Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I have just started to realise my sexual/mental abuse in my teens is having a massive impact on my life. I have been on anti depressants for years, tried a couple of over doses. I have no self confidence or self astem, I really need some help but can't seem to open up about it! I'm at a loss, I don't think mentally it will ever go away, I have nightmares, take sleeping pills most of the time. I can't have a boyfriend/relationship. I don't trust men at all and always feel extremely uncomfortable around older men. I feel like absolute sh*t! I let this happen to me, I wasn't a child I was 14/15 years of age I should have known better!!!!

I understand where you are coming from , I can't get my life to function right, then when it happned to my step daughter it made it worse.

YES and NO.

The YES of it: - it takes time to recover. Not weeks or months, but years. Healing is usually gradual, it takes time. There will mountains and valleys. Every survivor is as different as the sexual abuse they suffered, and every survivor will have their own journey to recovery. Healing and recovery is possible.

The NO of it: - You can not be wounded this way and just move on and forget about it.

We all know that if someone runs a knife through our arm - we can't just "forget about it". We have to treat the wound. Watch it carefully. Make sure there is no infection and deal with any long term disability.

Sexual abuse is similar - but far less visible. You have to acknowledge the wound exists, find ways to treat the part of the heart and identity that are hurt. Watch it carefully and work with the long term affects.

Surviving sexual abuse takes luck. Getting through the healing process takes courage, support from friends/family and hope.

Sexual Abuse isn't easy to overcome. When I was 5 years old I was sexually abuse by my family member, that's real close to me. It went on until i was 13. I think they stop because I'm a girl and at that age you start to get your periods and the change to get pregnant is high.Through out the years of 5-13, I was sexaully abuse by 6 differend guys and it scared me for life!!! I'm 18 years old and it still gives me nightmares. I relive my childhood in my dreams. I tried seeing a theropist, but even that didn't work it made the dreams just worst, uncovering the real truth. I still see most of the guys who molested and raped me, it's difficult to see them every time but you have to face you're fears some time in your life. I don't trust people easally and I don't want any guy to touch me. It's okay if they give me a quick hug. Many of my previous relationships with guys failed for the simply, but tramatizing past. It's hard to find love, but I would rather grow old alone than be with a man ever again. Don't trust them and don't like them at all. I am religous and do ask God to help me get over the rage and fear towards men, but untill this day nothing changed and I don't want to. I like my life without a relationship with a guy.

I'm sorry that this happened to you and you are in my prayers, even though I don't know you. But because I went through the same thing, so I can relate to the traumatising past. I also blamed myself, but you can't keep on doing so. Many times you don't have control of the bad things that happened. So please don't blame yourself for the things you couldn't prevent. In a case like that fear takes over and you freeze completely. I also don't have self confidence or self asteam and it's so hard to give yourself a compliment. You are in my prayers and I know God will be with you to keep you safe and let you find that special someone that you can trust. (And please forgive me if you don't like what I'm going to say now) but even if you find love with the same sex as yourself.

hi, your post really inspired me. i will take your advice and try to forgive my abusers. it has been very hard because i don't understand why it happened. i am 39 female, the abuse happened when i was a child both sexually and physically by two different boyfriends of my mom.

Layla - you are struggling with normal feelings of guilt. Many (if not all) rape survivors go through this and it's horrible.

At 15 or 14 or 28 or 70 - a rape victim is still a rape victim. If you've suffered sexual abuse - it's not because of something you knew or didn't know - did or didn't do.

It's because of something that someone else did - in spite of KNOWING on some level that it was wrong.

I had a terrible experience at 12. An older man raped me and I spent 20 years thinking I had contributed to it - that I was responsible.

He was 35 years old and drunk. I didn't know him. He was visiting someone in the house (waiting for them to return from an evening out). I left him alone upstairs and went down to sleep. He came into my room, undressed, took my covers off, lifted my nighty and did what he did. and I just went numb. I didn't cry out. I didn't speak. I didn't make a noise. I froze.

Didn't know what sex even was (well, aside from the text book definition that we talked about at school). He never spoke - the whole time. He never asked me anything. He just did what he came to do. I never saw him again. I never told a soul. For 20 years it was my terrible secret.

I was well into my 30's - a professional - educated - a good life - great friends - but struggling and fighting depression, panic attacks, constant relationship problems, a serious fear of committment, a strangled feeling deep inside that I couldn't get past. I ran from every man I dated - no matter how much I loved him.

At 35 years old - I finally went to a therapist. Hardest thing in the world was talking about that night. I still struggle with the details. BUT it was SOOOOO CLEAR. That was rape. That's what sex without consent is. It's rape. There is no wiggling out of that.

I had to turn it around though to realize it. Put myself in his shoes. ....If I went into the bedroom of a teenager and just forced myself on them - I would be a rapist. There is NO PART OF ME THAT DOESN'T KNOW THAT. There is NO PART OF HIM that didnt' know that.

Rape and sexual abuse is too often kept secret by the victims, who blame themselves and live with the confusion and guilt.

Somewhere in your area there is a rape crisis center - people you can talk to. People who won't force you to open up past what you're able to. People who know. People who understand. People who might be able to help.

You're life is too valuable. Reach out.

Speaking from personal experience and from my best friend who went through sexual abuse, you do, or you can, but depending on the individual it can take either a short or a very long time.

No, atleast for me you never get over it. You learn to function and pretend as if you are the happiest person in the world. I am 49 yrs old now, from the age of 7 until I was 17 I was molested by 4 different men at different times through my entire childhood. I blame only myself. I must have done something to encourage them. Why else would 4 different men do that to me? And they weren't one time instances a couple of the guys continued for years. I blame myself for not telling. I know at 7 how would you know to tell, but at age 10 or 11 I knew. I also knew that telling would hurt my family. The molesters told me that from the beginning. I know everyone says its not your fault, and I wanted to believe that so I used my fake self and told what few people I did tell (I never told anyone until I was in my 30's) I am not at fault. I learned early on how to hide pain and fear. A tool I continue to use today when I go to work. I started smoking weed when I was 11 I was drinking and dropping acid at age 12 and smoking liquid opium when I was 14. I would tell my mom I am staying at a friends house, but I was running the streets at 4 am. I hated my life and often still do. I don't believe I deserve to be happy. It is ok I can smile and convince you that I believe I do. But I know in my heart what I did. And I would never allow anyone I know be sad over my actions. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. So I mask myself. And am only open when I am alone. I quit drinking and drugs because my friends began questioning me about it. I quit 5 years ago. If you met me on the street you would never know. But when alone I experience great pain and depression. But I have learned that it is a part of my punishment for what I allowed to happen over and over. Again I say No you don't get over it. I am not telling you this to say poor me. I am not asking for prayers, save those for someone who deserves them. I am just telling you so you will know what your friend may truely feel.

I have a friend who had the same thing happen to him. I am a victim too from my pedophile cousin. I cope with the doldrums by working. :-) I got a year ahead in college because I got so many AP credits. Lol

ive read a lot of your stories i was sexually abused when i was 10 till i was 15 i was fine for the first few years then i got into a relationship with this girl and got my heart broken for what ever reason it triggered a lot of emotions and this terrible insecurity came to the surface for a long time after that it was hard as it grew in me like a disease, i tried therapy for a few months but i came to realize that it was a part of my life that was unlucky and i couldn't pretend it was something that was meaningless. today i have my moments where i can feel insecure like anyone else but i have a lot of clarity now and as each day passes ive spent time feeding myself with the truth. as i found myself dwelling on a lot in the past which was not true to who i was, so i put the pain aside one day as i lay in my bed i had just woken up and these lie that i carried, this voice that was in my head, in that moment i realized i was not my mind and my mind was not my friend and so i told myself that morning the truth. abuse only meaning something if you give it meaning, only my kindness could dissolve this burden. to my humanity there was a lot that had been destroyed but it taught me that i was not my humanity but a child of the universe and that i was a spirit as the moments where i felt connected to my spirit i had no recollection of my pain of the past. im not saying i disregarded my humanity as that would be not possible as i am human and i honor it as a part of who i am but its truth has very little meaning as it is a small closed picture of what universal truth brings and putting your issues of abuse onto this scale renders them meaningless, im not trying to solve anyones problems here as everyone is free to decide how they will treat themselves and how they will think about and judge themselves but really guys lets put things into context here we where abused, why should that make us the Offender we are the offended and that takes healing to recover from. one of these days you need to tell yourself what you need to hear and once you do never stop telling yourself whether it means using affirmations or rituals meditating visiting retreats life coaching because if your not going to tell yourself that what you have experienced is ball then there will always be someone willing to do that for you. dont give up guys talk to people who have shared this same problem and in a way its our job that once we get better in ourselves to help others do the same, it never needs to go completely but that is really your choice if you choose it as something which is significant or something which is not, take a look at the world everyone is sick in there own right but no one else make that right but them. fight that aspect of my life had been my greatest battle and my sweetest victory and this victory is yours and it is your choice as it was mine. if you stood strong from the start you would have known that this person was a fool, they where completely oblivious to what they had done. pitty them for they are pitiful and don't allow there, don't talk down to yourselves, initiate the change, you can think about anything in a negative way as you can think about anything in a positive way, my life and our lives are a poem allow yourselves to speak beautifully think beautifully and in that beauty allow it to cleanse all that has riddled you, you where in pain because you where lost in that pain you couldn't find your way out but of course this can be something which is painless, the truth about your abuse is that there is no truth about your abuse you decided its fate as you decide your fate now and in every moment after it. if your voice is strong to beat you down and everyone gets there moment but your voice must all so be strong in beating you upwards till the time comes where you can look at it as just a phase. everyday do something to heal you in aid of this change and i promise you things will get better just don't give up or loose hope, fight for yourself fight for us and when the words of evil are upon you, destroy them with everything you have there truth does not belong to you, you decide what is yours and what you shall eat. change your perspective and become the master of your fate. thanks for reading may peace be with us all. love Dean

I was sexually assaulted by my step brother a few times over the course of four years beginning when I was 15 and as a man I few ashamed that it happened at that age and beyond. Both times were when he was intoxicated And there was no penetration but a lot of Things that make me feel shameful to this day. A few months ago I had a break down and tried to commit suicide. While I was Commited to the psych ward I started telling the therapist there about the abuse. He was obligated to report the stuff that started when I was a child to cps. My father who tried as hard as he could to be supportive was outraged because my brother has Aspergers. When I was released from the hospital I got into a fight with my brother and was removed from my parents house where he was staying. I am not over it I have nightmares and anxiety attacks and I have anger issues. I want vengeance

Like I just posted the things I remember happened when I was 15 and 19. Sexual assault happens to anybody of any age and it is not your fault. I struggle everyday and the hard thing is feeling so low when things aren't that bad. Your worthy of all the love the universe has to give and as hard as it is to say so am I lol.

I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 7 for two years and I mean major sexual assault. He never raped me but he would put his hand down my knickers and inside me. I was too young to understand, but my sister walked in once and caught him. The police took him away and I didn't know why. It was only as I grew up that I fully understood. I am now 18 and I still can't get over it. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it and feel physically sick.

So sorry to hear what had happened to you, and when no one believes it does make it worse. Even more so, when your own parents believe him over you. I had the same type of thing happen to me. and now, another I love, is going thru the same thing..... except her parents believe her. but the abuser denies everything. How to catch these abusers and keep them away from the population.... there must be a way. tougher laws. etc