Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Hi Honey! First of all HUGE HUGS! 2nd explain to me if you can WHY your uncle is involved in this? Your "grandfather" is a disgusting excuse for a human being and it's NOT about you! It's about him having control over a vulnerable child - the only way they can get away with it! They are predators and wait till someone comes along that is in need of help or in a bad place - as you were after the loss of your dad!

So please explain to me about your uncle! And just know that your "grandfather" wouldn't have just started this with you! I have a strong feeling that you uncle knows a LOT more about this than he is making out! And what he is doing is CLASSIC abuse! the abuser or an accomplise, tells the child not to say anything as the family will disown them or hate them, or wont believe them! Thus SO many adults coming forward with past abuses - as they now know that the truth will set them free! The pervert needs to pay for his abuse of you! And IF my train of thought is right so does your uncle!

Tell me what's going on with him and I will definitely help you further honey OK? Angel hugs!

I checked this website to understand what I am feeling. It pains me to read all that happens in every inch of our world. I too, am a 35 yr. old viticm, of sexual abuse. i did not have the greatest of parents. Divorced and living with my mom. I was young and was constantly sent to my neighbors house for fun. We lived in a rich neighborhood so we were not a bad family.Honestly not passing judgment of anyone who is from lower income. Just pointing out the irony that life is not good in any neighborhood regardless of parental income..... However, my mom, going through a divorce, regarded it as that someone was nice to help out. However he was a a predator and really NO grown man should "want" to watch children like women do and an eyebrow should be raised to anyone who does and breathes oxygen... I am by no mean sexiest. I have been in the Navy and work in the medical field dealing with men and women...and sorry... but reality prevails that 'some' women lean towards children to help them not hurt them. Going through my past statements, ignore me, I am here only to say is that I am a Fun loving attractive successful woman who has almost everything she wants. And STILL ....there are days that are so dark and I can not erase the images AND it bothers me to read others going through this. I have wrapped myself in running, alcohol, working out, working at my job, school, but the irony is when I have a quiet moment on a crappy day... the memories haunt me. I am gathering that there is no miracle drug to move on. UNFORTUNATELY, memories reside within us cause that is the way we are made. I do not have all my memories and I Thank God for that ...but there are 2 that constantly surface in my mind enough to hurt... I have come to the conclusion that life is what it is and we are the only ones who can do anything about it. Regardless of the HORRIBLE men and women out there to try and destroy children for their own sick pleasure..... is well their own demons to deal with. I, myself, was 5- 9, and have hurt for years over it. Am I over it,,, NO, and never will forget the innocence lost!! However, at least I am fully aware of the possiblities of this happening to anyone else...boy or girl... and would break my own neck to ever imagining it happening again! I am sure I did not offer much to this discussion but it helps me , just a smidge, to type it out and feel like someone else knows my dirty little secret. God bless you all sufferrers and hope you have the strength to break the cycle...!!!!!!

So Here is my unique story with sexual abuse...

 

The reason why I'm posting this is to hopefully help others and help myself. I been noticing amongst the stories I've read that alot of it is either men sexually abusing females or males abusing males. I guess that's what makes my story unique because when I was a child. as young as 4 years old I was molested by a female! Not only a female, but a child only a few years older than me. What happened was , as a child we moved into a new home. Our next door neighbor had a child that was my age and immediately her and I started having play dates. The abuse didn't start happening until my mother had allowed her to come have a sleep over with me. I don't remember the first occurance of being molested , but I remember that it often happened when her and I were in bed together. She told me we were going to play a game , and it was called "caspers coming". She had touched my genitals softly and introduced me to a sexual world that I was not aware of and didn't understand. She had made me think that what I was feeling was a game, and a fun game at that. Because she was my age and because I didn't understand what was going on, I was not afraid. THats why I say my story is unique because although I was molested, it wasn't the traditional "older male figure aggressively raping the younger female". THis has got me mixed up emotionally for years and confused! So the molestation went on for the whole period of time that we lived in that house, everytime her and I would have sleep overs we would play the "casper game" and it eventually turned into her making me reciprocate what she was doing to me. THe only thing that made me feel weary about the whole thing was how everytime we played the game, she had told me to swear to never tell anyone! I knew right away when she said that , that must have meant we were doing something bad! Because the young girl was only a few years older than me, and wasn't scary to me at all, it was hard for me to speak up and tell my family about it. I didn't feel threatened by her, I wasn't afraid she was going to hurt me, and I actually quite liked her as a friend. Her and I would hang out everyday so i had an emotional attatchment to her. After a little while the casper game started advancing, she was suggesting things as far as oral sex and than it started to turn into something I wasn't comfterblle with anymore. So I spoke up and I told my mom about it, but at first she didn't believe me! I kept trying to make little suggestions to her about what the neighbor girl was doing to me and she actually had went up to her and asked her to her face if she was touching me. Of course my friend had denied it, and than she asked me why my mom was asking her about it. I finally went to my grandma one day and told her the way She had been touching me and than my grandma had told my mother and my father and made them take it seriously. When my father had gotten involved he got very upset with my mom for not believing me in the first place, and just at the situation entirely. He had forced the girl and I to stop talking, and had also made plans to move out of the house!!

 

So here is the hard part about life after being molested. I was brought up as a Christian girl, and my family was very strict about sexual rules and sexual feelings and how I should NOT have them until marriage. After I was seperated from the girl who was molesting me, I had become emotional. I had missed the friendship her and I had with eachother, and because of being molested so often I also had formed some kind of addiction/adrenaline rush from the sexual feelings I was experiencing. The only thing that would ease the stress I was going through was masterbating. And I did start masterbating when I was as young as 6 years old!! THats the thing that makes me very sad. I'm almost 100 percent sure that the average kid at that age had never masterbated and should not be aware of their genitals the way I was. It has made me feel guilty and dirty. I have felt partly to blame for the molestation I endured due to the fact that I was not scared, and I was not aggressive in stopping what was going on. My past of being molested has affected me on a personal level because I have felt very guilty over the years from being sexually aware of my genitals and feelings at such a young age and I was always scared that I was disobeying or disappointing God. To an extent . I felt like I couldn't control the sexual urges that I had , and that made me feel dirty and guilty. I remember there was a time that I stopped masterbating after I confided in my grandmother who was a paster that I was getting those feelings often, and she had told me to pray to God to take them away until I was meant to have the (within marriage is what she meant Im sure) and I just decided to stop masterbating all together. It made me feel good at that time that those feelings had stopped pestering me as frequent as they did, but it seemed like the more and more I endulged my urges, the worst the urges would come. However, getting sexual urges , ever since the time of my molestation , has been a daily and constant struggle. Especially when I hit puberty, and when I lost my virginity. IF any of you are wondering, my sexual orientation is straight. I am a heterosexual woman and even though apart of the side effects of being molested was me being confused of my orientation, I know that I am only attracted to men and I do want to spend the rest of my life and marry a man! But as I was saying, as soon as puberty hit and I started getting raging hormones again ,  I was always worried that when I masterbated I was masterbating more than the average teenage girl or maybe the average teenage girl wasn't masterbating at ALL and that made me feel like a FREAK =( I always found myself praying to God to ask him for forgiveness of my dirty sins beause masterbating for me, wasn't a normal healthy human thing to do. Masterbtating for me has, is, and always will feel like I am being molested the way I was when I was a child ALL OVER AGAIN.

 

Right now its a struggle for me to look at sex or masterbation in a healthy, clean, normal way because everytime I do I always feel like I'm in bondage to it the way I was when I was a child. Sometimes memories replay in my mind when I don't want them too. I have also had pestering dreams of a reoccurance of what happened to me as a child, but sometimes it is with a different person.

 

THe way I've truly been dealing with this is by reassuring myself that being a sexual human being isnt a dirty thing or a bad thing. It's not something we should be ashamed of or guilty of, but I can identify with most victims of molestation that when you try to have a normal healthy sexual relationship with a partner or a spouse, you often can go back to that place when you were molested and feel dirty afterwards. I still have to pray to God that God can truly heal me of this guilt that seems to hang over my head. EVerytime I feel guilty or sinful I always pray to God to forgive me if I am sinning but to help me not see sex in a dirty or shameful way, and to help erase any connection that my past of being molested has with my current sexual state NOW.

 

If anyone out there has been in a situation like mine , and has lived everyday wondering if how they are sexually since the event of their molestation is normal and healthy, I would appreciate a response so that way I know I am helping people out by thoroughly explaining my story and maybe someone out there can let me know that I'm not the only one!!!

 

 

 

 

For anonymous female.  I began learning some of those things when I was about the same age as you. I never felt guilty about sex or masturbation so I wonder why some of us end up with different feelings about it?

I was about 6 or 7 when me and my playmates who happened to be girls, began exploring each other. We had a lot of fun for several years, then just sort of drifted away from doing it. It all started when the three of us were playing one day and one of the girls was recounting how her older brother had mentioned that girls have two biscuits and boys have a bat and two balls. Well, they wanted to see the bat and two balls and agreed to let me see the biscuits in exchange. The bat and balls became a lot more fun because of what happened next.

The girl who had brothers said mine didn't look like her brother's. I knew about other guys being circumcised so I pulled my foreskin back to show her. They were both intrigued with that skin that rolled back and wanted to do that themselves. I agreed and that's when we all discovered another wonderous thing about my "bat". When THEY touched it, it responded rather quickly by doing something I had never seen before and they found very interesting. That was the beginning of a few years of fun for all of us. They often wanted to make it do that again and I certainly liked the feeling of them touching me so I always said yes. Even though they had nothing as interesting to play with, I liked touching what they had and they liked having me touch them.

Several times when they had female friends visiting they wanted to show them my wonderful toy and I always agreed. I never felt like I was being molested, it was fun, and I usually got to explore some new "biscuits" in exchange.

I remember another time when we were playing in the lawn sprinkler and I spent quite some time trying to find the holes in the girls nipples where the milk would come out and them looking to see if I had any holes too.

When I was 10 my family visited relatives in another state and my cousin taught me how to masturbate. That didn't make me feel molested either. I liked the fact that he showed me something I didn't know about that felt so good and I never felt bad about it.

As you said. the other girl was close to your age and didn't force you in any way and you didn't feel threatened. To me that would be a lot like when my cousin taught me how to masturbate. That makes me wonder why some of us like yourself feel guilty and others like me don't? I think most of us must have learned how to masturbate from someone else who knew how.

I was certainly exposed to all the negative pressure from adults about masturbation being dirty and sinful and most anything else they could think of to make us feel guilty if we did it. The only thing that may be different is my parents were NOT the ones trying to make me feel it was wrong or bad. Both of them observed (not caught) me doing it when I was young and neither of them said anything about it. 

I've always been thankful that I had those early interactions with my female playmates. I feel it made me appreciate the female touch and I learned to touch them gently, even though we didn't know what we were doing/feeling at that age.

Now I'm certainly not talking about someone who was really molested/raped by an older adult. I'm just describing my own experiences as a kid which I simply looked at as a normal part of growing up.  

 

 

 

I was molested 10 years ago and it was never discovered till september 11, 2011. since then i have been an emotional wreck. Mental problems have been popping up left and right. even tryed to overdose.

 

i Have always as the average child been asked by my mothers friends if i had a boyfriend or was interested in boys, i would always answer no of course. i absolutly cannot stand men. I dont even come near any without a knife in my back pocket except for a small few. such as my brother etc. Also since then i have found myself more interested in women. but of course have mixed feelings.  I really find myself more attracted to a women WAYYYYY over my age limit. My religion is of course against all of it. being raised a christian child all my life always makes me feel dirty that my thoughts are sending me in a bad direction.

 

i have never imagined living past my 18 birthday,and i honestly hope i dont . that god would bless me by taking me himself. I have always told my mother i want to be a doctor or a pilot just so my memory to her would be of the highest extent. i Hope this has helped someone feel that there not alone. I hope im not alone.

hi just wanted to tell that i was sexually abused at 10 and 11 by two different old men. one was a janitor at school in florda and the other was a best friend in the neighborhoods father. i am 48 and still cant live a normal life, it is always there i cant love or make love to the man i married 28 years ago. it really affects life. i dont have any personal relationships anymore, even with my family. i dont trust anyone.

ALL abused children are scarred for life! It can be just a slight memory or a debilitating problem! I have found that it ALL depends on the group around the child! IF they are believed and receive help and the family and friends circle the child and make him/her feel loved and protected, MOST of the time that child WILL move on with his/her life! BUT IF the circle becomes a semi circle or not even there, then that child is SO vulnerable and alone and misunderstood and even seen as a liar! This child has the deepest scars, not only of the physical violence, but of their heart being betrayed by the ones that are supposed to protect them! I know of NO worse thing, that the RAPE of a child! And I'm not only talking about Sexual Rape! I am talking about the fact that the child is NOT listened to, and the child has NO other option but to stay put and be betrayed over and over again! 

I was sexually abused from when i was 14 to when i was 15/16 by my best friends dad which included, rape grooming and sexual abuse. It haunts me every day, and i imagine it will haunt me each day for the rest of my life but i think you have to want to move so much, you have to want to get over it and not be subjected to what you've been through...do not let what he did to you dominate your entire life. Its one of the hardest things a person can go through mentally, it will rip apart every moral you have and every inch of your self care. You probably won't sleep or eat. You just have to let your mind dominate your emotions, let your mind tell you to eat three meals a day, to not worry if you don't sleep and to surround yourself with the people that are good for you. To care for yourself and tell yourself over and over again you are not alone, you will get through it and in the end you will be okay.

Hey, that is question I'd been asking myself for years & I'm still young. But yeah, you never get over it...I say that because I thought I'd gotten over it but the truth is that it's just suppressed & trust me...suppressing is NOT a good idea. I'm being all clingy, self blaming & guilty all over again nowadays & I just wanted to vent too. Emotions getting uncontrollable. But, for that you're gonna firstly HAVE to forgive yourself because it was never ur fault...I mean come on, innocence of a child shouldn't be played with. I'd been through the same for 4 yrs & believe me we all know how u feel. Forgiving will do u miracles. Second, I suggest you go have a hypnotherapy or talk to a shrink, hypnosis will remove it once & for all...or at least that's what many say...I haven't done that yet. Thirdly, we may not have had a happy beginning but you can end it well. I just made it my aim to help all these children...it just somehow makes u feel like you're strong to make something amazing & beautiful out of ur past. Fourthly, God helps...but first you must help urself. Peace does lie in religion. Write it out, let it out, vent to ur loved one & just let it go. But seeking hypnotherapy is going to do all of us wonders I'm sure.

I still have those nightmares of molestation from my very own cousins and the hardest part is them making fun of me at times and then pretending everything will be ok. My family is held together and if i were to tell them, i would be breaking it all apart. The worst of which in my memory is when my guard's son sexually abused me and then handed over a real knife and told me to kill my mum, like a police/thief game and i....nearly grabbed it and went to the kitchen but thankGod, my conscience served me well. And nowadays i'm depressed and anxiety taking over all over again. I mean i cant just see those cousins of mine walk about like nothing ever happened. They always come around and everytime i see them, i cant bear the flashbacks. I say it here because i have no one else to vent to...my religion serves severe punishment for these bastards. I find it hard to get close to guys...they scare me subconsciously. all i really count on is my friends, female friends and my immediate family. All i can say, is that just pray for God loves us more than we can ever imagine and He surely will get us through this. so keep a bright face, stand up and believe you have something good to offer the world by making these painful memories into your strengths. Good luck! :)

christiana wrote:


hi everyone  ***this post is edited by moderator *** ***
inappropriate posting*** Please read our Terms of Use

i thought i was alone unless i asked a doctor abroad now i returned my home country and i find these things u all are talking about well. my mom used to treat me like a thing thats on the way not like person i think.... and i kept talking about the thing but she cant even today accept it im 22 i was 13

should i stpo talking? i feel storng when i talk about it. but its as if i dont believe or hear ppl. i dont se they dont want to hear it. and i dont care if im believed or not i talk so the things dont haunt me or trigger me. my mom doesnt want to accept it if she did it could help stand for herself

i finally destroyed last and best friend i had left i kept talking the things

all days without caring what he tells me all his words were good. i only hear myself and not others

im afraid to silence about the incident

im weak if i have to deal with it alone. i feel strong when i talkbut i feel

i dont care for others... my boyfriend loved me so much but now he doesnt and he doesnt want to see me anymoer too. he was my last hope. what i do now? mim going to doctor.. anybody of u can answer this. my mom doesnt stand for herself, she wanted i stand for her. .... its hard ..... i just cry if i have to stop talking as if im a piece of shiet like nobody want sot believe it what do i do? my boyfriend believed me .... and i liked him..

he told me to stop and change my behaviour i trie dbut only when he stopped loving me i felt like throwing up literally all the bad feelings i had inside for 6days then it stopped that feling what do i do now?....

get new people?.. and never tell anybody about this? if i dont tell all seems fine like forgetting it. looking at all of u seems like u feel happiness and when the things trigger it triggers but u live it the moment through and im scared of the trigger im a coward .... the key is the trigger and my fear. i fear the trigger so i push veeyrone from me not letting them trigger me im sorta past that now i get irritated that mybf was happy with me i mean when he was i kept running from the trigger.......what i do how do i look like? do i look stupid compared to u all??? ....... becouse my behaviour is opposite all of u have kids and marriage and pushing the thing away, i push it to myself but the peopleni push away ...... i pushed so much that i didnt care anymore i dont have friends i know have to change behaviour but do i seriously need to stop talking? i could leave ppl behind that dont believe me my mom dont understand she triggers me and i feel worse than her. its so unfrtnaute what do i do? i think im past the feeling and thinking it over 6 years now. but when i fel i let people near me i fel like the thing is near me like really near me

i only trusted my bf... im enviroment destructive becouse of this before i wasnt i want my life back can someone say something anything

yaku wrote:

bambi27 wrote:

ALL abused children are scarred for life! It can be just a slight memory or a debilitating problem! I have found that it ALL depends on the group around the child! IF they are believed and receive help and the family and friends circle the child and make him/her feel loved and protected, MOST of the time that child WILL move on with his/her life! BUT IF the circle becomes a semi circle or not even there, then that child is SO vulnerable and alone and misunderstood and even seen as a liar! This child has the deepest scars, not only of the physical violence, but of their heart being betrayed by the ones that are supposed to protect them! I know of NO worse thing, that the RAPE of a child! And I'm not only talking about Sexual Rape! I am talking about the fact that the child is NOT listened to, and the child has NO other option but to stay put and be betrayed over and over again! 

There have been MANY studies on the dynamics of families of children that have been sexually tortured! And one of the most common denominators is the fact that the NON acting parent/adult has usually been victimized themselves! And thus have ALWAYS had no other option but to let the hurt go on and NEVER been able to stand up for themselves! Because NO ONE stood up for them and made it "right"!

I have told many young victims too take a look at the family dynamics - for eg. Does your mother BARELY talk to her father, or uncle? Do you NEVER hear good child stories from your dad? Is THE parent belittled or the receiver of trauma - be it physical or emotional? IF so then they do NOT have the skills to shelter their children from the same or different molesters! IF they are victimized and thus always the victim, how can they even cope with the fact that their own child is now a victim too? This is in NO WAY an excuse for a parent NOT doing anything! But just 1 explanation for a VERY complex relationship!

Usually child molesters who ARE children! HAVE been molested! Molestation is NOT a animal behavior! A child KNOWS that pain is bad! And thus will not continue hurting someone - unless they have been hurt and wants to make others feel the same way! Just like bullies have usually been bullied before or at home! And IF that abusing child is NOT shown the right way too deal with his/her anger, then that child becomes an abusing teenager, who becomes an abusing adult! The cycle of abuse is SO SO strong! That it takes a HUGE amount of strength and inner will to break free from it!

The same can be said for victims! IF they have NOT been helped, or see the abuse daily and the fact that the significant adult in their lives has NOT done anything about the abuse, then the victimized child has NO role model or reference to go by! And thus is STUCK being abused!

I TRULY believe it is NEVER too late to face your demons head on! And I feel that the women on this page, have NEVER been "Heard" and they have NEVER seen the true strength in people! Only their weakness and cowardness! There are MANY groups in virtually all areas of the world that you can get help and talk too! You are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE! There are MILLIONS of us perhaps BILLIONS! That need help from professionals, and need to know HOW to enjoy life and our significant others and to finally LOVE OURSELVES! So I hope that anyone reading this WILL phone a professional therapist or sexual abuse center for the help they SO need! HUGS to you ALL! And REACH OUT! IT is NOT TABOO!

i thought i was alone unless i asked a doctor abroad now i returned my home country and i find these things u all are talking about well. my mom used to treat me like a thing thats on the way not like person i think.... and i kept talking about the thing but she cant even today accept it im 22 i was 13
should i stpo talking? i feel storng when i talk about it. but its as if i dont believe or hear ppl. i dont se they dont want to hear it. and i dont care if im believed or not i talk so the things dont haunt me or trigger me. my mom doesnt want to accept it if she did it could help stand for herself
i finally destroyed last and best friend i had left i kept talking the things
all days without caring what he tells me all his words were good. i only hear myself and not others
im afraid to silence about the incident
im weak if i have to deal with it alone. i feel strong when i talkbut i feel
i dont care for others... my boyfriend loved me so much but now he doesnt and he doesnt want to see me anymoer too. he was my last hope. what i do now? mim going to doctor.. anybody of u can answer this. my mom doesnt stand for herself, she wanted i stand for her. .... its hard ..... i just cry if i have to stop talking as if im a piece of shiet like nobody want sot believe it what do i do? my boyfriend believed me .... and i liked him..
he told me to stop and change my behaviour i trie dbut only when he stopped loving me i felt like throwing up literally all the bad feelings i had inside for 6days then it stopped that feling what do i do now?....
get new people?.. and never tell anybody about this? if i dont tell all seems fine like forgetting it. looking at all of u seems like u feel happiness and when the things trigger it triggers but u live it the moment through and im scared of the trigger im a coward .... the key is the trigger and my fear. i fear the trigger so i push veeyrone from me not letting them trigger me im sorta past that now i get irritated that mybf was happy with me i mean when he was i kept running from the trigger.......what i do how do i look like? do i look stupid compared to u all??? ....... becouse my behaviour is opposite all of u have kids and marriage and pushing the thing away, i push it to myself but the peopleni push away ...... i pushed so much that i didnt care anymore i dont have friends i know have to change behaviour but do i seriously need to stop talking? i could leave ppl behind that dont believe me my mom dont understand she triggers me and i feel worse than her. its so unfrtnaute what do i do? i think im past the feeling and thinking it over 6 years now. but when i fel i let people near me i fel like the thing is near me like really near me
i only trusted my bf... im enviroment destructive becouse of this before i wasnt i want my life back can someone say something anything

went read what sort of kids or ppl get abused well my dad didnt liked me cus he didnt like my mom ithink i was half weak from side love i got from dad
maybe thats why i was weak and got abused i was happy before i was in love then thought negatively left friend got abused then got scared cus he lied to all pl no2 believed me i started talk to mom ... no friends anymore.. my behaviour is neglecting and angry
im going to doctor i want my life back and i kept doing same things.. alwyas negative but can i be strong.. if i wasnt raised strong? most of u seem strongly raised my parents divorced when i was 5 or 4.. im weakling inside strong person outside not one that make ups .. so what to do.. if i act im strong /a whole person its kinda hard i feel like crying i mena if i need bear the triggers while i dont know.. weak and maybe easily could be abused in any way again ... i talk good and im emotional ... my all years behaviour drove my last hope .. all comment i want know

i used to know some people that do that stuff like u or they played that stuff.

i did that once without realising t my friend i was interested in sex i guess. rubbed myself to her.. couldnt talk about it.. talking about it here wont make me go forwards i think. i feel guilt. idk how to deal with it. i feel like i was the molester.

Hi, I was sexually molested from 5 - 15 years by two of my cousins and my uncle. I am now 32 and am finding it hard to cope with anything. I am so angry with my mum all the time and don't feel like anyone understands me. I don't know why I am so angry towards mum, she didn't hurt me. I constantly have thoughts of ending my life and feel depressed and anxious all the time. I want to be set free from my past. I am sick of my life and want to feel alive and happy. Why can't I get over it? I am too scared to be in a relationship and too scared to be alone. I'm a mess and feel that there is no point to life.