but believe me, there are other viable options besides desertion. You cannot/should not solve your problems at your children's expense. Such selfishness harms everyone.

This sounds so familiar to me...This is exactly what I am going through. Were you able to get help for your daughter? I'm afraid she will also get pregnant again.

For the grandparents of children. In unstable homes, remember that you have the right to file for custody of them. Especially if the father is abusive. Don't let the chance pass by to save them from instability and pain.