finding it hard to cope after an abortion

Its easier to to cope when you have more support, I had one a few hours ago and I feel horrible, I feel your pain, dont ever let a guy push you or any gurl into an abortion, its not worth it

i had my abortion done about five months ago. i was 18 and still in high school. my boyfriend and i suspected i was pregnant but i didnt want to face the truth. i was an all star softball player and nerd. i had a full ride to texas a&m university and i knew if i was pregnant it would ruin everything. i eventually took a test and found out i was pregnant. i was astounded and at a loss for words. my boyfriend knew we wanted to keep it. as soon as we found out, we went online and looked at baby clothes, shoes, etc. my boyfriend and i both had jobs and we THOUGHT our parents would help us out financially as well. i told my older sister first and she forced me to tell my mother. it was the scariest thing in the world. when i told her she cried her eyes out and told me how disappointed she was in me. my boyfriend told his parents as well. his parents were upset of course and willing to help. on the other hand, when my mother told my father he simply didnt doubt the fact that he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. he said i was too young and too smart to go through such a rough time in my life. my mother then told me she was going to call an abortion clinic. i had no other choice but to agree with her. my boyfriend was furious and didnt want me to get it done. my mother and i went to the abortion clinic and went through all of these counseling sessions and videos until finally the day came. i was nervous and crying. the music, the smell of the room, the pictures, i remember it all so vividly. its an image i will never forget. i was only slightly sedated so i felt everything. when the needle was stuck in me, i cried even harder knowing my baby was gone without even having the chance to live. the day before, i was shown an ultrasound and heartbeat of my baby. it was the hardest thing ever. i didnt talk or eat for days. my boyfriend stopped talking to me for a while as well. he couldnt cope with the abortion and went into depression. he is now in rehab and i feel like its all my fault. its been five months since the abortion and i still cry whenever i think about it. the feeling of guilt never goes away. i wish i could say it would get easier but it doesnt. when you see other teen moms making it, you feel like you screwed up pretty bad. i wish i could have just said no to my mother but i just couldnt. i would want a second chance and i unfortunatley dont think i ever will. its too much pain. its the worst decision of my life.

I am in the same exact situation only I'm 17 and both my parents knew. It's killing me everyday. My use date would've been this month. 

I see myself in a similar situation. I have a 3 almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. I just found out I'm pregnant again. My husband and I are concerned financially. I an concerned emotionally. Its so stressful with the two I have now. Then fighting all the time, some days I just want to scream. I haven't had my ultra sound yet. I think then I will make my final dicision. My husband says he wil bbe there for me if we go through with the abortion. But can they fully understand ? Will our relationship last? Fear of too much loss scares me. Will this ultimiatlly effect my children will I not be the same to them? I guess my real question is is it worth it? Would you go back and change your decision? Is the grief and emotional roller coaster going to tear us apart? I think that is more of my fear, our family. What is really right?

I have to make my call to the clinic tomorrow. I avoided it all today. I know i have no other choice but this is killing me. I havnt stopped crying since i saw those two lines. I can feel him in there and soon he will be dead. And im the one killing him. The 'father' is trying his best to be supportive but he has no idea how this feels. I have three children already so i know how quickly they go from 'tadpoles' to these remarkable human beings. I never thought i could do this, i dont want to, and i hate myself. This is all my fault. I am a terrible human being and and even worse mother. How am i supposed to look at my children playing and know that i killed their brother? I just want to die. 

I'm 17 years old. I come from a horrible back ground that I won't get into. I'm a senior in high school that had a choice to graduate early because I was ahead on credits. But I started dating this guy in July and decided I was going to finish out my seniour year with him. He is absolutely the love of my life. I was on the pill and ended up pregnant. I was 5 weeks when I figured out I was pregnant. It's been 4 days sence I've done my abortion. And I hate myself. I don't feel as if I deserve to be alive. My boyfriend gave me the choise on what I wanted and said he would suport me in what ever I wanted. But after seeing him breaking down over my pregnancy and having everyone else expect me to get an abortion I put all their feelings ahead of my own. And now all I can think is how I let my baby down. He that little child in me was depending on me and I killed it. An all I want so badly is to tell my baby I love them. And to hug them to me and never ever let go. I want so badly for my baby in heaven to know that I did this for them. So that she wouldn't have to go through what I had to go through having q teen mom and a dad that wasn't ready for me at all. I just want him or her to know that I love them that much to go through hell every day when I look at my altra sound picture and regret everything I've done. I just want this pain to go away. I just want to be whole again. And I want anyone to know that is feeling this way. Ur not alone. And I want to let anyone know that is thinking about abortion to really sit down and think it through. Make a list of all te reasons why this would benifit ur baby. So that later when u feel like I do, u can reflect on why u did this and hopeful feel better about ur desision. I love u all. No matter who u are.

U don't have to do this. U can keep ur baby. U will always find a way to take care of them. I wish so badly I said Eff everyone else feelings and kept my baby. Now when ever I look at my bf all I can think is how could u sit there and let me kill our baby and just be so okay with it, like nothing happen while I'm.dying inside... And all he can tell me is if I start cutting again all hell will break lose. That's really what I needed ....

Thank you for posting this... I was almost in the same situation yesterday when I had an abortion. Ive been with the father of my two beautiful babies now 7 and 5. Became pregnant, and secretly was so happy. I was quite far along and had gotten over the rough stage of the pregnancy. I enjoyed the fluttering I felt and talked to it all the time. But the man "father of my two kids" had seemingly been putting me through such emotional abuse over the situation I had no choice. My financial situation would not even suit having another one, But I dreamed it would.. I haven't even moved off the couch today, and have done nothing but cried. I understand I may have not known it .. but the grief I'm facing is nearly impossible to handle.

I had my termination on 07/1802012. I can not even type or say abortion. I killed my baby. That was the most terrifying experience in my life. I am 35 years old woman,single,work in a retail store. I live with my boyfriend and got pregnant unplanned.  We had our ups and downs ...., but when I find out I am pregnant I start crying. I was so happy. Well it did not last for to long. I told him the BIG news and I got no reaction out of him. All that he said was that I need to go to a low income program , keep the baby and we just going to take it from there. I was stunt. I am very Christian and for me having a baby without a marriage was not an option. So, based of what hi told me I just kept crying and I knew I am not capable of raising a child as a single  mother with my income. I called the clinic and when I was 8 weeks pregnant went up there. I wanted the medical abortion. I fill out a lot of paperwork. They took blood and urine samples and told me to wait. I could not stop crying. My first pregnancy, something I wanted so bad. I have no relatives and family to support me. He did not even come with me for my appointment. A nurse called my name and gave me a pill. She instruct me about the pain killer they prescribe`me and said Good luck. No one told me and prepare me for the actual physical and emotional pain . I got back home. He was there working , silent , disconnected . Everything was fine until the next day when was part 2 pill. I put the pill inside my uterus as instructed and the hell begin within 15 minutes. I got cold to the point to turn the heat . My heartbeat was so bad i thought i am having a heart attack. i took 4 of the painkillers , but they did not work. I could even walk to the restroom , because of the pain and cramps I had. I kept vomiting and the bleeding was terrible. I thought I am dying. I took more pain killing and I kind of fell asleep. Everything was over in 4 hours. Four hours nobody prepare me for. Four hours of agony and pain. I was torn. I AM TORN. Since then I can not stop crying and thinking about my dead baby. i lost over 15 pounds for 3 months. My life has change. My vision,since,feelings and emotions are not the same. I am sad. Very sad. If you are pregnant , please think before decide to terminate your baby. It is a gift from God . I damage my soul and spirit and hopefully I ll forgive myself one day.

i'm here for you. i recently went through the exact same thing. always know there is someone who is listening

i know exactly how u feel i had my abortion in 09 i was 19 years old when i did it and its been eating me up inside because the only person that knew at the time was my bestfriend i just recently told my sister and i thought that would help by me telling a family member but it didnt the one person i wanna tell is my mama but i know thats gonna break her heart and that she will be mad at me that i didnt tell her that i was pregnant to began with and the fact that i did it because she dont believe in abortions so i understand what your going threw and how you feel. some days im in a good mood but then i get to thinking about what ive done then my whole mood change i cant keep it bottled in anymore.

Omg we are going through the same exact thing :/

hello, i have been through this, i was meant to have the sergical abortion but at the time i was too till to be put under, therefore 2 weeks later i had to have the medical. think of this as as a 'postborion'.. postponin untill your baby is born before your eyes when your ready. That is what i wanted when i opted for the surgical, but my luck forced me to have the medical abortion therefore seeing and giving birth to my baby before it could live. It is so sad. the circumstances are different for everybody. i do regret putting my partners decision before my own and will always feel that resentment towards him. But in the end i have got to take responsibilty for myself, i took that first pill, i did that. Now ive got to make my life the best it can be, so i know i didnt have this abortion for nothing, its given me the motivation to make the absolute most of my life, and when im ready i will see my baby again, when the time is right and when i can give my baby the thing he/she needs. You will pull through this, you have got to get through the greiving cycle, mine was only 3 weeks ago, i still feel sad, worse at nights, but you have got to make your life worth it, you have got to pull through this and do something with your life now, you can do this, do it for yourself and your baby, he/she will always be with you, you will never forget. some babies are meant to be carried, and some are not meant to be, they happen for a reason, and do not waste whats happened, it will only make you stonger xxx

I have literally just sobbed my heart out reading your post. What you wrote near enough exactly told my story. Mine happened in August and it is now almost February and I am still feeling very low and cannot forgive myself. I cry all the time and cant close my eyes at night without flashbacks of fighting the anesthetic. I feel I push my 2 children aside and can't let them hug me anymore. I hope that your suffering heals soon because I would not wish this sadness on anyone. I too put other people before myself and my feelings. I think it's time I went to speak to someone. Please don't leave it as long as I have to talk to someone. Take care xx

:'(I had been to the doctor atleast 3 times and had gotten a pegnancy test each time it came back negative each time , finally they sent me to the hospital to get a blood test done and it ended coming back positive after 3 pregnancy tests finally 1 blood test tells me the truth. so i break down in this crying rampage because i know my decison already im 17 in my finally year of highschool i've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years and i know i dont want to bring a kid into this world because i'm not ready to be a parent i want to beable to give my kidd everything he/she needs. but the most pain full part of the whole situation is that i know if my boyfriend knew i was pregnant he would want me to have the abortion 1 because thats all he talks about is when we have kids and can't wait for our appartment , so i knew i had to tell him but i dont want this man i love to hate my guts because i was practically  trying to kill what would have been our kid .  as soon as i called him he knew something was wrong cause i had my low tone of voice and was super quiet not really trying to say anything yet and he just comes out and say let me guess you are pregnant and i start crying and tell him we need to talk in person i dont want this convo over the phone so he comes over and i tell him about it he just gets really quiet and looks at me with his upset why did you do this to me face and i just start crying cause i know he doesn't want me to go through with it. i just told him i want to be ready for a child to enter my life i dont want my kidd growing up and having nothing at alli want a job and appartment i want to be out of highschool, and we have none of that.  finaly he accepted my decision and that was that i had been 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant and i had just went through this not even a month ago it was around december 13th i had done the pill and i never want to feel a pain like that ever again i never want to take away a life that never got a chance, the worst part is that he knows that i feel like a peice of sh*t because of it i cry for a good 20mins everyday without even trying to think about it  i hate think about it i feel like i'll never be the same again going through this has hurt me to the point of no return regretting killing something so fragile that was depending on me to support it and bring it in to the world