finding it hard to cope after an abortion

Hello cholder05
I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. I can feel the sadness and pain from just your post alone. I remember being a volunteer counselor for young girls whom where TORN to pieces from abortion. They just couldn't seem to feel whole or complete, and I wanted so badly to help them.
I hold ABSOLUTELY NOTHING against women whom have chosen abortion, I have never experienced an abortion, but came EXTREMELY close to having one many times due to my irresponsible behaviour. I can only speak for myself though. I want to let you know though that is HEALING AND RESTORATION, that there are women out there who are just waiting to help you.
If you desire, there are post abortion recovery programs, offered through crisis pregnancy center for free. Just look in the phone book under abortion alternatives.
Please feel free to post me ANY TIME.


Hizgrace

Yeah the pain that I have just wont go away. Everyone says with time it will get easier but i cant help but think about what i have done and think about how i have ended a life that never had a chance. I see those new babys with there moms and no that my child will never understand the confort of the arms that should of given him life. I cry myself to sleep hopeing that someone is holding my baby tight the way that he deserves. I cant help but think of what might have been and who he would become. It just hurts and wont stop.

CHOLDER05,

The one who is holding your baby right now is The Lord, and he is safe. I can "feel" your pain through the words of your post. I didnt notice how long ago your abortion was. Have you sought out any counsel? Crisis pregnancy centers offer FREE OF CHARGE post abortion recovery counseling that helps you to get back on your feet emotionally.

I used to be a lay counselor in these programs, and I can tell you that it truly is a blessing. I really think that you would do well to check into it.

ALSO, please dont hesitate to post me again, if you just need some advice or an "ear to JUST listen" and air out things. Dont hesitate to let me know. You can also PM me here.



Blessings,

Hugs,

Hizgrace

My situation was a bit different.. I was with this guy for a year and when we split up i went out with someone else and a couple weeks later i found out i was pregnant, which would of been fine but i didn't know who owned it, I was going to keep it and do it on my own i am 20 years old and already has a 2 year boy from a previous relationship. While i was trying to make up my mind the father of my first child came back into the picture and we started hanging out and we wanted to get back together but he was not going to take me back if i didn't have the abortion, so selfishly i go and get the abortion all by my lonesome and i sat there in the clinic trying to decide if this was the right decision or not i filled out all the papers and then went to get the ultrasound done and i ask stupidly if they could tell me what i was having came to find out i was furthe along then i thought and that i was having twin girls:( all i ever wanted since i have been old enough to know about kids. I was not sure if i wanted to get the abortion done after that but i went on thinking about my first baby's father and how much i wanted our family back together so i went ahead and done it and i have been an emotional wreck every since. Also i found out before i got pregnant that i had abnormal cervical cancer cells and came to find out last week that i am going in to get my womb took out and that i will never be able to have kids on my own again. I was also thinking about that while i was trying to decide weather or not to get the abortion or not. I try to do things to keep my mind off of everything but it does not work, even with my little boy. My best friend just had a little girl and i can not look at her without crying i just sit up and hold my godchild and cry my eyes out everytime i see her and it never gets easier.

I really think that I need something like that. Everyone keeps saying it gets easier but i feel like things just keep getting harder. Between school and work and a 2 year old i feel like i dont have time to deal with wha i have done. I cry my self to sleep every night and it just hurts more every time.

I had an abortion six weeks ago, It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make! I have two lovely boys, that I love so much! I split from my husband five years ago. He left me for my so called best friend. I met someone. Who I thought was the one! He done the same thing. Twice! Like a fool I took him back. I love him but I dont trust him, after what he done. we where still in contact. We still some times have a physicaL realationship.
I got pregnant ,to him. I thought about it for days and decided the best thing to do was to have an abortion. I cry every night about this. I cant look at new born babies. Or walk past mother care. i thought I would be over it by by now, I am not. Dont think I ever will be. Abortion is not always the answer.

Just over two years ago my mum got with a new fella && after being together for just over 1 month.she was pregnant.. all i ever wanted was a little brother or sister but she decided it was best to have an abortion.. just a month after she got pregnant and had a miscarriage and she decided to try for a baby and a couple of months of my mum && her fella trying she got pregnant and had another abortion..i find it really hard to talk about to friends and family ..i think about it ever day and the hardest days was the due dates. espically when we got talk my mum was having a little girl when she went to have her aborted...am i wrong to hate my mum for this ?? or am i just being stupid and thinking about myself??

I'm 23 years old with a 3 year old daughter. I've been dating my b/f- not my daughters father, for 2 years now. About 10 moths ago i had found out i was pregnant and panicked. When i was pregnant with my first child, i cried every day and every weekend i told myself i was getting an abortion- all b/c my daughters father put me through hell. he cheated, put his hands on me, played mind games with me- the list goes on. When i first started with my current b/f, we also had some problems, b/c i have tremendous trust issues. So by the time i was pregnant again, i didn't know what to do. I ended up waiting it out until i was 11 weeks pregnant-then after lots of indecisiveness and drama- i had decided that i needed to remove my baby b/c i didn't want to be with my b/f anymore b/c of the problems we were having. After my abortion I wanted to kill myself. I tried staying away from my b/f but he was trying to "support me"- which killed me b/c i felt it was too late. After the abortion it felt as though we were purposely trying to get pregnant again. 5 months later- i was pregnant again. I'm 3 months pregnant now and again i'm terrified. I have a sonogram on my refrigerator and I'm trying to not repeat the same mistake i made before. but I'm not sure if i want to be with me b/f. I don't know if i have a problem b/c i can't let go of the past and its damaged me to the point that i will never be comfortable pregnant or let alone in a relationship- but I've tried counseling and it didn't work. i don't want to run all my life b/c in the end i know a child is all worth it. your child brings so much happiness into your life- its unexplainable. In the end your child is like your best friend- men may come and go but in the end you always have that little somebody- loving u for u. but my issue is not being able to enjoy my pregnancy and not wanting yet another baby father- what should i do?

I had an abortion on March 7th. it is now the worst day of my life. i will never forget laying on that table crying while the doctors tried to talk to me about mundane things to make me feel better. i tried to tell them to stop but before i knew it i was waking up in a different room, crying. its all i do now. I always said i would be the last person to ever have an abortion, i am soooo ashamed and disappointed in myself it is disgusting. I see other couples with their children, babies, swelling bellies and i hate them for it. Its terrible i know because it has nothing to do with them. It is my own pain and regret that makes me feel jealous. I hate myself for doing this and regret it with every cell in my being. I have never been so sad in my life and i dont know how to move on. How do those people push this trauma to the back of their minds? My boyfriend tries to make me feel better but i feel such resentment towards him for being ok with this. A HUGE part of me was taken away and i will never get it back.

I had an abortion on March 16th. I was 5 weeks pregnant. I had only found out a week before my abortion that I was pregnant. I wanted to tell my boyfriend of one month so badly. It was so hard talking on the phone to him knowing that he had no clue his life was about to change foever. I found out I was pregnant on monday, and I didn't get to tell him until that saturday. His instant response was that we had to have an abortion. That there was no way that we could support this baby. I tried to come up with any solution that would allow us to keep the baby. But in the end, it was our only option. Or so I thought. He came with me for the abortion. It was as pleasant as an abortion can be i guess. All the people in the clinic were amazing. They really and truly cared about your emotions and feelings on the issue. I wouldn't have chosen any other place to get the procedure done. They were great. But that didn't help the fact that I was having an abortion. I was killing my baby. They told me that my baby was just a small ball of cells at this time. It didn't make it seem any better. I wasn't given the option of going under sedation for the procedure. It was quite painful. Nothin unbearable, but almost. It made the pain of the loss of my baby even worse. Because I knew that itw as now in that horrible jar. No longer inside of me, where it belonged. I have been able to cope with my grief fairly well until now. I don't think about it as much as I thought I would. At first it was almost unbearable. Now, I only think about it once every couple of days. But when i do think about it I burst into tears instantly. I want my baby back. I want to be a mother. I want to be able to hear its first cry. To run my fingers through its hair. I want to see it smile for the first time. And now, I will never be able to see those things. Yes I may have a child later on in life, but it will never be my first child. I will never see it as my first baby. And now, my boyfriend is talking about buying a new pickup. He's talking about buying a new horse trailer and going on the road professionally calf roping. It makes me think that he was maybe lying to me when he said he couldn't afford to have a baby. I don't know for sure. I know that he thinks about it too. He told me before I had the abortion that he never ever planned on doing something like this. That he always told himself that he would take care of any baby that came along. He is three years older than me. He had a little more life experience when it comes to paying for things, so i trusted him when he said that we couldn't afford to keep the baby. He also told me that he wasn't going to leave me. Even after I had the abortion. And he has kept his promise. The part that really sucks is that I am absolutely in love with him. And now I want the baby back more than ever. I want to have his child. God, I wish I wouldn't have had that abortion. I pray every night for god to keep my baby safe for me. To give it was I couldn't. I just hope that it knows that I loved it.

I just had an abortion 2 days ago, it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I can sympathize with anyone who has gone through this ordeal. I have a 2 year old daughter , I live with the father of my child, work fulltime, I never would have thought getting pregnant by surprise would have turned out like this. My sitution sounds like a perfect enviroment to have another child right...but my partner lost his job about 6 months ago and hasn't found any work as of yet, I am the sole support to my family. I plan on attending school full time in September so I can start a new career and get out of the one I'm in and dreadfully hate. The timing couldn't have been worse. When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked and happy at the same time, I told my partner and he seemed happy as well. We never mentioned anything about aborting..until a few weeks went by and reality hit us hard. We knew we couldn't afford another child at this time,we are struggling just to get by with the one child we have. We decided it would be hard for us to have this child and decided to abort. It was not a choice we took lightly and was not decided overnight but knew it was the best thing for us at this time. I had the procedure done, it went by so fast..one moment I was pregnant then I wasn't. It's a strange and lonely feeling. My partner has no idea what I am going through although he is trying to be supportive he will never understand how it feels. I feel very sad and feel guilty but I know it is just too hard right now... If anyone reads this just know your not alone no matter what your situation, I never thought I would ever have an abortion but when you already have a child it is very sureal how much responsibility it is financially and emotionally. The only thing that helps me get through this hard time is knowing that god knows what we are going through and loves us unconditionally.

I have been searching for "people like me " for a while. My story is awful I still cry every day 5 almost 6 years later. I was in a very possesive relationship. I was insecure and he was controlling. I loved him and lost who I really was the day I met him. I didnt believe " it would happen to me" so early on I promised him I would not burden him with a pregnancy we made a pact to handle it..... I got pregnant, I loved that child I felt like it was a gift from god... I was 21 When I told him he left and my parents kicked me out. I was only allowed to stay if I had an abortion. Scared confused and alone I had an abortion, If I did it I thought my life would get back to normal. Now 26 I still want mr. controlling back not because I miss him but because I deserve no other. I have let myself physically go I have searched everywhere for forgiveness and I can not find it. I need to get my life back I am just a shell of what I used to be... If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate them

How do you ever forgive yourself for having an abortion? It has been 14 months since I've had mine and I just can't seem to find forgiveness within myself and come to peace with what I had done. I was 26 at the time with 3 beautiful children that are 8, 6, and 2. My last child I thought about having an abortion but could never bring myself to it. I look at him today and just cry for my unborn baby that I killed, wishing he was here. I got pregnant by an older man that was married and said he didn't want more children. Him and I had talked about it 1 night and he said that his choice was for me to have an abortion because it would ruin his marriage. All I could do was sit there and say "what about me, what about my life, and what about our baby?" He then again said that he was 34 and didn't want anymore children. He knew at the time that I wasn't on any kind of birth control and we had made the decision together to have unprotected sex. As time went on I still struggled with what to do. He then told me that if I had the baby he would not be part of his life because he told his wife and she gave him the ultimatum that if he still wanted to be with her then he couldn't have anything to do with me or the baby. Weeks passed and I was still struggling with what I was going to go. Do I keep the baby and raise him on my own or do I not bring a baby into this messed up situation. I still didn't know. weeks passed and the guy I was pregnant by ended up beating the c**p out of me. Punched me in the head over and over again and told me I was going to have an abortion or he would eventually kill me. Needless to say after that i had convinced myself that I wanted to be a mommy to the 3 children I already had. So I had an abortion in April of last year. It was such a horrible experience. I was mentally and emotionally ok in the clinic up until i had the ultrasound and got to me my baby that i was killing. It tore me up inside. On may 13th, the guy i was with went out of town. He told me had some business that he had to take care of. He left on a thursday and got back on a sunday. Eventually I talked to his wife and found out that he the business he had to take care of consisted of him adopting her daughter. WHY IN THE HELL DID HE DO THIS TO ME?? Why did he make me kill our baby but then adopted her daughter if he didn't want anymore children? So 14 months later and I am still searching for forgiveness and peace. I talk to my baby every day and ask him to forgive me and tell him that I am sorry for not giving him a chance. I listen to the song "Bye bye" by Mariah Carey every single day and I literally sing it to my baby. It makes me cry but I feel like it's something I need to do. It's like my way of coping. I just don't know how I will ever forgive myself for what I did to my baby. How will I ever be at peace with what I did?

I am 22 and had an abortion 4months ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. When I found out I was pregnant I was in shock could not stop crying I was really scared! I made an appt to the obgyn to make sure the results were right. I still did not tell my boyfriend I was terrified of what he would say. About a week of thinking about it I finally told him. His reaction was exactly what I thought it would be with out even asking me how I feel about it he told me to have an abortion he was not ready for a child. A couple of days went by and I told him that I was gunna keep the baby and he told me that if I keep the baby that he would not be able to be with me anymore. So I made the desion to have the abortion cause I knew I did not want my child to have to grow up not having a father in his life and I knew I would not beable to give my child what it really needed by myself. Which now I know was the biggest mistake of my life there is not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about what I did. I just hope that maybe one day I will be able to forgive myself.
Everyday I still have the images of going to the clinic and all the protesers out front with there graphic posters and screaming at me as I was going in there. Its amazing since I have had this done my boyfriend has not brought this up and it does not effect him the way it has effected me. I guess maybe I just need to get on with my life and move on like everyone has told me I need to do. Well thank you for reading I just need to get some of this off of my chest.

Hi Guest,

I was just reading your post, and my heart goes out to you !!! You would not believe how many times that I have read this from other women. I used to counsel women on post abortion issues, and I can tell you, it is heart wrenching. I have often heard that those who "supported" the woman and said that they need to "get on with their life" DO NOT absolutely understand what kind of grief, loss and emotion goes alongside this issue. Please understand that you will probably go through a grieving process and that there are SOOOO many people out there whom can help you to cope with the post abortion trauma associated with this.



I FIRMLY believe that one cannot POSSIBLY understand the emotional upheaval unless they are in the shoes of the woman. There are ALOT of women whom will counsel and help you through this process, and they usually do the counseling as post abortion recovery counseling, and most often, they do not charge anything for the service. I know, I used to volunteer as a lay counselor. Please feel free to "let off some steam" with me any time you need, and know that the emotions that you feel, no matter how strong, are part of a grieving process, and dont be afraid or ashamed of getting some help with getting past this, and healing.



Good bless and keep you young lady,



Hizgrace