I think it is very normal or guys and girls to have low libido. I have been re-reading these posts and pondering over it all and I have come to this realisation.
First I don't agree with giving it a label as the guest did 3 months ago calling us all asexual. most of us can reach orgasm one way or another and enjoy the idea of sex and the physical and affectionate side of a relationship, don't we? I know that is true for me. It is just when we come to actual sex together we either lose interest or don't enjoy it. Maybe we just need to be more honest and up front at the beginning of a relationship and talk to our prospective partners about how we feel and find out how they feel about sex before we get hitched. There must be people out there who want a relationship that doesn't consist of sex or sexual stimulation 24.7. Some people can settle for a relationship with sex once or twice a month ... a really strong relationship will withstand the ups and downs. We talked a bit before we got married but I realise now that neither of us were truely honest ... they say love is blind and it surely is, but when the honey moon is over and the rubber hits the road is when the truth is out. My advice to all you free ones is to talk lots and lots and try not to fall for (is that possible!?) someone who is not going to understand your particular sexuality ... we are all very different and there is someone out there who is compatible for you. If you are in a relationship talk, talk, talk .... even if it starts world war three it can't make the situation worse for you, although it may do for a bit, but sometimes things have to worse before they can get better. We have come to some kind of shakey understanding which is ok at best, most of the time and then sometimes bubbles over, when his frustration kicks in, but until a miracle happens what more can we do ... we have no intention of a split because we are so compatible in every other way. I just have to hope that is enough to keep us going, till as we promised, the end of our lives.
First I don't agree with giving it a label as the guest did 3 months ago calling us all asexual. most of us can reach orgasm one way or another and enjoy the idea of sex and the physical and affectionate side of a relationship, don't we? I know that is true for me. It is just when we come to actual sex together we either lose interest or don't enjoy it. Maybe we just need to be more honest and up front at the beginning of a relationship and talk to our prospective partners about how we feel and find out how they feel about sex before we get hitched. There must be people out there who want a relationship that doesn't consist of sex or sexual stimulation 24.7. Some people can settle for a relationship with sex once or twice a month ... a really strong relationship will withstand the ups and downs. We talked a bit before we got married but I realise now that neither of us were truely honest ... they say love is blind and it surely is, but when the honey moon is over and the rubber hits the road is when the truth is out. My advice to all you free ones is to talk lots and lots and try not to fall for (is that possible!?) someone who is not going to understand your particular sexuality ... we are all very different and there is someone out there who is compatible for you. If you are in a relationship talk, talk, talk .... even if it starts world war three it can't make the situation worse for you, although it may do for a bit, but sometimes things have to worse before they can get better. We have come to some kind of shakey understanding which is ok at best, most of the time and then sometimes bubbles over, when his frustration kicks in, but until a miracle happens what more can we do ... we have no intention of a split because we are so compatible in every other way. I just have to hope that is enough to keep us going, till as we promised, the end of our lives.
I have been with my husband for 3 years and married 1, I lost my sex drive after our second child, but then regained it for a little bit and now i just don't want to have sex, it's rather painful, i like it a little bit when i've had a few glasses of wine, but it shouldn't have to be like that. He is still here with me and still loves me, but he asks if he can play with himself and of course i say yes and then i do what i can to help him in that way. I've tried toys, but only ever get anything out of it not going in the right hole lol. The only way i like to orgasm at the moment is to vibrate my clit. I wish i could enjoy sex.
This does seem to be a problem after childbirth .... maybe our maternal instinct kicks in and knocks our libido out for a while. i think you're doing the right thing and helping your husband the best you can at the moment. so long as you understand where each other is I think you'll be Ok. And who knows in time you may come to enjoy it together again. All the best
I don't know how old these posts are but, I'm 23 years old. I used to be into sex all the time...then I had my son, i've also had cervical cancer. Not only doesn't it feel good for me, but I have no desire to have sex ever. Until I had my son (eve during my pregnancy) I wanted sex alllll the time. Now the thought of it bores me. I want to be a normal 23 year old, my sons father wants to leave me because as he puts it "You never give me p***y".
me tooo sooo sad
Pippa, that is very well written but I don't know if many of us would be able to benefit from it. Somehow what you see isn't what you usually get. Whether it's intentional misrepresentaion, foggy (wishful) viewing or a combination of the two.
I also think there is something else that no one can predict that happens later.
We were fine until shortly after our second (last) child was born. A few years later after some problems with birth control devices and pills, I had a vasectomy. That almost seemed to precipitate her lack of desire. Shortly after the snip snip she had a terrible (to me) reaction during oral sex. She quit abruptly as I began to climax proclaiming loudly "that tastes awful" and she would never do that again. I always ended up with the feeling that she felt it was dirty when I ate her so that kind of died off and she began wearing a cocoon to bed. A long flannel nightgown that buttoned from her nose to her toes. she also seemed to watch the popular styles as they showed up to see what turned me on ---- so she could be sure NOT to wear anything like that.
I was hoping we would get our sex life back when the kids grew up and fledged but the last one never did. He's 42 now and still with us. He did leave about 12 years ago but his wife returned him after 2 years. At that time we weren't alone for the 2 years as the other one was with us temporarily due to financial circumstances. If I mention anything about my feelings that he should GET OUT or at least get a job and start paying his own way, I feel the temperature in the room drop below freezing.
I have learned to keep my mouth shut and do things that I enjoy, without her. You make the best of what you have, and at my age I don't have too much longer to put up with it anyway.
Once in a while I forget where I am and I say something about his lack of a job or our lack of a life together. That adds a little spark to life for awhile.
I have never "strayed" but considering the lack of companionship and physical closeness in my life I can think of a couple females I know who could probably have me if they tried. But who would want a fat old man with a little wrinkly one? That bothers me a bit. Actually it makes me a little sad about what wasn't and can never be.
I also think there is something else that no one can predict that happens later.
We were fine until shortly after our second (last) child was born. A few years later after some problems with birth control devices and pills, I had a vasectomy. That almost seemed to precipitate her lack of desire. Shortly after the snip snip she had a terrible (to me) reaction during oral sex. She quit abruptly as I began to climax proclaiming loudly "that tastes awful" and she would never do that again. I always ended up with the feeling that she felt it was dirty when I ate her so that kind of died off and she began wearing a cocoon to bed. A long flannel nightgown that buttoned from her nose to her toes. she also seemed to watch the popular styles as they showed up to see what turned me on ---- so she could be sure NOT to wear anything like that.
I was hoping we would get our sex life back when the kids grew up and fledged but the last one never did. He's 42 now and still with us. He did leave about 12 years ago but his wife returned him after 2 years. At that time we weren't alone for the 2 years as the other one was with us temporarily due to financial circumstances. If I mention anything about my feelings that he should GET OUT or at least get a job and start paying his own way, I feel the temperature in the room drop below freezing.
I have learned to keep my mouth shut and do things that I enjoy, without her. You make the best of what you have, and at my age I don't have too much longer to put up with it anyway.
Once in a while I forget where I am and I say something about his lack of a job or our lack of a life together. That adds a little spark to life for awhile.
I have never "strayed" but considering the lack of companionship and physical closeness in my life I can think of a couple females I know who could probably have me if they tried. But who would want a fat old man with a little wrinkly one? That bothers me a bit. Actually it makes me a little sad about what wasn't and can never be.
mmm so im not the only one. does anyone actually have an answer as to why this happends, where i can go or what i can do to stop it? i hate it, i feel humiliated, and i beileve its because of an over obesessive, absuive relationship at a young age. but its annoying coz im young, have an amazing boyfriend now, and should have a sex drive like a suped up trana... instead during sex all i do is have these little voices send to my head that insult me continuously and furthur leads me to just not wanting to do it in general, then sex just bores me when most women want there man to last longer.... :/ help?
Oh my gosh!! I'm the same!!! I am 22 years old and have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now. He knows I don't enjoy sex really at all and he is really patient with me, but I feel so bad because he wants sex all the time and I never want it at all. I just want to pleasure him and make him happt but I hate faking it when it really just feels like a chore and I wish it would be over with. I have cried and struggled many times with the frustration and have tried different things. It sometimes feels good if I masturbate by myself but honestly, I could really care less. I worry because him and I are talking marriage and I dont want it to be like this for the rest of my life. I love him so much and love being with him and I love cuddling and other physical things, its just the act of sex that I hate. He doesnt understand and tries continuously to pleasure me which just makes me more frustrated because i dont want him to. He is so sweet and caring, its not fair to him. I don't know what to do.
I really feel for you ... you are so young. Hopefully things will change. I will pray for you, God can change things that we can't. I wish you all the very best. I feel sure that if you and your boyfriend really love one another and satisfy each other in other ways you will see a way through. ... but it is so tough! all the best
Honestly, I'm in the exact same position!
I absolutely despise sex. I get so bored, and I barely feel anything at all! The only time I do is when I masturbate, and even then its purely mechanical.. Its 2 min of porn, rub rub rub, done. Just to get off and then I'm done.
I have problems finding a guy who can live with it.
I'm starting to wonder if its maybe a lowered hormone? Lack of oestrogen perhaps?
Anyway. Its nice to know I'm not alone.
i am a 2o years old guy and i honestly dont feel anything when in the act.... its terribly embaressing when my girl ask,s why i stopped and i tell her i dont feel anything.
I am 25 years old and I have been with the same man for 8 years and having difficulties in our marriage because it either hurts when I try to have sex because I don't want it or because I just don't get off. My husband has now told me that he wants a divorce because I don't enjoy being with him I have been to doctors for this and can not find no solution I have recently found something about womens viagra has anyone tried this? I really need something because my marriage is falling apart over our sex life and im trying to hold it together!!! I tried faking it but he asked me not too so im not sure what else to do
This is how my wife feels too, so whats the point of being married? She is too tired, she cleans more than I do, but I do share in choirs. Get rid of the house, move into small apartment, and less to clean? Or find a sex partner?
Am writing this wit tears.. I'm 23yrs I only know one man in my life cos he deflowered me, but ever since then, I don't feel any atom of pleasure if he's making love to me. All I do is to cry and cry... Pls wht is wrong with me??
Hi,
I am a guy in his late twenties, I got married a few months ago. I really like, love and I am attracted to my wife. After we got married she started avoiding sex more and more. I admit I have a high sex drive but I think going days or weeks without sex (in a relationship) is like torture for any guy in his twenties. I started having self esteem issues and I feel betrayed and doubt her feelings towards me. I go with her denials for days but it gets to the point where eventually denial and frustration lead to serious arguments. We got in one such argument yesterday and I am feeling totally disconnected from her. I still love her but it is like she is a stranger. We used to have sex before we got married but now little or no sex is destroying me from inside. She was OK with sex when we got married and I didn't change much in those few months. I feel like I married someone else back then. I find it abnormal not to have sex with my wife and I dread of a sexless life with my wife.
If I wanted a life of celibate I would be a monk. Sexless marriage is definately not OK for me. I like sex and I need sex to feel connected and relaxed in a realtionship.
Any advice on how to fix my problem?