I feel the same. I don't feel anything great. I can come during sex. But not really anymore. I don't feel pain or anything. I just never have enjoyed it much.
I'm a 32 year old woman who has been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now and if I am honest our sex life was never "scream the house down" material. Looking back, I've never had sex like that with anyone.
My boyfriend is highly sexed and it's make or break time. He loves me but he says he doesnt want to marry me if we are doomed to lead a sexless life. Thing is I adore him, I can't imagine my life without him in it so something has to give.
I'm heading to a sex therapy session next week to talk through my issues with sex, whatever they will be. I hate that I get angry with him for wanting to want sex and I hate that I avoid it and make him feel unloved. He's gorgeous, truly but he does want regular sex and I think of course he does! So basically I can't stay with him if I can't find my inner sex child.
One top tip for all girls out there is to bond with your clitoris. WHen your boyfriend is inside you, get him to stimulate your clit with his hands or you can do it, or use a small vibrator. In all honesty if we do this during sex I last about 5 minutes before I'm done. So clitoral teasing is top of my list.
My mom used to say to me when I was younger if there was a scene on tv of a couple making out, things like "Thats revolting! How disgusting! I can't believe people kiss like that" I remember thinking, jeez ma, I do a lot worse than that. But I do feel my attitude to sex is one of guilt and repulsion. I find it hard to turn my head off.
My advice, talk to a sex therapist, really talk about it and make the hard choices. If you are with a man with a high sex drive and not having sex with him, that will start to kill his self worth and nobody wants to do that to someone they love.
Good luck all! I always thought sex was supposed to just be fun. Especially with your soul mate. So shut your brain down and communicate what you like. If u like oral sex, have a lot of that.
My boyfriend is highly sexed and it's make or break time. He loves me but he says he doesnt want to marry me if we are doomed to lead a sexless life. Thing is I adore him, I can't imagine my life without him in it so something has to give.
I'm heading to a sex therapy session next week to talk through my issues with sex, whatever they will be. I hate that I get angry with him for wanting to want sex and I hate that I avoid it and make him feel unloved. He's gorgeous, truly but he does want regular sex and I think of course he does! So basically I can't stay with him if I can't find my inner sex child.
One top tip for all girls out there is to bond with your clitoris. WHen your boyfriend is inside you, get him to stimulate your clit with his hands or you can do it, or use a small vibrator. In all honesty if we do this during sex I last about 5 minutes before I'm done. So clitoral teasing is top of my list.
My mom used to say to me when I was younger if there was a scene on tv of a couple making out, things like "Thats revolting! How disgusting! I can't believe people kiss like that" I remember thinking, jeez ma, I do a lot worse than that. But I do feel my attitude to sex is one of guilt and repulsion. I find it hard to turn my head off.
My advice, talk to a sex therapist, really talk about it and make the hard choices. If you are with a man with a high sex drive and not having sex with him, that will start to kill his self worth and nobody wants to do that to someone they love.
Good luck all! I always thought sex was supposed to just be fun. Especially with your soul mate. So shut your brain down and communicate what you like. If u like oral sex, have a lot of that.
Hello! I am 24 and do anything I can to avoid sex. I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years but have been best friends for like 13 years. He is my best friend and soul mate, but I don not like having sex. Once we start, I do get pleasure and can orgasm many times, but it seems more like a chore for me to do... Any thoughts? It is causing a lot of stress and tension in our relationship. I love him so I do have sex with him, but what can I do to want it more? I am young and should want to have sex all the time! Whats wrong?
Seems I'm not alone! And that we all have a similar story to tell :-(
I'm 19 and love my boy so much, I haven't told him my issue, I just try and avoid it all the time as it has become such a chore and I get bored. Foreplay is just about all I can bare. I feel terrible for him, why should he have to put up with it? Thankfully he does. I don't talk about it with my friends because they all have an amazing time, I am jealous cause I can't even imagine it. In my group, I am the only one with a long term boy, so they assume I am the lucky one, ha ha ha (!)
:-(
I'm 19 and love my boy so much, I haven't told him my issue, I just try and avoid it all the time as it has become such a chore and I get bored. Foreplay is just about all I can bare. I feel terrible for him, why should he have to put up with it? Thankfully he does. I don't talk about it with my friends because they all have an amazing time, I am jealous cause I can't even imagine it. In my group, I am the only one with a long term boy, so they assume I am the lucky one, ha ha ha (!)
:-(
I am amazed and how many ppl there are with this problem. Its so frustrating because I do like being with my boyfriend and he trys so hard to pleasure me but i would much rather read a book or go out or just chill at home and watch a movie before having sex. In fact im glad when I am on my period so we dont have do anything. I fake it everytime. At first i thought it was because he is my first but the problem still persists. Everything about our relationship is great except this. Oral is not bad when I am fully concentrating. I don't think its him but at the same time i do not have anything to compare it too, i just glad i decided to have sex before marriage because they would have really sucked finding out after the fact.
To all the ladies here . I know its been a since you first posted this
But ...find your clitoris !!!
I too do not enjoy sex, but I educated myself and got to know my body.
Not many women are stimulated / feel anything in their vagina. Its yoru clitoris that contains all the pleasure.
Get a massager/ vibrator, and get yoru partner to find your clitoris or do it yoruself. Thsi will be something you can do and enojoy together. You still wont be thrilled by penetrative sex but it will help yu enjoy teh whole experience more if you are already stimulated.
But ...find your clitoris !!!
I too do not enjoy sex, but I educated myself and got to know my body.
Not many women are stimulated / feel anything in their vagina. Its yoru clitoris that contains all the pleasure.
Get a massager/ vibrator, and get yoru partner to find your clitoris or do it yoruself. Thsi will be something you can do and enojoy together. You still wont be thrilled by penetrative sex but it will help yu enjoy teh whole experience more if you are already stimulated.
I'm not trying to say this is the case for everyone who's posted here but it seems like a lot of people have decided pretty early that they don't enjoy sex. I was with a guy for 3 years til I was 19 and he was the only guy I'd had sex with and I really couldn't see what all the fuss was about. We had sex a lot because he wanted to but I never really enjoyed it much and didn't tell him. Still, I really liked him and he was a great friend as well as a loving boyfriend.
After we broke up the next boyfriend I had was a year later and it was a revelation. Suddenly I was so into sex and could not take my hands off him. We would have sex every day and I'd never get tired. I still did not have orgasms with him but I realised that is not the most important thing and sometimes you can get so caught up in concentrating on reaching orgasm and the mechanics of slotting this bit in there that you don't enjoy what is really the big deal about sex which is really about being close and total carefree with someone you love being with.
I've enjoyed sex just as much with the two men I've been with since then so I don't think in my case it was so much about the wrong guy as just needing some time to mature and get confident with my body and what fun opening up to your sexuality could be! My advice is to never fake it. Be as open as you can because if you start bringing guilt into the picture through not telling the truth how can it ever be fun?
Also, with my last boyfriend who had erection and premature ejaculation problems obviously the sex had to be a lot more inventive than just "sticking it in" because that wouldn't last too long, so we would play a lot at tickling and stroking, fingering, all the time chatting whilst doing it. That's when I learnt that there is much more to sex than basic penetration and it is up to both partners to use their imagination to find something you both enjoy. Things that worked for us: Roll around on the bed giggling, tickle each other, stroke his feet, get him to brush your hair, laugh at each others farts, whatever gets you into that closeness frame of mind that relaxes you and makes you want to have that extra closeness of sex as well. Or if you find you enjoy it for a while but get bored (because lets face it, sex can be a bit repetitive) have a box of chocolates / bottle of wine etc by the bed and break off every few minutes, or change positions, or have extended foreplay but tell him to hurry up with it once you're having sex. Or for example if you love having your back stroked and you really just don't get off on penetration maybe he can stroke your back before/ after / while he penetrates you. Or if it is painful he needs to work with you to find a way of doing it gently or slowly or what're that is not painful?
Well I guess there's a hundred people who've written on here and every one of us is a bit different but hope this helps someone anyway... :-)
After we broke up the next boyfriend I had was a year later and it was a revelation. Suddenly I was so into sex and could not take my hands off him. We would have sex every day and I'd never get tired. I still did not have orgasms with him but I realised that is not the most important thing and sometimes you can get so caught up in concentrating on reaching orgasm and the mechanics of slotting this bit in there that you don't enjoy what is really the big deal about sex which is really about being close and total carefree with someone you love being with.
I've enjoyed sex just as much with the two men I've been with since then so I don't think in my case it was so much about the wrong guy as just needing some time to mature and get confident with my body and what fun opening up to your sexuality could be! My advice is to never fake it. Be as open as you can because if you start bringing guilt into the picture through not telling the truth how can it ever be fun?
Also, with my last boyfriend who had erection and premature ejaculation problems obviously the sex had to be a lot more inventive than just "sticking it in" because that wouldn't last too long, so we would play a lot at tickling and stroking, fingering, all the time chatting whilst doing it. That's when I learnt that there is much more to sex than basic penetration and it is up to both partners to use their imagination to find something you both enjoy. Things that worked for us: Roll around on the bed giggling, tickle each other, stroke his feet, get him to brush your hair, laugh at each others farts, whatever gets you into that closeness frame of mind that relaxes you and makes you want to have that extra closeness of sex as well. Or if you find you enjoy it for a while but get bored (because lets face it, sex can be a bit repetitive) have a box of chocolates / bottle of wine etc by the bed and break off every few minutes, or change positions, or have extended foreplay but tell him to hurry up with it once you're having sex. Or for example if you love having your back stroked and you really just don't get off on penetration maybe he can stroke your back before/ after / while he penetrates you. Or if it is painful he needs to work with you to find a way of doing it gently or slowly or what're that is not painful?
Well I guess there's a hundred people who've written on here and every one of us is a bit different but hope this helps someone anyway... :-)
I feel pain during sex, Well no, i can be very well lubricated but it still hurts. my boyfriend has to leave his penis still while i take deep breathes and try to 'un-tense' my vagina then once were off im fine but i feel not much pleasure for it. i can cum if im experiencing oral sex, but never cum during sex and i know its not because im 'too big' down there (bucket) because my boyfriend struggles to enter and even when highly stimulated i cannot put in more than two fingers. :s
you're not just into it. maybe you're stressed and needs to relax ***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
can we not make this a huge thread of people saying the same thing over and over?: "OMG I'M THE SAME WAY/I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE (insert long-winded story about how i've never enjoyed sex but i love my partner and i feel so bad)"
can we discuss some actual answers to this problem? i need to fix it; i am losing my mind.
a several-year-old thread full of nothing more than peoples' painfully similar war stories over and over brings none of us any closer to actually understanding what is wrong. knowing that other people have my problem does not solve that problem, don't any of you agree??
can we discuss some actual answers to this problem? i need to fix it; i am losing my mind.
a several-year-old thread full of nothing more than peoples' painfully similar war stories over and over brings none of us any closer to actually understanding what is wrong. knowing that other people have my problem does not solve that problem, don't any of you agree??
I'm postmenopausal, and I've never enjoyed sex, although I've had many partners. Since menopause I have minimal lubrication, and even applying some lasts only a few seconds before it hurts. My testosterone and progesterone levels were minimal, and I've finally come to believe it is a hormonal problem. I'm taking testosterone and progesterone creme and so far, nothing. It has been extremely frustrating all my life to be trying to have some kind of sexual response, but, in truth, there's nothing.
I'm a 25 year old guy and I haven't gotten much enjoyment from masturbating sex or oral for about 8 years. I can masturbate and have sex and I have no problem getting it up, but during the act I don't feel much, I just feel like I know if I do this for a while I'll cum and then I feel some relaxation after but there isn't really any pleasurable feeling through the whole process. I still masturbate and have sex quite frequently though, am i just fooling myself into thinking there is no pleasurable feeling? or just keep doing it in hopes that it comes back? or just habit? I'm not really sure who I should go see about this problem. I'm in China now working originally from Canada, my Chinese is pretty good but I'm still not sure what kind of doctor could look at this problem or what they could do. I feel like it started when I was 16 and overdid it one night in karate class with tornado kicks, after my hip area was really sore for many days and I ended up getting stretch marks along my hips which are still there to this day, after that the feeling in my genital area and butt seemed to slowly go away.
I am 21 years old and i have been with my fiance for over 2 years now. in the first 6 months of our relationship we were having sex every day, (i presume this is what they call the honeymoon period) the following couple of months were normal, having sex 3-4 times a week. I loved it! there were no problems at all. then suddenly sex completely stopped! now my partner is lucky if we have sex once a month! I dont know what caused this. now a days, things are so difficuly, my partner is constantly trying it on with me and i feel as though im constantly knocking him back. i thought it could be a low labido, but i get turned on by him all the time and so easily, its just when it comes to intercourse its like i freeze and as horrible as this sounds i think i cant be bothered. When we do have sex i orgasim nearly everytime. I dont understand what the cause could be and if anyone else experienced a problem like this.
I love my partner and i feel awful things have turned out like this.
I love my partner and i feel awful things have turned out like this.
Guest wrote: i feel like you are me. this is how i feel. how are you dealing with it. i feel so guilty..he wants it but is so patient...i just want to give it to him but it hurts and i feel no pleasure from it
Seattlekid,
I'm the same. I don't have any sex drive. I don't enjoy the act. I get absolutely no pleasure from any of it. It actually bothers me. Like going to the gym. It's a chore, a task. I haven't had any traumatic experiences or religious repression or anything.... there is no real reason for this. My husband knows about this and puts up with it and is extremely patient. I adore him and find him one of the most attractive men ever. In these many years together he has tried his best to please me (and he still tries), but I just don't .... It beats me as to why and I'm quite envious of people who enjoy sex. I feel like I'm really missing out, but can't do anything about it. I keep hearing about this 'orgasm' and would like to experience it, but I don't even know how far I am from it (probably as far as you can get).
I wonder how many of us there are out there?
I used to be the same way. I actually went to the store looking for female libido boosters. I bought extenze for women and OMG!!! Try it, it really gets your libido up, and makes the "O" much more enjoyable ;)