Try this, it will help you , Vadimax
Oh, gawd. I've just finished reading every post on here, and please don't anyone listen to 'laedybug'. Fact of life: some people don't like sex. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to find a solution in the bedroom, some people do eventually figure out a way to make it work for them. For some it's as simple as diet and exercise. Some need something a little more exotic. Some people really do have a hormone imbalance and need medication to help with that. For others all it takes is lube. Trust me, I've tried 'em all and I have never had any sex drive. I love being intimate with my husband. I love pleasuring him. I love making out with him and foreplay. But penetration just isn't enjoyable. That's totally normal. There are things you can try during penetration that are enjoyable, such as clitoral stimulation, but having a foreign object inside you isn't for everyone.
Fact is, the most stimulation the vagina feels is on the outside, and a penis thrusting in and out isn't going to help you. If pain is your biggest problem, first thing you should try is lube if you haven't already done so. And don't go at it if you are not in the mood. There's no way you are going to be loose enough in that case to enjoy it. I hate it when a doctor says to just 'get on with it' like eventually you're suddenly going to start enjoying it. Regular MD's do not know everything, and for something like this, you should see a sex therapist. If you really don't enjoy it, you feel like absolute c**p just rolling over and taking it.
There was one post that I read about one girl who found the 'master/slave' scenario to be her answer. Awesome. Not for everyone, but if you are willing to try it, why not. It didn't work for me, but to each their own.
I can be... 'motivated' to have sex. I'll be in the mood to be intimate, I'll be enjoying myself, but then comes penetration and like so many other women, I'm wondering "are you done yet?" But my husband and I don't have sex often enough for it to be a burden to me. And guess what, it works for both of us. Doesn't mean we can't get off in other ways. I am very fond of my vibrator. A lot of women love oral sex. Honestly, to me that just feels wet and slimy and I don't like it whatsoever. It's all personal preference.
I know others have already said it, but society is definitely responsible for making it seem like penetration is one of the greatest feelings on earth. Most of us already know for a fact that it is not. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Some women do truly enjoy sex, and sure, I envy them as do so many others. But hey, maybe they don't get the same kind of awesome, ongoing orgasm that I can from my silver bullet. What everyone needs is to find what works for them. Be it by themselves or with their partner. That doesn't mean we all have to enjoy sex. That is the biggest propagated myth of all time.
No one should feel 'bad' or 'wrong' because they don't feel the same way somebody else does.
hope that was helpful...
Fact is, the most stimulation the vagina feels is on the outside, and a penis thrusting in and out isn't going to help you. If pain is your biggest problem, first thing you should try is lube if you haven't already done so. And don't go at it if you are not in the mood. There's no way you are going to be loose enough in that case to enjoy it. I hate it when a doctor says to just 'get on with it' like eventually you're suddenly going to start enjoying it. Regular MD's do not know everything, and for something like this, you should see a sex therapist. If you really don't enjoy it, you feel like absolute c**p just rolling over and taking it.
There was one post that I read about one girl who found the 'master/slave' scenario to be her answer. Awesome. Not for everyone, but if you are willing to try it, why not. It didn't work for me, but to each their own.
I can be... 'motivated' to have sex. I'll be in the mood to be intimate, I'll be enjoying myself, but then comes penetration and like so many other women, I'm wondering "are you done yet?" But my husband and I don't have sex often enough for it to be a burden to me. And guess what, it works for both of us. Doesn't mean we can't get off in other ways. I am very fond of my vibrator. A lot of women love oral sex. Honestly, to me that just feels wet and slimy and I don't like it whatsoever. It's all personal preference.
I know others have already said it, but society is definitely responsible for making it seem like penetration is one of the greatest feelings on earth. Most of us already know for a fact that it is not. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Some women do truly enjoy sex, and sure, I envy them as do so many others. But hey, maybe they don't get the same kind of awesome, ongoing orgasm that I can from my silver bullet. What everyone needs is to find what works for them. Be it by themselves or with their partner. That doesn't mean we all have to enjoy sex. That is the biggest propagated myth of all time.
No one should feel 'bad' or 'wrong' because they don't feel the same way somebody else does.
hope that was helpful...
I find sex to be the singular biggest disappointment in life. It's glorified, spoken of at length, and it's supposed to be some kind of punctuation to the end of a really great sentence. If you don't see it that way, it feels like emotional pleasure and love can be withheld from you. After all, a man does want a woman he can speak with and laugh with- but he physically needs more. That's fine, but what about the fact that some women (like myself) don't want to give in because it simply doesn't feel good? We're screwed.
Sex hurts and it's awful and mostly I've always just willed the man to finish so I can get something to eat and go to sleep. If I ever "liked" sex it was just that it was either somewhat tolerable or I had such a good friendship with the man that I was happy to make him happy. But I have never been physically satiated by penetration.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone!
Sex hurts and it's awful and mostly I've always just willed the man to finish so I can get something to eat and go to sleep. If I ever "liked" sex it was just that it was either somewhat tolerable or I had such a good friendship with the man that I was happy to make him happy. But I have never been physically satiated by penetration.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone!
I've read this post but I don't know if it's relevant to me.
I absolutely adore my current boyfriend of just under two years. But for the last, half a year or so, it's just not been enjoyable. I want to have sex with him, I just can't seem to get in the mood with him. Masturbating is fine, in fact it's better, but I just can't enjoy sex any more.
I absolutely adore my current boyfriend of just under two years. But for the last, half a year or so, it's just not been enjoyable. I want to have sex with him, I just can't seem to get in the mood with him. Masturbating is fine, in fact it's better, but I just can't enjoy sex any more.
I'm only 17, but I'm the same way too... you're all a lot older than me, but I've never really liked sex... it doesn't hurt, and it feels kinda good i guess but after ten minutes or less im thinking oh my god are you done yet??? I love my boyfriend to death, I'd do anything for him, but sex just isn't enjoyable... Maybe someone with more experience can tell me why this is...
I have read carefully all of the posts on this topic and thought over every possible reason for why many people here do not enjoy sex. I'm not an expert by any means (although I did major in Physiology in college) but I have learned a little about this through school and comments from friends.
Let me start by saying I don't have this particular affliction. I'm 28 and enjoy sex quite a lot and I'm sad that many of you don't know what that's like because you're right, sex is one of life's pleasures that is sad to miss. On the other hand, I've never been in love and felt the magic of intimacy as many of you have.
I was sexually abused when I was young and feared when I reached my teens that I would be unable to feel anything sexually and waited a long time to find out the truth (didn't have sex with anyone til I was 23). Lucky for me that turned out not to be the case. However, I've had more than a few friends that don't particularly enjoy sex or have very low sex drives, and I know for a fact that many, MANY women don't have orgasms from penetration. For women it can be hard to achieve orgasm from penetration as men sometimes just don't hit the right spot or maintain the right rhythm that will "get you there".
For those of you women who have never achieved an orgasm at all my question is, have you ever masturbated? And if you have, did you or did you not achieve orgasm? If you have achieved orgasm or are capable of getting there, then the problem isn't physiological. You are capable of orgasm which means there is NOTHING wrong with you that a doctor needs to fix. I know that you want to be able to feel that with your SO during penetrative sex, but sometimes that just can't happen for whatever reason. My suggestion is this:
When you masturbate, show him how you do it. Then guide his hand to you and show him where your hot spot is and how to rub it the right way (hope I'm not being too explicit). The men in your life sometimes need help to get you there, and it is your responsibility as a communicator to tell him what gets the job done. Don't be embarrassed. Sharing masturbation can be fun and you can even try a vibrator if fingers aren't getting you there.
The hot spot is usually around the clitoris, so if that is where it is for you, have him touch you there during penetration. Sometimes stroking the clitoris is all it takes to push you over the edge (this is after you have instructed him on the proper rhythm during masturbation.).
If you have never orgasmed at all, as I said before, masturbate. See if you can get yourself there. Be patient, don't rush it, relax, and above all, don't stress during it. Relaxing into it is key to achieving orgasm. It's hard to get there when you're tense!
If you have tried and tried and still can't get there then there are three possible problems:
Emotional
Mental
Physiological
A sex therapist is the best solution. The therapist (hopefully) should be able to rule out emotional or mental issues relating to lack of pleasure during sex. Or they may be able to help you work through whatever issue presents itself. It is surprising what mental blocks people put up without knowing and YES, it can be totally unrelated to being abused. Not every person who can't achieve orgasm has a mental block due to sexual abuse. It can be as simple and complicated as you being unable to let down guards or give up control. Many people, not even realizing, have problems with control. They are afraid to let go, and during sex you are at your most vulnerable and the thought is scary. This is SUBCONSCIOUS. Many don't even know they are doing it and physiologically your body won't allow you to climax. Remember, the brain controls all stimuli, this includes sex drive and pleasure sensors.
If you finally rule out mental and emotional causes, then it's left to physiology. THIS is where it gets complicated. There could be any number of physiological reasons for lack of sex drive or inability to achieve orgasm. Lack of sex drive is usually tied to hormones and often that can be remedied through drugs (like Viagra). Not being able to climax is trickier because it could be tied to your reproductive system or it could be tied to your brain. I'm not educated enough on this subject to know for sure but talk to a sex therapist about the possibility. She or he might be able to refer you to a doctor that can give you a clue as to what is wrong.
Wow, sorry this post went on for so long but this topic certainly caught my attention. I rarely if ever reply to any topic but I hope what I said helped.
Let me start by saying I don't have this particular affliction. I'm 28 and enjoy sex quite a lot and I'm sad that many of you don't know what that's like because you're right, sex is one of life's pleasures that is sad to miss. On the other hand, I've never been in love and felt the magic of intimacy as many of you have.
I was sexually abused when I was young and feared when I reached my teens that I would be unable to feel anything sexually and waited a long time to find out the truth (didn't have sex with anyone til I was 23). Lucky for me that turned out not to be the case. However, I've had more than a few friends that don't particularly enjoy sex or have very low sex drives, and I know for a fact that many, MANY women don't have orgasms from penetration. For women it can be hard to achieve orgasm from penetration as men sometimes just don't hit the right spot or maintain the right rhythm that will "get you there".
For those of you women who have never achieved an orgasm at all my question is, have you ever masturbated? And if you have, did you or did you not achieve orgasm? If you have achieved orgasm or are capable of getting there, then the problem isn't physiological. You are capable of orgasm which means there is NOTHING wrong with you that a doctor needs to fix. I know that you want to be able to feel that with your SO during penetrative sex, but sometimes that just can't happen for whatever reason. My suggestion is this:
When you masturbate, show him how you do it. Then guide his hand to you and show him where your hot spot is and how to rub it the right way (hope I'm not being too explicit). The men in your life sometimes need help to get you there, and it is your responsibility as a communicator to tell him what gets the job done. Don't be embarrassed. Sharing masturbation can be fun and you can even try a vibrator if fingers aren't getting you there.
The hot spot is usually around the clitoris, so if that is where it is for you, have him touch you there during penetration. Sometimes stroking the clitoris is all it takes to push you over the edge (this is after you have instructed him on the proper rhythm during masturbation.).
If you have never orgasmed at all, as I said before, masturbate. See if you can get yourself there. Be patient, don't rush it, relax, and above all, don't stress during it. Relaxing into it is key to achieving orgasm. It's hard to get there when you're tense!
If you have tried and tried and still can't get there then there are three possible problems:
Emotional
Mental
Physiological
A sex therapist is the best solution. The therapist (hopefully) should be able to rule out emotional or mental issues relating to lack of pleasure during sex. Or they may be able to help you work through whatever issue presents itself. It is surprising what mental blocks people put up without knowing and YES, it can be totally unrelated to being abused. Not every person who can't achieve orgasm has a mental block due to sexual abuse. It can be as simple and complicated as you being unable to let down guards or give up control. Many people, not even realizing, have problems with control. They are afraid to let go, and during sex you are at your most vulnerable and the thought is scary. This is SUBCONSCIOUS. Many don't even know they are doing it and physiologically your body won't allow you to climax. Remember, the brain controls all stimuli, this includes sex drive and pleasure sensors.
If you finally rule out mental and emotional causes, then it's left to physiology. THIS is where it gets complicated. There could be any number of physiological reasons for lack of sex drive or inability to achieve orgasm. Lack of sex drive is usually tied to hormones and often that can be remedied through drugs (like Viagra). Not being able to climax is trickier because it could be tied to your reproductive system or it could be tied to your brain. I'm not educated enough on this subject to know for sure but talk to a sex therapist about the possibility. She or he might be able to refer you to a doctor that can give you a clue as to what is wrong.
Wow, sorry this post went on for so long but this topic certainly caught my attention. I rarely if ever reply to any topic but I hope what I said helped.
My sex life is back!!!
***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
I can't, can't, can't believe so many of these responses.
Personally I've found sex no more than tolerable, myself, and I would rather eat cheese or a piece of cake in my spare time (specifically a cheesecake). Intercourse hurts, or it seems like nothing, and I thought the idea of sex was quite repelling when I was younger, really (I'm not religious at all. I'm atheist, and no, I have not been sexually assaulted). I kept using the excuse, "I won't have sex till I'm out of high school," to not have sex with my boyfriend. I was not interested. Foreplay and kissing had taken me a while to get used to, because they seemed very foreign, and after a while they seemed enjoyable.
I decided to lose my virginity when I was a eighteen, to my second boyfriend, simply because I figured if I was going to have to leap over this bridge one day, he seemed to love me/I knew he would be nice and slow about it. It always hurt: like a stinging, fiery feeling, or felt like nothing. Eventually we came to the conclusion that I must have been allergic to latex condoms, so we bought polyurethane and that was slightly more tolerable. It still felt like nothing, and the only reason I did have sex with him was to feel "close." Being drunk at the time was better for forgetting I was having sex.
Now with my current boyfriend, my sex drive was much higher at the beginning of the relationship; all the same, I did not enjoy sex. Sex is a boring disappointment to me, simply because our society is so obsessed. (I feel that I would not have come to the conclusion of "having sex" without having been told!) Even foreplay has become a boring chore as well. I would rather NOT be touched in my pants. Preferably, the act should be extremely infrequent so that at least feeling an orgasm feels new (yes, orgasms can get boring and I definitely stop after one or two, usually one). My libido right now is very low, and you know what, I'm very happy. I have hated people saying, "You don't like sex? You should see a gynecologist." Well, why have I never really wanted to have sex for the sake of it? I'm not scarred, and I am perfectly healthy. I'd personally just rather just do it by hand if I ever feel the need.
Well, maybe some of you will feel relieved if knowing that I don't think you have any sort of "affliction" you should be ashamed about. You enjoy other things more than sex? Well, whatever, more power to you. It's just you not liking the fruit kiwi, or even finding no desire in its appearance and smell; you prefer other foods, but for some reason the whole bloody world is obsessed with kiwi.
Anyway, the object of my post was this link here:
Enjoy. :)
And I'm not saying you're all asexual, no. I have "asexual tendencies" I like to say. But, perhaps you need to know that feeling like this is perfectly normal, and of course you'll find someone who will love you all the same.
***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
Personally I've found sex no more than tolerable, myself, and I would rather eat cheese or a piece of cake in my spare time (specifically a cheesecake). Intercourse hurts, or it seems like nothing, and I thought the idea of sex was quite repelling when I was younger, really (I'm not religious at all. I'm atheist, and no, I have not been sexually assaulted). I kept using the excuse, "I won't have sex till I'm out of high school," to not have sex with my boyfriend. I was not interested. Foreplay and kissing had taken me a while to get used to, because they seemed very foreign, and after a while they seemed enjoyable.
I decided to lose my virginity when I was a eighteen, to my second boyfriend, simply because I figured if I was going to have to leap over this bridge one day, he seemed to love me/I knew he would be nice and slow about it. It always hurt: like a stinging, fiery feeling, or felt like nothing. Eventually we came to the conclusion that I must have been allergic to latex condoms, so we bought polyurethane and that was slightly more tolerable. It still felt like nothing, and the only reason I did have sex with him was to feel "close." Being drunk at the time was better for forgetting I was having sex.
Now with my current boyfriend, my sex drive was much higher at the beginning of the relationship; all the same, I did not enjoy sex. Sex is a boring disappointment to me, simply because our society is so obsessed. (I feel that I would not have come to the conclusion of "having sex" without having been told!) Even foreplay has become a boring chore as well. I would rather NOT be touched in my pants. Preferably, the act should be extremely infrequent so that at least feeling an orgasm feels new (yes, orgasms can get boring and I definitely stop after one or two, usually one). My libido right now is very low, and you know what, I'm very happy. I have hated people saying, "You don't like sex? You should see a gynecologist." Well, why have I never really wanted to have sex for the sake of it? I'm not scarred, and I am perfectly healthy. I'd personally just rather just do it by hand if I ever feel the need.
Well, maybe some of you will feel relieved if knowing that I don't think you have any sort of "affliction" you should be ashamed about. You enjoy other things more than sex? Well, whatever, more power to you. It's just you not liking the fruit kiwi, or even finding no desire in its appearance and smell; you prefer other foods, but for some reason the whole bloody world is obsessed with kiwi.
Anyway, the object of my post was this link here:
Enjoy. :)
And I'm not saying you're all asexual, no. I have "asexual tendencies" I like to say. But, perhaps you need to know that feeling like this is perfectly normal, and of course you'll find someone who will love you all the same.
***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
I'm a 20yr old female. I've only had sex with one person, my current girlfriend. Endometriosis runs rampant through the females on my mother's side. It can cause many problems, including very painful intercourse. I used to be very enthusiastic about sex until it came to the point of hurting. After that I was scared and I avoid sex. I'm aroused easily enough, but I can't climax and sometimes I just lose my drive all-together. It's so frustrating. Although I can sympathize with you all, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
I am a 21 year old female and I don't enjoy sex. I can mastrbate and orgasm, but it takes so much concentration it's just not enjoyable. I have tried showing my boyfriend where my "hot spot" is, but when he touches it, its never the same. We have recently gotten into a huge fight because of this issue, because he feels like he is the one doing something wrong, but I know it is me. To be honest, he has had numerous, like an insane amount of sexual partners and sometimes I feel like I was drawn into him, because I thought "well he must be experienced and will know how to pleasure me", but I was wrong. It was exciting at the beginning of our relationship, but I believe it was just the thrill of unfamiliarity. When it comes down to it, sex is uncomfortable for me, I don't even like nipple stimulation or oral sex, everything is just awkward. We've tried different positions and it just hurts, and I really feel like sex is a task and my boyfriend is starting to take offense, but I just don't know what to do.... I'm lost for an answer. %-)
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can you get HIGH by yourself, if yes, the problem is on him, communicate to solve problems.
Hi I am 19 and have been with the same guy for almost 5 years now. We used to go at it like EVERYDAY and now it just seems that I can't stand to do it. Every so often I'll be in the mood but most times (Sadly) I just wait for him to finish. It's almost like the sound of doing it just makes me depressed and angry. And I feel so bad about it. But I don't know what I can do to help improve. I LOVE him and I Love being with him and all that but I Just can't find myself to ever really be in the mood. I love him for putting up with this for the last 2 or 3 years.How can I boost my sex drive? Is there a way? Or is it something that we just have to put up with? Glad to know that I'm not the only one like this. Though it's sad that many of us are like this.
:-( feeling so much better knowing im not the only one! i hate it. y cant i be NORMAL!. im 23 and have a 3 yr old son. i used to enjoy sex when i was younger but now swx means nothing to me anymore. i have been with my sons farther for nearly 6 years and i love him to death and dont want to be with anyone else. I feel empty when i have sex like its a chore and i have to do it! i try to put it off and make excuses and i have never ever had an orgasm although i faked it a few times. I just want a normal sex life just to feel something rather than feeling uncomfortable. I just want it to be over with as soon as it starts. After having intercourse with my partner i finnally broke down and told him, i knew he knew there was a problem so couldnt keep it to myself any longer, im lucky he seems to understand and tells me he loves me and will never leave me. I hate the fact i cant be this amazing sex godess or even come close to it!, i feel like a freak like theres something worng with me and i know that at the end of the day hes a male and he has needs and how long will it be before hes gone or hes cheating :-( . id even kind of feel gulty if he cheated cos its my fault his needs are not being met. aaaarrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is there any help out there for me, surley if so many of us are having this problem there should be a cure. its soul destroying i dont feel like a real woman. plz help!
That is the biggest bunch of BS I ever heard in my life. What nerves specifically are you referring to? Ovaries have nothing to do with the orgasm, believe it or not. If Anything it losing one ovary might affect women's sex drive hormonally.