I don't have a problem getting aroused or wanting more. my problem is what s up with guys always going for it directly. yeah it s fun when doing it but come on sometimes i get turned off just cz my boyfriend doesn't seem like he s trying to pleasure me. he goes straight for intercourse. i mean come on. it is so much fun when u go for foreplay and the sex just feels way better. i arouuse him i play with him tease him then he goes straight for intercourse. guys are douchebags. in my whole life only had 2 guys that actually knew what they were doing in bed. and the sex was amazing. this just frustrates me so much. today i just layed there like a lump. my bf was actually surprised "what s wrong" well why don't u figure it out. sick of talking about foreplay giving it but never getting it ...sigh
Why don't you join the group? You sound like you have some fun things to say.
You should have kept one of those guys who pleasured you well.
I have the same complaint as you. My wife does nothing to pleasure me except supply a place for me to put it. I have enjoyed doing everything I could think of to do to her for over 45 years. I used to ejaculate while I was giving her vulva all the special attention I could with my fingers and mouth, without my penis just hanging around in the air. Just having her pu$$y to play with was enough for me, so don't add me to your douchbag category.
There ARE guys out there who like to please a woman but I can't send you one because we don't talk about that over coffee so I don't who they are and if they're anything like the guys I was in high school with, they'd be lieing anyway.
You should have kept one of those guys who pleasured you well.
I have the same complaint as you. My wife does nothing to pleasure me except supply a place for me to put it. I have enjoyed doing everything I could think of to do to her for over 45 years. I used to ejaculate while I was giving her vulva all the special attention I could with my fingers and mouth, without my penis just hanging around in the air. Just having her pu$$y to play with was enough for me, so don't add me to your douchbag category.
There ARE guys out there who like to please a woman but I can't send you one because we don't talk about that over coffee so I don't who they are and if they're anything like the guys I was in high school with, they'd be lieing anyway.
Ladies and Gentlemen THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT WANTING SEX . You just need to let whoever you intend to marry know before you commit to marriage. Honesty before marriage can prevent a whole lot of problems. Find youself a spouse who hates sex as much as you and you can have a wonderful life together. Find a spouse who loves sex as much as I do and then deny him the pleasure and you will get a cheating spouse, a very angry spouse, or a divorce. I can guarantee that all of you who are married have one of them. You may not want to believe it but if your spouse is very loving and patient, he or she is cheating just like me. As much as I love my wife, if she had let me know before we got married I never would have married her. Some days I think about how wonderful my life would be if I had never gotten married and she was free to find someone just like herself. But love and my ability to find sexual partners on the side is keeping us together. I believe that forced celibacy is the worst thing on earth and I will never submit to it. If you're denying your spouse then you should step back and allow them to go find pleasure elsewhwe. Just be honest and upfront before you commit is all I'm saying. When you find someone who shares your feeling about sex, your life will take a great upswing. Good Luck
I'm a guy and after reading over all your post and seeing how many of you hate sex or fake during sex .... I'm appalled. I am in no way bragging or anything, but I have made multiple women "come" during sex. There is so much more to sex than going in and out. The problem most of you are having with your men is probably they just want to "come" and go away. If they're doing that than I'm sorry but you'll never have amazing sex with them. It is the man's job to make sex for women pleasurable. Whether it's licking, touching, whispering, w.e it's our job to turn u on and keep u turned on. It's so easy to make a woman "come" especially if it's your first time having sex. I just don't get it....
I used to have this problem.I guess it is more mentally than physically unless there are some medical problems. I tried to help myself because better sex leads to better life. I had pain. I did not have lust and it was awful. I preferred masturbation. Following a physician suggestion, we increased number of sex times from twice a month to two or 3 times a week and now I am really feeling good. I turn on often and I become a starter of sex, it never happened before. I feel my vagina is even more wet and my body needs it. The good part is that we don't fight any more and we are much more in love. I suggest everyone to try this solution at first its hard but after three weeks you notice the amazing result and please come here then and tell me your experience
I forgot to say that foreplay is very important. Don't forget it. Also keep your genital area clean without hair. It helps a lot for both men and women to get aroused
Hey, You're not alone.
Before I had sex, I had the lead up to, ie oral. That provided no further stimulation. But I knew I craved to have sex. Like sometimes i wanted it so bad it hurt. And when i finally had sex (giving up on my decision to wait til after marriage) it was nothing. I had that craving feeling before hand, but the actual act was nothing.
I too find it to be a bother sometimes. especially when it carries on too long. I get far more out of the fact that he's enjoying it. But that's the extent of it. I'm getting sick of pretending to enjoy it. I've never orgasmed. He knows that. I want to enjoy it so bad. but nothing... :(
It's comforting to know there are other people like me though.
Before I had sex, I had the lead up to, ie oral. That provided no further stimulation. But I knew I craved to have sex. Like sometimes i wanted it so bad it hurt. And when i finally had sex (giving up on my decision to wait til after marriage) it was nothing. I had that craving feeling before hand, but the actual act was nothing.
I too find it to be a bother sometimes. especially when it carries on too long. I get far more out of the fact that he's enjoying it. But that's the extent of it. I'm getting sick of pretending to enjoy it. I've never orgasmed. He knows that. I want to enjoy it so bad. but nothing... :(
It's comforting to know there are other people like me though.
Old topic, I know, but I don't enjoy sex either. I'm 31, I've been with my current boyfriend for two years, we live together, we're planning on getting married, and he's the first person I've ever actually had full penetrative sex with (although nothing any previous boyfriends or girlfriends ever did was arousing either). I don't even like porn; it's just boring.
I like kissing, I like being kissed, I like being touched, I like being held, I like being petted, I like the intimacy, I even like when he pets my nether regions, but none of it is actually arousing. Nothing. Not even oral sex or clitoral stimulation, if he's the one doing it (although I do okay with a vibrator and clitoral stimulation on my own, but the orgasms are just sort of blah and not really worth the effort, and oral is just warm and damp and the best adjective I can come up with for his mouth down there is "icky"). For a while I went with the idea of "Well, he can do what he wants and I'll participate as much as I can and it's something I'm doing for him and I love him, and that's fine."
Except, of course, it's not fine or I wouldn't be here.
See, I really really hate vaginal penetration. It's painful at first until I relax a little, and then it's just painful if he moves too much or too quickly (particularly if he stretches out the opening bit; the first time he did that I nearly screamed because it hurt so much, he told me I'd eventually get to really like that stretching, which I have absolutely not). We've tried different positions, none of which are comfortable for me, and it's not like I don't produce fluid. Apparently I self-lubricate just fine, and we also use store-bought lube, and have experimented with and without condoms, and still it's just thoroughly unpleasant.
The problem is that he's now upset at my not enjoying myself, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't fake enjoyment; it's actually quite painful and I cannot control my facial expressions enough to make it look otherwise. At one point, before we started penetrative sex, he was upset that I wasn't enjoying myself with the fingering and the oral (again, very uncomfortable on the first count and just not nice on the second) and told me that the problem was that I wasn't letting him use his best tool (penetration). Yeah. Well. That's the worst part, which he definitely does not appreciate.
For a while, I figured maybe the solution was oral sex, which I don't precisely enjoy giving but I don't mind much, and apparently I do okay at it. I would be more than happy to perform oral sex on a daily basis, but this is apparently not acceptable. And that's not the end of the problem.
In addition to not enjoying vaginal penetration, I am disgusted at the idea of being penetrated anally. (Not by the idea of anyone ELSE having anal sex, okay, I just don't want that for me.) This would be less of an issue, except that he did finger me there once and I didn't realize. Apparently I made some kind of noise and then said "No, that was a good sound" just to reassure him that I wasn't actually in pain. And then when I realized what he was doing, it was awful, but now he will not shut up about how it was the only positive response I ever made, and he will not listen when I tell him that it wasn't a positive response, it was a neutral response and I was just trying to be nice. Do not want. Do not want. Do not want.
SO.
I don't have a solution. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm like this; I wasn't physically abused as a child or a teenager. I don't have health insurance and we don't have the money for me to go to a doctor or a therapist about this. I guess I'm just posting in solidarity.
My edvice is to open up to ur partner about ur issue and be more open minded about the situation,if he a caring partner he will understand and will try to help you out,while u r gonna feel much more comfortable around him! Just a food for ur thought :) there is a lot people like you so don't think u r unnormal or anything, sorry my English kind of bad :) , but anyways never loose hope and the joy will come back :)It's all in your mind! =)
I feel so relieved that I'm not alone. I never told anyone, and I envy my friends who always talk about sex and orgasms, oral sex, kissing I don't enjoy any of it. Please guys let us know if any of you gets help.
I am glad I am not the only one out there. I used to enjoy sex but have never had a high sex drive. Now I try to avoid it and when I have it it doesn't even feel good. It's been 2 months since I've even enjoyed having it. I haven't masturbated in 2 yrs because I lost interest in that as well. My bf complains because we don't have sex more than 3 times a week. When we do I just do it so I know he'll get off fast I stare at the ceiling and have. Even cried a couple times without him knowing because I hate it that much. It feels gross. I got hormone tests thyroid tests I'm super healthy I work out all the time. So frustrated because I'd rather have no sex at all anymore but that's not fair.I love him but maybe I should be alone bec in know how annoyed I get tohave it so I can only imagine how he feels about me avoiding it :( just want to be left alone not touched but relationships don't work that way! Wish I knew a way to be better or to like it.
Thank you so much for this thread. As many others i have thought there was something wrong with me my whole sexual life because i don't have pleasure during sex. No hurting, only like im bored and getting no pleasure from it. my boyfriend is so patient, and he never gives up on me, and he wants me very often at least once a day. he makes me come, even 2 times at a row one time. tho, i still have no "lust" feeling or desire to have sex, he has to work on me for ever to get me in the mood. And even if im in the mood, its not like i can't stand it anymore and just NEED sex, i could easily just watched a movie instead. This bothers me so much, and i can't imagine how my boyfriend feels :(
I know im an erotic woman, to be honest (sorry the details) i can get very turned on from watching porn. tho something locks inside me when it comes to intimate sex.
When we started dating i was not very interested in him, but he "grew on me". But i cant help thinking it might be something chemical, that i just not get turned on by him. I have never really been attracted to him, even tho he is very good looking and athletic. but he is still the only one that has made me come (after many sex-partners through the years). This is because he makes me feel very safe i believe. And he really really wants to pleasure me.
I have dated another guy for a period, and it was different. I really wanted sex with him (though i didn't have an orgasm with him. Still my body responded very sexually towards him.)
So my question to you all... do you think your partner is the right man for you? (chemically) has there been a strong connection from the start? Im afraid it might be the reason i not enjoying sex, because the emotional connection that i crave is not really there. I want to be with him tho, cause he makes me feel safe, and we know each other very well. But maybe it is not right.. it makes me so sad and confused.
Anyone have the same feeling? i read many really love their partners, and is attracted physically and mentally, but still don't like sex. That scares me a bit cause i really want to find an explenation to it, and i hope so much im not gonna have this problem my whole life :(
You're not alone. I tried to enjoy sex all my life. It didn't hurt until after menopause. Then, I thought it was hormones, and I've tried those (was my tumor from estrogen?) and testosterone. No help. I don't like oral sex or having my nipples touches, although cuddling is nice. Perhaps it's in my mind, but that doesn't help. Most of the time I try to enjoy what I can of life, but it's always a sad situation for me. I sometimes feel all those people out there looking sexy are just making fools of themselves (I tried that, too, and I can look good).
Hello i have this problem too, i slept with 4 guys in my life time im only 20, still young, but i dont sleep around, an all the guys i been with its just boring an it still hurts when i have sex, an i get more pleasure from masturbation. i just dont understand, sex is boring for me, i spoke to like my mum an auntie about it an they just said, you aint found the right guy yet, honsetly i dont know.. could be, i hope it is that reason i aint found the right guy, to feel comftable with an able to enjoy sex. but no im really gutted, the fact ive got long vaginal lips i dont think has anything to do with it i hope not anyway.. anyone got any advice for me id really appreciate it im glad im not the only one.
im 24 and when i was 19 i had an operation concerning one of my overies, it wasnt removed, just had a cist tken off, about a year ago i lost all interest in sex, i want to have an interest!!!! but there just isnt one! this happened a few years after my opperation though, but its the only thing i can think of that may have had some effect on me! i have been with the same person for over two years and we had great sex before! but now i feel like its a chore and get nothing out of it :'(